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Divine Mercy in My Soul - St. Maria Faustina Kowalska - video 001  

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Of Saint Maria Faustina Kowalska

Divine Mercy in My Soul

Marian Press

Stockbridge, MA 01263


Table of Contents

Preface vii 2

Original Preface to the Polish Edition, 1981 xi

Introduction to the Polish Edition, 1981 xv

Chronology of Events in the Life of Saint Maria Faustina – Helen Kowalska xxvii


Notebook I 3

Notebook 222

Notebook III 384

Notebook IV 445

Notebook V 476

Notebook VI 565

My Preparation for Holy Communion 636

Abbreviations Used in the Footnotes 646

Footnotes 647

Index 693


The diary of [Saint Maria] Faustina is the record of her life experience – the journey of her soul. She was graced by a special communion with God, and the diary expresses her conviction that communion ought to be the center of our lives. Since the 1940‟s, the Marians of the Immaculate Conception, St. Stanislaus Kostka Province, have shared this conviction and have undertaken the promulgation of God‟s mercy throughout the world, particularly as it has been proclaimed by [Saint] Faustina. 3

In 1979, convinced of the importance of the diary, the Marians were instrumental in bringing it – in its rough typewritten form – out of Poland. We made the necessary corrections to the manuscript and published a critical Polish edition that has been promulgated throughout the world to Polish speaking people.
At the same time, we commissioned a couple in Poland, Adam and Danuta Pasicki, to translate the diary into English. Once they had completed this first, literal translation we asked Archbishop George Pearce, S.M., to re-translate portions of it in accordance with proper English terminology for the various theological concepts and spiritual experiences referred to throughout the diary. Archbishop Pearce was supported in this second translation by Fathers George Kosicki, C.S.B., Gerald Farrell, M.M., Leo McCauley, S.J., and an Oblate, Francis Bagan, O.M.I.

When this text was completed, it was given to Father Seraphim Michalenko, M.I.C., who was Director of the Divine Mercy Department from 1979-1986. Together with Sister Sophia Michalenko, C.M.G.T., he carefully reviewed the translation, often referring back to the original Polish to ensure exactness of expression. Father Joseph Sielski, M.I.C., and Father Kazimierz Chwalek, M.I.C., were then asked to review the text, re-reading it for authentic agreement with the Polish.

Finally, in the first part of 1987, the text was returned to the Divine Mercy Department, [then] headed by Father George Kosicki, C.S.B. Through his efforts, the tireless work of Sister Sophia Michalenko, C.M.G.T., and the assistance of Vincent Flynn, the diary was subjected to a complete editing, re-typing, and proofing process for clarity of expression and readability according to current English grammar and usage. The index, listing the main themes of the diary, was compiled by Father Eugene Ozimek and developed by Fr. George Kosicki and Sister Sophia. The design, composition, and mechanicals were then completed by Charles Parise and Pat Menatti, and the diary was printed by the Marian Press at the Marian Helpers Center. To all involved with this work, we wish to express our deepest gratitude and the assurance of our prayers.

Since the polish diary is the official text, we have made every effort to be truly faithful to it, and to retain the variousl shades of meaning implied in the theological and spiritual terms used by [Saint] Faustina – a definite challenge, indeed! In translating the diary, we dealt with the same kind of challenge that faces the translators of Sacred Scripture. Some terms allow for a variety of expressions even though the meanings are the same, and the final translation thus becomes a personal choice of style and expression on the part of the translator.

For the most part, the texts that have already been published in the popular devotional booklets are the same as those used in the diary, though in some instances, there again may be slight differences of style and expression.

Special Features of this New English Edition

In the final editing process, inconsistencies of verb tense, capitalization, and punctuation were standardized as much as possible without losing [Saint] Faustina‟s unique style and powerful simplicity of expression. Our Lord‟s words to [Saint] Faustina were set in bold type for emphasis, while Our Lady‟s words were set in italics. The page numbers of 4

[Saint] Faustina‟s original notebooks were also set in bold type, and paragraphs thought to be overly long or diversified in content were split into shorter paragraph units for readability.
The footnotes, too, have been reexamined, and additional clarifying notes have been added where necessary. Notes that were no longer pertinent, in light of changes incorporated into the English translation, were deleted; and, wherever possible, explanatory notes were placed in [square brackets] in the text itself to avoid unnecessary breaks in the reading.

Our deepest hope is that this diary may truly be a vehicle of grace for all who read it, for in reading it we can see that the mercy of God lives forever. Above, all, we hope that all people will be struck by the truth that mankind will not have peace until it turns with trust to God‟s mercy.

May each one of you experience the power of the Blood and Water that poured out from the Heart of Jesus as a fount of mercy, and may each of you find confidence and trust in this ever-present mercy of God!

Gratefully in the Lord,

Very Rev. Richard J. Drabik, M.I.C.

Provincial Superior

Eden Hill, Stockbridge, Massachusetts

March 19, 1987



In presenting this edition of the Dairy of [Saint] Maria Faustina Kowalska I am fully aware that I am introducing a document of Catholic mysticism of exceptional worth, not only for the Church in Poland, but also for the Universal Church. This publication is the critical edition, and thus reliable. It is the work of the Postulator of Sister Faustina, under the direction of the authority of the Archdiocese of Cracow.

The Diary, whose object is devotion to The Divine Mercy, has acquired tremendous interest lately for two reasons:

Firstly: The Sacred Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, in its revision more than two years ago [1978], withdrew the censures and reservations advanced earlier by the Holy See in relation to the writings of Sister Faustina. The withdrawal of the “Notification” caused the devotion to The Divine Mercy, as presented in the Diary, to grow in renewed vitality on all continents, as is 5

evidenced by the numerous testimonies received by the Postulator and the Congregation of which Sister Faustina was a member.
Secondly: The recent encyclical of Pope John Paul II, Dives in Misericordia, happily fixed the attention of the Church, and even of the secular world, on this most wonderful attribute of God and extraordinary aspect of the economy of salvation, which is The Divine Mercy.

A comprehensive study in order to indicate the affinity of ideas found in the Diary of [Saint] Maria Faustina and this encyclical (not to mention their probably interdependence) would be most welcome. These salient points certainly are numerous, for they draw their inspiration from the same source; namely, from the revelation of God and the teaching of Christ.

Furthermore, they come from the same spiritual environment, from Cracow, the city which, as far as I know, possesses the oldest church dedicated to the honor of The Divine Mercy. It is likewise necessary to stress that it was Karol Cardinal Wojtyla, the Archbishop of Cracow at that time, who made efforts to begin The Process of Beatification of Sister Faustina Kowalska and did inaugurate that process.

In this light, the Diary of [Saint] Maria Faustina took on exceptional meaning for Catholic spirituality; and that is why it was fitting to prepare a credible edition, in order to prevent the distortion of the text by persons who perhaps are acting in good faith, but who are not adequately prepared for such work. Thus, publications containing differences and even contradictions, such as took place with the spiritual diary of St. Therese of the Child Jesus, The Story of a Soul, can be avoided.

The reader, after just a superficial skimming of the Diary, may be struck by the simplicity of the language and even by the spelling and stylistic errors, but he should not forget that the author of the Diary had but a limited elementary education. The theology alone which is found in the Diary awakens in the reader a conviction of its uniqueness; and if one considers the contrast between [Saint] Faustina’s education and the loftiness of her theology, the contrast alone indicates the special influence of Divine Grace.

I would like to mention here my meeting with a well-known contemporary mystic, Sister Speranza, who in Collevalenza, not far from Todi [Italy], founded the sanctuary of “The Most Merciful Love,” the site of numerous pilgrimages. I asked Sister Speranza whether she had heard of the writings of Sister Faustina and what she thought of them. She answered me with simplicity: “The writings contain a wonderful teaching, but reading them one must remember that God speaks to philosophers in the language of philosophers and to simple souls in the language of simple ones, and only to these last does He reveal truths hidden from the wise and prudent of this world.”

To conclude this preface, permit me to mention yet one more personal recollection from the year 1952, when for the first time I took part in a solemn beatification ceremony in St. Peter’s Basilica. After the festivity, I was asked by some person who also participated, “Who exactly was this blessed one?” The question embarrassed me very much, because at the moment I could not recall who those blessed were, although I knew full well that the real purpose of a beatification is to present to the people of God a model to consider and imitate in their lives.

Among the candidates for beatification and canonization Poland has presently two persons familiar to the whole world which knows who they are, what they accomplished in their lifetime and what sort of message their lives proclaim. They are Blessed [now Saint] Maximilian 6

Kolbe, the martyr of love, and Sister [now Saint] Faustina Kowalska, the Apostle of The Divine Mercy.
Rome, December 20, 1980

+ Andrew M. Deskur

Titular Archbishop of Tene

1. Saint Maria Faustina Kowalska, known today the world over as the “Apostle of the Divine Mercy,” is numbered by theologians among the outstanding mystics of the Church.

She was the third of ten children born into a poor and pious peasant family

in Glogowiec, a village in the heart of Poland. At her baptism in the nearby Parish Church of Swinice Warckie she was given the name “Helena.” From childhood she distinguished herself by her piety, love of prayer, industriousness and obedience as well as by her great sensitivity to human misery. She had hardly three years of schooling, and at the age of fourteen she left the family hearth to help her parents and to earn her own livelihood serving as a domestic in the nearby cities of Aleksandrów and Lódz.

When she was only seven (two years before her First Holy Communion), Helen already sensed in her soul the call to embrace the religious life. When later she made her desire known to her parents, they categorically did not acquiesce in her entering a convent. Because of this situation Helen strove to stifle this divine call within her. Pressed on, however, by a vision of the suffering Christ and by the words of His reproach: “How long shall I put up with you and how long will you keep putting Me off?” (Diary, 9), she bagan to search for a convent to join. She knocked on many a convent door, but nowhere was she accepted. Finally on August 1, 1925, Helen crossed the threshold of the cloister in the convent of the Congregation of Sisters of Our Lady of Mercy on Zytnia Street in Warsaw. In her Diary she declared: “It seemed to me that I had stepped into the life of Paradise. A single prayer was bursting forth from my heart, one of thanksgiving” (Diary, 17).

After a few weeks she experienced nonetheless a strong temptation to transfer to a different congregation in which there would be more time for prayer. It was then the Lord Jesus, manifesting to her His wounded and tortured face, said: “It is you who will cause Me 7

this pain if you leave this convent. It is to this place that I called you and nowhere else, and [it is here] I have prepared many graces for you” (Diary, 19).
Upon her entrance to the Congregation Helen received the name Sr. Maria Faustina. Her novitiate she spent in Cracow, and there, in the presence of Bishop Stanislaus Rospond, she pronounced her first religious vows, and five years later, she made her perpetual profession of the vows of chastity, poverty and obedience. She was assigned to work in a number of the Congregation‟s houses, but for a longer period in those of Cracow, Plock and Vilnius, fulfilling the duties of cook, gardener and doorkeeper.

To all external appearances nothing betrayed her extraordinarily rich mystical life. She zealously went about her duties, she faithfully observed all the religious rules, she was recollected and kept silent, all the while being natural, cheerful, full of kindness and of unselfish love of neighbor.

Her entire life was concentrated on constant striving for an even fuller union with God and on self-sacrificing cooperation with Jesus in the work of saving souls. “My Jesus” – she avowed in her Diary - “You know that from my earliest years I have wanted to become a great saint; that is to say, I have wanted to love You with a love so great that there would be no soul who has hitherto loved You so” (Diary, 1372).

It is her Diary that reveals to us the depths of her spiritual life. An attentive reading of these records offers a picture of the high degree of her soul‟s union with God – the great extent of God‟s company keeping with her soul, as well as her efforts and struggles on the way to Christian perfection. The Lord endowed her with great graces – with the gift of contemplation, with a deep knowledge of the mystery of the mercy of God, wish visions, revelations, the hidden stigmata, with the gift of prophecy and of reading into human souls, and also with the rare gift of mystical espousals. As lavishly gifted as she was, this is what she wrote: “Neither graces, nor revelations, nor raptures, nor gifts granted to a soul make it perfect, but rather the intimate union of the soul with God. …….My sanctity and perfection is based upon the close union of my will with the will of God” (Diary, 1107).

The austere lifestyle and exhausting fasts that she imposed upon herself even before joining the Congregation, weakened her organism to such an extent that already during her postulantship it became necessary to send her to Skolimów near Warsaw to restore her to health. Towards the end of her first year of novitiate, she was visited by unusually painful mystical experiences of the so-called dark night, and later by the spiritual and moral sufferings related to the accomplishment of the mission she was receiving from Christ the Lord. [St.] Faustina laid down her life in sacrifice for sinners and on this account she also sustained diverse sufferings, in order by means of them to come to the aid of their souls. During the last years of her life, inner sufferings of the so-called “passive night” of the soul and bodily diseases grew in intensity. The spreading tuberculosis attached her lungs and alimentary canal. For this reason, twice she underwent several months‟ treatment in the hospital on Pradnik Street in Cracow.

Physically ravaged, but fully mature spiritually, she died in the opinion of sanctity, mystically united with God, on October 5, 1938, hardly 33 years old, having been a religious for 13 years. Her mortal remains were laid to rest in the common tomb in the convent‟s cemetery in Cracow-Lagiewniki. In 1966, during the informative process towards Sister Faustina‟s beatification, they were transferred to the convent chapel. 8

To this simple, uneducated, but courageous woman religious, who trusted Him without limit, Our Lord Jesus consigned the great mission to proclaim His message of mercy directed to the whole world: “Today,” He told her, “I am sending you with My mercy to the people of the whole world. I do not want to punish aching mankind, but I desire to heal it, pressing it to My merciful Heart” (Diary, 1588). You are the secretary of My mercy; I have chosen you for that office in this and the next life” (Diary, 1605) …… “to make known to souls the great mercy that I have for them, and to exhort them to trust in the bottomless depth of My mercy” (Diary, 1567).
2. ST. FAUSTINA‟S MISSION. In short, her mission consists in reminding us of the immemorial, but seemingly forgotten, truths of our faith about God‟s merciful love for men, and in conveying to us new forms of devotion to The Divine Mercy, the practice of which is to lead to the revival of the spiritual life in the spirit of Christian trust and mercy.

St. Faustina‟s Diary, which Jesus Christ ordered her to keep during the last four years of her life, is a kind of journal in which the author recorded current or retrospective events related primarily to the “encounters” of her soul with God. A rigorous, scholarly analysis of her notebooks was necessary to extract from them everything which is considered essential to her mission.
This work was accomplished by an eminent and highly esteemed theologian, the Rev. Professor, Ignacy Rózycki. A brief summary of his scholarly and theological work is published under the title The Divine Mercy: Basic Characteristics of the Divine Mercy Devotion.

Compared to this important theological work, all previous publications on the Divine Mercy devotion, related to us by St. Faustina, seem to be concerned only with some of its elements or with more secondary matters. For example, in some instances, emphasis is placed on the Litany or the Novena to The Divine Mercy, leaving aside the Hour of Mercy.

Fr. Rózycki draws our attention to this fact by saying: “Before we acquaint ourselves with the specific elements of the Divine Mercy devotion, we need to notice that among them we won‟t find any of the well-known or beloved novenas or litanies.”

The basis for selecting these, and not other prayers or religious practices, as the new forms of the Divine Mercy devotion, are the specified promises attached to them, which the Lord Jesus promised to fulfill on the condition of one‟s trust in God‟s goodness and of mercy towards one‟s neighbors. Rev. Rózycki points out that there are five elements of the devotion to The Divine Mercy.

a. The Image of the Merciful Jesus. Its pattern was revealed in the vision St. Faustina had on February 22, 1931, in her convent cell at Plock. “In the evening, when I was in my cell,” she recorded in the Diary, “I saw the Lord Jesus clothed in a white garment. One hand [was] raised in the gesture of blessing, the other was touching the garment at the breast. From beneath the garment, slightly drawn aside from at breast, there were emanating two large rays, one red, the other pale. …. After a while, Jesus said to me, „Paint an image according to the pattern you see, with the signature: Jesus, I trust in You‟‟‟ (Diary, 47). “I want this image …… to be solemnly blessed on the first Sunday after Easter; that Sunday is to be the Feast of Mercy” (Diary, 49). 9

For this reason, the content of this image is closely related to the liturgy of that Sunday. On this day, the Church reads the Gospel according to St. John about the risen Christ appearing in the Upper Room and about the institution of the Sacrament of Penance (Jn 20:19-29). Consequently, this image represents the Savior risen from the dead who brings peace to people by means of the forgiveness of sins at the price of His passion and death on the cross.
The rays of blood and water that flow from the Heart that was pierced by a spear (not visible on the image) and the scars caused by the wounds of crucifixion call to mind the events of Good Friday (Jn 19:17-18; 33-37). The Image of the Merciful Savior, therefore, combines the two Gospel events that best bespeak the fullness of God‟s love for mankind.

The two rays are a distinctive feature of this image of Christ. The Lord Jesus, when asked about their meaning, explained: “The pale ray stands for the Water which makes souls righteous. The red ray stands for the Blood which is the life of souls. … Happy is the one who will dwell in their shelter” (Diary, 299). The Sacraments of Baptism and Penance purify the soul, and the Eucharist most abundantly nourishes it. Thus, the two rays signify the Holy Sacraments and all the graces of the Holy Spirit, whose biblical symbol is water, as well as the New Covenant of God with men in the Blood of Christ.

The image of the Merciful Jesus is often called the “Image of The Divine Mercy,” which is appropriate, since it is precisely in Christ‟s Paschal Mystery that God‟s love for humankind was most explicitly revealed.

The image not only represents The Divine Mercy, but also serves as a sign that is to recall the Christian obligation of trust in God and of active love toward neighbor. By Christ‟s will the image bears a signature comprised of these words: “Jesus, I trust in You.” “This image,” Jesus also declared, “is to be a reminder of the demands of My mercy, because even the strongest faith is of no avail without works” (Diary, 742).

To the veneration of the image understood in this way, as relying upon the Christian attitude of trust and mercy, Our Lord attached special promises, namely, of eternal salvation, of great progress in the way of Christian perfection, of the grace of a happy death, and of all other possible graces which people will ask of Him with trust: “By means of this Image I shall be granting many graces to souls; so let every soul have access to it” (Diary, 570).

b. The Feast of The Divine Mercy. It ranks highest among all the elements of The Divine Mercy devotion revealed to [St.] Faustina. Its institution was requested by the Lord Jesus for the first time in Plock, in 1931, while He was communicating His will regarding the painting of the Image: “I desire that there be a Feast of Mercy. I want this image, which you will paint with a brush, to be solemnly blessed on the first Sunday after Easter; that Sunday is to be the Feast of Mercy” (Diary, 49).

The choice of the first Sunday after Easter for the Feast of Mercy has a very deep theological significance, which points to the close relationship between the Paschal Mystery of the redemption and the mystery of The Divine Mercy. The integral relationship is further emphasized by the Novena of Chaplets to The Divine Mercy which begins on Good Friday as a preparation for the Feast. 10

This feast is not only a day in particular for worshipping God in His mystery of mercy, but also a time of grace for all people. The Lord Jesus said: “I desire that the Feast of Mercy be a refuge and shelter for all souls, and especially for poor sinners” (Diary, 699). “Souls perish in spite of My bitter Passion. I am giving them the last hope of salvation, that is, recourse to My Mercy. If they will not adore My mercy, they will perish for all eternity” (cf. Diary, 965, 998).
The greatness of this feast is measured by the measure of extraordinary promises that the Lord attached to this feast: Jesus said “…. Whoever approached the Fount of Life on this day will be granted complete remission of sins and punishment” (Diary, 300), and also, “On this day the very depths of My tender mercy are open. I pour out a whole ocean of graces upon those souls who approach the fount of My Mercy. …… Let no soul fear to draw near to Me, even though its sins be as scarlet” (Diary, 699).

To profit from those great gifts we must fulfill the conditions of the Divine Mercy devotion (trust in God‟s goodness and active love toward neighbor), be in the state of sanctifying grace – having gone to Holy Confession, and worthily receive Holy Communion. Jesus explained: “No soul will be justified until it turns with confidence to My mercy; and this is why the first Sunday after Easter is to be the Feast of Mercy, and on that day, priests are to tell everyone about My great and unfathomable mercy” (Diary, 570).

c. The Chaplet of The Divine Mercy. This Chaplet was dictated to St. Faustina by the Lord Jesus Himself in Vilnius on September 13-14, 1935, as a prayer of atonement and for the appeasement of God‟s wrath (see Diary, 474-476).

Those who recite this Chaplet offer to god the Father “the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity,” of Jesus Christ in atonement for their sins, the sins of their loved ones, and those of the entire world. By uniting themselves with the sacrifice of Jesus, they appeal to the great love that our Heavenly Father has for His Son and, in Him, for all humanity.

By means of this prayer, the petitioners request “mercy on us and on the whole world,” and by so doing, they perform a work of mercy. If the faithful add to this the foundation of trust and fulfill the conditions regarding every good prayer (humility, perseverance, matters in conformity with God’s will), they can expect the fulfillment of Christ’s promises which are particularly related to the hour of death: the grace of conversion and a peaceful death.

Not only will the people who say the Chaplet receive these graces, but also the dying at whose side others will recite this prayer. The Lord said: “When this chaplet is said by the bedside of a dying person, God’s anger is placated, unfathomable mercy envelops the soul” (Diary, 811). The general promise says: “It pleases Me to grant everything they ask of Me by saying the chaplet” (Diary 1541) “….if what you ask for is compatible with My will” (Diary, 1731). For, anything that is not compatible with God’s will is not good for people, especially for their eternal happiness.

On a different occasion, Jesus said: “ by saying the Chaplet, you are bringing humankind closer to Me” (Diary, 929), and again: “The souls that say this chaplet will be embraced by My mercy during their lifetime and especially at the hour of their death” (Diary, 754). 11

d. The Hour of Mercy. In October, 1937, in Cracow, under circumstances that are not fully described by [St.] Faustina, the Lord Jesus recommended that she honor the hour of His death: “….as often as you hear the clock strike the third hour, immerse yourself completely in My mercy, adoring and glorifying it; invoke its omnipotence for the whole world, and particularly for poor sinners; for at that moment mercy was opened wide for every soul” (Diary, 1572).
The Lord Jesus also determined the prayers that are appropriate for this form of the Divine Mercy devotion: “….try your best to make the Stations of the Cross in this hour, provided that your duties permit it; and if you are not able to make the Stations of the Cross, then at least step into the chapel for a moment and adore, in the Blessed Sacrament, My Heart, which is full of mercy; and should you be unable to step into the chapel, immerse yourself in prayer there where you happen to be, if only for a very brief instant” (Diary, 1572).

Prof. Rózycki enumerates three conditions for prayers offered in this hour to be granted:

1. They are to be addressed to Jesus.

2. They are to be said at three o’clock in the afternoon.

3. They are to appeal to the value and merits of Christ’s Passion.

The Lord Jesus promised: “In this hour you can obtain everything for yourself and for others for the asking; it was the hour of grace for the whole world – mercy triumphed over justice” (Diary, 1572)
e. Spreading the honor of The Divine Mercy. In discussing the essential elements of the Divine Mercy devotion, Rev. Rózycki also mentions the spreading of the honor of The Divine Mercy as one of them since certain promises of Christ are related to this as well: “Souls who spread the honor of My mercy I shield through their entire life as a tender mother her infant, and at the hour of death I will not be a Judge for them, but the Merciful Savior” (Diary, 1075).

The essence of The Divine Mercy devotion is found in the Christian attitude of trust in God and of an active love toward neighbor. The Lord Jesus said: “I desire trust from My creatures” (Diary, 1059), and He expects them to exercise mercy through deeds, words, and prayers. And further: “You are to show mercy to your neighbors always and everywhere. You must not shrink from this or try to excuse or absolve yourself from it” (Diary, 742). Christ wants those who worship Him to perform at least one act of love of neighbor in the course of each day.

The spreading of the honor of The Divine Mercy does not require many words, but always the Christian attitude of faith, of trust in god, and of becoming ever more merciful. In her lifetime St. Faustina gave the example of just such apostolic work.

f. The Divine Mercy devotion aims at the renewal of religious life in the Church in the spirit of Christian trust and mercy. It is in this context that the idea of the “new congregation” of which we read in the Diary’s pages should be considered. This desire of Christ matured gradually in Sr. Faustina’s own thinking, and underwent a certain evolution – from a strictly contemplative order all the way to a movement which is made up also of active congregations (male and female) and of lay people. 12

This great, supranational community of people is one family, which is being united, first of all, by god in the mystery of His mercy, and secondly, by people’s longing, both, to reflect that mercy in their own hearts and works, and for God’s glory to be reflected in all souls. It is a community of people who in different ways, depending upon their state in life and vocation (priestly, religious, lay), live by the Gospel ideal of trust and mercy, proclaim the incomprehensible mystery of God’s mercy by their life and words, and obtain Divine Mercy for the world with the entreaties.
St. Faustina’s mission finds deep justification in Holy Scripture and documents of the Church; it superbly corresponds especially with the encyclical Dives in misericordia (Rich in mercy) of the Holy Father, John Paul II.



The former scientific study by Fr. George Mrówczynski concerning the composition of Saint Faustina’s Diary, that served as an introduction to its last two editions, has been replaced with the present text, the aim of which is to bring the reader closer to the personality of the author herself and her mission, as an aid to understanding the Diary.

For the greater glory of The Divine Mercy!

Sr. M. Elizabeth Siepak, ZMBM

Cracow, December of 1991


In The Life of Saint Maria Faustina – Helen Kowalska

of The Congregation of

The Sisters of Our Lady of Mercy

August 25, 1905 Helen Kowalska is born in the village of Glogowiec, Turek County, Lodz Province, Poland (Parish records of births).

August 27, 1905 She is baptized in St. Casimir Church, Swinice Warckie, Turek County, by pastor, Rev. Joseph Chodynski. She receives the name of Helen. (Acts of the Parish in Swinice).

1912 At the age of seven, Helen hears for the first time a voice in her soul, calling her to a more perfect way of life (Diary I:3).

1914 She receives First Holy Communion from the hands of her pastor, Rev.Pawlowski (Acts of the Parish in Swinice).
November 1917 She begins her primary education in Swinice (Minutes from Zbiorczej Szkoly Gminnej w Swinicach Warckich, April 6, 1976).

1919 At the age of 14, Helen begins to work for the Bryszewski family in Aleksandrow, near Lodz, in order to help her parents (Memoirs of her mother, Marianne Kowalska).


October 30, 1921 She receives the Sacrament of Confirmation in Alexandrow, near Lodz, from Bishop Vincent Tymienecki.
1922 After working for a year for the Bryszewski family, she returns home and announces that she wishes to enter a convent. Her parents decidedly oppose this move (Diary I:4; Memoirs of her mother).

Autumn 1922 Helen leaves for Lodz to look for more work in order to help her parents. She works for three terciaries (Memoirs of her mother, p. 5; Memoirs of Stanislava Rapacka).
February 2, 1923 Referred by an employment agency, she goes to work for Marcianne Sadowska, the owner of a store on 29 Abaramowski St., Lodz, where she remains until July 1, 1924 (Memoirs of Mrs. Sadowska, p.2).

July 1924 Helen goes to Warsaw to enter a convent there (Memoirs of Mother General Michael Moraczewska, handwritten, p.1; Diary I:4).

She applies at the Congregation of the Sisters of Our Lady of Mercy at 3/9 Zytnia Street in Warsaw. The superior assesses her as “no one special” and puts her to the test, telling her to go to work so she can pay for her wardrobe (Memoirs of Mother Michael, p. 1; Memoirs of Sister Borgia, p. 1).

Summer 1924 Helen goes to work as a domestic for Aldona Lipszyc, at Ostrowek, Klembow County, near Warsaw (Memoirs of A. Lipszyc, p.1).

August 1, 1925 She again applies to the Congregation of the Sisters of Our Lady of Mercy, and this time she is accepted (Memoirs of Sister Borgia, p.1; Diary I:6).

Circa Helen wants to leave the Congregation to enter a stricter order.

August 22, 1925 She feels that there is too little time for prayer in the Congregation of Our Lady of Mercy (Memoirs of Mother Michael, p.2; Diary I:6).

August 1925 The superior sends her to Skolimow, a vacation house of the Congregation, near Warsaw, to regain her strength (Memoirs of Mother Michael, p.2).

January 23, 1926 She leaves for the Novitiate in Cracow to complete her postulancy period, make a retreat, and receive the veil (Memoirs of Sister Borgia, p. 1; Diary I:7).

April 30, 1926` After an eight-day retreat, she receives her habit and her name in religion. From now on Helen will bear the name Sister Maria Faustina (Cracow Chron. III:177; Memoirs of Sister Clemens).

June 20, 1926 An administrative change of the Directress of Novices influences Sister Faustina‟s spiritual formation (Cracow Chron. III:179). 14

April 3, 1927 Sister Faustina experiences the spiritual dark night. The trial lasts almost to the end of the Novitiate. Mother Directress, Mary Joseph Brzoza, encourages her, excuses her from formal spiritual exercises, and urges her to great fidelity to God (Diary I:8).

April 16, 1928 On Good Friday, the flame of Divine Love encompasses the suffering novice. She forgets past sufferings, and she more clearly recognizes how much Christ suffered for her (Diary I:10).

April 20, 1928 In the evening Sister Faustina, together with other sisters, begins the retreat before taking temporary vows (Chron. III:203; Memoirs of Mother Michael, p.3; Diary I:11).

April 30, 1928 Sister Faustina makes her first profession of temporary vows, which she will renew each year for five years, until the moment when she will make her perpetual vows (Cracow Chron. III:203; Memoirs of Mother Michael, p.3).

Dec. 6-10, 1928 At the General Chapter of the Congregation of the Sisters of Our Lady of Mercy, Mother Michael Moraczewska is elected Mother General (Cracow Chron. III:210). [Mother Michael will be Superior throughout Sister Faustina‟s life. In difficult moments she will be her help and comfort. Into her hands Sister Faustina will place her perpetual vows. Before death she will ask pardon of the whole Congregation through Mother‟s hands for all the failings committed during her entire religious life (Memoirs of Mother Michael, pp. 5, 11, 12).]

October 31, 1928 Sister Faustina leaves for 3/9 Zytnia Street, Warsaw, where she is assigned to work in the kitchen (Cracow Chron. III:212).

February 21, 1929 She leaves for Vilnius to substitute for a sister going for her third probation (Vilnius Chron. I:9).

April 11, 1929 By morning train, she leaves Vilnius to return to Warsaw (Vil. Chron. I:21).

June 1929 She is assigned to work in a newly-formed house on Hetmanska Street, Warsaw (Memoirs of Sisters).

After a few months, Sister Faustina returns to the house on 3/9 Zytnia Street. Meanwhile the students, (wards) with whom she worked, promise that they will follow her there (Memoirs of Sisters).

July 7, 1929 For a short while, Sister Faustina is sent to a house of the Congregation in Kiekrz near Poznan, to substitute for an ailing sister in the kitchen (Memoirs of Syster Xavier; letter of July 6 with no year, placed in the memoirs; Diary I:74).

October 1929 She is already back in Warsaw, as evidenced by a letter to Sister Justine, dated October 20, 1929. (Letters #25:66). 15

May-June 1930 Assigned to the house of the Congregation in Plock, Sister Faustina works there by turns in the bakery, the kitchen, and the bakery store (Memoirs of Mother Michael, p.3).
During her stay in Plock (from June 1930 to November 1932), she spends some time in Biala (a house of the Congregation situated in a village about 10 kilometers from Plock).

[Because the chronicles of Warsaw and Plock were ruined during World War II, it is difficult to fully ascertain the dates of her stay in these homes.]

A letter to Sister Justine Golofit, dated December 17, 1930, witnesses to the fact that Sister Faustina is, at that time, still in Biala (Letters #26:68).

February 22, 1931 Sister Faustina sees a vision of the Lord Jesus, who tells her to paint an image according to the pattern she sees (Diary I:18; Memoirs of Mother p.4).

November 1932 She arrives in Warsaw for the Third Probation, which the Sisters of Our Lady of Mercy make before taking perpetual vows (Memoirs of Mother Michael, p.5; Diary I:84). Before beginning the Third Probation, she does to Walendow to make a retreat (Memoirs of Sister Seraphina Kukulska; Diary I:84).

December 1, 1932 Together with other sisters she begins the Third Probation under the direction of Sister Margaret Gimbutt (Memoirs of Mother Michael, p.5; Diary I:89).

The Third Probation in this Congregation lasts for five months. During this time, Sister Faustina works in the vestry, helping Sister Suzanne Tokarski (Memoirs of Mother Michael, p. 5; Memoirs of Sister Suzanne; Diary I:89).

March 1933 Sister Faustina‟s younger sister, Wanda, visits her (Diary I:97).

April 18, 1933 With other sisters, Sister Faustina goes to Cracow to make an eight-day retreat and her profession of perpetual vows (Cracow Chron. IV:8).

April 21, 1933 The eight-day retreat begins under the direction of Father Wojnar, S.J. (Cracow Chron. IV:8; Diary I:102).

May 1, 1933 Sister Faustina makes her perpetual vows. The celebrant for this ceremony is Bishop Stanislaus Rospond.

After the vows, Sister Faustina remains in Cracow for another month (Memoirs of Mother Michael, p.5; Cracow Chron. IV:8; Diary I:114).

May 25, 1933 She leaves for Vilnius (Vil. Chron., p. 178). [The chronicle notes: “Sister Faustina, who made her profession of perpetual vows in Cracow, arrived Thursday evening, by train.”]

January 2, 1934 Sister Faustina goes for the first time to the artist Kazimirowski, who is to paint the image of The Divine Mercy (Memoirs of Rev. Sopocko, p.1; Memoirs of Mother Michael, p.6; Diary II:240). 16

March 29, 1934 She offers herself for sinners, especially for those souls who have lost trust in the Divine Mercy (Diary I:133).
June 1934 The painting of the image of The Divine Mercy, executed by artist E. Kazimirowski under the guidance of Sister Faustina, is completed. Sister Faustina cries because the image of the Lord Jesus is not as beautiful as she had seen Him (Memoirs of Rev. Sopocko, p. 1; Diary I: 134).

July 26, 1934 Sister Faustina lies sick – with a cold (Vil. Chron., p. 223).

July 28, 1934 She begins to write the Diary again.

August 12, 1934 She becomes gravely ill. Dr. Maciejewska is summoned along with Father Sopocko, who administers the Sacrament of Anointing of the Sick to her (Vil. Chron., p. 226).

August 13, 1934 Her health improves (Vil. Chron., p. 226).

October 26, 1934 Walking with the students from the garden to supper (10 minutes before 6:00 p.m.), Sister Faustina sees the Lord Jesus above the chapel in Vilnius in the same way as she saw Him in Plock; that is, with the pale and red rays. The rays envelop the chapel of the Congregation and the infirmary of the students, and then they spread out over the whole world (Archives – Sister Faustina documents).

February 15, 1935 Sister Faustina receives news of her seriously ill mother and leaves immediately that evening for her home village of Glogowiec, near Lodz (Vil. Chron., p. 261; Diary I:165-169).

After leaving her home, Sister Faustina stops in Warsaw to see Mother General, Michael Moraczewska, and her former Directress, Sister Mary Joseph Brzoza. A few days later she returns to Vilnius (Diary I: 169).

[The Vilnius Chronicle does not note the date of her return.]

March 4, 1935 Sister Petronilla and Sister Faustina go by wagon to the market held annually on St. Casmir‟s Feast Day, for tools and items needed by the house (Vil. Chron. P. 264).

Sept. 29, 1935 Sister Faustina accompanies some of the other sisters to the Church of St. Michael for the Forty-Hour Devotions (Vil. Chron., p. 302).

October 19, 1935 Sister Antonina and Sister Faustina leave for an eight-day retreat in Cracow (Vil. Chron., p. 307; Cracow Chron. IV:49).

November 4, 1935 In the evening, Sister Faustina returns to Vilnius from the retreat (Vil. Chron., p. 311). 17

January 8, 1936 She pays a visit to Bishop Jalbrzykowski and announces to him that the Lord Jesus is demanding the founding of a new congregation (Diary II:50).

March 17, 1936 Sister Borgia Tichy, Superior of the house in Vilnius receives information from Mother General of the change of assignment for Sister Faustina from Vilnius to Walendow (Vil. Chron., p. 337).

March 19, 1936 Sister Borgia confers with Archbishop Jalbrzykowski concerning Sister Faustina (Vil. Chron., p. 338).

March 21, 1936 Sister Faustina takes the morning train from Vilnius to Warsaw (Vil. Chron., p. 338), and remains in Warsaw for a few days (Diary II:90).

March 25, 1936 She arrives in Walendow – a country house of the Congregation, 20 km from Warsaw. The sisters welcome her joyfully and sincerely (Memoirs; Diary II:91).

April 1936 After a few weeks, she is assigned to another country home, 1 km from Walendow, a place called Derdy (Memoirs of Mother Michael, p. 8).

This home is situated in a forested area, and Sister Faustina, enchanted with its natural beauty, writes of her joy to Fr. Sopocko in a letter dated May 10, 1936 (Letters #3:5).

May 11, 1936 In company with Sister Edmund Sekul, she leaves Derdy for a permanent stay in Cracow (Cracow Chron. IV:60), where she works first in the garden and then as gatekeeper (Memoirs of Mother Michael, p. 8).

June 19, 1936 With some of the sisters, she takes part in a procession in honor of the Sacred Heart of Jesus at the Jesuit house on 26 Kopernik Street (Cracow Chron. IV:61; Diary II: 111).

Sept. 14, 1936 Archbishop Jalbrzykowski, on his way to Tarnow, visits the convent at Cracow and spends a few minutes in conversation with Sister Faustina (Cracow Chron. IV:67; Diary II: 133; Memoirs of Sister Felicia and Sister Irene).

Sept. 19, 1936 Sister Faustina is given a physical examination at the hospital in Pradnik (Diary II: 133-134).

October 20, 1936 In Cracow, she makes an eight-day retreat directed by Father Wojton, S.J. (Cracow Chron. IV:70; Diary II:153).

Dec. 9, 1936 For health reasons, the superiors send Sister Faustina to the hospital in Pradnik, a sanatorium for tuberculosis patients in Cracow (Cracow Chron. IV:74; Diary II:198).

Dec. 13, 1936 Sister Faustina confesses to the Lord Jesus (Diary II: 207). 18

Dec. 24, 1936 With the doctor‟s permission she returns to the convent for the Christmas holidays (Cracow Chron. IV:74; Diary II:226).

Dec. 27, 1936 She returns to the hospital in Pradnik for further treatment (Diary II:230).

March 27, 1937 She comes back from Pradnik, her health significantly improved (Cracow Chron. IV: 82; Diary III:18).

April 13, 1937 Her health becomes so much worse that she is forced to remain in bed (Diary III:22-23).

April 14, 1937 Fatigued from sickness, she asks the Lord Jesus for health, and is heard (Diary III:23).

April 23, 1937 During an eight-day retreat starting on April 20 in the Cracow convent, Sister Faustina takes this opportunity to make her three-day retreat (Cracow Chron. IV:82; Diary III:26).

April 29, 1937 After the retreat, she converses with her former Directress of Novices, Sister Mary Joseph, who made her retreat in Cracow (Diary III:29-30).

May 4, 1937 Sister Faustina receives permission from Mother General Michael Moraczewska to leave the Congregation (Memoirs of Mother Michael, p. 9; Diary III: 30-31).

July 20, 1937 She learns that she is going to be sent to a house of the Congregation at Rabka (Diary III:54).

[The Chronicle makes no mention of this; however, it notes that the Superior went to Rabka for two days, which could have had some connection with Sister Faustina‟s departure (Cracow Chron. IV:88 – dated July 19; Memoirs of Sister Irene).]

July 29, 1937 Sister Faustina leaves for Rabka (Diary III:54-55; Memoirs).

August 10, 1937 She finds that the climate at Rabka does not agree with her, but makes her feel more ill, so she returns to Cracow (Diary IV:4).

August 12, 1937 Father Sopocko stops at the convent in Cracow and spends some time with Sister Faustina (Memoirs of Sister Felicia; Diary IV:4-5).

August 25, 1937 Father Sopocko spends a few days in Cracow. Sister Faustina is happy because she is anxious to see him (Diary IV: 16).

August 29, 1937 She receives permission to speak at length with Father Sopocko (Diary IV: 17).

[The Chronicles make no mention of this.]

Sept. 6, 1937 Due to increasing ill health, her assignment is changed from gardener to gatekeeper (Memoirs of Mother Michael, p. 10; Diary IV:25). 19

 Sept. 19, 1937 Her brother Stanley visits her (Diary IV:40).
Sept. 27, 1937 Sister Faustina and Sister Irene Krzyzanowska, Superior of the house, go to the printer to settle the matter of having some holy cards of the image of The Divine Mercy printed (Diary IV:45; Memoirs of Sister Irene, p. 2).

April 21, 1938 Sister Faustina‟s health deteriorates, and her superiors decide to send her to the hospital in Pradnik again (Cracow Chron. IV:119; Memoirs of Mother Michael, p. 10).

June 2-5, 1938 She makes a three-day retreat in the hospital (Memoirs of Sister Irene Krzyzanowska and Sister Felicia; Diary VI: 114).

June 1938 She stops writing the Diary.

July 1938 Mother General Michael Moraczewska pays a visit to her at the hospital (Memoirs of Mother Michael, p. 10; Memoirs of Sister Felicia).

August 1938 Writing her last letter to Mother General, she begs pardon for all the faults of her whole life and ends with the words: “till we meet in heaven” (Letters #23:64; Memoirs of Mother Michael, p. 11).

August 24, 1938 Sister Camille, who is also a patient at the hospital in Pradnik, telephones to the Superior that Sister Faustina‟s health has significantly worsened. The Superior rides to the hospital and spends the night at Sister Faustina‟s bedside (Cracow Chron. IV: 129).

August 25, 1938 Rev. T. Czaputa, chaplain of the house of the Congregation in Cracow, goes to the hospital in Pradnik to administer the Sacrament of Anointing of the Sick (Cracow Chron. IV:129).

August 28, 1938 Father Sopocko, being in Cracow, pays a visit to the Congregation and visits Sister Faustina a few times in the hospital (Memoirs of Father Sopocko, p. 3; Cracow Chron. IV: 129).

Sept. 2, 1938 Father Sopocko visits Sister Faustina in the sanatorium in Pradnik and sees her in ecstasy (Memoirs of Father Sopocko, p. 5; Memoirs of Sister Felicia).

Sept. 17, 1938 Very weak and unable to keep much food, Sister Faustina is taken home from Pradnik. Calm and very uplifting, she waits for the moment of union with the Lord Jesus, not at all afraid to die (Cracow Chron. IV: 131).

Sept. 22, 1938 As she loses more and more strength, she asks pardon of the entire Congregation for her unintentional failings, and serenely awaits the coming of her Heavenly Bridegroom (Cracow Chron. IV:132).

Sept. 26, 1938 Father Sopocko visits her for the last time in Cracow, and she tells him: “My one occupation is to live in the presence of my Heavenly Father.” 20

[Father Sopocko notes that “She looked like an unearthly being,” and he adds, “At that time, I no longer had the slightest doubt that what she had written in her diary about receiving Holy Communion from an Angel was really true” (Memoirs of Father Sopocko, p. 5).]

October 2, 1938 Sister Faustina, progressively weaker, but always uplifting, calmly awaits her departure (Cracow Chron. IV:133).

October 5, 1938 At 4:00 p.m. Father Andrasz, S.J., arrives, and Sister Faustina makes her confession for the last time (Cracow Chron. IV: 134).

At 9:00 p.m. the Chaplain Rev. T. Czaputa, together with the assembled sisters, prays at her bedside the prayers for the dying. Sister Faustina, conscious to the end, unites with those praying (Cracow Chron. IV: 134).

At 10:45 p.m. Sister Maria Faustina Kowalska, after long sufferings borne with great patience, goes to the Lord for her reward (Cracow Chron. IV:134).

October 7, 1938 The funeral of Sister Faustina Kowalska takes place on the First Friday of the month and the Feast of Our Lady of the Rosary.

The Jesuits, Father Wojton and Father Chabrowski from the Monastery of St. Barbara Square, and one cleric from 26 Kopernik Street, take part in the funeral services.

At 8:30 a.m. the Matins are sung, next Father Wojton celebrates the Liturgy at the main altar and Father Chabrowski at the altar of the Sacred Heart of Jesus (where the image of the Divine Mercy, renowned for countless graces, is presently found).

Fr. Chabrowski celebrates the Mass wearing white vestments. As the chronicle notes, everything is done very beautifully. No members of Sister Faustina‟s family are present at the funeral (Cracow Chron. IV: 134).

Sister Faustina is buried in the convent cemetery situated in the garden of the Congregation of the Sisters of Our Lady of Mercy, 3/9 Wronia Street, Lagiewniki, Cracow, in the common grave found on this cemetery.

October 21, 1965 Twenty-seven years after the death of Sister Faustina, Bishop Julian Groblicki, specially delegated by Archbishop Karol Wojtyla, begins with a solemn session in the Archdiocese of Cracow, the Informative Process relating to the life and virtues of Sister Faustina. From this moment, Sister Faustina is worthy of the title, Servant of God.

Nov. 25, 1966 While the Informative Process relating to the virtues, writings and devotion of the Servant of God, Sister Faustina, is being conducted (October 21, 1965 to September 20, 1967), her remains are exhumed and transferred to a tomb specially prepared for this purpose in the chapel of the Sisters of Our Lady of Mercy. Over the tomb is a black slab with a cross in the center. The slab usually has fresh flowers brought by the faithful, who plead for numerous graces through the intercession of Sister Faustina. 21

Sept. 20, 1967 His Eminence, Karol Cardinal Wojtyla, with a solemn session, closes the Informative Process of the Servant of God in the Cracow Archdiocese.

January 26, 1968 The Acts of the Informative Process are received in Rome by the Sacred Congregation for the Causes of Saints.

January 31, 1968 By a Decree of the Sacred Congregation for the Causes of Saints, the Process of Beatification of the Servant of God, Sister Faustina H. Kowalska, is formally inaugurated.

April 18, 1993 The Venerable Servant of God, Sister Maria Faustina Kowalska, is beatified by Pope John Paul II in Rome on the first Sunday after Easter, which is celebrated by many around the world as Divine Mercy Sunday.

April 30, 2000 Blessed Maria Faustina Kowalska is canonized by Pope John Paul II in Rome, on Divine Mercy Sunday, during the Great Jubilee Year 2000. And the Pope states during his Canonization homily: “The Second Sunday of Easter from now on throughout the Church will be called „Divine Mercy Sunday.‟” 22

My daughter, be diligent in writing down
every sentence I tell you concerning My

mercy, because this is meant for a great

number of souls who will profit from it.

(Diary 1142) 23

Divine Mercy
In my Soul
Diary Sr. Faustina
Notebook I


1 O Eternal Love, You command Your Sacred Image to be painted


And reveal to us the inconceivable fount of mercy,

You bless whoever approaches Your rays,

And a soul all black will turn into snow.

O sweet Jesus, it is here² You established the throne of Your mercy

To bring joy and hope to sinful man,
From Your open Heart, as from a pure fount,
Flows comfort to a repentant heart and soul.
May praise and glory for this Image
Never cease to stream from man‟s soul.
May praise and glory for this Image
Never cease to stream from man‟s soul,
May praise of God‟s mercy pour from every heart,
Now, and at every hour, and forever and ever.
O My God
2 When I look into the future, I am frightened,
But why plunge into the future?
Only the present moment is precious to me,
As the future may never enter my soul at all.
It is no longer in my power,
To change, correct or add to the past;
For neither sages nor prophets could do that.
And so, what the past has embraced I must entrust to God.
O present moment, you belong to me, whole and entire,
I desire to use you as best I can.
And although I am weak and small,
You grant me the grace of Your omnipotence.
And so, trusting in Your mercy,
I walk through life like a little child,
Offering You each day this heart
Burning with love for Your greater glory. 25
[Jesus, Mary, and Joseph]
3 God and souls
King of Mercy, guide my soul.
Sister M. Faustina
Of the Blessed Sacrament
Vilnius, July 28, 1934
4 O my Jesus, because of my trust in You,
I weave thousands of garlands, and I know
That they will all blossom.
And I know that they will all blossom
When God‟s sun will shine on them.
+ O great and Divine Sacrament
That veils my God!
Jesus, be with me each moment,
And no fear will enter my heart. 26
(3) + Vilnius, July 28, 1934
J.M.J. +First Notebook
5 Be adored, O Most Holy Trinity, now and for all time. Be adored in all Your works and all Your creatures. May the greatness of Your mercy be admired and glorified, O God.
6 I am to write down³ the encounters of my soul with You, O God, at the moments of Your special visitations. I am to write about You, O Incomprehensible in mercy towards my poor soul. Your holy will is the life of my soul. I have received this order through him who is for me Your representative here on earth, who interprets Your holy Will to me. Jesus, You see how difficult it is for me to write, how unable I am to put down clearly what I experience in my soul. O God, can a pen write down that for which many a time there are no words? But You give the order to write, O God; that is enough for me.
Warsaw, August 1, 1925
Entrance into the Convent
7 From the age of seven, I experienced the definite call of God, the grace of a vocation to the religious life. It was in the seventh year of my life that, for the first time, I heard God‟s voice in my soul; that is, an invitation to a more perfect life. But I was not always obedient to the call of grace. I came across no one who would have explained these things to me.
8 The eighteenth year of my life. An earnest appeal to my parents for permission to enter the convent. My parents‟ flat refusal. After this refusal, I turned myself over to the vain things of life, paying no attention to the call of grace, although my soul found no satisfaction in any of these things. (4) The incessant call of grace caused me much anguish: I tried, however, to stifle it with amusements. Interiorly, I shunned God, turning with all my heart to creatures. However, God‟s grace won out in my soul.
9 Once I was at a dance [probably in Lodz] with one of my sisters. While everybody was having a good time, my soul was experiencing deep torments. As I began to dance, I suddenly saw Jesus at my side, Jesus racked with pain, stripped of His clothing, all covered with wounds, who spoke these words to me: How long shall I put up with you and how long will you keep putting Me off? At that moment the charming music stopped, [and] the company I was with vanished from my sight; there remained Jesus and I. I took a seat by my dear sister pretending to have a headache in order to cover up what took place in my soul. After a while I slipped out unnoticed, leaving my sister and all my companions behind and made my way to the Cathedral of Saint Stanislaus Kostka.
It was almost twilight; there were only a few people in the cathedral. Paying no attention to what was happening around me, I fell prostrate before the Blessed Sacrament and begged the Lord to be good enough to give me to understand what I should do next.
10 Then I heard these words: Go at once to Warsaw; you will enter a convent there. I rose from prayer, came home, and took care of things that needed to be settled. As
best I could, I confided to my sister what took place within my soul. I told her to say good-bye to our parents, and thus, in my one dress, with no other belonging, I arrived in Warsaw.
11 When I got off the train and saw that all were going their separate ways, I was overcome with fear. What am I to do? To whom should I turn, as I know no one? So I said to the Mother of Go, “Mary, lead me, guide me.” Immediately I heard these words within me telling me to leave the town and go to a certain nearby village where I would find a safe lodging for the night. I did so and found, in fact, that everything was just as the Mother of God told me.
12 Very early the next day, I rode back into the city and entered the first church I saw [St. James Church at Grojecka Street in Ochota, a suburb of Warsaw]. There I began to pray to know further the will of God. Holy Masses were being celebrated one after another. During one of them I heard the words: Go to that priest [Father James Dabrowski, pastor of St. James‟ Parish] and tell him everything; he will tell you what to do next. After the Mass I went to the sacristy. (5) I told the priest all that had taken place in my soul, and I asked him to advise me where to take the veil, in which religious order.
13 The priest was surprised at first, but told me to have strong confidence that God would provide for my future. “For the time being,” he said, “I shall send you to a pious lady [Aldona Lipszycowa4] with whom you will stay until you enter a convent.” When I called on this lady, she received me very kindly. During the time I stayed with her, I was looking for a convent, but at whatever convent door I knocked, I was turned away. Sorrow gripped my heart, and I said to the Lord Jesus, “Help me; don‟t leave me alone.” At last I knocked on our door.5
14 When Mother Superior, the present Mother General Michael6 came out to meet me, she told me, after a short conversation, to go to the Lord of the house and ask whether He would accept me. I understood at once that I was to ask this of the Lord Jesus. With great joy, I went to the chapel and asked Jesus: “Lord of this house, do You accept me? This is how one of these sisters told me to put the question to You.”
Immediately I heard this voice: I do accept; you are in My Heart. When I returned from the chapel, Mother Superior asked first of all, “Well, has the Lord accepted you?” In answered, “Yes.” “If the Lord has accepted, [she said] then I also will accept.”
15 This is how I was accepted. However, for many reasons I still had to remain in the world for more than a year with that pious woman [Aldona Lipszycowa], but I did not go back to my own home.
At that time I had to struggle with many difficulties, but God was lavish with His graces. An ever greater longing for God began to take hold of me. The lady, pious as she was, did not understand the happiness of religious life and, in her kindheartedness began to make other plans for my future life. And yet, I sensed that I had a heart so big that nothing would be capable of filling it. And so I turned with all the longing of my soul to God. 28
16 It was during the octave of Corpus Christi [June 25, 1925]. God filled my soul with the interior light of a deeper knowledge of Him as Supreme goodness and Supreme Beauty. I came to know how very much God loves me. Eternal is His love for me. It was at vespers – in simple words, which flowed from the heart, I made to God (6) a vow of perpetual chastity. From that moment I felt a greater intimacy with God, my Spouse. From that moment I set up a little cell in my heart where I always kept company with Jesus.
17 At last the time came when the door of the convent was opened for me – it was the first of August [1925], in the evening, the vigil [of the feast] of Our Lady of the Angels. I felt immensely happy; it seemed to me that I had stepped into the life of Paradise. A single prayer was bursting forth from my heart, one of thanksgiving.
18 However, after three weeks I became aware that there is so very little time here for prayer, and of many other things which spoke to my soul in favor of entering a religious community of a stricter observance. This thought took a firm hold of my soul, but the will of God was not in it. Still, the thought, or rather the temptation, was growing stronger and stronger to the point where I decided one day to announce my departure to Mother Superior and definitely to leave [the convent]. But God arranged the circumstances in such a way that I could not get to the Mother Superior [Michael]. I stepped into the little chapel7 before going to bed, and I asked Jesus for light in this matter. But I received nothing in my soul except a strange unrest which I did not understand. But, in spite of everything, I made up my mind to approach Mother Superior the next morning right after Mass and tell her of my decision.
19 I came to my cell. The sisters were already in bed – the lights were out. I entered the cell full of anguish and discontent; I did not know what to do with myself. I threw myself headlong on the ground and began to pray fervently that I might come to know the will of God. There is silence everywhere as in the tabernacle. All the sisters are resting like white hosts enclosed in Jesus‟ chalice. It is only from my cell that God can hear the moaning of a soul. I did not know that one was not allowed to pray in the cell after nine without permission.8
After a while a brightness filled my cell, and on the curtain I saw the very sorrowful Face of Jesus. There were open wounds on His Face, and large tears were falling on my bedspread. Not knowing what all this meant, I asked Jesus, “Jesus, who has hurt You so?” And Jesus said to me, It is you who will cause Me this pain if you leave this convent. It is to this place that I called you and nowhere else; and I have prepared many graces for you. I begged pardon of Jesus and immediately changed my decision.
(7) The next day was confession day. I related all that had taken place in my soul, and the confess\or answered that, from this, God‟s will is clear that I am to remain in this congregation and that I‟m not even to think of another religious order. From that moment on, I have always felt happy and content.
20 Shortly after this, I fell ill [general exhaustion]. The dear Mother Superior sent me with two other sisters for a rest to Skolimow, not far from Warsaw. It was at that time that I asked the Lord for whom else should I pray for. Jesus said that on the following night He would let me know for whom I should pray.
[The next night] I saw my Guardian Angel, who ordered me to follow him. In a moment I was in a misty place full of fire in which there was a great crowd of suffering souls. They were praying fervently, but to no avail, for themselves; only we can come to their aid. The flames which were burning them did not touch me at all. My Guardian Angel did not leave me for an instant. I asked these souls what their greatest suffering was. They answered me in one voice that their greatest torment was longing for God. I saw Our Lady visiting the souls in Purgatory. The souls call he “The Star of the Sea.” She brings them refreshment. I wanted to talk with them some more, but my Guardian Angel beckoned me to leave. We went out of that prison of suffering. [I head an interior voice] which said, My mercy does not want this, but justice demands it. Since that time, I am in closer communion with the suffering souls.
21 End of postulancy [April 29, 1926] – My superiors [probably Mother Leonard and Mother Jane9] sent me to the novitiate in Cracow. An inconceivable joy reigned in my soul. When we arrived at the novitiate, Sister [Henry10] was dying. A few days later she came to me [in spirit, after her death] and bid me to go to the Mother Directress of Novices [Sister Margaret11] and tell her to ask her confessor, Father Rospond,12 to offer one Mass for her and three ejaculatory prayers. At first I agreed, but the next day I decided I would not go to Mother Directress, because I was not sure whether this had happened in a dream or (8) in reality. And so I did not go.
The following night the same thing was repeated more clearly; I had no more doubt. Still, in the morning I decided not to tell the Directress about it unless I saw her [Sister Henry] during the day. At once I ran into her in the corridor. She reproached me for not having gone immediately to Mother Directress and told her everything that had happened to me. Mother responded that she would take care of the matter. At once peace reigned in my soul, and on the third day this sister came to me and said, “May God repay you.”
22 The day I took the [religious] habit,13 God let me understand how much I was to suffer. I clearly saw to what I was committing myself. I experienced a moment of that suffering. But then God filled my soul again with great consolations.
23 Toward the end of the first year of my novitiate, darkness began to cast its shadow over my soul. I felt no consolation in prayer; I had to make a great effort to meditate; fear began to sweep over me. Going deeper into myself, I could find nothing but great misery. I could also clearly see the great holiness of God. I did not dare to raise my eyes to Him, but reduced myself to dust under His feet and begged for mercy. My soul was in this state for almost six months. Our beloved Mother Directress [Mary Joseph14] encouraged me in these difficult moments. But this suffering continued to grow stronger.
The second year of the novitiate was approaching. Whenever I recalled that I was to make my vows, my soul shuddered. I did not understand what I was reading; I could not meditate; it seemed to me that my prayer was displeasing to God. It seemed to me that by approaching the Holy Sacraments I was offending God even more. But despite this, my confessor [Father Theodore15] did not let me omit one single Holy Communion. God was working very strangely in my soul. I did not understand anything at all of what my confessor was telling me. The simple truths of the faith became incomprehensible to me. My soul was in anguish, unable to find comfort anywhere. 30
(9) At a certain point, there came to me the very powerful impression that I am rejected by God. This terrible thought pierced my soul right through; in the midst of the suffering my soul began to experience the agony of death. I wanted to die but could not. The thought came to me: of what use is it to strive for virtues; why mortify oneself when all this is disagreeable to God? When I made this known to the Directress of Novices, I received this reply, “Know, dear Sister, that God has chosen you for great sanctity. This is a sign that God wants to have you very close to Himself in Heaven. Have great trust in the Lord Jesus.”
That dreadful thought of being rejected by God is the actual torture suffered by the damned. I fled to Jesus‟ Wounds and repeated the words of trust, but these words became for me an even greater torture. I went before the Blessed Sacrament, and I began to speak to Jesus: “Jesus, You said that a mother would sooner forget her infant than God His creature, and that „even if she would forget her infant, I, God, will never forget My creature.‟ O Jesus, do You hear how my soul is moaning? Deign to hear the painful whimpers of Your child. I trust in You, O God, because heaven and earth will pass, but Your word will last forever.” Still, I found not a moment of relief.
24 One day, just as I had awakened, when I was putting myself in the presence of God, I was suddenly overwhelmed by despair. Complete darkness in the soul. I fought as best I could till noon. In the afternoon, truly deadly fears began to seize me; my physical strength began to leave me. I went quickly to my cell, fell on my knees before the Crucifix and began to cry out for mercy. But Jesus did not hear my cries. I felt my physical strength leave me completely. I fell to the ground, despair flooding my whole soul. I suffered terrible tortures in no way different from the torments of hell. I was in this state for three quarters of an hour. I wanted to go and see the Directress, but was too weak. I wanted to shout but I had no voice. Fortunately, one of the sisters [another novice, Sister Placida Putyra] came into my cell. Finding me in such a strange condition, she immediately told the Directress about it. Mother came at once. As soon as she entered the cell she said, “In the name of holy obedience16 get up from the ground.” Immediately some force raised me up from the ground and I stood up, close to the dear Mother Directress. (10) With kindly words she began to explain to me that this was a trial sent to me by God, saying, “Have great confidence; God is always our Father, even when He sends us trials.”
I returned to my duties as if I had come out from the tomb, my senses saturated with what my soul had experienced. During the evening service, my soul began to agonize again in a terrible darkness. I felt that I was in the power of the Just God, and that I was the object of His indignation. During these terrible moments I said to God, “Jesus, who in the Gospel compare Yourself to a most tender mother,17 I trust in Your words because You are Truth and Life. In spite of everything, Jesus, I trust in You in the face of every interior sentiment which sets itself against hope. Do what You want with me; I will never leave You, because You are the source of my life.” Only one who has lived through similar moments can understand how terrible is this torment of the soul.
25 During the night, the Mother of God visited me, holding the Infant Jesus in Her arms. My soul was filled with joy, and I said, “Mary, my Mother, do You know how terribly I suffer?” And the Mother of God answered me, I know how much you suffer, but do not be afraid. I share with you your suffering, and I shall always do so. She smiled warmly and disappeared. At once, strength and a great courage sprang up anew in my soul; but that
lasted only one day. It seemed as though hell had conspired against me. A terrible hatred began to break out in my soul, a hatred for all that is holy and divine. It seemed to me that these spiritual torments would be my lot for the rest of my life. I turned to the Blessed Sacrament and said to Jesus, “Jesus, my Spouse, do You not see that my soul is dying because of its longing for You? How can You hide Yourself from a heart that loves You so sincerely? Forgive me, Jesus; may Your holy will be done in me. I will suffer silently like a dove, without complaining. I will not allow my heart even one single cry of sorrowful complaint.”
26 End of the novitiate. The suffering does not diminish. Physical weakness dispenses me from all [community] spiritual exercises; that is to say, they are replaced by brief ejaculatory prayers. Good Friday [April 16, 1928] – Jesus catches up my heart into the very flame of His love. This was during the evening adoration. All of a sudden, the Divine Presence invaded me, and I forgot everything else. Jesus gave me to understand how much He had suffered (11) for me. This lasted a very short time. An intense yearning – a longing to love God.
27 First vows [First profession of temporary vows, April 30, 1928]. An ardent desire to empty myself for God by an active love, but a love that would be imperceptible, even to the sisters closest to me.
However, even after the vows, darkness continued to reign in my soul for almost a half year. Once, when I was praying, Jesus pervaded all my soul, darkness melted away, and I heard these words within me: You are My joy; you are My heart‟s delight. From that moment I felt the Most Holy Trinity in my heart; that is to say, within myself. I felt that I was inundated with Divine light. Since then, my soul has been in intimate communion with God, like a child with its beloved Father.
28 Once Jesus told me, Go to Mother Superior [probably Mother Raphael18] and ask her to let you wear a hair shirt for seven days, and once each night you are to get up and come to the chapel. I said yes, but I found a certain difficulty in actually going to the Superior. In the evening Jesus asked me, How long will you put it off? I made up my mind to tell Mother Superior the very next time I would see her.
The next day before noon I saw Mother Superior going to the refectory and, since the kitchen, refectory and Sister Aloysia‟s little room are all close to each other, I asked Mother Superior to come into Sister Aloysia‟s room and told her of the wish of the Lord Jesus. At that, Mother answered, “I will not permit you to wear any hair shirt. Absolutely not! If the Lord Jesus were to give you the strength of a colossus, I would then permit those mortifications.”
I apologized for taking up Mother‟s time and left the room. At that very moment I saw Jesus standing at the kitchen door, and I said to Him, “You commanded me to ask for these mortifications, but Mother Superior will not permit them.” Jesus said, I was here during your conversation with the Superior and know everything. I don‟t demand mortification from you, but obedience. By obedience you give great glory to Me and gain merit for yourself.
29 One of the Mothers [probably Mother Jane], when she learned about my close relationship with the Lord Jesus, told me that I must be deluding myself. She told me that
the Lord Jesus associates in this way only with the saints and not with sinful souls “like you, Sister!” (12) After that, it was as if I mistrusted Jesus. In one of my morning talks with Him I said, “Jesus, are You not an illusion?” Jesus answered me, My love deceives no one.
30 + On one occasion I was reflecting on the Holy Trinity, on the essence of God. I absolutely wanted to know and fathom who God is. …..In an instant my spirit was caught up into what seemed to be the next world. I saw an inaccessible light, and in this light what appeared like three sources of light which I could not understand. And out of that light came words in the form of lightning which encircled heaven and earth. Not understanding anything, I was very sad. Suddenly, from this sea of inaccessible light came our dearly beloved Savior, unutterably beautiful with His shining Wounds. And from this light came a voice which said, Who God is in His Essence, no one will fathom, neither the mind of Angels nor or man. Jesus said to me, Get to know God by contemplating His attributes. A moment later, He traced the sign of the cross with his hand and vanished.
31 + Once I saw a big crowd of people in our chapel, in front of the chapel and in the street, because there was no room for them inside19. The chapel was decorated for a feast. There were a lot of clergy near the altar, and then our sisters and those of many other congregations. They were all waiting for the person who was to take a place on the altar. Suddenly I heard a voice saying that I was to take the place on the altar. But as soon as I left the corridor to go across the yard and enter the chapel, following the voice that was calling me, all the people began to throw at me whatever they had to hand: mud, stones, sand, brooms, to such an extent that I at first hesitated to go forward. But the voice kept on calling me even more earnestly, so I walked on bravely.
When I entered the chapel, the superiors, the sisters, the students,20 and even my parents started to hit me with whatever they could, and so whether I wanted to or not, I quickly took my place on the altar. As soon as I was there, (13) the very same people, the students, the sisters, the superiors and my parents all began to hold their arms out to me asking for graces; and as for me, I did not bear any grudge against them for having thrown all sorts of things at me, and I was surprised that I felt a very special love precisely for those persons who had forced me to go more quickly to my appointed place. At the same time my soul was filled with ineffable happiness, and I heard these words, Do whatever you wish, distribute graces as you will, to whom you will and when you will. Then, instantly, the vision disappeared.
32 Another time I heard these words, Go to the Superior and ask her to allow you to make a daily hour of adoration for nine days. During this adoration try to unite yourself in prayer with My Mother. Pray with all your heart in union with Mary, and try also during this time to make the Way of the Cross. I received the permission, though not for a full hour, but only for whatever time was left me after I had carried out my duties.
33 I was to make this novena for the intention of my Motherland. On the seventh day of the novena I saw, between heaven and earth, the Mother of God, clothed in a bright robe. She was praying with Her hands folded on Her bosom, Her eyes fixed on Heaven. From Her Heart issued forth fiery rays, some of which were turned toward Heaven while the others were covering our country.
34 When I told this and certain other things to my confessor21, he replied that these might really be coming from God, but that they might also be an illusion. Because of my frequent changes [of assignments], I did not have a permanent confessor and besides, I had great difficulty in speaking of these things. I prayed ardently that the Lord would give me that great grace – that is, a spiritual director. But my prayer was answered only after my perpetual vows, when I went to Vilnius. The priest was Father Sopocko.22 God had allowed me to see him in an interior vision even before I came to Vilnius.23
35 Oh, if only I had had a spiritual director from the beginning, then I would not have wasted so many of God‟s graces. A confessor can help a soul a great deal, but he can also cause it a lot of harm. Oh, how careful confessors should be about the work of God‟s grace in their penitents‟ souls! This is a matter of great importance. By the graces given to a soul, one can recognize the degree of its intimacy with God.
36 (14) Once I was summoned to the judgment [seat] of God. I stood alone before the Lord. Jesus appeared such as we know Him during His Passion. After a moment, His wounds disappeared except for five, those in His hands, His feet and His side. Suddenly I saw the complete condition of my soul as God sees it. I could clearly see all that is displeasing to God. I did not know that even the smallest transgressions will have to be accounted for. What a moment! Who can describe it? To stand before the Thrice-Holy God! Jesus asked me, Who are you? I answered, “I am Your servant, Lord.” You are guilty of one day of fire in purgatory. I wanted to throw myself immediately into the flames of purgatory, but Jesus stopped me and said, Which do you prefer, suffer now for one day in purgatory or for a short while on earth? I replied, “Jesus, I want to suffer in purgatory, and I want to suffer also the greatest pains on earth, even if it were until the end of the world.” Jesus said, One [of the two] is enough; you will go back to earth, and there you will suffer much, but not for long; you will accomplish My will and My desires, and a faithful servant of Mine will help you to do this. Now, rest your head on My bosom, on My heart, and draw from its strength and power for these sufferings because you will find neither relief nor help nor comfort anywhere else. Know that you will have much, much to suffer, but don‟t let this frighten you; I am with you.
37 Soon afterwards I became ill24. Physical weakness was for me a school of patience. Only Jesus knows how many efforts of will I had to make to fulfill my duty.25
38 In order to purify a soul, Jesus uses whatever instruments He likes. My soul underwent a complete abandonment on the part of creatures; often my best intentions were misinterpreted by the sisters,26 a type of suffering which is most painful; but God allows it, and we must accept it because in this way we become more like Jesus. There was one thing which I could not understand for a long time: Jesus ordered me to tell everything to my Superiors, but my Superiors did not believe what I said and treated me with pity as though I were being deluded or were imagining things.
Because of this, believing myself to be deluded, I resolved to avoid god interiorly for fear of these illusions. (15) But the grace of God pursued me at every step, and god spoke to me when I least expected it. 34
39 + One day Jesus told me that He would cause a chastisement to fall upon the most beautiful city in our country [probably Warsaw]. This chastisement would be that with which God had punished Sodom and Gomorrah27. I saw the great wrath of God and a shudder pierced my heart. I prayed in silence. After a moment, Jesus said to me, My child, unite yourself closely to Me during the Sacrifice and offer My Blood and My Wounds to My Father in expiation for the sins of that city. Repeat this without interruption throughout the entire Holy Mass. Do this for seven days. On the seventh day I saw Jesus in a bright cloud and began to beg Him to look upon the city and upon our whole country. Jesus looked [down] graciously. When I saw the kindness of Jesus, I began to beg His blessing. Immediately Jesus said, For your sake I bless the entire country. And He made a big sign of the cross over our country. Seeing the goodness of God, a great joy filled my soul.
40 +The year 1929. Once during Holy Mass, I felt in a very special way the closeness of God, although I tried to turn away and escape from Him. On several occasions I have run away from God because I did not want to be a victim of the evil spirit; since others have told me, more than once, that such is the case. And this incertitude lasted for quite some time. During Holy Mass, before Communion, we had the renewal of vows. When we had left our kneelers and had started to recite the formula for the vows, Jesus appeared suddenly at my side clad in a white garment with a golden girdle around His waist, and He said to me, I give you eternal love that your purity may be untarnished and as a sign that you will never be subject to temptations against purity. Jesus took off His golden cincture and tied it around my waist.
Since then I have never experienced any attacks against this virtue, either in my heart or in my mind. I later understood that this was one of the greatest graces which the Most Holy Virgin Mary had obtained for me, as for many years I had been asking this grace of Her. Since that time I have experienced an increasing devotion to the Mother of God. She has taught me how to love God interiorly and also how to carry out His holy will in all things, O Mary, You are joy, because through You God descended to earth [and] into my heart.
41 (16) On one occasion I saw a servant of God in the immediate danger of committing a mortal sin. I started to beg God to deign to send down upon me all the torments of hell and all the sufferings He wished if only this priest would be set free and snatched from the occasion of committing a sin. Jesus heard my prayer and, that very instant, I felt a crown of thorns on my head. The thorns penetrated my head with great force right into my brain. This lasted for three hours; the servant of God was set free from this sin, and his soul was strengthened by a special grace of God.
42 + Once, on Christmas Day [1928], I felt the omnipotence and the presence of God surrounding me. And once more I fled from this interior meeting with the Lord. I asked Mother Superior for permission to go to Jozefinek28 to visit the sisters there. The Superior gave us permission, and we started to get ready right after lunch. The other sisters were already waiting for me at the door of the convent while I ran to my cell to get my cloak. On my way back, as I was passing close to the little chapel, I saw Jesus standing in the doorway. He said to me, Go ahead, but I am taking your heart. Suddenly I felt that I had no heart in my chest. But the sisters were scolding me for lingering behind, saying that it was already getting late, so I quickly went along with them. But a sense of
uneasiness troubled me, and a strange longing invaded my soul, through no one knew what was happening except God.
After we had been at Jozefinek for only a few minutes, I said to the sisters, “Let‟s go back home.” The sisters asked for at least a moment‟s rest, but my spirit could find no peace. I explained that we must return before dark; and in as much as we had quite a distance to go, we immediately returned home. When Mother Superior met us in the hallway she asked me, “Haven‟t the sisters gone yet, or have they already returned?” I said that we had already returned because I did not want to be returning in the evening. I took off my cloak and immediately went to the little chapel. As soon as I entered Jesus said to me, Go to Mother Superior and tell her that you came back, not in order to reach home before dark, but because I had taken your heart. Even though this was very difficult for me, I went (17) to the Superior, and I told her frankly the real reason why I had come back so soon, and I asked pardon of the Lord for everything that had displeased Him. And then Jesus filled me with great joy. I understood that apart from God there is no contentment anywhere.
43 On one occasion I saw two sisters who were about to enter hell. A terrible agony tore my soul; I prayed to God for them, and Jesus said to me, Go to Mother Superior and tell her that those two sisters are in danger of committing a mortal sin. The next day I told this to the Superior. One of them had already repented with great fervor and the other was going through a great struggle.
44 One day Jesus said to me, I am going to leave this house…. Because there are things here which displease Me. And the Host came out of the tabernacle and came to rest in my hands and I, with joy, placed it back in the tabernacle. This was repeated a second time, and I did the same thing. Despite this, it happened a third time, but the Host was transformed into the living Lord Jesus, who said to me, I will stay here no longer! At this, a powerful love for Jesus rose up in my soul, I answered, “And I, I will not let You leave this house, Jesus!” And again Jesus disappeared while the Host remained in my hands. Once again I put it back in the chalice and closed it up in the tabernacle. And Jesus stayed with us. I undertook to make three days of adoration by way of reparation.
45 Once Jesus said to me, Tell Mother General [Michael} that in this house…. Such and such a thing is being committed … which displeases Me and offends Me greatly. I did not tell this to Mother right away, but the uneasiness which the Lord made me feel did not permit me to wait a minute longer, and I wrote immediately to Mother General, and peace returned to my soul.
46 I often felt the Passion of the Lord Jesus in my body, although this was imperceptible [to others], and I rejoiced in it because Jesus wanted it so. But this lasted for only a short time. These sufferings set my soul afire with love for God and for immortal souls. Love endures everything, love is stronger than death, love fears nothing……..
(18) + February 22, 1931
47 In the evening, when I was in my cell, I saw the Lord Jesus clothed in a white garment. One hand [was] raised in the gesture of blessing, the other was touching the garment at the breast. From beneath the garment, slightly drawn aside at the breast, there were emanating two large rays, one red, the other pale. In silence I kept my gaze fixed on the
Lord; my soul was struck with awe, but also with great joy. After a while, Jesus said to me, Paint an image according to the pattern you see, with the signature: Jesus, I trust in You. I desire that this image be venerated, first in your chapel, and [then} throughout the world.
48 I promise that the soul that will venerate this image will not perish. I also promise victory over [its] enemies already here on earth, especially at the hour of death. I Myself will defend it as My own glory.
49 When I told this to my confessor29, I received this for a reply: “That refers to your soul.” He told me, “Certainly, pain God‟s image in your soul.” When I came out of the confessional, I again heard words such as these: My image already is in your soul. I desire that there be a Feast of Mercy. I want this image, which you will paint with a brush, to be solemnly blessed on the first Sunday after Easter; that Sunday is to be the Feast of Mercy.
50 + I desire that priests proclaim this great mercy of Mine towards souls of sinners. Let the sinner not be afraid to approach Me. The flames of mercy are burning Me – clamoring to be spent; I want to pour them out upon these souls.
Jesus complained to me in these words, Distrust on the part of souls is tearing at My insides. The distrust of a chosen soul causes Me even greater pain; despite My inexhaustible love for them they do not trust Me. Even My death is not enough for them. Woe to the soul that abuses these [gifts].
51 (19) When I spoke about this to Mother Superior [Rose30, telling her] that God had asked this of me, she answered that Jesus should give some sign so that we could recognize Him more clearly.
When I asked the Lord Jesus for a sign as a proof “that You are truly my God and Lord and that this request comes from You,” I heard this interior voice, I will make this all clear to the Superior by means of the graces which I will grant through this image.
52 When I tried to run away from these interior inspirations, God said to me that on the Day of Judgment He would demand of me a great number of souls.
Once, exhausted because of these various difficulties that had befallen me because of what Jesus had said to me and what He had demanded of me for the painting of this image, I made up my mind to approach Father Andrasz31 before my perpetual vows, and to ask him to dispense me from all these interior inspirations and from the duty of painting this image. After having heard my confession, Father Andrasz gave me this answer: “I will dispense you from nothing, Sister; it is not right for you to turn away from these interior inspirations, but you must absolutely – and I say, absolutely – speak about them to your confessor; otherwise you will go astray despite the great graces you are receiving from God.
For the present you are coming to me for confession, but understand, Sister, that you must have a permanent confessor; that is to say, a spiritual director.” 37
53 I was very upset by this. I thought that I would get myself free from everything, and it turned out quite the opposite – an explicit command to follow the requests of Jesus. And now, still another torment, as I had no permanent confessor. Even if I went to the same confessor for a certain period of time, I could not open my soul to him in respect to these graces, and this caused me ineffable pain. So I asked Jesus to give these graces to someone else, because I did not know how to make use of them and was only wasting them. “Jesus, have mercy on me; do not entrust such great things to me, as You see that I am a bit of dust and completely inept.”
But the goodness of Jesus is infinite; He had promised me visible help here on earth, and a little while later I received it (20) in Vilnius, in the person of Father Sopocko. I had already known him before coming to Vilnius, thanks to an interior vision. One day I saw him in our chapel between the altar and the confessional and suddenly heard a voice in my soul say, This is the visible help for you on earth. He will help you carry out My will on earth.
54 +One day, tired out with all these uncertainties, I asked Jesus, “Jesus, are You my God or some kind of phantom? Because my Superiors say that there are all sorts of illusions and phantoms. If You are my Lord, I beg You to bless me.” Then Jesus made a big sign of the cross over me and I, too, signed myself. When I asked pardon of Jesus for this question, He replied that I had in no way displeased Him by this question and that my confidence pleased Him very much.
55 1933 Spiritual Counsel given Me
by Father Andrasz, S.J.
First: You must not turn away from these interior inspirations, but always tell everything to your confessor. If you recognize that these interior inspirations refer to your own self; that is to say, they are for the good of your soul or for the good of other souls, I urge you to follow them; and you must not neglect them, but always do so in consultation with your confessor.
Second: If these inspirations are not in accord with the faith or the spirit of the Church, they must be rejected immediately as coming from the evil spirit.
Third: If these inspirations do not refer to souls, in general, nor specifically to their good, you should not take them too seriously, and it would be better to even ignore them.
But you should not make this decision by yourself, either one way or the other, as you can easily be led astray despite these great favors from God. Humility, humility, and ever humility, as we can do nothing of ourselves; all is purely and simply God‟s grace.
You say to me that God demands great trust from souls; well then, you be the first to show this trust. And one more word – accept all this with serenity.
(21) Words of one of the confessors: “Sister, God is preparing many special graces for you, but try to make your life as clear as crystal before the Lord, paying no attention to what anyone else thinks about you. Let God suffice you; He alone.” 38
Toward the end of my novitiate, a confessor [perhaps Father Theodore] told me: “Go through life doing good, so that I could write on its pages: “She spent her life doing good.‟ May God bring this about in you.”
Another time the confessor said to me, “Comport yourself before God like the widow in the Gospel; although the coin she dropped into the box was of little value, it counted far more before god than all the big offerings of others.”
On another occasion the instruction I received was this: “Act in such a way that all those who come in contact with you will go away joyful. Sow happiness about you because you have received much from god; give, the, generously to others. They should take leave of you with their hearts filled with joy, even if they have no more than touched the hem of your garment. Keep well in mind the words I am telling you right now.”
Still another time he gave me the following recommendation: “Let God push your boat out into the deep waters, toward the unfathomable depths of the interior life.”
Here are a few words from a conversation I had with the Mother Directress [Mary Joseph] toward the end of my novitiate: “Sister, let simplicity and humility by the characteristic traits of your soul. Go through life like a little child, always trusting, always full of simplicity and humility, content with everything, happy in every circumstance. There, where others fear, you will pass calmly along, thanks to this simplicity and humility. Remember this, Sister, for your whole life; as waters flow from the mountains down into the valleys, so, too, do God‟s graces flow onto into humble souls.”
55 O my God, I understand well that You demand this spiritual childhood32 of me, because You are constantly asking it of me through Your representatives.
(22) At the beginning of my religious life, suffering and adversities frightened and disheartened me. So I prayed continuously, asking Jesus to strengthen me and to grant me the power of his Holy Spirit that I might carry out His holy will in all things, because from the beginning I have been aware of my weakness. I know very well what I am of myself, because for this purpose Jesus has opened the eyes of my soul; I am an abyss of misery, and hence I understand that whatever good there is in my soul consists solely of His holy grace. The knowledge of my own misery allows me, at the same time, to know the immensity of Your mercy. In my own interior life, I am looking with one eye at the abyss of my misery and baseness, and with the other, at the abyss of Your mercy, O God.
57 O my Jesus, You are the life of my life. You know only too well that I long for nothing but the glory of Your Name and that souls come to know Your goodness. Why do souls avoid You, Jesus? – I don‟t understand that. Oh, if I could only cut my heart into tiny pieces and in this way offer to You, O Jesus, each piece as a heart whole and entire, to make up in part for the hearts that do not love You! I love You, Jesus, with every drop of my blood, and I would gladly shed my blood for You to give You a proof of the sincerity of my love. O God, the more I know You the less I can comprehend You, but this “non-comprehension” lets me realize how great You are! And it is this impossibility of comprehending You which enflames my heart anew for You, O Lord. From the moment when You let me fix the eyes of my soul on You, O Jesus, I have been at peace and desired nothing else, I found my destiny at the moment when my soul lost itself in You,
the only object of my love. In comparison with you, everything is nothing. Sufferings, adversities, humiliations, failures and suspicions that have come my way are splinters the keep alive the fire of my love for You, O Jesus.
My desires are mad and unattainable. I wish to conceal from You that I suffer. I want (23) never to be rewarded for my efforts and my good actions, You Yourself, Jesus, are my only reward; You are enough, O Treasure of my heart! I want to share compassionately in the sufferings of my neighbors and to conceal my own sufferings, not only from them, but also from You, Jesus.
Suffering is a great grace; through suffering the soul becomes like the Savior; in suffering love becomes crystallized; the greater the suffering, the purer the love.
58 + One night, a sister who had died two months previously came to me. She was a sister of the first choir. I saw her in a terrible condition, all in flames with her face painfully distorted. This lasted only a short time, and then she disappeared. A shudder went through my soul because I did not know whether she was suffering in purgatory or in hell. Nevertheless, I redoubled my prayers for her. The next night she came again, but I saw her in an even more horrible state, in the midst of flames which were even more intense, and despair was written all over her face. I was astonished to see her in a worse condition after the prayers I had offered for her, and I asked, “Haven‟t my prayers helped you?” She answered that my prayers had not helped her and that nothing would help her. I said to her, “And the prayers which the whole community has offered for you, have they not been any help to you?” She said no, that these prayers had helped some other souls. I replied, “If my prayers are not helping you, Sister, please stop coming to me.” She disappeared at once. Despite this, I kept on praying.
After some time she came back again to me during the night, but already her appearance had changed. There were no longer any flames, as there had been before, and her face was radiant, her eyes beaming with joy. She told me that I had a true love for my neighbor and that many other souls had profited from my prayers. She urged me not to cease praying for the souls in purgatory, and she added that she herself would not remain there much longer. How astounding are the decrees of God!
59 (24) 1933. On one occasion I heard these words in my soul. Make a novena for your country. This novena will consist of the recitation of the Litany of the Saints. Ask your confessor for permission {probably Father Sopocko or Father Andrasz].
60 I received permission at my next confession and began the novena that very evening. Towards the end of the litany I saw a great radiance and, in the midst of it, God the Father. Between this radiance and the earth I saw Jesus, nailed to the Cross in such a way that when God wanted to look at the earth, He had to look through the wounds of Jesus. And I understood that it was for the sake of Jesus that God blesses the earth.
61 O Jesus, I thank you for this great grace; namely, that You Yourself have deigned to choose a confessor for me, and that You had made him known to me in a vision even before I had met him {Father Sopocko]. When I went to confession to father Andrasz, I thought that I would be released from following these interior inspirations. Father replied that he could not dispense me from this, “but pray, Sister, that you be given a spiritual director.”
After a short but fervent prayer, I saw Father Sopocko for a second time, in our chapel, between the confessional and the altar. I was in Cracow at that time. These two visions bolstered up my spirit, all the more when I found him to be just as I had seen him in the visions, once at Warsaw during my third probation, and a second time at Cracow. O Jesus, I thank you for this great gift! And now when I hear people sometimes say that they have no confessor; that is to say, a director, fear takes hold of me, because I know very well how much harm I myself experienced when I did not have this help. It is so easy to go astray when one has no guide!
62 O life so dull and monotonous, how many treasures you contain! When I look at everything with the eyes of faith, no two hours are alike, and the dullness and monotony disappear. The grace which is given me in this hour will not be repeated in the next. It may be given me again, but it will not be the same grace. Time goes on, never to return again. Whatever is enclosed in it will never change; it seals with a seal for eternity.
63 (25) + Father Sopocko must be well loved by God. I say this because I myself have experienced how much God defends him at certain moments. When I see this, I rejoice greatly that God has such chosen ones.
1929.The Trip to Calvary.33
64 When I came to Vilnius for two months to replace a sister who had gone for her third probation [Sister Peter, who worked in the kitchen], I stayed a little longer than two months. One day, the Mother Superior [Irene34], wanting to give me a bit of pleasure, gave me permission to go, together with another sister, 35 to Calvary to “walk the paths,” as they say. I was delighted. Although it was not very far, it was Mother Superior‟s wish that we should go by boat. That evening Jesus said to me, I want you to stay home. I answered, “Jesus, everything is ready for us to leave tomorrow morning; what am I to do now?” The Lord answered, This trip will be harmful to your soul. I replied to Jesus, “You can find a way out. Arrange things in such a way that Your will may be done.” At that moment the bell announced the time for sleep. I gave Jesus a parting glance and went to my cell.
Next morning the weather was beautiful, and my companion was filled with joy at the prospect of the great pleasure we would have in getting to see everything. But as for me, I was sure we would not go, even though there were no obstacles for far.
We were to receive Holy Communion earlier and leave right after the thanksgiving. But during the time of Communion, all of a sudden, the weather changed. Clouds covered the sky, and the rain came down in torrents. Everyone was astounded at such a sudden change in the weather.
(26) Mother Superior said to me, “I am so sorry you cannot go, Sisters!” I answered, “Dear Mother, it doesn‟t really matter that we cannot go; it was God‟s will that we stay home.” However, no one knew that it was Jesus‟ express desire that I stay home. I spent the whole day in recollection and meditation, thanking the Lord for having kept me home. That day, God granted me many heavenly consolations.
65 One time during the novitiate, when Mother Directress sent me to work in the wards‟ 41
kitchen, I was very upset because I could not manage the pots, which were very large. The most difficult task for me was draining the potatoes, and sometimes, I spilt half of them with the water. When I told this to Mother Directress, she said that with time I would get used to it and gain the necessary skill. Yet the task was not getting any easier, as I was growing weaker every day. So I would move away when it was time to drain the potatoes. The sisters noticed that I avoided this task and were very much surprised. They did not know that I could not help in spite of all my willingness to do this and not spare myself. At noon, during the examination of conscience, I complained to God about my weakness. Then I heard the following words in my soul. From today on you will do this easily; I shall strengthen you.
That evening, when the time came to drain off the water from the potatoes, I hurried to be the first to do it, trusting in the Lord‟s words. I took up the pot with ease and poured off the water perfectly. But when I took off the cover to let the potatoes steam off, I saw there in the pot, in the place of the potatoes, whole bunches of red roses, beautiful beyond description. I had never seen such roses before. Greatly astonished and unable to understand the meaning of this, I heard a voice within me saying, I change such hard work of yours into bouquets of most beautiful flowers, and their perfume rises up to My throne. From then on I have tried to drain the potatoes myself, not only during my week when it was my turn to cook, (27) but also in replacement of other sisters when it was their turn. And not only do I do this, but I try to be the first to help in any other burdensome task, because I have experienced how much this pleases God.
66 O inexhaustible treasure of purity of intention which makes all our actions perfect and so pleasing to God! O Jesus, You know how weak I am; be then ever with me; guide my actions and my whole being. You who are my very best Teacher! Truly, Jesus, I become frightened when I look at my own misery, but at the same time I am reassured by Your unfathomable mercy, which exceeds my misery by the measure of all eternity. This disposition of soul clothes me in Your power. O joy that flows from the knowledge of one‟s self! O unchanging Truth. Your constancy is everlasting!
67 When I fell sick [probably the beginning of consumption] after my first vows and when, despite the kind and solicitous care of my Superiors and the efforts of the doctor, I felt neither better nor worse, remarks began to reach my ears which inferred that I was making believe. With that, my suffering was doubled, and this lasted for quite a long time. One day I complained to Jesus that I was being a burden to the sisters. Jesus answered me. You are not living for yourself but for souls, and other souls will profit from your sufferings. Your prolonged suffering will give them the light and strength to accept My will.
68 The heaviest suffering for me was that it seemed to me that neither my prayers nor my good works were pleasing to God. I did not dare lift up my eyes to heaven. This caused me such great suffering during the community exercises in the chapel that one day Mother Superior [Raphael] called me aside after the exercises and said to me, “Sister, ask God for grace and consolation, because I can see for myself (28) and the sisters keep telling me that the very sight of you evokes pity. I really do not know what to do with you, Sister. I command you to stop tormenting yourself for no reason.”
But all these conferences with Mother Superior brought me no relief, nor did they clarify anything for me. Rather, even greater darkness hid God from me. I looked for help in the confessional but not even there did I find it. A saintly priest wanted to help me, but I was so miserable that I couldn‟t even define my trouble, and that vexed me even more. A deathly sadness penetrated me soul to such an extent that I was unable to hide it, and it was apparent to those around me. I lost hope. The night was growing darker and darker. The priest to whom I went to confession said to me, “I see very special graces in you, Sister, and I am not worried about you at all; why are you torturing yourself in this way?” But at that time I did not understand at all what he was saying and was extremely surprised when, by way of penance, I was ordered to say the Te Deum or the Magnificat, or to run fast around the garden in the evening, or else to laugh out loud ten times a day. These penances were very surprising to me; but even with that the priest was not able to give me much help. Evidently, God wanted me to give Him glory through suffering.
That priest consoled me, saying that in my present situation I was more pleasing to God than if I were filled with the greatest consolations. “It is a very great grace, Sister,” he told, “that in your present condition, with all the torments of soul you are experiencing, you not only do not offend God, but you even try to practice virtues. I am looking into your soul, and I see God‟s great plans and special graces there; and seeing this, I give thanks to the Lord.” But despite all that, my soul was in a state of torture; and in the midst of unspeakable torments, I imitated the blind man who entrusts himself to his guide, holding his hand firmly, not giving up obedience for a single moment, and this was my only safety in this fiery trial.
69 (29) + O Jesus, eternal Truth, strengthen my feeble forces; You can do all things, Lord. I know that without You all my efforts are in vain. O Jesus, do not hide from me, for I cannot live without You. Listen to the cry of my soul, Your mercy has not been exhausted, Lord, so have pity on my misery. Your mercy surpasses the understanding of all Angels and people put together; and so, although it seems to me that You do not hear me, I put my trust in the ocean of Your mercy, and I know that my hope will not be deceived.
70 Only Jesus knows how burdensome and difficult it is to accomplish one‟s duties when the soul is so interiorly tortured, the physical powers so weakened and the mind darkened. In the silence of my heart I kept saying to myself, “O Christ, may delights, honor and glory be Yours, and suffering be mine. I will not lag one step behind as I follow You, though thorns wound my feet.”
71 I was sent for treatment to our house in Plock, and there I had the privilege of decorating the chapel with flowers. That was at Biala.36 Sister Thecla did not always have time for this, so I often decorated the chapel by myself. One day, I had picked the prettiest roses to decorate the room of a certain person. When I was approaching the porch, I saw Jesus standing there. In a kindly way He asked me, My daughter, to whom are you taking these flowers? My silence was my reply to the Lord, because I recognized immediately that I had a very subtle attachment to this person,37 which I had not noticed before. Suddenly Jesus disappeared. At the same moment I threw the flowers on the ground and went before the Blessed Sacrament, my heart filled with gratitude for the grace of knowing myself.
O Divine Sun, in Your rays the soul sees the tiniest specks of dust which displease You.
72 (30) O Jesus, eternal Truth, our Life, I call upon You and I beg Your mercy for poor sinners. O sweetest Heart of my Lord, full of pity and unfathomable mercy, I plead with You for poor sinners. O Most Sacred Heart, Fount of Mercy from which gush forth rays of inconceivable graces upon the entire human race, I beg of You light for poor sinners. O Jesus, be mindful of Your own bitter Passion and do not permit the loss of souls redeemed at so dear a price of Your most precious Blood. O Jesus, when I consider the great price of Your Blood, I rejoice at its immensity, for one drop alone would have been enough for the salvation of all sinners. Although sin is an abyss of wickedness and ingratitude, the price paid for us can never be equalled. Therefore, let every soul trust in the Passion of the Lord, and place its hope in His mercy. God will not deny His mercy to anyone. Heaven and earth may change, but God‟s mercy will never be exhausted. Oh, what immense joy burns in my heart when I contemplate Your incomprehensible goodness, O Jesus! I desire to bring all sinners to Your feet that they may glorify Your mercy throughout endless ages.
73 O my Jesus, despite the deep night that is all around me and the dark clouds which hide the horizon, I know that the sun never goes out. O Lord, though I cannot comprehend You and do not understand Your ways, I nonetheless trust in Your mercy. If it is Your will, Lord, that I live always in such darkness, may You be blessed. I ask You only one thing, Jesus: do not allow me to offend You in any way. O my Jesus, You alone know the longings and the sufferings of my heart. I am glad I can suffer for You, however little. When I feel that the suffering is more than I can bear, I take refuge in the Lord in the Blessed Sacrament, and I speak to Him with profound silence.
(31) The Confession of One of Our Wards.
74 One day I felt driven to take steps to see to it that the Feast of Mercy be instituted and the image of the Merciful Jesus be painted, and I could find no peace. Something was pervading my whole being, and yet I feared being deluded. However, these doubts always came from outside, because in the depths of my soul I felt it was the Lord who was penetrating my being. The priest to whom I was going to confession at that time told me that one can often have illusions, and I felt that he was somewhat afraid to hear my confession. This was a torture for me. Seeing that I was getting very little help from people, I turned all the more to Jesus, the best of all teachers. At one time, when I was filled with doubts as to whether the voice I heard came from the Lord or not, I began to speak to Jesus interiorly without forming any words. Suddenly an inner force took hold of me and I said, “If You who commune with me and talk to me are truly my God, I beg You, O Lord, to make this ward go this very day to confession; this sign will give me reassurance.” At that very moment, the girl asked to go to confession.
75 But these doubts always come from without, a fact which inclined me to close myself up more and more within myself. When, during confession, I sense uncertainty on the part of the priest, I do not open my soul to its depths, but only accuse myself of my sins. A priest who is not at peace with himself will not be able to inspire peace in another soul.
O priests, you bright candles enlightening human souls, let your brightness never be dimmed. I understood that at that time it was not God‟s will that I uncover my soul completely. Later on, God did give me this grace. 44
76 (32) O my Jesus, direct my mind, take possession of my whole being, enclose me in the depths of Your Heart, and protect me against the assaults of the enemy. My only hope is in You. Speak through my mouth when I, wretchedness itself, find myself with the mighty and wise, so that they will know that this undertaking is Yours and comes from You.
Darkness and Temptations
77 My mind became dimmed in a strange way; no truth seemed clear to me. When people spoke to me about God, my heart was like a rock. I could not draw from it a single sentiment of love for Him. When I tried, by an act of the will, to remain close to Him, I experienced great torments, and it seemed to me that I was only provoking God to an even greater anger. It was absolutely impossible for me to meditate as I had been accustomed to do in the past. I felt in my soul a great void, and there was nothing with which I could fill it. I began to suffer from a great hunger and yearning for God, but I saw my utter powerlessness. I tried to read slowly, sentence by sentence, and to meditate in this way, but this also was of no avail. I understood nothing of what I had read.
The abyss of my misery was constantly before my eyes. Every time I entered the chapel for some spiritual exercise, I experienced even worse torments and temptations. More than once, all through Holy Mass, I had to struggle against blasphemous thoughts which were forcing themselves to my lips. I felt an aversion for the Holy Sacraments, and it seemed to me that I was not profiting from them in any way. It was only out of obedience to my confessor that I frequented them, and this blind obedience was for me the only path I could follow and my very last hope of survival. The priest explained to me that these were trials sent by God and that, in the situation I was in, not only was I not offending God, but I was most pleasing to Him. (33) “This is a sign,” he told me, “that God loves you very much and that He has great confidence in you, since He is sending you such trials.” But these words brought me no comfort; it seemed to me that they did not apply to me at all.
One thing did surprise me: it often happened that, at the time when I was suffering greatly, these terrible torments would disappear suddenly just as I was approaching the confessional; but as soon as I had left the confessional, all these torments would again seize me with even great ferocity. I would then fall on my face before the Blessed Sacrament repeating these words: “Even if You kill me, still will I trust in You!” [cf. Job 13:15] It seemed to me that I would die in these agonies. But the most terrible thought for me was the conviction that I had been rejected by god. Then other thoughts came to me: why strive to acquire virtues and do good works? Why mortify and annihilate yourself? What good is it to take vows? To pray? To sacrifice and immolate yourself? Why sacrifice myself all the time? What good is it – if I am already rejected by God? Why all these efforts? And here, God alone knew what was going on in my heart.
78 Once when I was being crushed by these dreadful sufferings, I went into the chapel and said from the bottom of my soul, “Do what You will with me, O Jesus, I will adore You in everything. May Your will be done in me, O my Lord and my God, and I will praise Your infinite mercy.” Through this act of submission, these terrible torments left me. Suddenly I saw Jesus, who said to me, I am always in your heart. An inconceivable
joy entered my soul, and a great love of God set my heart aflame. I see that God never tries us beyond what we are able to suffer. Oh, I fear nothing; if god sends such great suffering to a soul. He upholds it with an even greater grace, although we are not aware of it. One act of trust at such moments give greater glory to God than whole hours passed in prayer filled with consolations. Now I see that if God wants to keep a soul in darkness, no book, no confessor can bring it light.
79 (34) O Mary, my Mother and my Lady, I offer You my soul, my body, my life and my death, and all that will follow it. I place everything in Your hands. O my Mother, cover my soul with Your virginal mantle and grant me the grace of purity of heart, soul and body. Defend me with Your power against all enemies, and especially against those who hide their malice behind the mask of virtue. O lovely lily! You are for me a mirror, O my Mother!
80 O Jesus, Divine Prisoner of Love, when I consider Your love and how You emptied Yourself for me, my senses fail me. You hide Your inconceivable majesty and lower Yourself to miserable me. O King of Glory, through You hide Your beauty, yet the eye of my soul rends the veil. I see the angelic choirs giving You honor without cease, and all the heavenly Powers praising You without cease, and without cease they are saying: Holy, Holy, Holy.
Oh, who will comprehend Your love and Your unfathomable mercy toward us! O Prisoner of Love, I lock up my poor heart in this tabernacle, that it may adore You without cease night and day. I know of no obstacle in this adoration, and even though I be physically distant, my heart is always with You. Nothing can put a stop to my love for You. No obstacles exist for me. O my Jesus, I will console You for all the ingratitude, the blasphemies, the coldness, the hatred of the wicked, the sacrileges. O Jesus, I want to burn as a pure offering and to be consumed before the throne of Your hiddenness. I plead with You unceasingly for poor dying sinners.
81 O Holy Trinity, One and Indivisible God, may You be blessed for this great gift and testament of mercy. My Jesus, to atone for blasphemers I will keep silent when unjustly reprimanded and in this way make partial amends to You. I am singing within my soul an unending hymn to You, and no one will suspect or understand this. The song of my soul is known to You alone, O my Creator and Lord!
82 (35) I will not allow myself to be so absorbed in the whirlwind of work as to forget about God. I will spend all me free moments at the feet of the Master hidden in the Blessed Sacrament. He has been tutoring me from my most tender years.
83 Write this: before I come as the Just Judge, I am coming first as the King of Mercy. Before the day of justice arrives, there will be given to people a sign in the heavens of this sort:
All light in the heavens will be extinguished, and there will be great darkness over the whole earth. Then the sign of the cross will be seen in the sky, and from the openings where the hands and the feet of the Savior were nailed will come forth great lights which will light up the earth for a period of time. This will take place shortly before the last day. 46
84 O Blood and Water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fount of mercy for us, I trust in You!
Vilnius, August 2, 1934.
85 On Friday, after Holy Communion, I was carried in spirit before the throne of God. There I saw the heavenly Powers which incessantly praise God. Beyond the throne I saw a brightness inaccessible to creatures, and there only the Incarnate Word enters as Mediator. When Jesus entered this light, I heard these words, Write down at once what you hear: I am the Lord in My essence and am immune to orders or needs. If I call creatures into being – that is the abyss of My mercy. And at that very moment I found myself, as before, in our chapel at my kneeler, just as Mass had ended. I already had these words written.
86 + [Once] when I saw how much my confessor [probably Father Sopocko] was to suffer because of this work which God was going to carry out through him, fear seized me for the moment, and I said to the Lord, “Jesus, this is Your affair, so why are You acting this way (36) toward him? It seems to me that you are making difficulties for him while at the same time ordering him to act.”
Vilnius, October 26, 1934
87 On Friday at ten minutes to six, when I and some of our wards38 were coming in from the garden to supper, I saw the Lord Jesus above our chapel, looking just as He did the first time I saw Him and just as He is painted in the image. The two rays which emanated from the Heart of Jesus covered our chapel and the infirmary, and then the whole city, and spread out over the whole world. This lasted about four minutes and disappeared. One of the girls, who was walking with me a little behind the others, also saw these rays, but she did not see Jesus, and she did not know from where these rays were emanating. She was overwhelmed and told the other girls. They began to laugh at her, suggesting that she was imagining things or that perhaps it was light reflected by a passing airplane. But she persisted in her conviction, saying that never had she seen such rays before. When the others suggested that it might have been a searchlight, she replied that she knew very well what a searchlight was like, but never had she seen rays such as these.
After supper the girl approached me and told me she had been so moved by these rays that she could not keep silent, but wanted to tell everyone about them. Yet she had not seen Jesus. She kept telling me about these rays, and this put me in an awkward situation, as I could not tell her that I had seen the Lord Jesus. I prayed for her, asking the Lord to give her those graces of which she had such need. My heart rejoiced in the fact that Jesus takes the initiative to make Himself known, even though the occasion of such action on His part causes me annoyance. For Jesus, one car bear anything.
88 (37) + During adoration I felt God close to me. A moment later I saw Jesus and Mary. At the sight of them I was filled with joy, and asked the Lord, “What is Your will, Jesus, concerning the matter about which my confessor told me to ask You?” Jesus replied, It is My will that he should remain here and that he should not take the initiative of dispensing himself. I asked Jesus whether the inscription could be: “Christ, King of Mercy.” He answered, I am King of Mercy, but He did not say “Christ.” I desire that this image be displayed in public on the first Sunday after Easter. That Sunday is 47
the Feast of Mercy. Through the Word Incarnate, I make known the bottomless depth of My mercy.
89 + Strangely, all things came about just as the Lord had requested. In fact, it was on the first Sunday after Easter [April, 1935] that the image was publicly honored by crowds of people for the first time. For three days it was exposed and received public veneration. Since it was placed at the very top of a window at Ostra Brama [Shrine of Our Lady, above the “Eastern Gate” to the city of Vilnius], it could be seen from a great distance. At Ostra Brama, during these three days, the closing of the Jubilee of the Redemption of the world was being celebrated, marking the nineteen hundred years that have passed since the Passion of our Savior. I see now that the work of Redemption is bound up with the work of mercy requested by the Lord.
90 One day, I saw interiorly how much my confessor would have to suffer: friends will desert you while everyone will rise up against you and your physical strength will diminish. I saw you as a bunch of grapes chosen by the Lord and thrown into the press of suffering. Your soul, Father, will at times be filled with doubts about this work and about me.
I saw that God himself seemed to be opposing [him], and I asked the Lord why He was acting in this way toward him, as though He were placing obstacles in the way of his doing what He himself had asked him to do. And the Lord said, I am acting thus with him to give testimony that this work is Mine. Tell him (38) not to fear anything; My gaze is on him day and night. There will be as many crowns to form his crown as there will be souls saved by this work. It is not for the success of a work, but for the suffering that I give reward.
91 O my Jesus, You alone know what persecutions I suffer, and this only because I am being faithful to You and following Your orders. You are my strength; sustain me that I may always carry out what You ask of me. Of myself I can do nothing, but when You sustain me, all difficulties are nothing for me. O my Lord, I can see very well that from the time when my soul first received the capacity to know You, my life has been a continual struggle which has become increasingly intense.
Every morning during meditation, I prepare myself for the whole day‟s struggle. Holy Communion assures me that I will win the victory; and so it is. I fear the day when I do not receive Holy Communion. This Bread of the Strong gives me all the strength I need to carry on my mission and the courage to do whatever the Lord asks of me. The courage and strength that are in me are not of me, but of Him who lives in me – it is the Eucharist.
O my Jesus, the misunderstandings are so great; sometimes, were it not for the Eucharist, I would not have the courage to go any further along the way You have marked out for me.
92 Humiliation is my daily food. I understand that the bride must herself share in everything that is the groom‟s; and so His cloak of mockery must cover me, too. At those times when I suffer much, I try to remain silent, as I do not trust my tongue which, at such moments, is inclined to talk for itself, while its duty is to help me praise God for all the blessings and gifts which He has given me. When I receive Jesus in Holy Communion, I ask Him fervently to deign to heal my tongue so that I would offend neither God nor
neighbor by it. I want my tongue to praise God without cease. Great are the faults committed by the tongue. The soul will not attain sanctity if it does not keep watch over its tongue.
93 (39) + A Short Version of the Catechism of the Vows39.
Q. What is a vow?
A. A vow is a voluntary promise made to God, to carry out a more perfect act.
Q. Is a vow binding in a matter which is the object of a commandment?
A. Yes. The carrying out of an act which is the object of a commandment has a double value and merit; and the neglect of such an act is a double transgression and evil, because by breaking such a vow we add to the sin against the commandment, the sin of sacrilege.
Q. Why do religious vows have such value?
A. Because they are the foundation of the religious life approved by the Church, in which the members bound together in a religious community undertake to strive always for perfection by means of the three religious vows of poverty, chastity and obedience, observed according to the rules.
Q. What is the meaning of the words, “strive for perfection?”
A. To strive for perfection means that the religious life does not in itself demand that perfection be already attained, but obliges, under the pain of sin, that we work daily to attain it. Therefore, a religious who does not want to become perfect neglects his principal duty of state.
Q. What are “solemn” religious vows?
A. “Solemn” religious vows are so absolute that, in extraordinary cases, only the Holy Father can dispense from them.
Q. What are simple religious vows?
A. These are vows which are less absolute – the Holy See dispenses from perpetual and annual vows.
(40) Q. What is the difference between a vow and a virtue?
A. A vow pertains only to that which is commanded under pain of sin; the virtue goes beyond this and helps in the carrying out of the vow; on the other hand, by breaking the vow we fail in the virtue and do it damage.
Q. To what do the religious vows oblige us?
A. The religious vows oblige us to strive to acquire the virtues and to submit ourselves completely to our Superiors and to the Rules which are in force; thus, the religious gives his own person to the Community, renouncing every right over himself and his actions, which he sacrifices to the service of God.
The Vow of Poverty 49
The vow of poverty is the voluntary renunciation of the right over property or to the use of such property with the purpose of pleasing God.
Q. What objects does the vow of poverty concern?
A. All those goods and those objects which appertain to the Community. We have no longer any right over anything that has been given to us, once it has been accepted, whether an article or money. All these donations and presents, which may have been given us out of gratitude or in any other way, belong by right to the Community. We cannot make use, without violating the vow, of any wages we may receive for work or even any annuity.
Q. When do we break or violate the vow in a matter which entails the seventh commandment?
A. We break or violate it when, without permission, we take for ourselves anything that belongs to the house; when, without permission, we retain something on order to appropriate it; and when, without authorization, we sell or exchange something that belongs to the Community. When we make use of an object for some other purpose than that intended by the Superior. When we give to, or accept from another, anything whatsoever without permission. When, by negligence, we destroy or damage something. When, in going from one house to another, we take something with us without permission. In a situation where the vow is broken, the religious (41) is bound to restitution to the Community.
The Virtue of Poverty
This is an evangelical virtue which impels the heart to detach itself from temporal things; the religious, in virtue of his profession is strictly obliged to it.
Q. When do we sin against the virtue of poverty?
A. When we desire something, contrary to this virtue. When we become attached to something, and when we make use of superfluous things.
Q. How many degrees of poverty are there and what are they?
A. There are, in practice, four degrees of poverty for one who is a professed religious; to dispose of nothing without the consent of the Superiors (the strict matter of the vow); to avoid superfluities and be content with necessities (this pertains to the virtue); to readily content oneself with things of inferior quality in what concerns one‟s cell, clothing, nourishment, etc., and to experience this contentment interiorly; to rejoice in extreme poverty.
The Vow of Chastity
Q. To what does this vow oblige us?
A. To renounce marriage and to avoid everything that is forbidden by the sixth and ninth commandments.
Q. Is a fault against the virtue a violation of the vow?
A. Every fault against the virtue is at the same time a violation of the vow, because here there is no difference as in the case of poverty and obedience, between the vow and the virtue. (42) 50
Q. Is every bad thought a sin?
A No, every bad thought is not a sin; it becomes so only when the acquiescence of the will and consent are joined to the consideration of the mind.
Q. Is there anything, over and above sins against chastity, which is detrimental to the virtue?
A. Lack of custody of the senses, of the imagination, of the feelings; familiarity and sentimental friendships are detrimental to the virtue.
Q. What are the means by which this virtue may be preserved?
A. To conquer interior temptations with the thought of the presence of God, and moreover to fight without fear. And for exterior temptations, to avoid occasions. There are, in all, seven principal means: to guard the senses, to avoid occasions, to avoid idleness, to remove temptations promptly, to remove oneself from all – and especially particular friendships, the spirit of mortification, and to reveal all these temptations to one‟s confessor.
Besides this, there are also five means of preserving this virtue: humility, the spirit of prayer, modesty of the eyes, fidelity to the rule, a sincere devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary.
The Vow of Obedience
The vow of obedience is superior to the first two. It is, to tell the truth, a holocaust, and it is more necessary because it forms and animates the monastic body.
Q. To what does the vow of obedience oblige us?
A. By the vow of obedience, the religious promises to God to be obedient to his legitimate superiors in everything that they will ordain in virtue of the rule. The vow of obedience makes the religious dependent on his superior in virtue of these rules for his whole life and in all his affairs. A religious commits a grave sin against the vow every time he disobeys and order given (43) in virtue of obedience and of these rules.
The virtue of obedience goes further than the vow; it embraces the rules, the regulations and even the counsels of the superiors.
Q. Is the virtue of obedience indispensable for a religious?
A. The virtue of obedience is so indispensable to a religious that, even if he were to perform good actions contrary to obedience, these would be evil and without merit.
Q. Can we sin gravely against the virtue of obedience?
A. We sin gravely when we scorn the authority or the order of the superior, or when spiritual or temporal harm to the community results from our disobedience.
Q. What faults endanger the vow?
A. To be prejudiced against the superior, or to harbor an antipathy for him – murmuring and criticism, tardiness and negligence.
The Degrees of Obedience 51
Prompt and complete fulfillment – the obedience of the will, when the will persuades the intellect to submit to the advice of the superior. To facilitate obedience, Saint Ignatius suggests, moreover, three means: always to see God in our superior, whoever he might be; to justify in itself the order or advice of the superior; to accept each order as an order from God, without examining it or reflecting on it. General means: humility. Nothing is difficult for the humble.
94 (44) O my Lord, inflame my heart with love for You, that my spirit may not grow weary amidst the storms, the sufferings and the trials. You see how weak I am. Love can do all.
95 + A Deeper Knowledge of God and the Terror of the Soul.
In the beginning, God lets himself be known as Holiness, Justice, Goodness – that is to say, Mercy. The soul does not come to know this all at once, but piecemeal, in flashes; that is to say, when God draws near. And this does not last for long because the soul could not bear such light. During prayer the soul experiences flashes of this light which make it impossible to pray as before. Try as it may to force itself to pray as it did before, all is in vain; it becomes completely impossible for it to continue to pray as it did before it received this light. This light which has touched the soul is alive within it, and nothing can either quench or diminish it. This flash of the knowledge of God draws the soul and enkindles its love for Him.
But this same flash, at the same time, allows the soul to know itself as it is; the soul sees its whole interior in a superior light, and it rises up alarmed and terrified. Still, it does not remain under the effects of terror, but it begins to purify itself, to humble and abase itself before the Lord. These lights become stronger and more frequent; the more the soul is crystallized, t5he more these lights penetrate it. However, if the soul has responded faithfully and courageously to these first graces, God fills it with His consolations and gives himself to it in a perceptible manner. At certain moments, the soul, as it were, enters into intimacy with God and greatly rejoices in this; it believes that it has already reached the degree of perfection destined for it, because its defects and faults are asleep within it, and this makes it think that they no longer exist. Nothing seems difficult for it; it is ready for everything. It begins to plunge itself into God and taste the divine delights. It is carried along by grace and does not take account of the fact that the time of trial and testing may come. And, in fact, this state does not last long. Other moments will soon come. I should add here, however, that the soul will respond more faithfully to divine grace if it has a well-informed confessor to whom it can confide everything.
96 (45) + Trials sent by God to a soul which is particularly loved by Him. Temptations and darkness; Satan.
The soul‟s love [for God] is still not such as God would have it. The soul suddenly loses the tangible perception of God‟s presence. Various defects and imperfections rise up within it, and it must fight them furiously. All her faults lift up their heads, but the soul‟s vigilance is great. The former awareness of the presence of God gives place to coldness and spiritual dryness; the soul has no taste for spiritual exercises; it cannot pray, either in the old way, or in the manner in which it had just begun to pray. It struggles this way and that, but can find no satisfaction. God has hidden himself from it, and it can find no consolation in creatures, nor can any of these creatures find a way of consoling it. The soul craves passionately for God, but sees its own misery; it begins to sense God‟s 52
justice; it seems to it that it has lost all the gifts that God had given it; its mind is dimmed, and darkness fills it; unspeakable torment begins. The soul tries to explain its state to the confessor, but it is not understood and is assailed by an even greater unrest. Satan begins his work.
97 Faith staggers under the impact; the struggle is fierce. The soul tries hard to cling to God by an act of will. With God‟s permission, Satan goes even further: hope and love are put to the test. These temptations are terrible. God supports the soul in secret, so to speak. The soul is not aware of this, but otherwise it would be impossible to stand firm, and god knows very well how much He can allow to befall a soul. The soul is tempted to unbelief in respect to revealed truths and to insincerity toward the confessor. Satan says to it, “Look, no one understands you; why speak about all this?” Words that terrify it sound in its ears, and it seems to the soul that it is uttering these against God. It sees what it does not want to see. It hears what it does not want to hear. And, oh, it is a terrible thing at times like these not to have an experienced confessor! The soul carries the whole burden alone. However, one should make very effort to find, if it is all possible a well-informed confessor, for the soul can collapse under the burden and come to the very edge of the precipice. (46) All these trials are heavy and difficult. God does not send them to a soul which has not already been admitted to a deeper intimacy with Him and which has not yet tasted the divine delights. Besides, in this God has His own plans, which for us are impenetrable. God often prepares a soul in this way for His future designs and great works. He wants to try it as pure gold is tried. But this is not yet the end of the testing; there is still the trial of trials, the complete abandonment of the soul by God.
+ The Trial of Trials,
Complete Abandonment – Despair
98 When the soul comes out victorious from the preceding trials, even though it may stumble here and there, it fights on valiantly, humbly calling upon God, “Save me, I am perishing!” And it is still able to fight on.
At this point, however, the soul is engulfed in a horrible night. It sees within itself only sin. It feels terrible. It sees itself completely abandoned by God. It feels itself to be the object of His hatred. It is but one step away from despair. The soul does its best to defend itself; it tries to stir up its confidence; but prayer is an even greater torment for it, as this prayer seems to arouse God to an even greater anger. The soul finds itself poised on the summit of a lofty mountain on the very brink of a precipice.
The soul is drawn to God, but feels repulsed. All other sufferings and tortures in the world are as nothing compared with this sensation into which it has been plunged; namely, that of being rejected by God. No one can bring it any relief; it finds itself completely alone; there is no one to defend it. It raises its eyes to heaven, but is convinced that this is not for her – for her all is lost. It falls deeper and deeper from darkness to darkness, and it seems to it that it has lost forever the God it used to love so dearly. This thought is torture beyond all description. But the soul does not agree to it and tries to lift its gaze toward heaven, but in vain! And this makes the torture even more intense.
(47) If God wishes to keep the soul in such darkness, no one will be able to give it light. It experiences rejection by God in a vivid and terrifying manner. From its heart burst forth painful moans, so painful that no priest will comprehend it, unless he himself has been 53
through these trials. In the midst of this, the evil spirit adds to the soul‟s suffering, mocking it: “Will you persist in your faithfulness? This is your reward; you are in our power!” But Satan has only as much influence over the soul as God allows him, and God knows how much we can bear. “What have you gotten out of your mortifications,” says Satan, “and out of your fidelity to the rule? What use are all these efforts? You have been rejected by God!” This word, rejected, becomes a fire which penetrates every nerve to the marrow of the bone. It pierces right through her entire being. The ordeal reaches its climax. The soul no longer looks for help anywhere. It shrinks into itself and loses sight of everything; it is as though it has accepted the torture of being abandoned. This is a moment for which I have no words. This is the agony of the soul.
99 When for the first time this moment was drawing near, I was snatched from it by virtue of holy obedience. The Directress of Novices, alarmed by me appearance, sent me off to confession, but the confessor did not understand me, and I experienced no relief whatsoever. O Jesus, give us experienced priests!
When I told this priest I was undergoing infernal tortures, he answered that he was not worried about my soul, because he saw in it a great grace of God. But I understood nothing of this, and not even the least glimmer of light broke through to my soul.
100 Then my physical strength began to fail me, and I could no longer carry out my duties. Nor could I any longer hide my sufferings. Although I did not say a word about them, the look of pain on my face betrayed me. The Superior told me that the sisters had come to her saying that, when they look at me in the chapel, they are moved to pity because I look so terrible. Yet, despite all efforts, the soul is unable to conceal such suffering.

101 Jesus, You alone know how the soul, engulfed in darkness, moans in the midst of these torments and, despite all this, thirsts for God as burning lips thirst for water. It dies and withers; it dies a death without death; that is to say, it cannot die. All its efforts come to nothing; it is under a powerful hand. (48) Now the soul comes under the power of the Just One. Al exterior temptations cease; all that surrounds it becomes silent, like a dying person who loses contact with everything ar9ound it; the person‟s entire soul is in the hand of the Just God, the Thrice-Holy God, - rejected for all eternity! This is the culminating moment, and God alone can test a soul in this way, because He alone knows that the soul can endure.
When the soul has been saturated through and through by this infernal fire, it is, as it were, cast headlong into great despair. My soul experienced this moment when I was all alone in my cell. When my soul began to sink into this despair, I felt that the end was near. But I seized my little crucifix and clutched it tightly in my hand. And now I felt my body separate itself from my soul; and though I wanted to go to my Superiors, I no longer had the physical strength. I uttered my last words: “I trust in Your Mercy!” – and it seemed to me that I provoked God to an even greater anger. And now I was drowned in despair, and all that was left me was a moan of unadulterated pain which, from time to time, tore itself from my soul. The soul is in agony – and it seemed to me that I would remain in this state, because by my own strength I could not emerge from it. Every recollection of God opened up an unspeakable ocean of suffering, and yet despite this there is something within the soul which is drawn to Him, through it seems to her for this only – that she suffers more. The memory of the love with which God formerly 54
surrounded it is still another kind of suffering. His gaze pierces it, and everything within the soul is burned by this gaze.
102 After some time, one of the sisters came into the cell and found me almost dead. She was frightened and went to find the Directress of Novices who, in the name of holy obedience ordered me to get up from the ground. My strength returned immediately, and I got up, trembling. The Directress recognized immediately the state of my soul and spoke to me about the inscrutable mercy of God, saying, “Do not be distressed about anything, Sister. I command this of you in virtue of obedience.” Then she said to me, “I see now, Sister, that God is calling you to a high degree of holiness; the Lord wants to draw you very close to Himself since He has allowed these things to happen to you so soon. Be faithful to God, Sister, because this is a sign that He wants you to have a high place in heaven.” However, I did not understand anything of these words. (49) When I went into the chapel, I felt as though my soul had been set free from everything, as though I had just come forth from the hand of God. I perceived the inviolability of my soul; I felt that I was a tiny child.
103 Suddenly I saw the Lord interiorly, and He said to me, Fear not, My daughter; I am with you. In that single moment, all the darkness and torments vanished, my senses were inundated with unspeakable joy, [and] the faculties of my soul filled with light.
104 I want to add that, although my soul was already in the rays of His love, traces of my past tortures remained on my body for two days: a deathly pale face and bloodshot eyes. Jesus alone knows what I suffered. What I have written is very poor compared to the reality. I cannot put it in words; it seemed to me that I had come back from the other world. I feel an aversion for everything that is created; I snuggle to the heart of God like a baby to its mother‟s breast. I see everything differently now. I am conscious of what the Lord, by one single word, has done in my soul, and I live by it. I shudder at the recollection of this past torture. I would not have believed that one could suffer so, if I had not gone through it myself. This is a completely spiritual suffering.
105 However, in all these sufferings and struggles, I was not omitting Holy Communion. When it seemed to me that I should not communicate, I went, before Holy Communion, to the Directress and told her that I could not approach the Sacrament, because it seemed to me that I should not do so. But she would not permit me to omit Holy Communion, so I went, and I understand now that it was only obedience that saved me.
The Directress herself told me later that my trials had passed quickly, “and this solely because you were obedient, Sister; and it was through the power of obedience that you struggled through this so bravely.” It is true that it was the Lord Himself who brought me out of this torment, but my fidelity to obedience did please Him.
106 Though these are frightening things, the soul should not be too fearful, because God will never test us beyond what we are able to bear. On the other hand, He may never send us such sufferings, but I write this because, if it pleases the Lord to let a soul pass (50) through such sufferings, it should not be afraid but, insofar as this depends on the soul itself, it should remain faithful to God. God will do a soul no harm, because He is Love itself, and in this unfathomable love has called it into being. However, when I was so tormented, I myself did not understand this.
107 O my God, I have come to know that I am not of this earth; You, O Lord, have poured this profound awareness into my soul. My communion is more with heaven than with earth, though I in no way neglect my duties.
108 During those times, I had no spiritual director; I was without any kind of guidance whatever. I begged the Lord, but He did not give me a director. Jesus Himself has been my Master from the days of my infancy up to the present moment. He accompanied me across all the deserts and through all dangers. I see clearly that God alone could have led me through such great perils unharmed, with my soul untarnished and passing victoriously through all difficulties, immense though they were. Going out [….] Later on, the Lord did give me a director.
109 After such sufferings the soul finds itself in a state of great purity of spirit and very close to God. But I should add that during these spiritual torments it is close to God, but it is blind. The soul‟s vision is plunged into darkness, and though God is nearer than ever to the soul which is suffering, the whole secret consists in the fact that it knows nothing of this. The soul in fact declares that, not only has God abandoned it, but it is the object of His hatred. How grave is the malady of the eyes of the soul which, struck by divine light, claims that there is no light, whereas, it is so intense that it blinds her. Yet despite all, I learned later that God is closer to a soul at such moments than at others, because it would not be able to endure these trials with the help of ordinary grace alone. God‟s omnipotence and an extraordinary grace must be active here, for otherwise the soul would succumb at the first blow.
110 O Divine Master, what happens in my soul is Your work alone! You, O Lord, are not afraid to place the soul on the edge of a terrible precipice where it stands, alarmed and filled with fright, and then You call it back again to Yourself. These are Your imponderable mysteries.
111 (51) When, in the midst of these interior torments, I tried to accuse myself in confession of the smallest trifles, the priest was surprised that I had not committed graver faults, and he said to me, “If you are as faithful as this to God during these sufferings, this in itself is evidence to me that God is sustaining you, Sister, with a special grace, and it is a good thing that you do not understand this.” It is a strange thing, nevertheless, that confessors could neither understand me nor set my mind at peace concerning these matters, until I met Father Andrasz and, later on, Father Sopocko.
112 + A few words about confession and confessors. I shall speak only of what I have experienced and gone through within my own soul. There are three things which hinder the soul from drawing profit from confession in these exceptional moments.
The first thing: when the confessor has little knowledge of extraordinary ways and shows surprise if a soul discloses to him the great mysteries worked in it by God. Such surprise frightens a sensitive soul, and it notices that the confessor hesitates to give his opinion; and if it does notice this, it will not be set at peace, but will have even more doubts after confession than before, because it will sense that the confessor is trying to set it at peace while he himself is uncertain. Or else, as has happened to me, a confessor, unable to penetrate some of the soul‟s mysteries, refuses to hear the confession, showing a certain fear when the soul approaches the confessional. 56
How can a soul in this state obtain peace in the confessional when it has become so oversensitive to every word of the priest? In my opinion, at times of such special trials sent by god to a soul, the priest, if he does not understand the soul, should direct it to some other experienced and well-instructed confessor. Or else he himself should seek light in order to give the soul what it needs, instead of downrightly denying it confession. For in this way he is exposing the soul to a great danger; and more than one soul may well leave the road along which God wanted it to journey. This is a matter of great importance, for I have experienced it myself. I myself began to waver; despite special gifts from God, and even though God Himself reassured me, I have nevertheless always wanted to have the Church‟s seal as well.
(52) The second thing: the confessor does not allow the soul to express itself frankly, and shows impatience. The soul then falls silent and does not say everything [it has to say] and, by this, profits nothing. It profits even less when the confessor, without really knowing the soul, proceeds to put it to the test. Instead of helping the soul, he does it harm. The soul is aware that the confessor does not know it, because he did not allow it to lay itself open fully as regards both its graces and its misery. And so the test is ill-adapted. I have been submitted to some tests at which I have had to laugh.
I will express this better thus: The confessor is the doctor of the soul, but how can a doctor prescribe a suitable remedy if he does not know the nature of the sickness? Never will he be able to do so. For either the remedy will not produce the desired effect, or else it will be too strong and will aggravate the illness, and sometimes – God forbid – even bring about death. I am speaking from my own experience because, in certain instances, it was the Lord himself who directly sustained me.
The third thing: it also happens sometimes that the confessor makes light of little things. There is nothing little in the spiritual life. Sometimes a seemingly insignificant thing will disclose a matter of great consequence and will be for the confessor a beam of light which helps him to get to know the soul. Many spiritual undertones are concealed in little things.
A magnificent building will never rise if we reject the insignificant bricks. God demands great purity of certain souls, and so He gives them a deeper knowledge of their own misery. Illuminated by light from on high, the soul can better know what pleases God and what does not. Sin depends upon de degree of knowledge and light that exists within the soul. The same is true of imperfections. Although the soul knows that it is only sin in the strict sense of the term which pertains to the sacrament of penance, yet these petty things are of great importance to a soul which is tending to sanctity, and the confessor must not treat them lightly. The patience and kindness of the confessor open the way to the innermost secrets of the soul. The soul, unconsciously as it were, reveals its abysmal depth and feels stronger and more resistant; it fights with greater courage and tries to do things better because it knows it must vie an account of them.
(53) I will mention one more thing regarding the confessor. It is his duty to occasionally put to the test, to try, to exercise, to learn whether he is dealing with straw, with iron or with pure gold. Each of these three types of souls needs different kinds of training. The confessor must – and this is absolutely necessary – form a clear judgment of each soul in order to know how heavy a burden it can carry at certain times, in certain circumstances, or in particular situations. As for myself, it was only later on, after many [negative] experiences, that, when I saw that I was not understood; I no longer laid bare my soul or
allowed my peace to be disturbed. But this happened only when all these graces had already been submitted to the judgment of a wise, well-instructed and experienced confessor. Now I know what to go by in certain cases.
113 And again, I would like to say three words to the soul that is determined to strive for sanctity and to derive fruit; that is to say, benefit from confession.
First [word] – complete sincerity and openness. Even the holiest and wisest confessor cannot forcibly pour into the soul what he desires if it is not sincere and open. An insincere, secretive soul risks great dangers in the spiritual life, and even the Lord Jesus Himself does not give Himself to such a soul on a higher level, because He knows it would derive no benefit from these special graces.
Second word – humility. A soul does not benefit as it should from the sacrament of confession if it is not humble. Pride keeps it in darkness. The soul neither knows how, nor is it willing, to probe with precision the depths of its own misery. It puts on a mask and avoids everything that might bring it recovery.
Third word – obedience. A disobedient soul will win no victory, even if the Lord Jesus himself, in person, were to hear its confession. The most experienced confessor will be of no help whatsoever to such a soul. The disobedient soul exposes itself to great misfortunes; it will make no progress toward perfection, nor will it succeed in the spiritual life. God lavishes His graces most generously upon the soul, but it must be an obedient soul.
114 (54) + Oh, how pleasing are the hymns flowing from a suffering soul! All heaven delights in such a soul, especially when it is tested by God. It mournfully sings out its longing for Him. Great is its beauty, because it comes from God. The soul walks through the jungle of life, wounded by God‟s love. With one foot only it touches the ground.
115 + When a soul has come out of these tribulations, it is deeply humble. Its purity of soul is great. It knows better without need of reflecting, as it were, what it ought to do at a given moment and what to forbear. It feels the lightest touch of grace and is very faithful to God. It recognizes God from afar and continuously rejoices in Him. It discovers God very quickly in other souls and in its environment in general. The soul has been purified by God Himself. God, as Pure Spirit, introduces the soul to a life which is purely spiritual. God Himself has first prepared and purified the soul; that is, He has made it capable of close communion with Himself. The soul, in a state of loving repose, communes spiritually with the Lord. It speaks to God without the need of expressing itself through the senses. God fills it with his light.
The enlightened mind sees clearly and distinguishes the various degrees of the spiritual life. It recognizes [that state] when its union with God was imperfect: where the senses were involved, and the spirit was linked with the senses in a manner – exalted and special, to be sure – but not yet perfect. There is a higher and more perfect union with God; namely, intellectual union. Here, the soul is safer from illusions; its spirituality is purer and more profound. In a life where the senses are involved, there is more danger of illusion. Both for the soul and for its confessor, prudence must play a greater part. There are moments when God introduces the soul to a purely spiritual state. The senses dim and are seemingly dead. The soul is most closely united to God; it is immersed in the 58
Deity; its knowledge is complete and perfect, not sporadic as before, but total and absolute. It rejoices in this. But I want to say more about those moments of trial; at those times the confessor must have patience with such a soul. But the soul must have even greater patience with itself.
116 (55) My Jesus, You know what my soul goes through at the recollection of these sufferings. I have often marveled that the angels and saints hold their peace at the sight of a soul suffering like that. Yet they have special love for us at such moments. My soul has often cried out after God, as a little child who cries as loudly as he can when his mother covers her face and he cannot recognize her. O my Jesus, honor and glory to You for these trials of love! Great and incomprehensible is your mercy. All that You intended for my soul, O Lord, is steeped in Your mercy.
117 I will mention here that those who live with such a person should not add external sufferings; for indeed, when the soul‟s cup is full, the little drop we may add to it may be the one drop too much, and the cup of bitterness will overflow. And who will answer for such a soul? Let us beware of adding to the suffering of others, because that is displeasing to the Lord. If the sisters of the superiors knew or even suspected that a soul was suffering such trials, and they nevertheless added still other sufferings, they would be sinning gravely, and God Himself would demand an account of them on behalf of such a soul. I am not speaking here of instances which of their very nature are sinful, but of things which in other circumstances would not be sinful. Let us be on our guard against having the weight of such a soul on our conscience. This is a grave and common defect in religious life; namely, that when one sees a suffering soul, one always want to add even more suffering. I do not say that everyone acts like this, but there are some. We take the liberty of passing all sorts of judgments, and we repeat them when we would do better to remain silent.
118 The tongue is a small member, but it does big things. A religious who does not keep silence will never attain holiness; that is, she will never become a saint. Let he not delude herself – unless it is the Spirit of God who is speaking through her, for then she must not keep silent. But, in order to hear the voice of God, one has to have silence in one‟s soul and to keep silence; not a gloomy silence, but an interior silence; that is to say, recollection in god. One can speak a great deal without breaking silence and, on the contrary, one can speak little and be constantly breaking silence. Oh, what irreparable damage is done by the breach (56) of silence! We cause a lot of harm to our neighbor, but even more to our own selves.
In my opinion, and according to my experience, the rule concerning silence should stand in the very first place. God does not give Himself to a chattering soul which, like a drone in a beehive, buzzes around but gathers no honey. A talkative soul is empty inside. It lacks both the essential virtues and intimacy with God. A deeper interior life, one of gentle peace and of that silence where the Lord dwells, is quite out of the question. A soul that has never tasted the sweetness of inner silence is a restless spirit which disturbs the silence of others. I have seen many souls in the depths of hell for not having kept their silence; they told me so themselves when I asked them what was the cause of their undoing. These were souls of religious. My God, what an agony it is to think that not only might they have been in heaven, but they might even have become saints! O Jesus, have mercy! 59
119 I tremble to think that I have to give an account of my tongue. There is life, but there is also death in the tongue. Sometimes we kill with the tongue: we commit real murders. And we are still to regard that as a small thing? I truly do not understand such consciences. I have known a person who, when she learned from someone that a certain thing was being said about her, fell seriously ill. She lost a good deal of blood and she many tears, and the outcome was very sad. It was not the sword that did all this, but the tongue. O my silent Jesus, have mercy on us!
120 I have wandered onto the subject of silence. But this is not what I wanted to speak about, but rather about the soul‟s life with God and about its response to grace. When a soul has been cleansed, and the Lord is on intimate terms with it, it begins to apply all its inner force in striving after God. Yet the soul cannot do anything of itself. God alone arranges everything. The soul knows this and is mindful of it. It is still in exile and understands well that there may yet come cloudy and rainy days, but it must now look upon things differently from what it had up to now. It does not seek reassurance in a false peace, but makes ready for battle. It knows it comes from a warrior race. It is now much more aware of everything. It knows that it is of royal stock. It is concerned with all that is great and holy.
121 (57) + There is a series of graces which God pours into the soul after these trials by fire. The soul enjoys intimate union with God. It has many visions, both corporeal and intellectual. It hears many supernatural words, and sometimes distinct orders. But despite these graces, it is not self-sufficient. In fact, it is even less so as a result of God‟s graces, because it is now open to many dangers and can easily fall prey to illusions. It ought to ask God for a spiritual director; but not only must it pray for one, it must also make every effort to find a leader who is an expert in these things, just as a military leader must know the ways along which he will lead [his followers] into battle. A soul that is united with God must be prepared for great and hard-fought battles.
+ After these purifications and tears, God abides in the soul in a special way, but the soul does not always cooperate with these graces. Not that the soul itself is not willing to work, but it encounters so many interior and exterior difficulties that it really takes a miracle to sustain the soul on these summits. In this, it absolutely needs a director. People have often sown doubt in my soul, and I myself have sometimes become frightened at the thought that I was, after all, an ignorant person and did not have knowledge of many things, above all, spiritual things. But when my doubts increased, I sought light from my confessor or my superiors. Yet I did not obtain what I desired.
122 When I opened myself up to my superiors, one of them [probably Mother Michael or Mother Mary Joseph] understood my soul and the road God intended for me. When I followed her advice, I made quick progress towards perfection. But this did not last long. When I opened up my soul still more deeply, I did not obtain what I desired; it seemed to my superior that these graces [of which I was the object] were unlikely, and so I could not draw any further help from her. She told me it was impossible that God should commune with His creatures in such a way: “I fear for you, Sister; isn‟t this an illusion of some sort! (58) You‟d better go, Sister, and talk about these matters with your superiors.” And so I would go from the superiors to the confessor and from the confessor to the superiors, and I found no peace. These divine graces became a great suffering for me. And more than once I said to the Lord directly, “Jesus, I am afraid of You; could You not be some kind of a ghost?” Jesus always reassured me, but I still continued to be incredulous. It is a
strange thing however: the more I became incredulous, the more Jesus gave me proofs that these things came from Him.
123 + When I saw that my mind was not being set at rest by my superiors, I decided to say nothing [to them] of these purely interior matters. Exteriorly I tried, as a good nun should, to tell everything to my superiors, but as for the needs of my soul, I spoke about these only in the confessional. For many very good reasons, I learned that a woman is not called to discern such mysteries. I laid myself open to much unnecessary suffering. For quite a long time I was regarded as one possessed by the evil spirit, and I was looked upon with pity, and the superior took certain precautionary actions in my respect. It reached my ears that the sisters also regarded me as such. And the sky grew dark around me. I began to shun these divine graces, but it was beyond my power to do so. Suddenly, I would be enveloped in such recollection that, against my will, I was immersed in God, and the Lord kept me completely dependent upon Himself.
124 In the initial moments, my soul is always a little frightened; but later, it is filled with a strange peace and strength.
125 + All these things could still be endured. But when the Lord demanded that I should paint that picture, they began to speak openly about me and to regard me as a hysteric and a fantasist, and the rumors began to grow louder. One of the sisters came to talk to me in private. She began by pitying me and said, “I‟ve heard them say that you are a fantasist, Sister, and that you‟ve been having visions. My poor Sister, defend yourself in this matter.” (59) She was a sincerely soul, and she told me sincerely what she had heard. But I had to listen to such things every day. God only knows how tiring it was.
126 Yet, I resolved to bear everything in silence and to give no explanations when I was questioned. Some were irritated by my silence, especially those who were more curious. Others, who reflected more deeply, said, “Sister Faustina must be very close to God if she has the strength to bear so much suffering.” It was as if I were facing two groups of judges. I strove after interior and exterior silence. I said nothing about myself, even though I was questioned directly by some sisters. My lips were sealed. I suffered like a dove, without complaint. But some sisters seemed to find pleasure in vexing me in whatever way they could. My patience irritated them. But God gave me so much inner strength that I endured it calmly.
127 + I learned that I would have help from no one at such moments, and I started to pray and beg the Lord for a confessor. My only desire was that some priest would say this one word to me, “Be at peace, you are on the right road,” or “Reject all this for it does not come from God.” But I could not find such a priest who was sufficiently sure of himself to give me a definite opinion in the name of the Lord. And so the uncertainty continued. O Jesus, if it is Your will that I live in such uncertainty, may your Name be blessed! I beg You, Lord, direct my soul yourself and be with me, for of myself I am nothing.
128 Thus I have already been judged from all sides. There is no longer anything in me that has escaped the sisters‟ judgment. But it seems now to have worn itself out, and they have begun to leave me in peace. My tormented soul has had some rest, and I have learned that the Lord has been closest to me in times of such persecutions. This [truce] lasted for only a short time. A violent storm broke out again. And now the old suspicions became, for them, as if true facts, and once again I had to listen to the same old songs.
The Lord would have it that way. But then, strangely enough, even exteriorly I began to experience (60) various failures. This brought down on me many sufferings of all sorts, known to God alone.
But I tried as best I could to do everything with the purest of intentions. I could now see that everywhere I was being watched like a thief: in the chapel; while I was carrying out my duties; in my cell.40 I was now aware that, besides the presence of God, I had always close to me a human presence as well. And I must say that, more than once, this human presence bothered me greatly. There were times when I wondered whether I should undress to wash myself or not. Indeed, even that poor bed of mine was checked many times.41 More than once I was seized with laughter when I learned they would not even leave my bed alone. One of the sisters herself told me that she came to observe me in my cell every evening to see how I behave in it.
Still, superiors are always superiors. And although they humiliated me personally and, on occasions, filled me with all kinds of doubts, they always allowed me to do what the Lord demanded. Though not in the way I asked, but in some other way, they fulfilled the Lord‟s demands and gave me permission for all the rigors and mortifications [He asked of me].
One day, one of the Mothers [probably Mother Jane] poured out so much of her anger on me and humiliated me so much that I thought I would not be able to endure it. She said to me, “You queer, hysterical visionary, get out of this room; go on with you, Sister!” She continued to pour out upon my head everything she could think of. When I got to my cell, I fell on my face before the cross, and then looked at Jesus; but I could no longer say a single word. Yet I concealed everything from the others and pretended that nothing had happened between us.
129 Satan always takes advantage of such moments; thoughts of discouragement began to rise to the surface – for your faithfulness and sincerity – this is your reward. How can one be sincere when one is so misunderstood? Jesus, Jesus, I cannot go on any longer. Again I fell to the ground under this weight, and broke out in a sweat, and fear began to overcome me. I had no one to lean on interiorly. Suddenly I heard a voice within my soul, Do not fear; I am with you. And an unusual light illumined my mind, and I understood that I should not give in to such sorrows. I was filled with a certain strength and left my cell with new courage to suffer.
130 (61) Nevertheless, I began to grow a bit negligent. I did not pay attention to these interior inspirations and tried to distract myself. But despite the noise and the distraction, I could see what was going on in my soul. The word of god is clear, and nothing can stifle it. I began to avoid encounters with the Lord in my soul because I did not want to fall prey to illusions. However, in a sense, the Lord kept pursuing me with His gifts; and truly I experienced, alternately, torture and joy. I make no mention here of the various visions and graces God granted me during this time, because I‟ve written this down elsewhere.42
131 But I will simply mention here that these various sufferings had come to a peak, and I resolved to put an end to these doubts of mine before my perpetual vows. Throughout my probation, I prayed for light for the priest to whom I was to open up my soul to its depths. I asked God that He Himself would help me and grant me the grace to be able to express even the most secret things that exist between me and Him and to be so disposed that, whatever the priest would decide, I would accept as coming from Jesus
Himself. No matter what judgment he would pass on me, all I wanted was the truth and a decisive answer to certain questions. I put myself completely in god‟s hands, and [all] my soul desired was the truth. I could not go on living in doubt any longer although, in the depths of my soul, I was so very sure that these things came from God, that I would lay down my life for this. However, I placed the confessor‟s opinion above all, and I made up my mind to do as he thought best and to act according to the advice that he would give me. I looked forward to that moment which would decide the course of my actions for the rest of my life. I knew that everything would depend on this. It mattered little whether what he would say to me would be in accord with my inspirations or quite the contrary; this no longer mattered to me. I wanted to know the truth and follow it.
Jesus, You can help me! From this moment, I have begun anew. I conceal all the graces within my soul and await whosoever the Lord will send me. With no doubt in my heart, I asked the Lord himself to deign to help me during these moments, and a courage of sorts entered my soul.
132 (62) I must again mention that there are some confessors who seem to be true spiritual fathers, but only as long as things go well. When the soul finds itself in greater need, they become perplexed, and either cannot or will not understand the soul. They try to get rid of the person as soon as possible. But if the soul is humble, it will always profit in some little way or other. God Himself will sometimes cast a shaft of light into the depths of the soul, because of its humility and faith. The confessor will sometimes say something he had never intended to say, without even realizing it himself. Oh, let the soul believe that such words are the words of the Lord Himself! Though indeed we ought to believe that every word spoken in the confessional is God‟s, what I have referred to above is something that comes directly from God. And the soul perceives that the priest is not master of himself, that he is saying things that he would rather not say. This is how God rewards faith.
I have experienced this many times myself. A certain very learned and respected priest [probably Father Wilkowski, the sisters‟ confessor at Plock], to whom I sometimes happened to go to confession, was always severe and opposed to these matters [which I brought up to him]. But on one occasion he replied to me, “Bear in mind, Sister, that if God is asking this of you, you should not oppose Him. God sometimes wants to be praised in just this way. Be at peace; what God has started, He will finish. But I say this to you: faithfulness to God and humility. And once again: humility. Bear well in mind what I have told you today.” I was delighted, and I thought that perhaps this priest had understood me. But it so turned out that I never went to confession to him again.
133 + Once, one of the older Mothers [probably Mother Jane43] summoned me, and it was as if fiery bolts from the blue were coming down upon me head, so much so that I could not even discover what it was all about. But after a while I understood that it was about a matter over which I had no control whatsoever. She said to me, “Get it out of your head, Sister, that the Lord Jesus might be communing in such an intimate way with such a miserable bundle of imperfections as you! Bear in mind that it is only with holy souls that the Lord Jesus communes in this way!” I acknowledged that she was right, because I am indeed a wretched person, but still I trust in God‟s mercy. When I met the Lord I humbled myself and said, “Jesus, it seems that You do not associate intimately with such wretched people as I.” Be at peace, My daughter, it is precisely through such misery that I
want to show the power of My mercy. I understood that this Mother had merely wanted to subject me to a [salutary] humiliation.
134 (63) + O my Jesus, You have tested me so many times in this short life of mine! I have come to understand so many things, and even such that now amaze me. Oh, how good it is to abandon oneself totally to God and to give Him full freedom to act in one‟s soul!
135 During the third probation, the Lord gave me to understand that I should offer myself to him so that He could do with me as He pleased. I was to remain standing before Him as a victim offering. At first, I was quite frightened, as I felt myself to be so utterly miserable and knew very well that this was the case. I answered the Lord once again, “I am misery itself; how can I be a hostage [for others]?” You do not understand this today. Tomorrow, during your adoration, I will make it known to you. My heart trembled, as did my soul, so deeply did these words sink into my soul. The word of God is living.
When I came to the adoration, I felt within my soul that I had entered the Temple of the living God, whose majesty is great and incomprehensible. And he made known to me what even the purest spirits are in His sight. Although I saw nothing externally, God‟s presence pervaded me. At that very moment, my intellect was strangely illumined. A vision passed before the eyes of my soul; it was like the vision Jesus had in the Garden of Olives. First, the physical sufferings and all the circumstances that would increase them; [then] the full scope of the spiritual sufferings and those that no one would know about. Everything entered into the vision: false suspicions, loss of good name. I‟ve summarized it here, but this knowledge was already so clear that what I went through later on was in no way different from what I had known at that moment. My name is to be: “sacrifice.”
When the vision ended, a cold sw3eat bathed my forehead. Jesus made it known to me that, even if I did not give my consent to this, I could still be saved; and He would not lessen His graces, but would still continue to have the same intimate relationship with me, so that even if I did not consent to make this sacrifice, God‟s generosity would not lessen thereby.
136 And the Lord gave me to know that the whole mystery depended on me, on my free consent to the sacrifice given with full use of my faculties. In this free and conscious act lies the whole power and value before His Majesty. Even if none of these things for which I offered myself would ever happen to me, before the Lord everything was as though it had already been (64) consummated.
At that moment, I realized I was entering into communion with the incomprehensible Majesty. I felt that God was waiting for my word, for my consent. Then my spirit immersed itself in the Lord, and I said, “Do with me as You please. I subject myself to Your will. As of today, Your holy will shall be my nourishment, and I will be faithful to Your commands with the help of Your grace. Do with me as You please. I beg You, O Lord, be with me at every moment of my life.”
137 Suddenly, when I had consented to the sacrifice with all my heart and all my will, God‟s presence pervaded me. My soul became immersed in God and was inundated with such happiness that I cannot put in writing even the smallest part of it. I felt that His Majesty was enveloping me. I was extraordinarily fused with God. I saw that God was well pleased with me and, reciprocally, my spirit drowned itself in Him. Aware of this union 64
with God, I felt I was especially loved and, in turn, I loved with all my soul. A great mystery took place during that adoration, a mystery between the Lord and myself. It seemed to me that I would die of love [at the sight of] His glance. I spoke much with the Lord, without uttering a single word. And the Lord said to me, You are the delight of My Heart; from today on, every one of your acts, even the very smallest, will be a delight to My eyes, whatever you do. At that moment I felt transconsecrated. My earthly body was the same, but my soul was different; God was now living in it with the totality of His delight. This is not a feeling, but a conscious reality that nothing can obscure.
138 A great mystery has been accomplished between God and me. Courage and strength have remained in my soul. When the time of adoration came to an end, I came out and calmly faced everything I had feared so much before. When I came out into the corridor, a great suffering and humiliation, at the hands of a certain person, was awaiting me. I accepted it with submission to a higher will and snuggled closely to the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, letting Him know that I was ready for that for which I had offered myself.
Suffering seemed to spring out of the ground. Even Mother Margaret herself was surprised. For others, many things passed unnoticed, for indeed it wasn‟t worth paying any attention to them; but in my case, nothing passed unnoticed; each word was analyzed, each step watched. One sister said to me, “Get ready, (65) Sister, to receive a small cross, at the hands of Mother Superior. I feel sorry for you.” But as for me, I rejoiced at this in the depths of my soul and had been ready for it for a long time. When she saw my courage, she was surprised. I see now that a soul cannot do much of itself, but with God it can do all things. Behold what God‟s grace can do. Few are the souls that are always watchful for divine graces, and even fewer of such souls who follow those inspirations faithfully.
139 Still, a soul which is faithful to God cannot confirm its own inspirations; it must submit them to the control of a very wise and learned priest; and until it is quite certain, it should remain distrustful. It should not, on its own initiative alone, put its trust in these inspirations and all other higher graces, because it can thus expose itself to great losses.
Even though a soul may immediately distinguish between false inspirations and those of God, it should nevertheless be careful, because many things are uncertain. God is pleased and rejoices when a soul distrusts Him for His own sake; because it loves Him, it is prudent and itself asks and searches for help to make certain that it is really God who is acting within it. And once a well-instructed confessor has confirmed this, the soul should be at peace and give itself up to God, according to His directions; that is, according to the directions of the confessor.
140 Pure love is capable of great deeds, and it is not broken by difficulty or adversity. As it remains strong in the midst of great difficulties, so too it perseveres in the toilsome and drab life of each day. It knows that only one thing is needed to please God: to do even the smallest things out of great love – love, and always love.
Pure love never errs. Its light is strangely plentiful. It will not do anything that might displease God. It is ingenious at doing what is more pleasing to God, and no one will equal it. It is happy when it can empty itself and burn like a pure offering. The more it 65
gives of itself, the happier it is. But also, no one can sense dangers from afar as can love; it knows how to unmask and also knows with whom it has to deal.
141 (66) + But my torments are coming to an end. The Lord is giving me the promised help. I can see it in two priests; namely, Father Andrasz and Father Sopocko. During the retreat before my perpetual voews,44 I was set completely at peace for the first time [by Father Andrasz45], and afterwards I was led in the same direction by Father Sopocko. This was the fulfillment of the Lord‟s promise.
142 When I was set at peace and taught how to follow God‟s paths, my spirit rejoiced in the lord, and it seemed to me that I was running, not walking. My wings were spread for flight; I soared into the very heat of the sun, and I will not descend until I rest in Him, in whom my soul has lost itself forever. And I subjected myself totally to the action of grace. God stoops very low to my soul. I do not draw back, nor do I resist Him, but I lose myself in Him as my only treasure. I am one with the Lord. It is as if the gulf between us, Creator and creature, disappears. For a few days, my soul was in a state of continuous ecstasy. God‟s presence did not leave me for a single moment. And my soul remained in a continuous loving union with the Lord. But this in no way interfered with the performance of my duties. I felt I was transformed into love; I was all afire, but without being burned up, I lost myself in God unceasingly; God drew me to Himself so strongly and powerfully that sometimes I was not aware of being on earth. I had impeded and feared God‟s grace for so long, and now God Himself, through Father Andrasz, has removed all difficulties. My spirit has been turned towards the Sun and has blossomed in His rays for Him alone; I understand no more….. [The sentence breaks off here and begins a completely new thought in the next line.]
143 + I have wasted many of God‟s graces because I was always afraid of being deluded. God drew me to Himself so powerfully that often it was not in my power to resist His grace when I was suddenly immersed in Him. At these moments, Jesus filled me with such great peace that, later on, even when I tried to become uneasy, I could not do so. And the, I heard these words in my soul: In order that you may be assured that it is I who am demanding all these things of you, I will give you such profound peace (67) that even if you wanted to feel troubled and frightened, it would not be in your power to do so today, but love will flood your soul to the point of self-oblivion.
144 Later Jesus gave me another priest [Father Sopocko], before whom He ordered me to reveal my soul. At first I did so with a bit of hesitation, but a severe reprimand from Jesus brought about a deep humility within my soul. Under his direction, my soul made quick progress in the love of God, and many wishes of the Lord were carried out externally.46 Many a time have I been astounded at his courage and his profound humility.
145 Oh, how wretched my soul is for having wasted so many graces! I was running away from God, and he pursued me with His graces. I most often experienced God‟s graces when I least expected them. From the moment He gave me a spiritual director, I have been more faithful to grace. Thanks to the director and his watchfulness over my soul, I have learned what guidance means and how Jesus looks at it. Jesus warned me of the least fault and stressed that He Himself judges the matter that I present to my confessor; and [He told me] that…. any transgressions against the confessor touch Me Myself.
When, under his direction, my soul began to experience deep recollection and peace, I often heard these words in my soul: Strengthen yourself for combat – repeated over and over at various times.
+ Jesus often makes known to me what He does not like in my soul, and He has more than once rebuked me for what seemed to be trifles, but which were, in fact, things of great importance. He has warned me and tried me like a Master. For many years, He Himself educated me, until the moment when He gave me a spiritual director. Previously, He Himself had made clear to me what I did not understand; but now, He tells me to ask my confessor about everything and often says, I will answer you through his mouth. Be at peace. (68) It has never happened to me that I have received an answer which was contrary to what the Lord wanted of me, when I presented it to the spiritual director [Father Sopocko]. It sometimes happens that Jesus first asks certain things of me, about which no one knows anything, and then, when I kneel at the confessional, my confessor gives me the same order – however, this is infrequent.
+ When, over a long period of time, a soul has received much light and many inspirations, and when the confessors have confirmed the source of these inspirations and set the soul at peace; if its love is great, Jesus now makes it known that it is time to put into action what it has received. The soul recognizes that God is counting on it, and this knowledge fortifies it. It knows that to be faithful it will often have to face various difficulties, but it trusts in God and, thanks to this trust, it reaches that point to which God is calling it. Difficulties do not terrify it; they are its daily bread, as it were. They do not frighten or terrify the soul, just as a warrior who is constantly in battle is not terrified by the roar of the cannon. Far from being frightened, it listens to determine from which side the enemy is launching his attack, in order to defeat him. It does nothing blindly, but examines and ponders everything deeply and, not counting on itself, it prays fervently and asks advice of other warriors who are experienced and wise. When the soul acts in this way, it nearly always wins.
These are attacks when a soul has no time to think or seek advice; then it must enter into a life-or-death struggle. Sometimes it is good to flee for cover in the wound of the Heart of Jesus, without answering a single word. By this very act the enemy is already defeated.
In time of peace, as well, the soul continues making efforts, just as in time of battle. It must exercise itself, and do so with energy; otherwise it has no chance of attaining victory. I regard the time of peace as a time of preparation for victory. The soul must be ever watchful; watchfulness and again, watchfulness. The soul that reflects receives much light. A distracted soul runs the risk of a fall, and let it not be surprised when it does fall. O Spirit of God, Director of the soul, wise is he whom You have trained! But for the Spirit of God to act in the soul, peace and recollection are needed.
146 (69) Prayer. – A soul arms itself by prayer for all kinds of combat. In whatever state the soul may be, it ought to pray. A soul which is pure and beautiful must pray, or else it will lose its beauty; a soul which is striving after this purity must pray, or else it will never attain it; a soul which is newly converted must pray, or else it will fall again; a sinful soul, plunged in sins, must pray so that it might rise again. There is no soul which is not bound to pray, for every single grace comes to the soul through prayer.
147 I recall that I have received most light during adoration which I made lying prostrate before the Blessed Sacrament for half an hour every day throughout Lent. During that time I came to know myself and god more profoundly. And yet, even though I had the superiors‟ permission to do so, I encountered many obstacles to praying in such a way. Let the soul be aware that, in order to pray and persevere in prayer, one must arm oneself with patience and cope bravely with exterior and interior difficulties. The interior difficulties are discouragement, dryness, heaviness of spirit and temptations. The exterior difficulties are human respect and time; one must observe the time set apart for prayer. This has been my personal experience because, when I did not pray at the time assigned for prayer, later on I could not do it because of my duties; or if I did manage to do so, this was only with great difficulty, because my thoughts kept wandering off to my duties. I also experienced this difficulty: when a soul has prayed well and left prayer in a state of profound interior recollection, others resist its recollection; and so, the soul must be patient to persevere in prayer. It often happened to me that when my soul was more deeply immersed in God, and I had derived greater fruit from prayer, and God‟s presence accompanied me during the day, and at work there was more recollection and greater precision and effort at my duty, this was precisely when I received the most rebukes for being negligent in my duty and indifferent to everything; because less recollected souls want others to be like them, for they are a constant [source of] remorse to them.
148 (70) + A noble and delicate soul, even the most simple, but one of delicate sensibilities, sees God in everything, finds Him everywhere, and knows how to find Him in even the most hidden things. It finds all things important, it highly appreciates all things, it thanks God for all things, it draws profit for the soul from all things, and it gives all glory to God. It places its trust in God and is not confused when the time of ordeals comes. It knows that God is always the best of Fathers and makes little of human opinion. It follows faithfully the faintest breath of the Holy Spirit; it rejoices in this Spiritual Guest and Holds onto Him like a child to its mother. Where other souls come to a standstill and fear, this soul passes on without fear or difficulty.
149 When the Lord himself wants to be close to a soul and to lead it, He will remove everything that is external. When I fell ill and was taken to the infirmary, I suffered much unpleasantness because of this. There were two of us sick in the infirmary. Sisters would come to see Sister N., but no one came to visit me. It is true that there was only one infirmary, but each one had her own cell. The winter nights were long, and Sister N. had the light and the radio headphones, while I could not even prepare my meditation for lack of a light.
When nearly two weeks had passed in this way, I complained to the Lord one evening that I was suffering so much and that I could not even prepare my meditation because there was no light. And the Lord said that He would come every evening and give me the points for the next day‟s meditation. These points always concerned His sorrowful Passion. He would say, Consider My sufferings before Pilate. And thus, point by point, I meditated upon His sorrowful Passion for one week. From that moment, a great joy entered my soul, and I no longer wanted either the visitors or the light; Jesus sufficed me for everything. The superiors were indeed very solicitous for the sick, but the Lord ordained that I should feel forsaken. This best of masters withdraws every created thing in order that He Himself might act. Many a time, I have experienced such sufferings and persecutions that Mother M. [probably Mother Margaret] herself said to me, “Sister, along 68
your path, sufferings just spring up out of the ground, I look upon you, (71) Sister, as one crucified. But I can see that Jesus has a hand in this. Be faithful to the Lord.”
150 + I want to write down a dream that I had about Saint Therese of the Child Jesus. I was still a novice at the time and was going through some difficulties which I did not know how to overcome. They were interior difficulties connected with exterior ones. I made novenas to various saints, but the situation grew more and more difficult. The sufferings it caused me were so great that I did not know how to go on living, but suddenly the thought occurred to me that I should pray to Saint Therese of the Child Jesus. I started a novena to this Saint, because before entering the convent I had had a great devotion to her. Lately, I had somewhat neglected this devotion, but in my need I began again to pray with great fervor.
On the fifth day of the novena, I dreamed of Saint Therese, but it was as if she were still living on earth. She hid from me the fact that she was a saint and began to comfort me, saying that I should not be worried about this matter, but should trust more in God. She said, “I suffered greatly, too, but I did not quite believe her and said, “It seems to me that you have not suffered at all.” But Saint Therese answered me in a convincing manner that she had suffered very much indeed and said to me, “Sister, know that in three days the difficulty will come to a happy conclusion.” When I was not very willing to believe her, she revealed to me that she was a saint. At that moment, a great joy filled my soul, and I said to her, “You are a saint?” “Yes,” she answered, “I am a saint. Trust that this matter will be resolved in three days.” And I said, “Dear sweet Therese, tell me, shall I go to heaven?” And she answered, “Yes, you will go to heaven, Sister.” “And will I be a saint?” “But, little Therese, shall I be a saint as you are, raised to the altar?” And she answered, “Yes, you will be a saint just as I am, but you must trust in the Lord Jesus.” I then asked her if my mother and father would go to heaven, will [unfinished sentence] (72) And she replied that they would. I further asked, “And will my brothers and sisters go to haven?” She told me to pray hard for them, but gave me no definite answer. I understood that they were in need of much prayer.
This was a dream. And as the proverb goes, dreams are phantoms; God is faith. Nevertheless, three days later the difficulty was solved very easily, just as she had said. And everything in this affair turned out exactly as she said it would. It was a dream, but it had its significance.
151 + Once, when I was in the kitchen with Sister N.,47 she got a little upset with me and, as a punishment, ordered me to sit on the table while she herself continued to work hard, cleaning and scrubbing. And while I was sitting there, the sisters came along and were astounded to find me sitting on the table, and each one had her say. One said that I was a loafer and another, “What an eccentric!” I was a postulant at the time. Others said, “What kind of a sister will she make?” Still, I could not get down because sister had ordered me to sit there by virtue of obedience48 until she told me to get down. Truly, God alone knows how many acts of self-denial it took. I thought I‟d die of shame. God often allowed such things for the sake of my inner formation, but He compensated me for this humiliation by a great consolation. During Benediction I saw Him in great beauty. Jesus looked at me kindly and said, My daughter, do not be afraid of sufferings; I am with you.
152 Once, I had night duty,49 and I was suffering greatly in spirit because of the painting of the image, and I no longer knew which way to turn because they were constantly trying to convince me that the whole thing was an illusion. On the other hand, one priest said that perhaps god wanted to be worshiped through this image and therefore I ought to try to get it painted. Meanwhile, my soul was becoming extremely exhausted. When I entered the little chapel, I brought my head close to the tabernacle, knocked (73) and said, “Jesus, look at the great difficulties I am having because of the painting of this image.” And I heard a voice from the tabernacle, My daughter, your sufferings will not last much longer.
153 One day, I saw two roads. One was broad, covered with sand and flow3ers, full of joy, music and all sorts of pleasures. People walked along it, dancing and enjoying themselves. They reached the end without realizing it. And at the end of the road there was a horrible precipice; that is, the abyss of hell. The souls fell blindly into it; as they walked, so they fell. And their number was so great that it was impossible to count them. And I saw the other road, or rather, a path, for it was narrow and strewn with thorns and rocks; and the people who walked along it had tears in their eyes, and all kinds of suffering befell them. Some fell down upon the rocks, but stood up immediately and went on. At the end of the road there was a magnificent garden filled with all sorts of happiness, and all these souls entered there. At the very first instant they forgot all their sufferings.
154 Once, when there was adoration at the convent of the Sisters of the Holy Family,50 I went there in the evening with one of our sisters. As soon as I entered the chapel, the presence of God filled my soul. I prayed as I do at certain times, without saying a word. Suddenly, I saw the Lord who said to me, Know that if you neglect the matter of the painting of the image and the whole work of mercy, you will have to answer for a multitude of souls on the day of judgment. After these worlds of Our Lord, a certain fear filled my soul, and alarm took hold of me. Try as I would, I could not calm myself. These words kept resounding in my ears: So, I will not only have to answer for myself on the day of judgment, but also for the souls of others. These words cut deep into my heart. When I returned home, I went to the little Jesus,51 fell on my face before the Blessed Sacrament and said to the Lord, “I will do everything in my power, but I beg You to be always with me and to vive me strength to do Your holy will; for You can do everything, while I can do nothing of myself.”
155 (74) + It has happened to me for some time now that I immediately sense in my soul when someone is praying for me; and I likewise sense it in my soul when some soul asks me for prayer, even though they do not speak to me about it. The feeling is one of certain disquiet, as if someone were calling me; and when I pray I obtain peace.
156 + Once, I desired very much to receive Holy Communion, but I had a certain doubt, and I did not go. I suffered greatly because of this. It seemed to me that my heart would burst from the pain. When I set about my work, my heart full of bitterness, Jesus suddenly stood by me and said, My daughter, do not omit Holy Communion unless you know well that your fall was serious; apart from this, no doubt must stop you from uniting yourself with Me in the mystery of My love. Your minor faults will disappear in My love like a piece of straw thrown into a great furnace. Know that you grieve Me much when you fail to receive Me in Holy Communion.
157 In the evening, when I entered the small chapel, I heard these words in my soul: My daughter, consider these words: “And being in agony, he prayed more earnestly.” When I started to think about them more deeply, much light streamed into my soul. I learned how much we need perseverance in prayer and that our salvation often depends on such difficult prayer.
158 + When I was at Kiekrz [1930] to replace one of the sisters52 for a short time, I went across the garden one afternoon and stopped on the shore of the lake; I stood there for a long time, contemplating my surroundings. Suddenly, I saw the Lord Jesus near me, and He graciously said to me, All this I created for you, My spouse; and know that all this beauty is nothing compared to what I have prepared for you in eternity. My soul was inundated with such consolation that I stayed there until evening, and it seemed to me like a brief moment. That was my free day, set apart for a one-day retreat,53 (75) so I was quite free to devote myself to prayer. Oh, how the infinitely good God pursues us with His goodness! It often happens that the Lord grants me the greatest graces when I do not at all expect them.
159 + O Blessed Host, in golden chalice enclosed for me,
That through the vast wilderness of exile
I may pass – pure, immaculate, undefiled;
Oh, grant that through the power of Your love
This might come to be.
O Blessed Host, take up Your dwelling within my soul,
O Thou my heart‟s purest love!
With Your brilliance the darkness dispel.
Refuse not Your grace to a humble heart.
O Blessed Host, enchantment of all heaven,
Though Your beauty be veiled
And captured in a crumb of bread,
Strong faith tears away that veil.
160 + The crusade day,54 which is the fifth of the month, happened to fall on the First Friday of the month. This was my day for keeping watch before the Lord Jesus. It was my duty to make amends to the Lord for all offenses and acts of disrespect and to pray that, on this day, no sacrilege be committed. This day, my spirit was set aflame with special love for the Eucharist. It seemed to me that I was transformed into a blazing fire. When I was about to receive Holy Communion, a second Host fell onto the priest‟s sleeve, and I did not know which host I was to receive. After I had hesitated for a moment, the priest made an impatient gesture with his hand to tell me I should receive the host. When I took the Host he gave me, the other one fell onto my hands. The priest went along the altar rail to distribute Communion, and I held the Lord Jesus in my hands all that time. When the priest approached me again, I raised the Host for him to put it back into the chalice, because when I had first received Jesus I could not speak before consuming the Host, and so could not tell him that the other had fallen. But while I was holding the Host (76) in my hand, I felt such a power of love that for the rest of the day I could neither eat nor come to my senses. I heard these words from the Host: I desired to rest in your hands, not only in your heart. And at that moment I saw the little Jesus. But when the priest approached, I saw once again only the Host.
161 O Mary, Immaculate Virgin,
Pure crystal for my heart,
You are my strength, O secure anchor,
You are a shield and protection for a weak heart.
O Mary, you are pure and unparalleled,
Virgin and Mother at one and the same time;
You‟re beautiful as the sun, by nothing defiled.
Nothing is worthy of comparison to the image of Your soul.
Your beauty enthralled the Thrice-Holy One‟s eye,
That He came down from heaven, forsaking th‟eternal See‟s throne,
And assumed from Your Heart body and Blood,
Hiding for nine months in the Virgin‟s Heart.
O Mother, Virgin, this will no one omprehend,
That the infinite God is becoming a man;
It‟s only love‟s and His inscrutable mercy‟s purpose.
Through You, Mother – it‟s given us to live with Him for ever.
O Mary, Virgin Mother and Heaven‟s Gate,
Through You salvation came to us;
Every grace to us streams forth through Your hands,
And faithful imitation of You only will sanctify me.
O Mother, Virgin – most beautiful Lily.
Your Heart was for Jesus the first tabernacle on earth,
And that, because Your humility was the deepest,
Wherefore You were raised above Angel choirs and Saints.
O Mary, my sweet Mother,
To You I turn over my soul, my body and my poor heart.
Be the safeguard of my life,
Especially at death‟s hour, in the final fight.
162 (77) J.M.J. Jesus, I trust in You. January 1, 1937
Chart of internal control of the soul. Particular examen – to be united with the merciful Christ. Practice: inner silence, strict observance of silence.
The Conscience
January: God and the soul; silence. Victories 41, falls 4.
Exclamatory Prayer: But Jesus remained silent.
February: God and the soul; silence. Victories 36, falls 3.
Exclamatory Prayer: Jesus, I trust in You.
March: God and the soul; silence. Victories 51, falls 2.
Exclamatory Prayer: Jesus, enkindle my heart with love.
April: God and the soul; silence. Victories 61, falls 4.
Exclamatory Prayer: With God, I can do all things. 72
May: God and the soul; silence. Victories 92, falls 3.
Exclamatory Prayer: In His Name is my strength.
June: God and the soul; silence. Victories 64, falls 1.
Exclamatory Prayer: All for Jesus.
July: God and the soul; silence. Victories 62, falls 8.
Exclamatory Prayer: Jesus, rest in my heart.
August: God and the soul; silence. Victories 88, falls 7.
Exclamatory Prayer: Jesus, You know….
September: God and the soul; silence. Victories 99, falls 1.
Exclamatory Prayer: Jesus, hide me in Your Heart.
October: God and the soul; silence. Victories 41, falls 3.
Exclamatory Prayer: Mary, unite me with Jesus.
November: God and the soul; silence. Victories, falls.
Exclamatory Prayer: O‟ my Jesus, have mercy!
December: God and the soul; silence. Victories, falls.
Exclamatory Prayer. Hail, living Host!
163 (78) JMJ The Year 1937
General Exercises
+ O Most Holy Trinity! As many times as I breathe, as many times as my heart beats, as many times as my blood pulsates through my body, so many thousand times do I want to glorify Your mercy.
+I want to be completely transformed into Your mercy and to be Your living reflection, O Lord. May the greatest of all divine attributes, that of Your unfathomable mercy, pass through my heart and soul to my neighbor.
Help me, O Lord, that my eyes may be merciful, so that I may never suspect or judge from appearances, but look for what is beautiful in my neighbors‟ souls and come to their rescue.
Help me, that my ears may be merciful, so that I may give heed to my neighbors‟ needs and not be indifferent to their pains and moanings.
Help me, O Lord, that my tongue may be merciful, so that I should never speak negatively of my neighbor, but have a word of comfort and forgiveness for all.
Help me, O Lord, that my hands may be merciful and filled with good deeds, so that I may do only good to my neighbors and take upon myself the more difficult and toilsome tasks.
Help me, that my feet may be merciful, so that I may hurry to assist my neighbor, overcoming my own fatigue and weariness. My true rest is in the service of my neighbor.
Help me, O Lord, that my hart may be merciful so that I myself may feel all the sufferings of my neighbor. I will refuse my heart to no one. I will be sincere even with those who, I know, will abuse my kindness. And I will lock myself up in the most merciful Heart of Jesus. I will bear my own suffering in silence. May Your mercy, O Lord, rest upon me. 73
+ You Yourself command me to exercise the three degrees of mercy. The first: the act of mercy, of whatever kind. The second: the word of mercy – if I cannot carry out a work of mercy, I will assist by my words. The third: prayer – if I cannot show mercy by deeds or words, I can always do so by prayer. My prayer reaches out even there where I cannot reach out physically.
O my Jesus, transform me into Yourself, for you can do all things.
[four pages left blank]55
164 (83) + JMJ Warsaw 1933
Probation Before Perpetual Vows56
When I learned I was to go for probation, my heart beat with joy at the thought of such an immense grace, that of the perpetual vows. I went before the Blessed Sacrament; and when I immersed myself in a prayer of thanksgiving, I heard these words in my soul: My child you are My delight, you are the comfort of My Heart. I grant you as many graces as you can hold. As often as you want to make Me happy, speak to the world about My great and unfathomable mercy.
165 A few weeks before I was told about the probation, I entered the chapel for a moment and Jesus said to me At this very moment the superiors are deciding which sisters are going to take the perpetual vows. Not all of them will be granted this grace, but this is their own fault. He who does not take advantage of small graces will not receive great ones. But to you, my child, this grace is being given. My soul was seized with joyful surprise, because a few days earlier one of the sisters had said to me, “Sister, you will not be going for the third probation. I myself will see to it that you will not be permitted to make your vows.” I said nothing to the sister, but felt great pain which I tried to conceal as best I could.
O Jesus, how strange are Your ways! I now see that people can do very little on their own, for I did make my probation, as Jesus had told me.
166 In prayer I always find light and strength of spirit although there are moments so trying and hurtful, that it is sometimes difficult to imagine that these things can happen in a convent. Strangely, God sometimes allows them, but always in order to manifest or develop virtue in a soul. That is the reason for trials.
167 (84) Today [November, 1932], I arrived in Warsaw for the third probation. After a cordial meeting with the dear Mothers, I went into the small chapel for a moment. Suddenly God‟s presence filled my soul, and I heard these words, My daughter, I desire that your heart be formed after the model of My merciful Heart. You must be completely imbued with My mercy.
Dear Mother Directress [Margaret]
At once asked me whether I had had a retreat that year, and I said no. “Then you must first have a retreat of at least three days.” 74
Thanks be to God there was at Walendow57 an eight-day retreat in which I could take part. But difficulties arose in regard to my leaving for this retreat. A certain person opposed my going very much, and it already [appeared that] I was not to go. After dinner, I went into the chapel for a five-minute adoration. Suddenly I saw the Lord Jesus, who said to me, My daughter, I am preparing many graces for you, which you will receive during this retreat which you will begin tomorrow. I answered, “Jesus, the retreat has already begun, and I am not supposed to go.” And He said to me, Get ready for it, because you will begin the retreat tomorrow. And as for your departure, I will arrange that with the superiors. And in an instant, Jesus disappeared.
I began to wonder how this was going to happen. But after a moment I rejected all such thoughts and devoted the time I had to prayer, begging the Holy Spirit for light to see the whole misery that I am. After a short while, I left the little chapel to go about my duties. Soon Mother General [Michael] called me and said, “Sister, you will go to Walendow today with Mother Valeria so that you can start the retreat tomorrow. Fortunately, Mother Valeria happens to be here and you can go together.” Within two hours I was already in Walendow. I reflected for a moment within myself and recognized that only Jesus can arrange things in such a way.
168 (85) When the person who so strongly opposed my participation in the retreat saw me, she showed surprise and dissatisfaction. Paying no heed to this, I greeted her affectionately and went to visit the Lord, in order to learn how I should conduct myself during the retreat.
169 My conversation with the Lord Jesus before the retreat. Jesus told me that this retreat would be a little different from others. You shall strive to maintain a profound peace in respect to your communings with Me. I will remove all doubts in this regard. I know that you are at peace now as I speak to you, but the moment I stop talking you will start looking for doubts. But I want you to know that I will affirm your soul to such a degree that even if you wanted to be troubled, it will not be within your power. And as a proof that it is I who am speaking to you, you will go to confession on the second day of the retreat to the priest who is preaching the retreat; you will go to him as soon as he has finished his conference and will present to him all your doubts concerning Me. I will answer you through his lips, and then your fears will end. During this retreat, observe such strict silence that it will be as though nothing exists around you. You shall speak only to Me and to your confessor; you will ask your superiors only for penances. I felt immense joy that the Lord would show me such kindness and lower himself so much for my sake.
170 The first day of the retreat. I tried to be the first in the chapel in the morning; before the meditation I had a bit of time for prayer to the Holy Spirit and to Our Lady. I earnestly begged the Mother of God to obtain for me the grace of fidelity to these inner inspirations and of faithfully carrying out God‟s will, whatever it might be. I began this retreat with a very special kind of courage.
171 (86) Struggle to keep silence. As usual, sisters from various houses came to the retreat. One of the sisters whom I had not seen for a long time, came to me cell and said she had something to tell me. I did not answer her, and she saw that I did not want to break silence. She said to me, “I didn‟t know you were such an eccentric, sister,” and she went away. I was well aware that she had no other business with me than to satisfy her own curious self-love, O God, preserve me in faithfulness.
172 The father58 who preached the retreat came from America. He had come to Poland for only a short time, and it so happened that he conducted our retreat. A deep interior life was reflected from his person. His bearing testified to the greatness of his spirit. Mortification and recollection characterized this priest. But despite these great virtues, I experienced much difficulty in revealing my soul to him in regard to graces received; as for sins, it is always easy to do so, but in respect to graces I really have to make a great effort, and even then I do not tell everything.
173 Satan‟s temptations during meditation. I felt a strange fear that the priest would not understand me, or that he would have no time to hear everything I would have to say. How am I going to tell him all this? If it were Father Bukowski I could do it more easily, but this Jesuit whom I am seeing for the first time…. Then I remembered Father Bukowski‟s advice that I should at least take brief notes of the lights sent to me by God during the retreats and give him at least a brief report on them. My God, for a day and half all has gone well, and now a life and death struggle is beginning. The conference is to start in a half hour, and then I am to go to confession.
Satan tried to persuade me into believing that if my superiors have told me that my inner life is an illusion, why should I ask again (87) and trouble the confessor? Didn‟t M.X. [probably Mother Jane] tell you that the Lord Jesus does not commune with souls as miserable as yours? This confessor is going to tell you the same thing. Why speak to him about all this? These are not sins, and Mother X. told you that all this communing with the Lord Jesus was daydreaming and pure hysteria. So why tell it to this confessor? You would do better to dismiss all this as illusions. Look how many humiliations you have suffered because of them, and how many more are still awaiting you, and all the sisters know that you are a hysteric. “Jesus!” I called out with all the strength of my soul.
174 At that moment the priest came in and began the conference. He spoke for a short time, as if he were in a hurry. After the conference, he went over to the confessional. Seeing that none of the sisters were going there, I sprang from my kneeler, and in an instant was in the confessional. There was no time to deliberate. Instead of telling the father about the doubts that had been sown in me in respect to my dealings with the Lord Jesus, I began to speak about these temptations I have just described above. The confessor immediately understood my situation and said, “Sister, you distrust the Lord Jesus because He treats you so kindly. Well, Sister, be completely at peace. Jesus is your Master, and your communing with Him is neither daydreaming nor hysteria nor illusion. Know that you are on the right path. Please try to be faithful to these graces; you are not free to shun them. You do not need at all, Sister, to tell your superiors about these interior graces, unless the Lord Jesus instructs you clearly to do so, and even then you should first consult with your confessor. But if the Lord Jesus demands something external, in this case, after consulting your confessor, you should carry out what He asks of you, even if this costs you greatly. On the other hand, you must tell your confessor everything. There is absolutely no other course for you to take, Sister. Pray that (88) you may find a spiritual director, or else you will waste these great gifts of God. I repeat once again, be at peace; you are following the right path. Take no heed of anything else, but always be faithful to the Lord Jesus, no matter what anyone says about you. It is with just such miserable souls that the Lord Jesus communes in this intimate way. And the more you humble yourself, the more the Lord Jesus will unite Himself with you.”
175 When I left the confessional, ineffable joy filled my soul, so that I withdrew to a secluded spot in the garden to hide myself from the sisters to allow my heart to pour itself out to God. God‟s presence penetrated me and, in an instant, all my nothingness was drowned in God; and at the same moment I felt, or rather discerned, the Three Divine Persons dwelling in me. And I had such great peace in my soul that I myself was surprised that I could have had so many misgivings.
176 + Resolution: Faithfulness to inner inspirations, even though I would have no idea how much I would have to pay for it. I must do nothing on my own without first consulting the confessor.
177 + Renewal of vows. From the moment I woke up in the morning, my spirit was totally submerged in God, in that ocean of love. I felt that I had been completely immersed in Him. During Holy Mass, my love for Him reached a peak of intensity. After the renewal of vows and Holy Communion, I suddenly saw the Lord Jesus, who said to me with great kindness, My daughter, look at My merciful Heart. As I fixed my gaze on the Most Sacred Heart, the same rays of light, as are represented in the image as blood and water, came forth from it, and I understood how great is the Lord‟s mercy. And again Jesus said to me with kindness, My daughter, speak to priests about this inconceivable mercy of Mine. The flames of mercy are burning Me – clamoring to be spent; I want to keep pouring them out upon souls; souls just don‟t want to believe in My goodness. Suddenly Jesus disappeared. But throughout that whole day my spirit remained immersed (89) in God‟s tangible presence, despite the buzz and chatter that usually follow a retreat. It did not disturb me in the least. My spirit was in God, although externally I took part in the conversations and even went to visit Derdy.59
178 Today we are beginning the third probation. All three of us met at Mother Margaret‟s, as the other sisters were having their probation in the novitiate. Mother Margaret began with a prayer, explained to us what the third probation consists of, and then spoke on how great is the grace of the perpetual vows. Suddenly, I began to cry out loud. In an instant all God‟s graces appeared before the eyes of my soul, and I saw myself so wretched and ungrateful toward God. The sisters began to rebuke me, saying, “Why did she break out crying?” But Mother Margaret came to my defense, saying that she was not surprised.
At the end of the hour, I went before the Blessed Sacrament and, like the greatest and most miserable of wretches, I begged for His mercy that He might heal and purify my poor soul. Then I head these words, My daughter, all your miseries have been consumed in the flame of My love, like a little twig thrown into a roaring fire. By humbling yourself in this way, you draw upon yourself and upon other souls an entire sea of My mercy. I answered, “Jesus, mold my poor heart according to Your divine delight.”
179 Throughout the third probation it was my duty to help the sister in the vestiary.60 This duty gave me many occasions to practice virtues. Sometimes I had to take linen to certain sisters three times and still one could not satisfy them. But I also came to recognize the great virtues of some sisters who always asked (90) for the poorest things from the vestiary. I admired their spirit of humility and mortification.
180 + During Advent, a great yearning for God arose in my soul. My spirit rushed toward god with all its might. During that time, the Lord gave me much light to know His attributes.
The first attribute which the Lord gave me to know is His holiness. His holiness is so great that all the Powers and Virtues tremble before Him. The pure spirits veil their faces and lose themselves in unending adoration, and with one single word they express the highest form of adoration; that is – Holy….. The holiness of god is poured out upon the Church of God and upon every living soul in it, but not in the same degree. There are souls who are completely penetrated by God, and there are those who are barely alive.
The second kind of knowledge which the Lord granted me concerns His justice. His justice is so great and penetrating that it reaches deep into the heart of things, and all things stand before Him in naked truth, and nothing can withstand Him.
The third attribute is love and mercy. And I understood that the greatest attribute is love and mercy. It unites the creature with the Creator. This immense love and abyss of mercy are made known in the Incarnation of the Word and in the Redemption [of humanity], and it is here that I saw this as the greatest of all God‟s attributes.
181 Today I was cleaning the room of one of the sisters. Although I was trying to clean it with utmost care, she kept following me all the time and saying, “You‟ve left a speck of dust here and a spot on the floor there.” At each of her remarks I did each place over a dozen times (91) just to satisfy her. It is not work that makes me tired, but all this talking and excessive demands. My whole day‟s martyrdom was not enough for her, so she went to the Directress and complained, “Mother, who is this careless sister who doesn‟t know how to work quickly?” The next day, I went again to do the same job, without trying to explain myself. When she started driving me, I thought, “Jesus, one can be a silent martyr; it is not the work that wears you out, but this kind of martyrdom.”
182 I learned that certain people have a special gift for vexing others. They try you as best they can. The poor soul that falls into their hands can do nothing right; her best efforts are maliciously criticized.
+Christmas Eve.
Today I was closely united with the Mother of God. I relived her interior sentiments. In the evening, before the ceremony of the breaking of the wafer, I went into the chapel to break the wafer, in spirit, with my loved ones, and I asked the Mother of God for graces for them. My spirit was totally steeped in God. During the Midnight Mass [“Pasterka” or Shepherds‟ Mass], I saw the Child Jesus in the Host, and my spirit was immersed in Him. Although He was a tiny Child, His majesty penetrated my soul. I was permeated to the depths of my being by this mystery, this great abasement on the part of God, this inconceivable emptying of Himself. These sentiments remained vividly alive in my soul all through the festive season. Oh, we shall never comprehend this great self-abasement on the part of God; the more I think of it, [unfinished thought].
183 One morning after Holy Communion, I heard this voice, I desire that you accompany Me when I go to the sick. I answered that I was quite willing, but after a moment of reflection I started wondering how I was going to do so; the sisters of the second choir61 do not accompany the Blessed Sacrament. It is always the sister-directresses who go. (92) I thought to myself: Jesus will find a way. Shortly afterwards, Mother Raphael sent for me and said, “Sister, you will accompany the Lord Jesus when the priest goes to visit the sick.” And all through the time of my probation I carried the light, accompanying the Lord and, as a knight of Jesus, I always tried to gird myself with an iron belt,62 for it would 78
not be proper to accompany the King in everyday dress. And I offered this mortification for the sick.
184 +Holy Hour. During this hour, I tried to meditate on the Lord‟s Passion. But my soul was filled with joy, and suddenly I saw the Child Jesus. But His majesty penetrated me to such an extent that I said, “Jesus, You are so little, and yet I know that You are my Creator and Lord.” And Jesus answered me, I am, and I keep company with you as a child to teach you humility and simplicity.
I gathered all my sufferings and difficulties into a bouquet for Jesus for the day of our perpetual betrothal. Nothing was difficult for me, when I remembered it was for my Betrothed as proof of my love for Him.
185 +My silence for Jesus. I strove after great silence for Jesus. Amidst the greatest din, Jesus always found silence in my heart, although it sometimes cost me a lot. But what can be too great for Jesus, for Him whom I love with all the strength of my heart?
186 +Today Jesus said to me, I desire that you know more profoundly the love that burns in My Heart for souls, and you will understand this when you meditate upon My Passion. Call upon My mercy on behalf of sinners; I desire their (93) salvation. When you say this prayer, with a contrite heart and with faith on behalf of some sinner, I will give him the grace of conversion. This is the prayer:
187 “O Blood and Water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fount of Mercy for us, I trust in You.”
188 During the last days of the carnival, when I was making a Holy hour, I saw how the Lord Jesus suffered as He was being scourged. Oh, such an inconceivable agony! How terribly Jesus suffered during the scourging! O poor sinners, on the day of judgment how will you face the Jesus whom you are now torturing so cruelly: His blood flowed to the ground, and in some places His flesh started to fall off. I saw a few bare bones on His back. The meek Jesus moaned softly and sighed.
189 On one occasion, Jesus gave me to know how pleasing to Him is the soul that faithfully keeps the rule. A soul will receive a greater reward for observing the rule than for penances and great mortifications. The latter will be rewarded also if they are undertaken over and above the rule, but they will not surpass the rule.
190 Once during an adoration, the Lord demanded that I give myself up to Him as an offering, by bearing a certain suffering in atonement, not only for the sins of the world in general, but specifically for transgressions committed in this house. Immediately I said, “Very good; I am ready.” But Jesus gave me to see what I was going to suffer, and in one moment the whole passion unfolded itself before my eyes. Firstly, my intentions will not be recognized; there will be all kinds of suspicion and distrust as well as various kinds of humiliations and adversities. I will not mention everything here, (94) All these things stood before my soul‟s eye like a dark storm from which lightning was ready to strike at any moment, waiting only for my consent. For a moment, my nature was frightened. Then suddenly the dinner bell rang. I left the chapel, trembling and undecided. But the sacrifice was ever present before me, for I had neither decided to accept it, nor had I refused the Lord. I wanted to place myself completely in His will. If the Lord Jesus
Himself were to impose it on me, I was ready. But Jesus gave me to know that I myself was to give my free consent and accept it with full consciousness, or else it would be meaningless. Its whole power was contained in my free act before God. But at the same time, Jesus gave me to understand that the decision was completely within my power. I could do it or not do it. And so I then answered immediately, “Jesus, I accept everything that You wish to send me; I trust in Your goodness.” At that moment, I felt that by this act I glorified God greatly. But I armed myself with patience. As soon as I left the chapel, I had an encounter with reality. I do not want to describe the details, but there was as much of it as I was able to bear. I would not have been able to bear even one drop more.
191 +One morning I heard these words in my soul: Go to Mother General [Michael] and tell her that this thing displeases Me in such and such a house. I cannot mention what the thing was nor the house in question, but I did tell it to Mother General, although it cost me very much.
192 Once, I took upon myself a terrible temptation which one of our students in the house at Warsaw was going through. It was the temptation of suicide. For seven days I suffered; and after the seven days Jesus granted her the grace which was being asked, and then my suffering also ceased. It was a great suffering. I often take upon myself the torments of our students. Jesus permits me to do this, and so do my confessors.
193 (95) My heart is a permanent dwelling place for Jesus. No one but Jesus has access to it. It is from Jesus that I derive strength to fight difficulties and oppositions. I want to be transformed into Jesus in order to be able to give myself completely to souls. Without Jesus I would not get near to souls, because I know what I am of myself. I absorb God into myself in order to give Him to souls.
194 +March 27. I desire to struggle, toil and empty myself for our work of saving immortal souls. It does not matter if these efforts should shorten my life; it is no longer mine, but belongs to the Community. I want to be useful to the whole Church by being faithful to my Community.
195 O Jesus, today my soul is as though darkened by suffering. Not a single ray of light. The storm is raging, and Jesus is asleep. O my Master, I will not wake You; I will not interrupt Your sweet sleep. I believe that You fortify me without my knowing it.
Throughout the long hours I adore You, O living Bread, amidst the great drought in my soul. O Jesus, pure Love, I do not need consolations; I am nourished by Your will, O Mighty One! Your will is the goal of my existence. It seems to me that the whole world serves me and depends on me. You, O Lord, understand my soul with all its aspirations.
Jesus, when I myself cannot sing You the hymn of love, I admire the singing of the Seraphim, they who are so dearly loved by You. I desire to drown myself in You as they do. Nothing will stem such love, for no might has power over it. It is like lightning that illuminates the darkness, (96) but does not remain in it. O my Master, shape my soul according to Your will and Your eternal designs!
196 A certain person seems to have made it her task to try out my virtue in all sorts of ways. One day, she stopped me in the corridor and began by saying that she had no grounds for rebuking me, but she ordered me to stand there opposite the small chapel63 for half an
hour and to wait for Mother Superior, who was to pass by there after recreation,64 and I was to accuse myself of various things which she had told me to say. Although I had no idea of these things being on my soul, I was obedient and waited for Mother Superior for a full half hour. Each sister who passed by looked at me with a smile. When I accused myself before Mother Superior [Raphael], she sent me to my confessor. When I made my confession, the priest saw immediately that this was something that did not come from my own soul and that I had not the faintest idea of such things. He was very surprised that this person had dared to take upon herself to give such orders.
197 O Church of God, you are the best mother, you alone can rear a soul and cause it to grow. Oh, how great is my love and respect for the Church, that best of all mothers!
198 On one occasion the Lord said to me, My daughter, your confidence and love restrain My justice, and I cannot inflict punishment because you hinder Me from doing so. Oh, how great is the power of a soul filled with confidence!
199 When I think of my perpetual vows and Who it is that wants to be joined with me, for hours I become absorbed in the thought of Him. How can this be; You are God and I – I am Your creature. You, the Immortal King and I, a beggar and misery itself! But now all is clear to me; (97) Your grace and Your love, O Lord, will fill the gulf between You, Jesus, and me.
200 O Jesus, how deeply it hurts the soul when it is always trying to be sincere and they accuse it of hypocrisy and behave with mistrust toward it. O Jesus, You also suffered like this to make satisfaction to Your Father.
201 I want to hide myself so that no creature might know my heart. Jesus, You alone know my heart and possess it whole and entire. No one knows our secret. We understand each other mutually with one look. From the moment we came to know each other I have been happy. Your greatness is my fullness. O Jesus, when I am in the last place, lower than the postulants, even the youngest of them, then I feel that I am in my proper place. I did not know that the Lord had put so much happiness in these drab little corners. Now I understand that even in prison there can burst forth from a pure heart the fullness of love for You, O Lord! External things mean nothing to pure love; it cuts through them all. Neither prison doors nor the gates of heaven are strong enough to stop it. It reaches God Himself, and nothing can quench it. It knows no obstacles; it is free like a queen and has free access to all places. Death itself must bow its head before it…….
202 My sister [Wanda65] came to see me today. When she told me of her plans, I was horror-stricken. How is such a thing possible? Such a beautiful little soul before the Lord, and yet, great darkness had come over her, and she did not know how to help herself. She had a dark view of everything. The good God entrusted her to my care, and for two weeks I was able to work with her. But how many sacrifices this soul cost me is known only to God. For no other soul did I bring so many sacrifices and sufferings and prayers before the throne of God as I did for her soul. (98) I felt that I had forced God to grant her grace. When I reflect on all this, I see that it was truly a miracle. Now I can see how much power intercessory prayer has before God.
203 Now, during this Lent, I often experience the Passion of the Lord Jesus in my own body. I experience deeply in my heart all that Jesus suffered, although no exterior sign betrays these sufferings of mine. Only my confessor knows about them.
204 A short conversation with Mother Directress [Margaret]. When I asked her about some particulars concerning progress in the spiritual life, this holy Mother answered everything with great clarity. She said to me, “If you continue cooperating with God‟s grace in this way, Sister, you will be only one step away from close union with God. You understand what I mean by this. This means that your characteristic trait should be faithfulness to the grace of the Lord, God does not lead all souls along such a path.”
205 + The Resurrection. Today, during the [Mass of the] Resurrection, I saw the Lord Jesus in the midst of a great light. He approached me and said, Peace be to you, My children, and He lifted up His hand and gave His blessing. The wounds in His hands, feet and side were indelible and shining. When he looked at me with such kindness and love, my whole soul drowned itself in Him. And he said to me, You have taken a great part in My Passion; therefore I now give you a great share in My joy and glory. The whole time of the Resurrection [Mass] seemed like only a minute to me. A wondrous recollection filled my soul and lasted throughout the whole festal season. The kindness of Jesus is so great that I cannot express it.
206 (99) The next day, after Communion, I heard the voice saying, My daughter, look into the abyss of My mercy and give praise and glory to this mercy of Mine. Do it in this way: Gather all sinners from the entire world and immerse them in the abyss of My mercy. I want to give Myself to souls; I yearn for souls, My daughter. On the day of My feast, the Feast of Mercy, you will go through the whole world and bring fainting souls to the spring of My mercy. I shall heal and strengthen them.
207 I prayed today for a soul in agony, who was dying without the Holy Sacraments, although she desired them. But it was already too late. It was a relative of mine, my uncle‟s wife. She was a soul pleasing to god. There was no distance between us at that moment.
208 O you small, everyday sacrifices, you are to me like wild flowers which I strew over the feet of my beloved Jesus. I sometimes compare these trifles to the heroic virtues and that is because their enduring nature demands heroism.
209 In my sufferings, I do not seek help from creatures, but God is everything to me. And yet, it often seems that even the Lord does not hear me. I arm myself with patience and silence, like a dove that does not complain and feels no bitterness when its children are being taken away from it. I want to soar into the very heat of the sun, and I do not want to stop in its vapors. I will not grow weary, because it is on You that I am leaning – O You, my Strength!
210 I fervently beg the Lord to strengthen my faith, so that in my drab, everyday life I will not be guided by human dispositions, but by those of the spirit. Oh, how everything drags man towards the earth! But lively faith maintains the soul in the higher regions and assigns self-love its proper place; that is to say, the lowest one.
211 (100) + Once again, a terrible darkness envelops my soul. It seems to me that I am falling prey to illusions. When I went to confession to obtain some light and peace, I did
not find these at all. The confessor66 left me with even more doubts than I had before. He said to me, “I cannot discern what power is at work in you, Sister, perhaps it is God and perhaps it is the evil spirit.” When I left the confessional, I started to think about his words. The longer I did so, the deeper my soul sank into darkness. “Jesus, what am I to do?” When Jesus approached me with kindness, I was frightened, “Are you really Jesus?” On the one hand, I am drawn by love and, on the other, by fear. What torture! I cannot describe it!
212 When I went to confession again, I got the answer, “I do not understand you Sister. It would be better if you did not come to me for confession.” O my God!. I have to do such violence to myself before I say anything about my spiritual life, and here I am getting this answer: “Sister, I do not understand you!”
213 When I left the confessional, a multitude of torments oppressed me. I went before the Blessed Sacrament and said, “Jesus, save me; You see how weak I am!” Then I heard these words, I will give you help during the retreat before the vows. Encouraged by these words, I began to go forward without asking anyone‟s advice. But I distrusted myself so much that I made up my mind to put an end to the doubts once and for all. I therefore looked forward with special eagerness to the retreat before perpetual vows. But even for many days before the retreat, I kept on asking God to give light to the priest who would hear my confession, so that he could say, once and for all, either yes or no. And I thought to myself, “I‟ll be set at peace once and for all.” But I continued to worry whether anyone would be willing to hear me out concerning all these matters. And yet again, I decided not to think about all this and to put my trust in the Lord. The words that continued to ring in my ears were: “during the retreat.”
214 (101) Everything is now ready. Tomorrow morning we are leaving for Cracow, for the retreat. Today I entered the chapel to thank the Lord for the countless graces He has bestowed on me during these five months. My heart was deeply touched at the thought of so many graces and so much care on the part of the superiors.
215 My daughter, be at peace; I am taking all these matters upon Myself. I will arrange all things with your superiors and with the confessor. Speak to father Andrasz with the same simplicity and confidence with which you speak to Me.
216 We have come to Cracow today [April 18, 1933]. What a joy it is to find myself again where I took my first steps in the spiritual life! Dear Mother Directress [Mary Joseph] is ever the same, cheerful and full of love of neighbor. I entered the chapel for a moment and joy filled my soul. In a flash I recalled the whole ocean of graces that had been given me as a novice here.
217 And today we gathered together to go for an hour‟s visit to the novitiate. The Mother Directress, Mary Joseph, gave us a short talk and outlined the program of the retreat. As she spoke these few words to us, I saw before my eyes all the good things this dear Mother had done for us. I felt in my soul such a profound gratitude toward her. My heart grieved at the thought that this was the last time I would be in the novitiate. Now I must battle together with Jesus, work with Jesus, suffer with Jesus; in a word, live and die with Jesus. Mother Directress will no longer be at my heels to teach me here, warn me there, or to admonish, encourage or reproach me. I am so afraid of being on my own. Jesus,
do something about this. I will always have a superior, that‟s true; but now a person is left more on her own.
(102) Cracow, April 21, 1933
+ For the Greater Glory of God
The Eight-day Retreat before Perpetual Vows.
218 I am beginning the retreat today, Jesus, my Master, guide me. Govern me according to Your will, purify my love that it may be worthy of You, do with me as Your most merciful Heart desires. Jesus, there will be just the two of us during these days until the moment of our union. Keep me, Jesus, in a recollected spirit!
219 In the evening, the Lord said to me, My daughter, let nothing frighten or disconcert you. Remain deeply at peace. Everything is in My hands. I will give you to understand everything through Father Andrasz. Be like a child towards him.
A Moment Before the Blessed Sacrament.
220 O my eternal Lord and Creator, how am I going to thank You for this great favor; namely, that You have deigned to choose miserable me to be Your betrothed and that You are to unite me to Yourself in an eternal bond? O dearest Treasure of my heart, I offer You all the adoration and thanksgiving of the Saints and of all the choirs of Angels, and I united myself in a special way with Your Mother. O Mary, my Mother, I humbly beg of You, cover my soul with Your virginal cloak at this very important moment of my life, so that thus I may become dearer to Your Son and may worthily praise Your Son‟s mercy before the whole world and throughout all eternity.
221 (103) I could not understand the meditation today,. My spirit was so extraordinarily immersed in God. I could not force myself to think about what the priest was saying during the retreat [conferences]. I am often unable to think according to the points; my spirit is with the Lord, and that is my meditation.
222 A few words from my conference with Mother Directress, Mary Joseph. She clarified many things for me, and she set me at peace as regards my spiritual life, reassuring me that I was on the right path. I thanked the Lord Jesus for this great favor, for she is the first of the superiors who did not cause me any doubts in this regard. Oh, how infinitely good god is!
223 O living Host, my one and only strength, fountain of love and mercy, embrace the whole world, fortify faint souls. Oh, blessed by the instant and the moment when Jesus left us His most merciful Heart!
224 To suffer without complaining, to bring comfort to others and to drown my own sufferings in the most Sacred Heart of Jesus!
I will spend all my free moments at the feet of [Our Lord in] the Blessed Sacrament. At the feet of Jesus, I will seek light, comfort and strength. I will show my gratitude unceasingly to God for His great mercy towards me, never forgetting the favors He has bestowed on me, especially the grace of a vocation. 84
I will hide myself among the sisters like a little violet among lilies. I want to blossom for my Lord and Maker, to forget about myself, to empty myself totally for the sake of immortal souls – this is my delight.
(104) + A few of my thoughts.
225 As regards Holy Confession, I shall choose what costs and humiliates me most. Sometimes a trifle costs more than something greater. I will call to mind the Passion of Jesus at each confession, to arouse my heart to contrition. Insofar as possible, with the grace of God, I will always practice perfect contrition. I will devote more time to this contrition. Before I approach the confessional, I shall first enter the open and most merciful Heart of the Savior. When I leave the confessional, I shall rouse in my soul great gratitude to the Holy Trinity for this wonderful and inconceivable miracle of mercy that is wrought in my soul. And the more miserable my soul is, the more I feel the ocean of God‟s mercy engulfing me and giving me strength and great power.
226 The rules that I most often fail to obey: sometimes I break silence; disobedience to the signal of the bell; sometimes I meddle in other people‟s affairs. I will do my very best to improve.
I will avoid sisters who grumble, and if they cannot be avoided, I will at least keep silent before them, thus letting them know how sorry I am to hear such things.
I must take no heed of the opinion of others, but obey the evidence of my own conscience and take God to be the witness of all my actions. I must do everything and act in all matters now as I would like to do and act at the hour of my death. For this reason, in every action I must be mindful of God.
Avoid presumed permissions,67 I must report [even] small things to my superiors, and do so in as much detail as is possible. I must be faithful in my spiritual exercises; I must not easily ask to be dispensed from them. I must keep silence outside the time of recreation, and avoid jokes and witty words that make others laugh and break silence. I must have great appreciation (105) for even the most minute rules. I must not let myself become absorbed in the whirl of work, [but] take a break to look up to heaven. Speak little with people, but a good deal with God. Avoid familiarity. I must pay little attention as to who is for me and who is against me. I must not tell others about those things I have had to put up with. I must avoid speaking out loud to others during work. I must maintain peace and equanimity during times of suffering. In difficult moments, I must take refuge in the wounds of Jesus; I must seek consolation, comfort, light and affirmation in the wounds of Jesus.
227 +In the midst of trials I will try to see the loving hand of God. Nothing is as constant as suffering – it always faithfully keeps the soul company. O Jesus, I will let no one surpass me in loving You!
+ O Jesus, hidden in the Blessed Sacrament,
228 You see that in pronouncing my perpetual vows I am leaving the novitiate68 today. Jesus, You know how weak and little I am, and so from today on, I am entering Your novitiate in
a very special way. I continue to be a novice, but Your novice, Jesus, and You will be my Master to the last day. Daily I will attend lectures at Your feet. I will not do the least thing by myself, without consulting You first as my Master. Jesus, how happy I am that You Yourself have drawn me and taken me into Your novitiate; that is to say, into the tabernacle. In making my perpetual vows, I have by no means become a perfect nun. No, no! I am still a weak little novice of Jesus, and I must strive to acquire perfection as I did in the first days of the novitiate, and I will make every effort to keep the same disposition of soul which I had on that first day the convent gate opened to admit me.
With the trust and simplicity of a small child, I give myself to You today, O Lord Jesus, my Master. I leave You complete freedom in directing my soul. Guide me along the paths You wish. I won‟t question them. I will follow You trustingly. Your merciful Heart can do all things!
The little novice of Jesus – Sister Faustina.
229 (106) +At the beginning of the retreat, Jesus told me, During this retreat, I Myself will direct your soul. I want to confirm you in peace and love. And so, the first few days passed by. On the fourth day, doubts began to trouble me; Is not this tranquility of mine false? Then I heard these words, My daughter, imagine that you are the sovereign of all the world and have the power to dispose of all things according to your good pleasure. You have the power to do all the good you want, and suddenly a little child knocks on your door, and trembling and in tears and, trusting in your kindness, asks for a piece of bread lest he die of starvation. What would you do for this child? Answer Me, my daughter. And I said, “Jesus, I would give the child all it asked and a thousand times more.” And the Lord said to me, That is how I am treating your soul. In this retreat I am giving you, not only peace, but also such a disposition of soul that even if you wanted to experience uneasiness you could not do so. My love has taken possession of your soul, and I want you to be confirmed in it. Bring your ear close to My Heart, forget everything else, and meditate upon My wondrous mercy. My love will give you the strength and courage you need in these matters.
230 Jesus, living Host, You are my Mother, You are my all! It is with simplicity and love, with faith and trust that I will always come to You, O Jesus! I will share everything with You, as a child with its loving mother, my joys and sorrows – in a word, everything.
231 No one can comprehend what my heart feels when I meditate on the fact that God unites me with Himself through the vows. God makes known to me, even now, the immensity of the love He already had for me before time began; and as for me, I have just begun to love Him, in time. His love was [ever] great, pure and disinterested, and my love for Him comes from the fact that I am beginning to know Him. The more I come to know Him, the more (107) ardently, the more fiercely I love Him, and the more perfect my acts become. Meanwhile, each time I call to mind that in a few days I am to become one with the Lord through perpetual vows, a joy beyond all description floods my soul. From the very first time that I came to know the Lord, the gaze of my soul became drowned in Him for all eternity. Each time the Lord draws close to me and my knowledge of Him grows deeper, a more perfect love grows within my soul.
232 +Before confession, I heard these words in my soul, My daughter, tell him everything and reveal your soul to him as you do before Me. Do not fear anything. It is to keep you in peace that I place this priest between your soul and Myself. The words he will speak to you are My words. Reveal to him your soul‟s greatest secrets, I will give him light to know your soul.
233 When I approached the confessional, I felt so much at ease in my soul about speaking of everything that, later on, I myself was astounded. His answers brought a great peace into my soul. His words were, are, and always will be pillars of fire which enlightened and will go on enlightening my soul in its pursuit of the greatest sanctity.
The directions I received from Father Andrasz I have noted on another page in this notebook [cf. Diary no.55].
234 When I finished this confession, my spirit was immersed in God, and I prayed for three hours, but it seemed to me like only a few minutes. Since then, I have placed no obstacles in the way of grace working in my soul. Jesus knew why I had been afraid to commune intimately with Him and was not at all offended. From the moment the priest assured me that what I had experienced was not an illusion, but the grace of God, I have tried to be faithful to God in everything. I can see now that there are few such priests who understand the full depth of God‟s work in the soul. Since then, my wings have been set free for flight, and I yearn to soar into the very fire of the sun. My flight will not come to an end until I rest in Him forever. When we fly very high, all the vapors, mists, and (108) clouds are beneath our feet, and our whole carnal being is necessarily subject to the spirit.
235 O Jesus, I long for the salvation of immortal souls. It is in sacrifice that my heart will find free expression, in sacrifice which no one will suspect. I will burn and be consumed unseen in the holy flames of the love of God. The presence of God will help my sacrifice to be perfect and pure.
236 Oh, how misleading are appearances, and how unjust the judgments. Oh, how often virtue suffers only because it remains silent. To be sincere with those who are incessantly stinging us demands much self-denial. One bleeds, but there are no visible wounds. O Jesus, it is only on the last day that many of these things will be made known. What joy – none of our efforts will be lost!
237 Holy Hour. During this hour of adoration, I saw the abyss of my misery; whatever there is of good in me is Yours, o Lord. But because I am so small and wretched, I have a right to count on Your boundless mercy.
238 Evening. O Jesus, tomorrow morning I am to make my perpetual vows. I had asked heaven and earth and had called upon all beings to thank God for this immense and inconceivable favor of His when suddenly I heard these words, My daughter, your heart is My heaven. Just a few moments of prayer and I have to run, as they drive us out of everywhere; because every place – the chapel, the refectory, the recreation room and the kitchen – is being made ready for tomorrow, and we are to go to (109) bed. However, sleep is out of the question. Joy has driven sleep away. I thought: “What is it going to be like in heaven, if already here in exile God so fills my soul.”
239 Prayer during the Mass on the day of the perpetual vows. Today I place my heart on the paten where Your Heart has been placed, O Jesus, and today I offer myself together with you to God, Your Father and mine, as a sacrifice of love and praise. Father of Mercy, look upon the sacrifice of my heart, but through the wound in the Heart of Jesus.
May 1, 1933. First Day.
Union with Jesus on the day of perpetual vows. Jesus, from now on Your Heart is mine, and mine is Yours alone. The very thought of Your Name, Jesus, is the delight of my heart. I truly would not be able to live without You, even for a moment, Jesus. Today my soul has lost itself in You, my only treasure. My love knows no obstacles in giving proof of itself to its Beloved.
The words of Jesus during my perpetual vows: My spouse, our hearts are joined forever. Remember to Whom you have vowed…. Everything cannot be put into words.
My petition while we were lying prostrate under the pall.69 I begged the Lord to grant me the grace of never consciously and deliberately offending Him by even the smallest sin or imperfection.
Jesus, I trust in You! Jesus, I love You with all my heart!
When times are most difficult, You are my Mother.
For love of You, O Jesus, I die completely to myself today and begin to live for the greater glory of Your Holy Name.
(110) +Love, it is for love of You, O Most Holy Trinity, that I offer myself to You as an oblation of praise, as a holocaust of total self-immolation. And through this self-immolation, I desire the exaltation of Your Name. O Lord, I cast myself as a little rosebud at Your feet, O Lord, and may the fragrance of this flower be known to You alone.
240 Three requests on the day of my perpetual vows, Jesus, I know that today You will refuse me nothing.
First request: Jesus, my most beloved Spouse, I beg You for the triumph of the Church, particularly in Russia and in Spain; for blessings on the holy Father, Pius XI, and on all the clergy; for the grace of conversion for impenitent sinners. And I ask You for a special blessing and for light, O Jesus, for the priests before whom I will make my confessions throughout my lifetime.
Second request: I beg Your blessings on our Congregation, and may it be filled with great zeal. Bless, O Jesus, our Mother General and our Mother Directress, all the novices and all the superiors. Bless my dearest parents. Bestow Your grace, O Jesus, on our wards; strengthen them so powerfully by Your grace so that those who leave our houses will no longer offend You by any sin. Jesus, I beg You for my homeland; protect it against the assaults of its enemies. 88
Third request: Jesus, I plead with You for the souls that are most in need of prayer. I plead for the dying; be merciful to them. I also beg You, Jesus, to free all souls from purgatory.
Jesus, I commend to You these particular persons: My confessors, persons recommended to my prayers, a certain person…., Father Andrasz, Father Czaputa, and the priest I met in Vilnius [Father Sopocko], who is to be my confessor, a certain soul…. (111) a certain priest, a certain religious70 to whom You know how much I owe, Jesus, and all the people who have been recommended to my prayer. Jesus, on this day You can do everything for those for whom I am pleading. For myself I ask, Lord, transform me completely into Yourself, maintain in me a holy zeal for Your glory, give me the grace and spiritual strength to do Your holy will in all things.
Thank You, O my dearest Bridegroom, for the dignity You have conferred on me, and in particular for the royal coat-of-arms which will adorn me from this day on and which even the Angels do not possess; namely, the cross, the sword, and the crown of thorns. But above all, O my Jesus, I thank You for Your Heart – it is all I need.
Mother of God, Most Holy Mary, my Mother, You are my Mother in a special way now because Your beloved Son is my Bridegroom, and thus we are both Your children. For your Son‟s sake, You have to love me. O Mary, my dearest Mother, guide my spiritual life in such a way that it will please Your Son.
+Holy and Omnipotent God, at this moment of immense grace by which You are uniting me with Yourself forever, I, mere nothingness, with the utmost gratitude, cast myself at Your feet like a tiny, unknown flower and, each day, the fragrance of that flower of love will ascend to Your throne.
In times of struggle and suffering, of darkness and storm, of yearning and sorrow, in times of difficult trials, in times when nobody will understand me, when I will even be condemned and scorned by everyone, I will remember the day of my perpetual vows, the day of God‟s incomprehensible grace.
(112) J.M.J.
Special Resolutions of the Retreat, May 1, 1933
241 Love of neighbor. First: Helpfulness towards the sisters. Second: Do not speak about those who are absent, and defend the good name of my neighbor. Third: Rejoice in the success of others.
242 +O God, how much I desire to be a small child.71 You are my Father, and You know how little and weak I am. So I beg You, keep me close by Your side all my life and especially at the hour of my death. Jesus, I know that Your goodness surpasses the goodness of a most tender mother.
243 I will thank the Lord Jesus for every humiliation and will pray especially for the person who has given me the chance to be humiliated. I will immolate myself for the benefit of souls. I will not count the cost of any sacrifice, I will cast myself beneath the feet of the sisters, like a carpet on which they can not only tread, but also wipe their feet. My place
is under the feet of the sisters. I will make every effort to obtain that place unnoticed by others. It is enough that God sees this.
244 Now a gray, ordinary day has begun, The solemn hours of the perpetual vows have passed, but God‟s great grace has remained in my soul. I feel I am all God‟s; I feel I am His child, I feel I am wholly God‟s property. I experience this in a way that can be physically sensed. I am completely at peace about everything, because I know it is the Spouse‟s business to look after me. I have forgotten about myself completely. My trust placed in His Most Merciful Heart has no limit. I am continuously united with Him. It seems to me as though Jesus could not be happy without me, nor could I, without Him. Although I understand that, being God, He is happy in Himself and has absolutely no need of any creature, still, His goodness compels Him to give Himself to the creature, and with a generosity which is beyond understanding.
245 (113) My Jesus, I will now strive to give honor and glory to Your Name, doing battle till the day on which You Yourself will say, enough! Every soul You have entrusted to me, Jesus, I will try to aid with prayer and sacrifice, so that Your grace can work in them. O great lover of souls, my Jesus, I thank You for this immense confidence with which You have deigned to place souls in our care. O, you days of work and of monotony, you are not monotonous to me at all, for each moment brings me new graces and opportunity to do good.
+ [April] 25, 1933
Monthly Permissions72
246 To enter the chapel when I pass near it.
To pray in my moments of leisure.
To accept, give or lend small things.
To have a mid-morning and an afternoon snack.
Sometimes I will not be able to take part in recreation.
Sometimes I will not be able to take part in community exercises.
Sometimes I will not be able to take part in evening and morning prayers.
Sometimes to remain at work a little longer after nine or to make my spiritual exercises after nine.
To write down something or take notes when I have a free moment.
To telephone.
To go out of the house.
To visit a church when I am in town.
To enter other sisters‟ cells in case of need.
To take a drink of water occasionally outside the prescribed times.
Small Mortifications
To recite the Chaplet of The Divine Mercy with outstretched arms.
On Saturdays, to say five decades of the Rosary with outstretched arms.
To sometimes recite a prayer [while] lying prostrate.
On Thursdays, a Holy Hour.
On Fridays, some greater mortification for dying sinners. 90
247 (114) Jesus, Friend of a lonely heart, You are my heaven. You are my peace. You are my salvation, You are my serenity in moments of struggle and amidst an ocean of doubts. You are the bright ray that lights up the path of my life. You are everything to a lonely soul. You understand the soul even though it remains silent. You know our weaknesses, and like a good physician, You comfort and heal, sparing us sufferings – expert that You are.
248 The words of the Bishop [Rospond73], spoken at the ceremony of the taking of perpetual vows: “Accept this candle as a sign of heavenly light and or burning love.”
While giving the ring: “I betroth you to Jesus Christ, the Son of the Father Most High; may He keep you unblemished. Take this ring as a sign of the eternal covenant you are making with Christ, the Spouse of Virgins. May it be for you the ring of faith and the sign of the Holy Spirit, that you may be called the bride of Christ and, if you serve Him faithfully, be crowned [as such] for all eternity.”
249 +Jesus, I trust in You; I trust in the ocean of your mercy. You are a Mother to me.
250 +This year, 1933, is for me an especially solemn year, because in this Jubilee Year of the Lord‟s Passion, I have taken my perpetual vows. I have joined my sacrifice in a special way to the sacrifice of the crucified Jesus, in order to thus become more pleasing to God. I do all things with Jesus, through Jesus, in Jesus.
251 After perpetual vows, I stayed in Cracow throughout the month of May, because it was undecided whether I was to go to Rabka or to Vilnius. Once Mother General [Michael] asked me, “Why are you sitting here so quietly and not getting ready to go somewhere, Sister?” I answered, “I want to do God‟s pure will; wherever you bid me to go, dear Mother, I will know God‟s pure will for me will be there, without any admixture on my part.”
(115) Mother General replied to this, “Very well!” The next day she summoned me and said, “You wanted to have God‟s pure will, Sister; very well, then; you are going to Vilnius.” I thanked her and awaited the day when I would be told to go. However, my soul was filled with a certain joy and fear, at one and the same time. I felt that God was preparing great graces for me there, but also great sufferings. Yet, I stayed on in Cracow until the 27th of May. As I had no regular duties, I only went to help in the garden. And, as it happened that I worked all alone for the whole month, I was able to make a Jesuit retreat.74 Although I went to community recreation, I still managed to make the Jesuit retreat. I received much light from God during this time.
252 +It was four days after my perpetual vows. I was trying to make a Holy Hour. It was the first Thursday of the month. As soon as I entered the chapel, god‟s presence enveloped me. I was distinctly aware that the Lord was near me. After a moment, I saw the Lord, all covered with wounds; and He said to me, Look at whom you have espoused. I understood the meaning of these words and answered the Lord, “Jesus, I love You more when I see You wounded and crushed with suffering like this than if I saw You in majesty.” Jesus asked, Why? I replied, “Great majesty terrifies me, little nothing that I am and Your wounds draw me to Your Heart and tell me of your great love for me.” After this conversation there was silence. I fixed my gaze upon His sacred wounds and felt happy to suffer with Him. I suffered, and yet I did not suffer, because I felt happy to know the depth of His love, and the hour passed like a minute.
253 +I must never judge anyone, but look at others with leniency and at myself with severity. I must refer everything to God and, in my own eyes, recognize myself for what I am: utter misery and nothingness. In suffering, I must be patient and quiet, knowing that everything passes in time.
254 (116) +The moments I lived through when I was taking my perpetual vows are better left unsaid.
I am in Him, and He in me. As the Bishop [Rospond] was putting the ring on my finger, God pervaded my whole being, and since I cannot express that moment, I will be silent about it. My relationship with God, since perpetual vows, has been more intimate than it had ever been before. I sense that I love God and that He loves me. Having once tasted God, my soul could not live without Him. One hour spent at the foot of the altar in the greatest dryness of spirit is dearer to me than a hundred years of worldly pleasures. I prefer to be a lowly drudge in the convent than a queen in the world.
255 +I will hide from people‟s eyes whatever good I am able to do so that God Himself may be my reward. I will be like a tiny violet hidden in the grass, which does not hurt the foot that treads on it, but diffuses its fragrance and, forgetting itself completely, tries to please the person who has crushed it underfoot. This is very difficult for human nature, but God‟s grace comes to one‟s aid.
256 +Thank You, Jesus, for the great favor of making known to me the whole abyss of my misery. I know that I am an abyss of nothingness and that, if Your holy grace did not hold me up, I would return to nothingness in a moment. And so, with every beat of my heart, I thank You, my God, for Your great mercy towards me.
257 Tomorrow I am to leave for Vilnius. Today, I went to confession to Father Andrasz, this priest who is so filled with the spirit of God, who untied my wings so that I could soar to the highest summits. He reassured me in everything and told me to believe in Divine Providence. “Have confidence and walk ahead with courage.” An extraordinary, divine power came over me after that confession. (117) Father stressed that I must be faithful to God‟s grace and said, “No harm will come to you if, in the future, you continue to keep this same simplicity and obedience. Have confidence in God; you are on the right path and in good hands, in God‟s hands.”
258 +That evening, I remained in the chapel a little longer. I talked to the Lord about a certain soul. Encouraged by His goodness, I said, “Jesus, you gave me this Father who understands my inspirations, and now You are taking him away from me again. What am I going to do in this Vilnius? I don‟t know anyone there, and even the dialect of the people there is foreign to me.” And the Lord said to me, Do not fear; I will not leave you to yourself. My soul drowned itself in a prayer of thanksgiving for all the graces that the Lord had granted me through the mediation of Father Andrasz.
Suddenly, I remembered the vision in which I had seen that priest between the confessional and the altar, trusting that I would meet him some day. And the words I had heard came back vividly: He will help you to fulfill My will here on earth. 92
259 Today, 27 [May 1933], I am leaving for Vilnius. When I came out of the house, I looked at the garden and the house, and when I cast a glance at the novitiate, tears suddenly ran down my cheeks. I remembered all the blessings and graces bestowed on me by the Lord. Then, suddenly and unexpectedly, I saw the Lord by the flower bed and He said to me, Do not weep; I am with you always. God‟s presence, which enveloped me as Jesus was speaking, accompanied me throughout the journey.
260 I had permission to visit Czestochowa while on my journey. I saw the Mother of God [image] for the first time, when I went to attend the unveiling of the image at five in the morning,. I prayed without interruption until eleven, and it seemed to me that I had just come. The Superior of the house there [Mother Serafin75] sent a sister for me, to tell me to come to breakfast and said she was worried (118) that I would miss my train. The Mother of God told me many things. I entrusted my perpetual vows to Her, I felt that I was her child and that She was my Mother. She did not refuse any of my requests.
261 +I am already in Vilnius today. A few scattered tiny huts make up the convent. It seems a bit strange to me after the large buildings of Jozefow. There are only eighteen sisters here. The house is small, but the community life is more intimate. All the sisters received me very warmly, which was for me a great encouragement to endure the hardships that lay ahead. Sister Justine had even scrubbed the floor in anticipation of my arrival.
262 +When I went to Benediction, Jesus enlightened me on how I was to conduct myself in respect to certain persons. I clung with all my might to the most sweet Heart of Jesus, knowing how much I would be exposed to external distractions because of the work I would be doing here in the garden, where I necessarily would be in close contact with lay persons.
263 +The week for confession came and, to my great joy, I saw the priest I had known before coming to Vilnius. [That is to say,] I had known him by seeing him in a vision. At that moment, I heard these words in my soul: This is My faithful servant; he will help you to fulfill My will here on earth. Yet, I did not open myself to him as the Lord wishes. And for some time I struggled against grace. During each confession, God‟s grace penetrated me in a very special way, yet I did not reveal my soul before him, and I had the intention of not going to confession to that priest. After this decision, a terrible anxiety entered my soul. God reproached me severely. When I did lay bare my soul completely to this priest, Jesus poured an ocean of graces into it. Now I understand what it means to be faithful to a particular grace. That one grace draws down a whole series of others.
264 (119) +O my Jesus, keep me near to You! See how weak I am! I cannot go a step forward by myself; so You, Jesus, must stand by me constantly like a mother by a helpless child – and even more so.
265 Days of work, of struggle, and of suffering have begun. Everything continued according to the convent routine. One is always a novice, having to learn many things and to get to know about many things, because although the rule is the same, each house has its own customs; and thus, each change is a little novitiate.
August 5, 1933, The Feast of our Lady of Mercy. 93
266 Today I received a great and incomprehensible grace, a purely interior one, for which I will be grateful to God throughout this life and in eternity……
267 Jesus told me that I please Him best by meditating on His sorrowful Passion, and by such meditation much light falls upon my soul. He who wants to learn true humility should reflect upon the Passion of Jesus. When I meditate upon the Passion of Jesus, I get a clear understanding of many things I could not comprehend before. I want to resemble You, O Jesus, - You crucified, tortured, and humiliated. Jesus, imprint upon my heart and soul Your own humility. I love You, Jesus, to the point of madness, You who were crushed with suffering as described by the prophet [cf. Isaiah 53:2-9], as if he could not see the human form in You because of Your great suffering. It is in this condition, Jesus, that I love You to the point of madness. O eternal and infinite God, what has love done to You?....
268 October 11, 1933.-Thursday.- I tried to make a Holy Hour, but began it with great difficulty. A certain yearning started to tear at my heart. My mind was dimmed so that I could not understand the simplest forms of prayer. And so passed by an hour of prayer, or rather of struggle. I resolved to pray for a second hour, but my inner suffering increased – great (120) dryness and discouragement. I resolved to pray for a third hour. In the third hour, which I resolved to spend kneeling without any support, my body started to clamor for rest. But I in no way relented. I stretched out my arms and though I spoke no words, I persisted by sheer will. After a while, I took the ring off my finger and asked Jesus to look at the ring, that sign of our eternal union, and I offered Jesus the feelings I had on the day of perpetual vows. After a while, I feel my heart inundated with a wave of love. A sudden recollection of spirit, the senses quiet down, and God‟s presence pervades my soul. I know only this: that it is Jesus and I. I saw Him just as He had appeared to me in that instant after my perpetual vows, when I was likewise making a Holy Hour. Jesus was suddenly standing before me, stripped of His clothes, His body completely covered with wounds, His eyes flooded with tears and blood, His face disfigured and covered with spittle. The Lord then said to me, The bride must resemble her Betrothed. I understood these words to their very depth. There is no room for doubt here. My likeness to Jesus must be through suffering and humility. See what love of human souls has done to Me. My daughter, in your heart I find everything that so great a number of souls refuses Me. Your heart is My repose. I often wait with great graces until towards the end of prayer.
269 Once, when I had finished a novena to the Holy Spirit for the intention of my confessor [Father Sopocko], the Lord answered, I made him known to you even before your superiors had sent you here. As you will act towards your confessor, so I will act toward you. If you conceal something from him, even though it be the least of My graces, I too will hide Myself from you, and you will remain alone. And so I followed God‟s wish, and a deep peace filled my soul. Now I understand how the Lord defends confessors and how He protects them.
(121) Advice of the rev. Dr. Sopocko.
270 Without humility, we cannot be pleasing to God. Practice the third degree of humility;76 that is, not only must one refrain from explaining and defending oneself when reproached with something, but one should rejoice at the humiliation.
If the things you are telling me really come from God, prepare your soul for great suffering. You will encounter disapproval and persecution. They will look upon you as a hysteric and an eccentric, but the Lord will lavish His graces upon you. True works of God always meet opposition and are marked by suffering. If God wants to accomplish something, sooner or later He will do so in spite of the difficulties. Your part, in the meantime, is to arm yourself with great patience.
271 When the Rev. Dr. Sopocko went to the Holy Land, Father Dabrowski, S.J., was the community‟s confessor. During one confession he asked me if I was aware of the high degree of [spiritual] life that was present in my soul. I answered that I was aware of it and knew what was going on within me. To this the Father replied, “You must not destroy what is going on in your soul, Sister, nor must you change anything on your own. It is not in every soul that the beautiful gift of a higher interior life is manifest as it is in your case, Sister, for it is manifest in an immense degree. Be careful not to waste these great graces of God; a great…..” [Here the thought breaks off.]
272 But previously, this priest had put me through many trials. When I told him that the Lord wanted these things of me [that is, the painting of the image, the establishing of a feast of the Divine Mercy, and the founding of a new community], he laughed at me and told me to come to confession at eight in the evening. When I came at eight, a brother was already locking the church. When I told him that Father had ordered me to come at that time (122)
and asked him to let Father know I was there, the good brother went to let him know. Father told him to tell me that priests do not hear confessions at that time of day. I returned home empty-handed and did not go to confession to him again, but made a whole hour‟s adoration and took on certain mortifications for him, that he might obtain light from god in order to know souls. But when Father Sopocko left, and he substituted for him, I was forced to go to confession to him. Yet, while previously he had been unwilling to acknowledge these inner inspirations, he now put me under obligation to be faithful to them. God lets such things happen sometimes, but may He be glorified in everything. Still, it requires much grace not to falter.
Annual Retreat. January 10, 1934.
273 My Jesus, again the moment approaches when I will be alone with You. Jesus, I ask You with all my heart, let me know what there is in me that displeases You and also let me know what I should do to become more pleasing to You. Do not refuse me this favor and be with me. I know that without You, Lord, all my efforts will not amount to much. Oh, how I rejoice at Your greatness, O Lord! The more I come to know You, the more ardently I yearn for You and sigh after You!
274 Jesus gave me the grace of knowing myself. In this divine light I see my principal fault; it is pride which takes the form of my closing up within myself and of a lack of simplicity in my relations with Mother Superior [Irene].
The second light concerns speaking. I sometimes talk too much. A thing could be settled in one or two words, and as for me, I take too much time about it. But Jesus wants me to use that time to say some short indulgenced prayers for the souls in purgatory. And the Lord says that every word will be weighed on the day of judgment. 95
(123) The third light concerns our rules. I have not sufficiently avoided the occasions that lead to breaking the rules, especially that of silence. I will act as if the rule were written just for me; it should not affect me at all how anyone else might act, as long as I myself act as God wishes.
Resolution. Whatever Jesus demands of me regarding external things, I will immediately go and tell my superiors. I shall strive for childlike openness and frankness in my relations with the superior.
275 Jesus loves hidden souls. A hidden flower is the most fragrant. I must strive to make the interior of my soul a resting place for the Heart of Jesus. In difficult and painful moments, O my Creator, I sing You a hymn of trust, for bottomless is the abyss of my trust in You and in Your mercy!
276 From the moment I came to love suffering, it ceased to be a suffering for me. Suffering is the daily food of my soul.
277 I will not speak with a certain person, because I know that Jesus does not like it and that she does not profit by it.
278 At the feet of the Lord. Hidden Jesus, Eternal Love, our Source of Life, divine Madman, in that You forget yourself and see only us. Before creating heaven and earth, You carried us in the depths of Your Heart. O Love, O depth of Your Abasement, O mystery of happiness, why do so few people know You? Why is Your love not returned? O Divine Love, why do You hide Your beauty? O infinite One beyond all understanding, the more I know You the less I comprehend You; but because I cannot comprehend You, I better comprehend Your greatness. I do not envy the Seraphim their fire, for I have a greater gift deposited in my heart. (124) They admire you in rapture, but Your Blood mingles with mine. Love is heaven given us already here on earth. Oh, why do You hide in faith? Love tears away the veil. There is no veil before the eye of my soul, for You Yourself have drawn me into the bosom of secret love forever. Praise and glory be to You, O indivisible Trinity, One God, unto ages of ages!
279 God made known to me what true love consists in and gave light to me about how, in practice, to give proof of it to Him. True love of God consists in carrying out God‟s will. To show God our love in what we do, all our actions, even the least, must spring from our love of God. And the Lord said to me, My child, you please me most by suffering. In your physical as well as your mental sufferings, my daughter, do not seek sympathy from creatures. I want the fragrance of your suffering to be pure and unadulterated. I want you to detach yourself, not only from creatures, but also from yourself. My daughter, I want to delight in the love of your heart, a pure love, virginal, unblemished, untarnished. The more you will come to love suffering, My daughter, the purer your love for Me will be.
280 Jesus commanded me to celebrate the Feast of God‟s Mercy on the first Sunday after Easter. [This I did] through interior recollection and exterior mortification, wearing the belt for three hours and praying continuously for sinners and for mercy on the whole world. And Jesus said to me, My eyes rest with pleasure upon this house today.
281 I feel certain that my mission will not come to an end upon my death, but will begin. O doubting souls, I will draw aside for you the veils of heaven to convince you of God‟s goodness, so that you will no longer continue to wound with your distrust the sweetest Heart of Jesus. God is Love and Mercy.
282 (125) Once the Lord said to me, My Heart was moved by great mercy towards you, My dearest child, when I saw you torn to shreds because of the great pain you suffered in repenting for your sins. I see your love, so pure and true that I give you first place among the virgins,. You are the honor and glory of My Passion. I see every abasement of your soul, and nothing escapes my attention. I lift up the humble even to My very throne, because I want it so.
God, One in the Holy Trinity
283 I want to love You as no human soul has ever loved You before; and although I am utterly miserable and small, I have, nevertheless, cast the anchor of my trust deep down into the abyss of Your mercy, O my God and Creator! In spite of my great misery I fear nothing, but hope to sing You a hymn of glory for ever. Let no soul, even the most miserable, fall prey to doubt; for, as long as one is alive, each one can become a great saint, so great is the power of God‟s grace. It remains only for us not to oppose God‟s action.
284 O Jesus, if only I could become like mist before Your eyes, to cover the earth so that You would not see its terrible crimes. Jesus, when I look at the world and its indifference towards You, again and again it brings tears to my eyes; but when I look at a cold soul of a religious, my heart bleeds.
285 1934. Once, when I returned to my cell, I was so tired that I had to rest a moment before I started to undress, and when I was already undressed, one of the sisters asked me to fetch her some hot water. Although I was tired, I dressed quickly and brought her the water she (126) wanted, even though it was quite a long walk from the cell to the kitchen, and the mud was ankle-deep. When I re-entered my cell, I saw the ciborium with the Blessed Sacrament, and I heard this voice, Take this ciborium and bring it to the tabernacle. I hesitated at first, but when I approached and touched it, I heard these words, Approach each of the sisters with the same love with which you approach Me; and whatever you do for them, you do it for Me. A moment later, I saw that I was alone.
286 +Once, after an adoration for our country, a pain pierced my soul, and I began to pray in this way: “Most merciful Jesus, I beseech You through the intercession of Your Saints, and especially the intercession of Your dearest Mother who nurtured You from childhood, bless my native land. I beg You, Jesus, look not on our sins, but on the tears of little children, on the hunger and cold they suffer. Jesus, for the sake of these innocent ones, grant me the grace that I am asking of You for my country.” At that moment, I saw the Lord Jesus, His eyes filled with tears, and He said to me, You see, My daughter, what great compassion I have for them. Know that it is they who uphold the world.
287 +My Jesus, when I look at this life of souls, I see that many of them serve You with some mistrust. At certain times, especially when there is an opportunity to sow their
love for God, I see them running away from the battlefield. And once Jesus said to me, Do you, my child, also want to act like that? I answered the Lord, “Oh, no, my Jesus, I will not retreat from the battlefield even if mortal sweat breaks out on my brow; I will not let the sword fall from my hand until I rest at the feet of the Holy Trinity! Whatever I do, I do not rely on my own strength, but on God‟s grace. With God‟s grace a soul can overcome the greatest difficulties.
288 (127) +Once when I was having a long talk with Jesus about our student, encouraged by His kindness, I asked Him, “Do You have among our students any who are a comfort to Your Heart?” The Lord answered [that] he has, but their love is weak, and so I put them in your special care – pray for them.
O great God, I admire Your goodness! You are the Lord of heavenly hosts, and yet You stoop so low to Your miserable creatures. Oh, how ardently I desire to love You with every beat of my heart! The whole extent of the earth is not enough for me, heaven is too small, and boundless space is nothing; You alone are enough for me, Eternal God! You alone can fill the depths of my soul.
289 My happiest moments are when I am alone with my Lord. During these moments I experience the greatness of God and my own misery.
Once, Jesus said to me, Do not be surprised that you are sometimes unjustly accused. I Myself first drank this cup of underserved suffering for love of you.
290 Once, when I was deeply moved by the thought of eternity and its mysteries, my soul became fearful; and when I pondered about these a little longer, I started to be troubled by various doubts. Then Jesus said to me, My child, do not be afraid of the house of your Father. Leave these vain inquiries to the wise of this world. I want to see you always as a little child. Ask your confessor about everything with simplicity, and I will answer you through his lips.
291 On a certain occasion, I saw a person about to commit a mortal sin. I asked the Lord to send me the greatest torments so that that soul could be saved. (128) Then I suddenly felt the terrible pain of a crown of thorns on my head. It lasted for quite a long time, but that person remained in the Lord‟s grace. O my Jesus, how very easy it is to become holy; all that is needed is a bit of good will. If Jesus sees this little bit of good will in the soul, He hurries to give Himself to the soul, and nothing can stop Him, neither shortcomings nor falls – absolutely nothing. Jesus is anxious to help that soul, and if it is faithful to this grace from God, it can very soon attain the highest holiness possible for a creature here on earth. God is very generous and does not deny His grace to anyone. Indeed He gives more than what we ask of Him. Faithfulness to the inspirations of the Holy Spirit – that is the shortest route.
292 +When a soul loves God sincerely, it ought not fear anything in the spiritual life. Let is subject itself to the action of grace, and let it not impose any restraints on itself in communing with the Lord.
293 +When Jesus ravished me by His beauty and drew me to Himself, I then saw what in my soul was displeasing to Him and made up my mind to remove it, cost what it may; and aided by the grace of god I did remove it at once. This magnanimity pleased the Lord,
and from that moment God started granting me higher graces. In my interior life I never reason; I do not analyze the ways in which God‟s Spirit leads me. It is enough for me to know that I am loved and that I love. Pure love enables me to know God and understand many mysteries. My confessor is an oracle for me. His word is sacred to me – I am speaking about the spiritual director [Father Sopocko].
294 +Once the Lord said to me, Act like a beggar who does not back away when he gets more alms [than he asked for], but offers thanks the more fervently. You too, should not back away and say that you are not worthy of receiving greater graces when I give them to you. I know you are unworthy, but rejoice all the more and take as many (129) treasures from My Heart as you can carry, for then you will please Me more. And I will tell you one more thing – take these graces not only for yourself, but also for others; that is, encourage the souls with whom you come in contact to trust in My infinite mercy. Oh, how I love those souls who have complete confidence in Me – I will do everything for them.
295 +At that moment Jesus asked me, My child, how is your retreat going? I answered, “But Jesus, You know how it is going.” Yes, I know, but I want to hear it from your own lips and from your heart. “O my Master, when You are leading me, everything goes smoothly, and I ask You, Lord, to never leave my side.” And Jesus said, Yes, I will be with you always, if you always remain a little child and fear nothing. As I was your beginning here, so I will also be your end. Do not rely on creatures, even in the smallest things, because this displeases Me. I want to be alone in your soul. I will give light and strength to your soul, and you will learn from My representative that I am in you, and your uncertainty will vanish like mist before the rays of the sun.
296 +O Supreme Good, I want to love You as no one on earth has ever loved You before! I want to adore You with every moment of my life and unite my will closely to Your holy will. My life is not drab or monotonous, but it is varied like a garden of fragrant flowers, so that I don‟t know which flower to pick first, the lily of suffering or the rose of love of neighbor or the violet of humility. I will not enumerate these treasures in which my every day abounds. It is a great thing to know how to make use of the present moment.
297 +Jesus, Supreme Light, grant me the grace of knowing myself, and pierce my dark soul with Your light, and fill the abyss of my soul with Your own self, for You alone […….]
298 O my Jesus, the Life, the Way and the Truth, I beg You to keep me close to You as a mother holds a baby to her bosom, for I am not only a helpless child, but an accumulation of misery and nothingness.
(130) + The Mystery of the Soul. Vilnius, 1934
299 When, on one occasion, my confessor told me to ask the Lord Jesus the meaning of the two rays in the image,77 I answered, “Very well, I will ask the Lord.”
During prayer I head these words within me: The two rays denote Blood and Water. The pale ray stands for the Water which makes souls righteous. The red ray stands for the Blood which is the life of souls…… 99
These two rays issued forth from the very depths of My tender mercy when My agonized Heart was opened by a lance on the Cross.
These rays shield souls from the wrath of My Father. Happy is the one who will dwell in their shelter, for the just hand of God shall not lay hold of him. I desire that the first Sunday after Easter be the Feast of Mercy.
300 +Ask of my faithful servant [Father Sopocko] that, on this day, he tell the whole world of My great mercy; that whoever approaches the Fount of Life on this day will be granted complete remission of sins and punishment.
+Mankind will not have peace until it turns with trust to My mercy.
+Oh, how much I am hurt by a soul‟s distrust! Such a soul professes that I am Holy and Just, but does not believe that I am Mercy and does not trust in My Goodness. Even the devils glorify My Justice but do not believe in My Goodness.
My Heart rejoices in this title of Mercy.
301 Proclaim that mercy is the greatest attribute of God. All the works of My hands are crowned with mercy.
302 (131) +O Eternal Love, I want all the souls You have created to come to know You. I would like to be a priest, for then I would speak without cease about Your mercy to sinful souls drowned in despair. I would like to be a missionary and carry the light of faith to savage nations in order to make You known to souls, and to be completely consumed for them and to die a martyr‟s death, just as You died for them and for me. O Jesus, I know only too well that I can be a priest, a missionary, a preacher, and that I can die a martyr‟s death by completely emptying myself and denying myself for love of You, O Jesus, and of immortal souls.
303 Great love can change small things into great ones, and it is only love which lends value to our actions. And the purer our love becomes, the less there will be within us for the flames of suffering to feed upon, and the suffering will cease to be a suffering for us; it will become a delight! By the grace of God, I have received such a disposition of heart that I am never so happy as when I suffer for Jesus, whom I love with every beat of my heart.
Once, when I was suffering greatly, I left my work and escaped to Jesus and asked Him to give me His strength. After a very short prayer, I returned to my work filled with enthusiasm and joy. Then, one of the sisters [probably Sister Justine] said to me, “You must have many consolations today, Sister; you look so radiant. Surely, God is giving you no suffering, but only consolations.” “You are greatly mistaken, Sister,” I answered, “for it is precisely when I suffer much that my joy is greater; and when I suffer less, my joy also is less.” However, that soul was letting me recognize that she does not understand what I was saying. I tried to explain to her that when we suffer much we have a great chance to show God that we love Him; but when we suffer little we have less occasion to show God our love; and when we do not suffer at all, our love is then neither great nor pure. By the grace of God, we can attain a point where suffering will become a delight for us, for love can work such things in pure souls. 100
304 (132) +O my Jesus, my only hope, thank You for the book which You have opened before my soul‟s eyes. That book is Your Passion which You underwent for love of me. It is from this book that I have learned how to love God and souls. In this book there are found for us inexhaustible treasures. O Jesus, how few souls understand You in Your martyrdom of love! Oh, how great is the fire of purest love which burns in Your Most Sacred Heart! Happy the soul that has come to understand the love of the Heart of Jesus!
305 It is my greatest desire that souls should recognize You as their eternal happiness, that they should come to believe in Your goodness and glorify Your infinite mercy.
306 I asked the Lord to grant me the grace that my nature be immune and resist the influences that sometimes try to draw me away from the spirit of our rule and from the minor regulations. These minor transgressions are like little moths that try to destroy the spiritual life within us, and they surely will destroy it if the soul is aware of these minor transgressions and yet disregards them as small things. I can see nothing that is small in the religious life. Little matter if I am sometimes the object of vexation and jeers, as long as my spirit remains in harmony with the spirit of the rules, the vows, and the religious statutes.
O my Jesus, delight of my heart, You know my desires. I should like to hide from people‟s sight so as to be like one alive and yet not living. I want to live pure as a wild flower; I want my love always to be turned to You, just as a flower that is always turning to the sun. I want the fragrance and the freshness of the flower of my heart to be always preserved for You alone. I want to live beneath Your divine gaze, for You alone are enough for me. When I am with You, Jesus, I fear nothing, for nothing can do me harm.
307 (133) + 1934. Once during Lent, I saw a great light and a great darkness over house and chapel. I saw the struggle of these two powers….
308 1934, Holy Thursday. Jesus said to me, I desire that you make an offering of yourself for sinners and especially for those souls who have lost hope in God‟s mercy.
God and Souls. An Act of Oblation.
309 Before heaven and earth, before all the choirs of Angels, before the Most Holy Virgin Mary, before all the Powers of heaven, I declare to the One Triune God that today, in union with Jesus Christ, Redeemer of souls, I make a voluntary offering of myself for the conversion of sinners, especially for those souls who have lost hope in God‟s mercy. This offering consists in my accepting, with total subjection to God‟s will, all the sufferings, fears and terrors with which sinners are filled. In return, I give them all the consolations which my soul receives from my communion with God. In a word, I offer everything for them: Holy Masses, Holy Communions, penances, mortifications, prayers. I do not fear the blows, blows of divine justice, because I am united with Jesus. O my God, in this way I want to make amends to You for the souls that do not trust in Your goodness. I hope against all hope in the ocean of Your mercy. My Lord and my God, my portion – my portion forever, I do not base this act of oblation on my own strength, but on the strength that flows from the merits of Jesus Christ. I will daily repeat this act of self-oblation by pronouncing the following prayer which you Yourself have taught me, Jesus:


“O Blood and Water which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a Fount of Mercy for us, I trust in You!”

S.M. Faustina of the Blessed Sacrament

Holy Thursday, during Holy Mass, March 19, 1934

310 (134) – I am giving you a share in the redemption of mankind. You are solace in My dying hour.


311 When I received permission from my confessor [Father Sopocko] to make this act of oblation, I soon learned that it was pleasing to God, because I immediately began to experience its effects. In a moment my soul became like a stone – dried up, filled with torment, and disquiet. All sorts of blasphemies and curses kept pressing upon my ears. Distrust and despair invaded my heart. This is the condition of the poor people, which I have taken upon myself. At first, I was very much frightened by these horrible things, but during the first [opportune] confession, I was set at peace.


312 +Once when I went outside the convent to go to confession [St. Michael‟s Church], I chanced upon my confessor [Father Sopocko] saying Mass just then. After a while, I saw the Child Jesus on the altar, joyfully and playfully holding out His hands to him. But a moment later the priest took the beautiful Child into his hands, broke Him up and ate Him alive. At the first instant I felt a dislike for the priest for having done this to Jesus, but I was immediately enlightened in the matter and understood that this priest was very pleasing to God.


313 +Once, when I was visiting the artist [Eugene Kazimirowski] who was painting the image, and saw that it was not as beautiful as Jesus is, I felt very sad about it, but I hid this deep in my heart. When we had left the artist‟s house, Mother Superior [Irene] stayed in town to attend to some matters while I returned home alone. I went immediately to the chapel and wept a good deal. I said to the Lord, “Who will paint You as beautiful as You are?” Then I heard these words: Not in the beauty of the color, nor of the brush lies the greatness of this image, but in My grace.


314 +When I went to the garden one afternoon, my Guardian Angel said to me, “Pray for the dying.” And so I began at once to pray the rosary with the gardeners for the dying. After the rosary, we said various prayers for the dying. After the prayers, the wards began to chat gaily among themselves. (135) In spite of the noise they were making, I heard these words in my soul: “Pray for me!” But as I could not understand these words very well, I moved a few steps away from the wards, trying to think who it could be who was asking me to pray. Then I heard the words: “I am Sister ………”78 This sister was in Warsaw while I was, at the time, in Vilnius. “Pray for me until I tell you to stop. I am dying.” Immediately, I began to pray fervently for her, [addressing myself] to the expiring Heart of Jesus. She gave me no respite, and I kept praying from three [o‟clock] until five. At five, I heard the words: “Thank you!” and I understood that he had died. But during Holy Mass, on the following day, I continued to pray fervently for her soul. In the afternoon, a postcard came saying that Sister …. Had died at such and such a time. I understood that it was at the same hour when she had said to me, “Pray for me.”




315 +Mother of God, Your soul was plunged into a sea of bitterness; look upon Your child and teach her to suffer and to love while suffering. Fortify my soul that pain will not break it. Mother of grace, teach me to live by [the power of] God.


316 Once, the Mother of God came to visit me. She was sad. Her eyes were cast down. She made it clear that She wanted to say something, and yet, on the other hand, it was as if She did not want to speak to me about it. When I understood this, I began to beg the Mother of God to tell me and to look at me. Just then Mary looked at me with a warm smile and said, You are going to experience certain sufferings because of an illness and the doctors; you will also suffer much because of the image, but do not be afraid of anything. The next day I fell ill and suffered a great deal, just as the Mother of God had told me. But my soul was ready for the sufferings. Suffering is a constant companion of my life.


317 O my God, my only hope, I have placed all my trust in You, and I know I shall not be disappointed.


318 (136) I often feel God‟s presence after Holy Communion in a special and tangible way. I know God is in my heart. And the fact that I feel Him in my heart does not interfere with my duties. Even when I am dealing with very important matters which require attention, I do not lose the presence of God in my soul, and I am closely united with Him. With Him I go to work, with Him I go for recreation, with Him I suffer, with Him I rejoice; I live in Him and He in me. I am never alone, because He is my constant companion. He is present to me at every moment. Our intimacy is very close, through a union of blood and of life.


319 August 9, 1934. Night adoration on Thursdays.79 I made my hour of adoration from eleven o‟clock till midnight. I offered it for the conversion of hardened sinners, especially for those who have lost hope in God‟s mercy. I was reflecting on how much God has suffered and on how great was the love He had shown for us, and on the fact that we still do not believe that God loves us so much. O Jesus, who can understand this? What suffering it is for our Savior! How can He convince us of His love if even His death cannot convince us? I called upon the whole of heaven to join me in making amends to the Lord for the ingratitude of certain souls.


320 Jesus made known to me how very pleasing to Him were prayers of atonement. He said to me, The prayer of a humble and loving soul disarms the anger of My Father and draws down an ocean of blessings. After the adoration, half way to my cell, I was surrounded by a pack of huge black dogs who were jumping and howling and trying to tear me to pieces. I realized that they were not dogs, but demons. One of them spoke up in a rage, “Because you have snatched so many souls away from us this night, we will tear you to pieces.” In answered, “If that is the will of the most merciful god, tear me to pieces, for I have justly deserved it, because I am the most miserable of all sinners, and God is every holy, just, and infinitely merciful.” To these words all the demons answered as one, “Let us flee, for she is not alone; the Almighty is with her!” And they vanished like dust, like the noise of the road, while I continued on my way to my cell undisturbed, finishing my Te Deum and pondering the infinite and unfathomable mercy of God.


(137) August 12, 1934. 103



321 A sudden illness – a mortal suffering. It was not death, that is to say, a passing over to real life, but a taste of the sufferings of death. Although it gives us eternal life, death is dreadful. Suddenly, I felt sick, I gasped for breath, there was darkness before my eyes, my limbs grew numb – and there was a terrible suffocation. Even a moment of such suffocation is extremely long…… There also comes a strange fear, in spite of trust. I wanted to receive the last sacraments, but it was extremely difficult to make a confession even though I desired to do so. A person does not know what he is saying; not finishing one thing, he begins another.


Oh, may God keep every soul from delaying confession until the last hour! In understood the great power of the priest‟s words when they are poured out upon the sick person‟s soul. When I asked my spiritual father whether I was ready to stand before the Lord and whether I could be at peace, I received the reply “You can be completely at peace, not only right now but after each weekly confession.” Great is the divine grace that accompanies these words of the priest. The soul feels power and courage for battle.

322 O my Congregation, my mother, how sweet it is to live in you, but it is even better to die in you!


323 After I received the last sacraments, there was a definite improvement. I remained alone. This lasted for half and hour and then came another attach; but this one was not so strong, as the doctor intervened.


I united my sufferings with the sufferings of Jesus and offered them for myself and for the conversion of souls who do not trust in the goodness of God. Suddenly, my cell was filled with black figures full of anger and hatred for me. One of them said, “Be damned, you and He who is within you, for you are beginning to torment us even in hell.” As soon as I said, “And the Word was made flesh and dwelt among us,” the figures vanished in a sudden whir.

324 The next day, I felt very weak, but experienced no further suffering. After Holy Communion, I saw the Lord Jesus just as I had seen Him during one adoration. The Lord‟s gaze pierced my soul through and through, and not even the least speck of dust escaped His notice. And I said to Jesus, “Jesus, I thought You were going to take me.” And Jesus answered, My will has not yet been fully accomplished in you; you will still remain on earth, but not for long. I am well pleased with your trust, but your love should be more ardent. (138) Pure love gives the soul strength at the very moment of dying. When I was dying on the cross, I was not thinking about Myself, but about poor sinners, and I prayed for them to My Father. I want your last moments to be completely similar to Mine on the cross. There is but one price at which souls are brought, and that is suffering united to My suffering on the cross. Pure love understands these words; carnal love will never understand them.


325 1934. On the day of the Assumption of the Mother of God, I did not assist at Holy Mass. The woman doctor80 did not allow me; but I prayed fervently in my cell. After a short time, I saw the Mother of God, unspeakably beautiful. She said to me, My daughter, what I demand from you is prayer, prayer, and once again prayer, for the




world and especially for your country. For nine days receive Holy Communion in atonement and unite yourself closely to the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. During these nine days you will stand before God as an offering; always and everywhere, at all times and places, day or night, whenever you wake up, pray in the spirit. In spirit, one can always remain in prayer.


326 Once, Jesus said to me, My gaze from this image is like My gaze from the cross.


327 Once my confessor [Father Sopocko] asked me where the inscription should be placed, because there was not enough space in the picture for everything. In answered, “I will pray and give you an answer next week.” When I left the confessional and was passing before the Blessed Sacrament, I received an inner understanding about the inscription. Jesus reminded me of what He had told me the first time; namely, that these three words must be clearly in evidence: “Jesus, I trust in You.” [“Jezu, Ufam Tobie.”] I understood that Jesus wanted the whole formula to be there, but He gave no direct orders to this effect as He did for these three words.


I am offering people a vessel with which they are to keep coming for graces to the fountain of mercy. That vessel is this image with the signature: “Jesus, I trust in You.”

328 O purest Love, rule in all Your plenitude in my heart and help me to do Your holy with most faithfully!


329 (139) Toward the end of a three-day retreat, I saw myself walking along a rough path. I kept stumbling continually, and I saw following me the figure of a person who kept supporting me. I was not happy with this and asked the person to leave me alone, as I wanted to walk on my own. But the figure, whom I could not recognize, did not leave me for a moment. I got impatient and turned around and pushed the person away from me. At that moment I saw that it was Mother Superior [Irene], and at the same moment I saw that it was not Mother Superior, but the Lord Jesus who looked deeply into me and gave me to understand how painful it was to Him when I did not, even in the smallest things, do my Superior‟s will, which is My will, [He said]. I asked pardon of the Lord and took the warning very much to heart.


330 +Once, the confessor told me to pray for this intention, and I began a novena to the Mother of God. This novena consisted in the prayer, “Hail, Holy Queen,” recited nine times. Toward the end of the novena I saw the Mother of God with the Infant Jesus in Her arms, and I also saw my confessor kneeling at Her feet and talking with her. I did not understand what he was saying to Her, because I was busy talking with the Infant Jesus, who came down from His Mother‟s arms and approached me. I could not stop wondering at His beauty. I heard a few of the words that the Mother of God spoke to him [i.e., my confessor] but not everything. The words were: I am not only the Queen of Heaven, but also the Mother of Mercy and your Mother. And at that moment She stretched out her right hand, in which She was clasping her mantle, and She covered the priest with it. At that moment, the vision vanished.


331 Oh, how great a grace it is to have a spiritual director! One makes more rapid progress in virtue, sees the will of God more clearly, fulfills it more faithfully, and follows a road that is sure and free of dangers. The director knows how to avoid the




rocks against which the soul could be shattered. The Lord gave me this grace rather late, to be sure, but I rejoice in it greatly, seeing how God inclines his will to my director‟s wishes. I will mention just one incident out of a thousand that have happened to me. As I usually do, I asked the Lord Jesus one evening to give me the points for next day‟s meditation. I received the answer: Meditate on the Prophet Jonah and his mission. I thanked the Lord, but began to think within myself of how different that subject was (140) from the others. But with all my soul I strove to meditate about it, and I recognized myself in the person of the prophet, in the sense that often I, too, try to make excuses to the Lord, claiming that someone else would do His holy will better [than I could], and not understanding that God can do all things and that His omnipotence will be all the more manifest if the tool is poorer. God made this clear to me in the following way. That afternoon, there was confession for the community. When I presented to the director of my soul the fear that seized me because of this mission for which God was using me, clumsy tool that I was, my spiritual father answered that, willing or not, we must carry out the will of God, and he gave me the Prophet Jonah as an example. After the confession, I wondered how the confessor knew that God had told me to meditate about Jonah; surely I myself had not told him. Then I heard these words: When the priest acts in My place, he does not act of himself, but I act through him. His wishes are Mine. I can see how Jesus defends His representatives. He himself enters into their actions.


332 +Thursday. When I started the Holy Hour, I wanted to immerse myself in the agony of Jesus in the Garden of Olives. Then I heard a voice in my soul: Meditate on the mystery of the Incarnation. And suddenly the Infant Jesus appeared before me, radiant with beauty. He told me how much God is pleased with simplicity in a soul. Although My greatness is beyond understanding, I commune only with those who are little. I demand of you a childlike spirit.


333 I now see clearly how God acts through the confessor and how faithfully He keeps His promises. Two weeks ago, my confessor told me to reflect upon this spiritual childhood. It was somewhat difficult at first, but my confessor, disregarding my difficulties, told me to continue to reflect upon spiritual childhood. “In practice, this spiritual childhood,” [he said,] “should manifest itself in this way: a child does not worry about the past or the future, but makes use of the present moment. I want to emphasize that spiritual childlikeness in you, Sister, and I place great stress upon it.” I can see how God bows down to my confessor‟s wishes; He does not show Himself to me at this time as a Teacher in the fullness of His strength and human adulthood, but as a little Child. The God who is beyond all understanding stoops to me under the appearance of a little Child.


334 But the eye of my soul does not stop at this appearance. Although You take the form of a little Child, I see in You the immortal, infinite Lord of lords, whom pure spirits adore, (141) day and night, and for whom the hearts of the Seraphim burn with the fire of purest love. O Christ, O Jesus, I want to surpass them in my love for You! I apologize to you, O pure spirits, for my boldness in comparing myself to you, I, this chasm of misery, this abyss of misery; and You, O God, who are the incomprehensible abyss of mercy, swallow me up as the heat of the sun swallows up a drop of dew! A loving look from You will fill up any abyss. I feel immensely happy at the greatness of God. Seeing God‟s greatness is more than enough to make me happy throughout all eternity!




335 Once, when I saw Jesus in the form of a small child, I asked, “Jesus, why do you now take on the form of a child when You commune with me? In spite of this, I still see in You the infinite God, my Lord and Creator.” Jesus replied that until I learned simplicity and humility, He would commune with me as a little child.


336 1934. During Holy Mass, when the Lord Jesus was exposed in the Blessed Sacrament, before Holy Communion, I saw two rays coming out from the Blessed Host, just as they are painted in the image, once of them red and the other pale. And they were reflected on each of the sisters and wards, but not on all in the same way. On some of them the rays were barely visible. It was the last day of the children‟s retreat.


337 November 22, 1934. +On one occasion, my spiritual director [Father Sopocko] told me to look carefully into myself and to examine whether I had any attachment to some particular object or creature, or even to myself, or whether I engaged in useless chatter, “for all these things,” [he said,] “get in the way of the Lord Jesus, who wants complete freedom in directing your soul. God is jealous of our hearts and wants us to love Him alone.”


338 When I started to look deep within myself, I did not find any attachment to anything, but as in all things that concern me, so also in this matter, I was afraid and distrustful of myself. Tired out by this detailed self-examination, I went before the Blessed Sacrament and asked Jesus with all my heart, “Jesus, my Spouse, Treasure of my heart, (142) You know that I know You alone and that I have no other love but You; but, Jesus, if I were about to become attached to anything that is not You, I beg and entreat You, Jesus, by the power of Your mercy, let instant death descend upon me, for I prefer to die a thousand times than to be unfaithful to You once in even the smallest thing.”


339 At that moment, Jesus suddenly stood before me, coming I know not from where, radiant with unbelievable beauty, clothed in a white garment, with uplifted arms, and He spoke these words to me, My daughter, your heart is My repose; it is My delight. I find in it everything that is refused Me by so many souls. Tell this to My representative. And an instant later, I saw nothing, but a whole ocean of consolations entered my soul.


340 I know now that nothing can put a stop to my love for You, Jesus, neither suffering, nor adversity, nor fire nor the sword, nor death itself. I feel stronger than all these things. Nothing can compare with love. I see that the smallest things done by a soul that loves God sincerely have an enormous value in His Holy eyes.


341 November 5, 1934. One morning, when it was my duty to open the gate to let out our people who deliver baked goods, I entered the little chapel to visit Jesus for a minute and to renew the intentions of the day. Today, Jesus, I offer You all my sufferings, mortifications and prayers for the intentions of the Holy Father, so that he may approve the Feast of mercy. But, Jesus, I have one more word to say to You; I am very surprised that You bid me to talk about this Feast of mercy, for they tell me that there is already such a feast81 and so why should I talk about it? And Jesus said to me, And who knows anything about this feast? No one! Even those who




should be proclaiming My mercy and teaching people about it often do not know about it themselves. That is why I want the image to be solemnly blessed on the first Sunday after Easter, and I want it to be venerated publicly so that every soul may know about it.


342 (143) Suffering is the greatest treasure on earth; it purifies the soul. In suffering we learn who is our true friend.


343 True love is measured by the thermometer of suffering. Jesus, I thank You for the little daily crosses, for opposition to my endeavors, for the hardships of communal life, for the misinterpretation of my intentions, for humiliations at the hands of others, for the harsh way in which we are treated, for false suspicions, for poor health and loss of strength, for self-denial, for dying to myself, for lack of recognition in everything, for the upsetting of all my plans.


Thank You, Jesus, for interior sufferings, for dryness of spirit, for terrors, fears and incertitudes, for the darkness and the deep interior night, for temptations and various ordeals, for torments too difficult to describe, especially for those which no one will understand, for the hour of death with its fierce struggle and all its bitterness.

I thank You, Jesus, You who first drank the cup of bitterness before You gave it to me, in a much milder form. I put my lips to this cup of Your holy will. Let all be done according to Your good pleasure; let that which Your wisdom ordained before the ages be done to me. I want to drink the cup to its last drop, and not seek to know the reason why. In bitterness is my joy, in hopelessness is my trust. In You, O Lord, all is good, all is a gift of Your paternal Heart. I do not prefer consolations over bitterness or bitterness over consolations, but thank You, O Jesus, for everything! It is my delight to fix my gaze upon You, O incomprehensible God! My spirit abides in these mysterious dwelling places, and there I am at home. I know very well the dwelling place of my Spouse. If feel there is not a single drop of blood in me that does not burn with love for You.

O Uncreated Beauty, whoever comes to know You once cannot love anything else. I can feel the bottomless abyss of my soul, and nothing will fill it but God Himself. I feel that I am drowned in Him like a single grain of sand in a bottomless ocean.

(144) December 20, 1934.


344 One evening as I entered my cell, I saw the Lord Jesus exposed in the monstrance under the open sky, as it seemed. At the feet of Jesus I saw my confessor, and behind him a great number of the highest ranking ecclesiastics, clothed in vestments the like of which I had never seen except in this vision; and behind them, groups of religious from various orders; and further still I saw enormous crowds of people, which extended far beyond my vision. I saw the two rays coming out from the host, as in the image, closely united but not intermingled; and they passed through the hands of my confessor, and then through the hands of the clergy and from their hands to the people, and then they returned to the host…. And at that moment I saw myself once again in the cell which I had just entered.




345 December 22, 1934. When it was possible for me to go to confession during the week, I happened to get there when my confessor was saying Holy Mass. During the third part of the Mass, I saw the Infant Jesus, a little smaller than usual and with this difference, that He was wearing a violet tunic. He usually has a white one.


346 December 24, 1934. The Vigil of Christmas. During the morning Mass, I felt the closeness of God. Though I was hardly aware of it, my spirit was drowned in god. Suddenly, I heard these words: You are My delightful dwelling place; My Spirit rests in you. After these words, I felt the Lord looking into the depths of my heart; and seeing my misery, I humbled myself in spirit and admired the immense mercy of God, that the Most High Lord would approach such misery.


During Holy Communion, joy filled my soul. I felt that I am closely united to the Godhead. His omnipotence enveloped my whole being. Throughout the whole day I felt the closeness of God in a special manner; and although my duties prevented me throughout the whole day from going to chapel even for a moment, there was not a moment when I was not united with God. I felt Him within (145) me more distinctly than ever. Unceasingly greeting the Mother of god and entering into Her spirit, I begged Her to teach me true love of God. And then I heard these words: I will share with you the secret of My happiness this night during Holy Mass.

We had supper before six o‟clock. Despite all the joy and the external noise accompanying the sharing of the wafer and the mutual exchange of good wishes, I did not for a moment lose the awareness of God‟s presence. After supper, we hurried away to finish our work, and at nine I was able to go to the chapel for adoration. I was allowed to stay up and wait for the Midnight Mass. I was delighted to have free time from nine until midnight. From nine to ten o‟clock I offered my adoration for my parents and my whole family. From ten to eleven, I offered it for the intention of my spiritual director, in the first place thanking God for granting me this great visible help here on earth, just as He had promised me, and I also asked God to grant him the necessary light so that he could get to know my soul and guide me according to God‟s good pleasure. And from eleven to twelve I prayed for the Holy Church and the clergy, for sinners, for the missions, and for our houses. I offered the indulgences for the souls in purgatory.

Twelve O‟clock, December 25, 1934

347 Midnight Mass. As Holy Mass began, I immediately felt a great interior recollection; joy filled my soul. During the offertory, I saw Jesus on the altar, incomparably beautiful. The whole time the Infant kept looking at everyone, stretching out his little hands. During the elevation, the Child was not looking towards the chapel but up to heaven. After the elevation, He looked at us again, but just for a short while, because He was broken up and eaten by the priest in the usual manner. His pinafore was now white. The next day I saw the same thing, and on the third day as well. It is difficult for me to express the joy of my soul. (145) The vision was repeated at the three Masses in the same was as in the first ones.


1934. 109



348 The first Thursday after Christmas, I completely forgot it was Thursday and so did not make my adoration. At nine o‟clock I went directly to the dormitory with the other sisters. But strangely enough, I could not fall asleep. It seemed to me that I had not yet done something that I was supposed to do. Mentally, I reviewed all my duties, and could not recollect anything. This lasted until ten o‟clock. At ten, I saw the Sorrowful Face of Jesus. Then Jesus spoke these words to me: I have been waiting to share My suffering with you, for who can understand My suffering better than My spouse? I asked pardon of Jesus for my coldness. Ashamed and not daring to look at the Lord Jesus, but with a contrite heart, I asked Him to give me one thorn from His crown. He answered that He would grant me this favor, but not until tomorrow, and immediately the vision disappeared.


349 In the morning, during meditation, I felt a painful thorn in the left side of my head. The suffering continued all day. I meditated continually about how Jesus had been able to endure the pain of so many thorns which made up His crown. I joined my suffering to the sufferings of Jesus and offered it for sinners. At four o‟clock when I came for adoration, I saw one of our wards offending God greatly by sins of impure thoughts. I also saw a certain person who was the cause of her sin. My soul was pierced with fear, and I asked god, for the sake of Jesus‟ pain, to snatch her from this terrible misery.


350 Jesus answered that He would grant her that favor, not for her sake, but for the sake of my request. Now I understood how much we ought to pray for sinners, and especially for our wards.


Our life is truly apostolic; I cannot imagine a religious living in one of our houses; that is, in our Community, and not having an apostolic spirit. Zeal for the salvation of souls should burn in our hearts.

351 (147) O my God, how sweet it is to suffer for You, suffer in the most secret recesses of the heart, in the greatest hiddenness, to burn like a sacrifice noticed by no one, pure as crystal, with no consolation or compassion. My spirit burns in active love. I waste no time in dreaming. I take every moment singly as it comes, for this is within my power. The past does not belong to me; the future is not mine; with all my soul I try to make use of the present moment.


January 4, 1935. The first chapter82 of Mother Borgia.83

352 At the chapter, Mother [Borgia] stressed a life of faith and fidelity in small things. Half way through the chapter, I heard these words: I desire that you would all have more faith at the present time. How great is My joy at the faithfulness of My spouse in the smallest things. Then I looked at the crucifix and saw that Jesus‟ head was turned towards the refectory, and His lips were moving.


When I told Mother Superior about it, she answered, “You see, Sister, how Jesus demands that our life be a life of faith.”

353 When Mother left for the chapel and I stayed to set the room in order, I heard these words: Tell all the sisters that I demand that they live in the spirit of faith towards




the superiors at this present time. I begged my confessor to release me from this duty.


354 As I was talking to a certain person 84 who was to paint the image but, for certain reasons, was not painting it, I heard this voice in my soul: I want her to be more obedient. I understood that our efforts, no matter how great, are not pleasing to god if they do not bear the seal of obedience; I am speaking about a religious soul. O God, how easy it is to know Your will in the convent! We religious have God‟s will set clearly before our eyes from morning till night, and in moments of uncertainty we have our superiors through whom God speaks.


355 (148) 1934-1935. New Year‟s Eve. I was given permission not to go to sleep, but rather pray in the chapel. One of the sisters had asked me to offer an hour of adoration for her. I said yes, and prayed for her for an hour. During the hour, God gave me to understand how very pleasing this soul was to Him.


I offered the second hour of adoration for the conversion of sinners, and I tried especially to offer expiation to God for the insults that were being committed against Him at this present moment. How greatly God is being offended!

I offered the third hour for my spiritual director. I fervently prayed for a light for him in a particular matter.

Finally, the clock struck twelve, the last hour of the year. I finished it in the name of the Holy Trinity, and I also started the first hour of the New Year in the Name of the Holy Trinity. I asked each of the Three Persons to bless me and, with great confidence, looked toward the New Year which certainly would not be sparing of suffering.

356 O Blessed Host, in whom is contained the testament of God‟s mercy for us, and especially for poor sinners.


O Blessed Host, in whom is contained the Body and Blood of the Lord Jesus as proof of infinite mercy for us, and especially for poor sinners.

O Blessed Host, in whom is contained life eternal and of infinite mercy, dispensed in abundance to us and especially to poor sinners.

O Blessed Host, in whom is contained the mercy of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit toward us, and especially toward poor sinners.

(149) O Blessed Host, in whom is contained the infinite price of mercy which will compensate for all our debts, and especially those of poor sinners.


O Blessed Host, in whom is contained the fountain of living water which springs from infinite mercy for us, and especially for poor sinners.

O Blessed Host, in whom is contained the fire of purest love which blazes forth from the bosom of the Eternal Father, as from an abyss of infinite mercy for us, and especially for poor sinners. 111


O Blessed Host, in whom is contained the medicine for all our infirmities, flowing from infinite mercy, as from a fount, for us and especially for poor sinners.

O Blessed Host, in whom is contained the union between God and us through His infinite mercy for us, and especially for poor sinners.

O Blessed Host, in whom are contained all the sentiments of the most sweet Heart of Jesus toward us, and especially poor sinners.

O Blessed Host, our only hope in all the sufferings and adversities of life.

O Blessed Host, our only hope in the midst of darkness and of storms within and without.

O Blessed Host, our only hope in life and at the hour of our death.

O Blessed Host, our only hope in the midst of adversities and floods of despair.

O Blessed Host, our only hope in the midst of falsehood and treason.

O Blessed Host, our only hope in the midst of the darkness and godlessness which inundate the earth.

O Blessed Host, our only hope in the longing and pain in which no one will understand us.

(150) O Blessed Host, our only hope in the toil and monotony of everyday life.


O Blessed Host, our only hope amid the ruin of our hopes and endeavors.

O Blessed Host, our only hope in the midst of the ravages of the enemy and the efforts of hell.

O Blessed Host, I trust in You w3hen the burdens are beyond my strength and I find my efforts are fruitless.

O Blessed Host, I trust in You when storms toss my heart about and my fearful spirit tends to despair.

O Blessed Host, I trust in You when my heart is about to tremble and mortal sweat moistens my brow.

O Blessed Host, I trust in You when everything conspires against me and black despair creeps into my soul.

O Blessed Host, I trust in You when my eyes will begin to grow dim to all temporal things and, for the first time, my spirit will behold the unknown worlds. 112


O Blessed Host, I trust in You when my tasks will be beyond my strength and adversity will become my daily lot.

O Blessed Host I trust in You when the practice of virtue will appear difficult for me and my nature will grow rebellious.

O Blessed Host, I trust in You when hostile blows will be aimed against me.

O Blessed Host, I trust in You when my toils and efforts will be misjudged by others.

O Blessed Host, I trust in You when Your judgments will resound over me; it is then that I will trust in the sea of Your mercy.

357 +Most Holy Trinity, I trust in Your infinite mercy. God is my Father and so I, His child, have every claim to His divine Heart; and the greater the darkness, the more complete our trust should be.


358 I do not understand how it is possible not to trust in Him who can do all things. With Him, everyhing; without Him, nothing. He is Lord. He will not allow those who have placed all their trust in Him to be put to shame.


359 (151) January 10, 1935. +Thursday. In the evening during benediction,85 such thoughts as these began to distress me: Is not perhaps all this that I am saying about God‟s great mercy just a lie or an illusion…..? And I wanted to think about this for a while, when I heard a strong and clear inner voice saying, Everything that you say about My goodness is true; language has no adequate expression to extol My goodness. These words were so filled with power and so clear that I would give my life in declaring they came from god. I can tell this by the profound peace that accompanied them at that time and that still remains with me. This peace gives me such great strength and power that all difficulties, adversities, sufferings, and death itself are as nothing. This light gave me a glimpse of the truth that all my efforts to bring souls to know the mercy of the Lord are very pleasing to God. And from this springs such great joy in my soul that I do not know whether it could be any grater in heaven. Oh, if souls would only be willing to listen, at least a little, to the voice of conscience and the voice – that is, the inspirations – of the Holy Spirit! I say “at least a little,” because once we open ourselves to the influence of the Holy Spirit, He Himself will fulfill what is lacking in us.


+New Year 1935

360 Jesus likes to intervene in the smallest details of our life, and He often fulfills secret wishes of mine that I sometimes hide from Him, although I know that from Him nothing can be hidden.


There is a custom among us of drawing by lot, on New Year‟s Day, special Patrons for ourselves for the whole year. In the morning during meditation, there arose within me a secret desire that the Eucharistic Jesus be my special Patron for this year also, as in the past. But, hiding this desire from my Beloved, I spoke to Him about everything else but that. When we came to refectory for breakfast, we blessed ourselves and began drawing our patrons. When I approached the holy cards on which the names of 113


the patrons were written, without hesitation I took one, but I didn‟t read the name immediately (152) as I wanted to mortify myself for a few minutes. Suddenly, I heard a voice in my soul: I am your patron. Read. I looked at once at the inscription and read, “Patron for the Year 1935 – the Most Blessed Eucharist.” My heart leapt with joy, and I slipped quietly away from the sisters and went for a short visit before the Blessed Sacrament, where I poured out my heart. But Jesus sweetly admonished me that I should be, at that moment, together with the sisters. I went immediately in obedience to the rule.

Holy Trinity, One God,

361 incomprehensible in the greatness of Your mercy for creatures, and especially for poor sinners, You have made known the abyss of Yours mercy, incomprehensible and unfathomable [as it is] to any mind, whether of man or angel. Our nothingness and our misery are drowned in Your greatness. O infinite goodness, who can ever praise You sufficiently? Can there be found a soul that understand You in Your love? O Jesus, there are such souls, but they are few.


362 +One day, during the morning meditation, I heard this voice: I Myself am your Director; I was, I am, and I will be. And since you asked for visible help, I chose and gave you a director even before you had asked, for My work required this. Know that the faults you commit against him wound My Heart. Be especially on your guard against self-willfulness; even the smallest thing should bear the seal of obedience.


With a crushed and humbled heart, I begged forgiveness of Jesus for these faults. I also begged pardon of my spiritual director and resolved to do nothing rather than to do many things wrongly.

363 O good Jesus, thank You for the great grace of making known to me what I am of myself: misery and sin, and nothing more. I can do only one thing of myself, and that is to offend You, O my God, because misery can do no more of itself than offend You, O infinite Goodness!


364 (153) +Once I was asked to pray for a certain soul. I decided at once to make a novena to the Merciful Lord to which I added a mortification; namely, that I would wear chains86 on both legs throughout Holy Mass. I had been doing this already for three days when I went to confession and told my spiritual director that I had undertaken this mortification, presuming permission to do so. I had thought he would not object, but I heard the contrary; that is, that I should do nothing without permission. O my Jesus, so it was willfulness again! But my falls do not discourage me; I know very well that I am misery [itself]. It was because of the condition of my health that I did not receive this permission, and my spiritual director was surprised that I had been allowing myself greater mortifications without his permission. I asked pardon for my self-willfulness, or rather for having presumed permission, and I asked him to change this mortification for another one.


365 My spiritual director replaced it with an interior mortification; namely, throughout Holy Mass I was to meditate on why the Lord Jesus had submitted to being baptized. The meditation was no mortifications for me, for thinking about God is a delight and not




mortification; but there was a mortification of the will in that I was not doing [simply] what I like, but what I was told to do, and it is in this that interior mortification consists. When I left the confessional and started to recite my penance, I heard these words: I have granted the grace you asked for on behalf of that soul, but not because of the mortification you chose for yourself, but because of the act of complete obedience to My representative did I grant grace to that soul for whom you interceded and begged mercy. Know that when you mortify your own self-will, then Mine reigns within you.


366 O my Jesus, be patient with me. I will be more careful in the future. I will rely, not upon myself, but upon Your grace and Your very great goodness to miserable me.


367 (154) +On one occasion, Jesus gave me to know that when I pray for intentions which people are wont to entrust to me, He is always ready to grant His graces, but souls do not always want to accept them: My Heart overflows with great mercy for souls, and especially for poor sinners. If only they could understand that I am the best of Fathers to them and that it is for them that the Blood and Water flowed from My Heart as from a fount overflowing with mercy. For them I dwell in the tabernacle as King of Mercy. I desire to bestow My graces upon souls, but they do not want to accept them. You, at least, come to Me as often as possible and take these graces they do not want to accept. In this way you will console My Heart. Oh, how indifferent are souls to so much goodness, to so many proofs of love! My Heart drinks only of the ingratitude and forgetfulness of souls living in the world. They have time for everything, but they have no time to come to Me for graces.


So I turn to you, you – chosen souls, will you also fail to understand the love of My Heart? Here, too, My Heart finds disappointment; I do not find complete surrender to My love. So many reservations, so much distrust, so much caution. To comfort you, let Me tell you that there are souls living in the world who love Me dearly. I dwell in their hearts with delight. But they are few. In convents too, there are souls that fill My Heart with joy. They bear My features; therefore the Heavenly Father looks upon them with special pleasure. They will be a marvel to Angels and men. Their number is very small. They are a defense for the world before the justice of the Heavenly Father and a means of obtaining mercy for the world. The love and sacrifice of these souls sustain the world in existence. The infidelity of a soul especially chosen by Me wounds My Heart most painfully. Such infidelities are swords which pierce My Heart.

368 (155) January 29, 1935. This Tuesday morning during meditation, I had an interior vision of the Holy Father saying Mass. After the Pater Noster, he talked to Jesus about that matter which Jesus had ordered me to tell him. Although I have not spoken to the Holy Father personally, this matter was taken care of by someone else [Father Sopocko87]; at this moment, however, I knew by interior knowledge that the Holy Father was considering this matter, which will soon come to pass in accordance with the desires of Jesus.


369 Before the eight-day retreat, I went to my spiritual director and asked him for certain mortifications for the time of the retreat. However, I did not receive permission for everything I asked for, but for some things only. I received permission for one hour of




meditation on the Passion of the Lord Jesus and for a certain humiliation. But I was a little dissatisfied at not receiving permission for everything I had asked. When we returned home, I dropped into the chapel for a moment, and then I heard this voice in my soul: There is more merit to one hour of meditation on My sorrowful Passion than there is to a whole year of flagellation that draws blood; the contemplation of My painful wounds is of great profit to you, and it brings Me great joy. I am surprised that you still have not completely renounced your self-will, but I rejoice exceedingly that this change will be accomplished during the retreat.


370 That same day, when I was in church waiting for confession, I saw the same rays issuing from the monstrance and spreading throughout the church. This lasted all through the service. After the Benediction, [the rays shone out] to both sides and returned again to the monstrance. Their appearance was bright and transparent like crystal. I asked Jesus that He deign to light the fire of His love in all souls that were cold. Beneath these rays a heart will grow warm even if it were like a block of ice; even if it were hard as a rock, it will crumble into dust.



(156) J.M.J. Vilnius, February 4, 1935

Eight-day retreat.

371 Jesus, King of Mercy, again the time has come when I am alone with You. Therefore I beg You, by all the love with which Your Heart burns, to destroy completely within me my self-love and, on the other hand, to enkindle in my heart the fire of Your purest love.


372 In the evening, after the conference, I heard these words” I am with you. During this retreat, I will strengthen you in peace and in courage so that your strength will not fail in carrying out My designs. Therefore, you will cancel out your will absolutely in this retreat and, instead, My complete will shall be accomplished in you. Know that it will cost you much, so write these words on a clean sheet of paper: “From today on, my own will does not exist,” and the cross out the page. And on the other side write these words: “From today on, I do the will of God everywhere, always, and in everything.” Be afraid of nothing; love will give you strength and make the realization of this easy.


373 In the fundamental meditation about the goal; that is, of choosing love: the soul must love; it has need of living. The soul must divert the stream of its love, but not into the mud or into a vacuum, but into God. How I rejoice when I reflect on this, for I feel clearly that He Himself is in my heart. Just Jesus alone! I love creatures insofar as they help me to become united with God. I love all people because I see the image of God in them.




374 (157) J.M.J. Vilnius, February 4, 1935

From today on, my own will does not exist.

The moment I knelt down to cross out my own will, as the Lord had bid me to do, I heard this voice in my soul: From today on, do not fear God‟s judgment, for you will not be judged. 117



(158) J. M. J. Vilnius, February 4, 1935

From today on, I do the Will of God

Everywhere, always, and in everything.88 118



(159) J.M.J. Vilnius, February 8, 1935

375 Particular interior practice; that is, the examination of conscience. Self-denial of my own


I. The denial of my reason. Subjecting it to the reason of those who represent God God to Me here on earth.

II The denial of my will. Doing the will of God, which is revealed in the will of those who represent God to me and which is contained in the rule of our order.

III The denial of my judgment. Accepting immediately and without reflection, analysis or reasoning all orders given by those who represent God to me.

IV. The denial of my tongue. I will not give it the least bit of freedom; but in one case only I will give it complete freedom; that is, in proclaiming the glory of God. Whenever I receive Holy Communion, I will ask Jesus to fortify and cleanse my tongue that I may not injure my neighbor with it. That is why I have the greatest respect for the rule which speaks about silence.


376 My Jesus, I trust that Your grace will help me to carry out these resolutions. Although the above points are contained in the vow of obedience. I want to practice these things in a special way, because this is the essence of the religious life. Merciful Jesus, I beg You fervently to enlighten my mind so that I may come to know You better, You who are the Infinite Being, and that I may get to know myself better, who am nothingness itself.

377 (160) Concerning Holy Confession. We should derive two kinds of profit from Holy Confession:

1. We come to confession to be healed;

2. We come to be educated – like a small child, our soul has constant need of education.

O my Jesus, I understand these words to their very depths, and I know from my own experience that, on its own strength, the soul will not go far; it will exert itself greatly and will do nothing for the glory of God; it will err continually, because our mind is darkened and does not know how to discern its own affairs. I shall pay special attention to two things: firstly, I will choose, in making my confession, that which humiliates me most, even if it be a trifle, but something that costs me much, and for that reason I will tell it; secondly, I will practice contrition, not only during confession, but during every self-examination, and I will arouse within myself an act of perfect contrition, especially when I am going to bed. One more word: a soul which sincerely 119


wants to advance in perfection must observe strictly the advice given by the spiritual director. There is as much holiness as there is dependence.

378 Once, as I was talking with my spiritual director, I had an interior vision – quicker than lightning – of his soul in great suffering, in such agony that God touches very few souls with such fire. The suffering arises from this work. There will come a time when this work, which God is demanding so very much, will be as though utterly undone. And then God will act with great power, which will give evidence of its authenticity. It will be a new splendor for the Church, although it has been dormant in it from long ago. That God is infinitely merciful, no one can deny. He desires everyone to know this before He comes again as Judge. He wants souls to come to know Him first as King of mercy. When this triumph comes, we shall already have entered the new life in which there is no suffering. But before this, your soul [of the spiritual director] will be surfeited with bitterness at the sight of the destruction of your efforts. However, this will only appear to be so, because what God has once decided upon, He does not change. But although this destruction (161) will be such only in outward appearance, the suffering will be real. When will this happen? I do not know. How long will it last? I do not know.89 But God has promised a great grace especially to you and to all those … who will proclaim My great mercy. I shall protect them Myself at the hour of death, as My own glory. And even if the sins of souls were as dark as night, when the sinner turns to My mercy, he gives Me the greatest praise and is the glory of My Passion. When a soul extols My goodness, Satan trembles before it and flees to the very bottom of hell.

379 During one of the adorations, Jesus promised me that: With souls that have recourse to My mercy and with those that glorify and proclaim My great mercy to others, I will deal according to My infinite mercy at the hour of their death.

My Heart is sorrowful, Jesus said, because even chosen souls do not understand the greatness of My mercy. Their relationship [with Me] is, in certain ways, imbued with mistrust. Oh, how much that wounds My Heart! Remember My Passion, and if you do not believe My words, at least believe My wounds.

380 I make no movement, no gesture after my own liking, because I am bound by grace; I always consider what is more pleasing to Jesus.


381 When meditating once on obedience, I heard these words: In this meditation, the priest90 is speaking particularly for you. Know that I am borrowing his lips. I tried to listen most attentively to everything and to apply everything to my own heart, as in every meditation. When the priest said that an obedient soul was filled with the power of God….. Yes, when you are obedient I take away your weakness and replace it with My strength. I am very surprised that souls do not want to make that exchange with Me. I said to the Lord, “Jesus, enlighten my heart, or else I, too, will not understand much from these words.”




382 (162) I know that I live, not for myself, but for a great number of souls. I know that graces granted me are not for me alone, but for souls. O Jesus, the abyss of Your mercy has been poured into my soul, which is an abyss of misery itself. Thank You, Jesus, for the graces and the pieces of the cross which You give me at each moment of my life.


383 At the beginning of the retreat, I saw, on the ceiling of the chapel, Jesus nailed to the Cross. He was looking at the sisters with great love, but not at all of them. There were three sisters at whom Jesus looked severely, for what reasons I do not know. I only know what a terrible thing it is to meet with such a look, which is the look of a severe Judge. That look was not directed at me, and yet I was paralyzed with terror. I still tremble as I write these words. I did not dare to say so much as a single word to Jesus. My physical strength failed me, and I thought I would not live to the end of the conference. The next day, I saw the same thing again, just as I had seen it the first time, and this time I dared to speak these words: “Jesus, how great is Your mercy!”


On the third day, that gaze of great kindness upon all the sisters, except the three, was again repeated. I gathered up my courage, which drew its force from love of neighbor, and I said to the Lord, “You, who are Mercy Itself, as You Yourself told me, I beg You by the power of Your mercy, to look then with kindness at these three sisters as well. And if this is not in accord with Your wisdom, I ask You for an exchange: turn to them the kind look meant for my soul, and let Your severe gaze at their souls be turned on me.” Jesus then said to me these words: My daughter, for the sake of your sincere and generous love, I grant them many graces although they are not asking Me for them. But I am doing so because of the promise I have made to you. And at that moment, He turned a merciful look towards those three sisters as well. My heart leapt with joy to see the goodness of God.

384 (163) When I stayed for adoration from nine to ten o‟clock, four other sisters stayed, too. When I approached the altar and began to meditate on the Passion of the Lord Jesus, a terrible pain immediately filled my soul because of the ingratitude of so many souls living in the world; but particularly painful was the ingratitude of souls especially chosen by God. There is no notion or comparison [which can describe it]. At the sight of this blackest ungratefulness I felt as though my heart were torn open; my strength failed me completely, and I fell on my face, not attempting to hide my loud cries. Each time I thought of God‟s great mercy and of the ingratitude of souls, pain stabbed at my heart, and I understood how painfully it wounded the sweetest Heart of Jesus. With a burning heart, I renewed my act of self-oblation on behalf of sinners.


385 With joy and longing, I have pressed my lips to the bitterness of the cup which I receive each day at Holy Mass. It is the share which Jesus has allotted to me for each moment, and I will not relinquish it to anyone. I will comfort the most sweet Eucharistic Heart continuously and will play harmonious melodies on the strings of my heart. Suffering is the most harmonious melody of all. I will assiduously search out that which will make Your Heart rejoice today! 121


The days of my life are not monotonous. When dark clouds cover the sun, like the eagle I will try to brave the billows and make known to others that the sun is not dying out.

386 I feel that God will let me draw aside the veils [of heaven] so that the earth will not doubt His goodness. God is not subject to eclipse or change. He is forever one and the same; nothing can contradict His will. I feel within myself a power greater than human. I feel courage and strength thanks to the grace that dwells in me. I understand souls who are suffering against hope, for I have gone through that fire myself. But God will not give [us anything] beyond our strength. Often have I lived hoping against hope, and have advanced my hope to complete trust in God. Let that which He has ordained from all ages happen to me.

(164) A general principle.

387 It would be a very ugly thing for a religious to seek relief from suffering.


388 See what grace and reflection made out of the greatest criminal. He who is dying has much love: “Remember me when You are in paradise.” Heartfelt repentance immediately transforms the soul. The spiritual life is to be lived earnestly and sincerely.


389 Love must be reciprocal. If Jesus tasted the fullness of bitterness for me, then I, His bride, will accept all bitterness as proof of my love for Him.


390 He who knows how to forgive prepares for himself many graces from God. As often as I look upon the cross, so often will I forgive with all my heart.


391 Through Holy Baptism, we entered into union with other souls. Death tightens the bonds of love. I ought always to be of help to others. If I am a good religious, I will be useful, not only to the Order, but to the whole Country as well.


392 The Lord God grants His graces in two ways: by inspiration and by enlightenment. If we ask God for a grace, He will give it to us; but let us be willing to accept it. And in order to accept it, self-denial is needed. Love does not consist in words or feelings, but in deeds. It is an act of the will; it is a gift; that is to say, a giving. The reason, the will, the heart – these three faculties must be exercised during prayer. I will rise from the dead in Jesus, but first I must live in Him. If I do not separate myself from the Cross, then the Gospel will be revealed in me. Jesus in me makes up for all my deficiencies. His grace operates without ceasing. The Holy Trinity grants me Its life abundantly, by the gift of the Holy Spirit. The Three Divine Persons live in me. When God loves, He loves with all His Being, with all the power of His Being. If God has loved me in this way, how should I respond – I, His spouse?


393 (165) During one conference, Jesus said to me, You are a sweet grape in a chosen cluster; I want others to have a share in the juice that is flowing within you.




394 During the renewal of the vows,91 I saw the Lord Jesus on the Epistle side [of the altar], wearing a white garment with a golden belt and holding a terrible sword in His hand. This lasted until the moment when the sisters began to renew their vows. Then I saw resplendence beyond compare and, in front of this brilliance, a white cloud in the shape of a scale. Then Jesus approached and put the sword on one side of the scale, and it fell heavily towards the ground until it was about to touch it. Just then, the sisters finished renewing their vows. Then I saw Angels who took something from each of the sisters and placed it in a golden vessel somewhat in the shape of a thurible. When they had collected it from all the sisters and placed the vessel on the other side of the scale, it immediately outweighed and raised up the side on which the sword had been laid. At that moment, a flame issued forth from the thurible, and it reached all the way to the brilliance. Then I heard a voice coming from the brilliance: Put the sword back in its place; the sacrifice is greater. Then Jesus gave us His blessing, and all I had seen vanished. The sisters had already begun to receive Holy Communion. When I received Holy Communion, my soul was filled with such great joy that I am unable to describe it.


395 [February] 15, 1935. A visit for a few days to my family home92 to see my dying mother.


When I learned that my mother was seriously ill and near death, and that she had asked that I come home, as she wanted to see me once more before dying, a host of emotions were awakened in my heart. As a child who sincerely loves its mother, I wanted very much to fulfill her wish. But I left this to God and resigned myself completely to His will. Paying no heed to the ache in my heart, I followed God‟s will. On the morning of my name day, February fifteen, (166) Mother Superior gave me a second letter from my family and granted me permission to go to my parents‟ home to fulfill the wish and request of my dying mother. I began at once to make the necessary preparations for the journey and left Vilnius in the evening. I offered the whole night for my seriously ill mother, that God might grant her the grace of losing none of the merits of her suffering.

396 My traveling companions were very kind; several women of the Sodality of Mary were in the same compartment with me. I sensed that one of them was suffering greatly and fighting a difficult battle in her soul. I began to pray in spirit for this soul. At eleven o‟clock these women went to another compartment for a chat, leaving only the two of us behind in the carriage. I could feel that my prayer was causing this soul‟s struggle to become even fiercer. I did not console her, but prayed all the more fervently. Finally, the lady turned to me and asked if she was obliged to fulfill a certain promise which she had made to God. At that moment, I received inner knowledge of the promise and replied, “You are absolutely obliged to keep it, or else you will be miserable for the rest of your life. This thought will pursue you everywhere and give you no peace.” Surprised at my answer, she opened her soul to me.


She was a schoolteacher. When she was about to take her examinations, she had promised God that if she did well in her examinations she would devote herself to His service; that is, enter a religious congregation. She passed the examinations very well. “But,” she said, “when I entered into the hustle and bustle of the world, I 123


no longer wanted to enter a convent. However, my conscience has given me no peace, and despite amusements I am always unhappy.”

After a lengthy conversation, she was completely changed and told me that she would immediately take steps to enter a convent. She asked me to pray for her, and I felt that God would be generous with His grace.

397 That morning I arrived in Warsaw, and at eight o‟clock that evening I was already at home. What a joy it was for my parents and for the whole family! It is difficult to describe it. (167) My mother‟s health had improved a bit, but the doctor gave no hope of complete recovery. After greeting each other, we knelt down to thank God for the grace of being able to be together once again in this life.


398 When I saw how my father prayed, I was very much ashamed that, after so many years in the convent, I was not able to pray with such sincerity and fervor. And so I never cease thanking God for such parents.


399 Oh, how everything had changed beyond recognition during those ten years! The garden had been so small, and now I could not recognize it. My brothers and sisters had still been children, and now they were all grown up. I was surprised that I did not find them as they had been when we parted. Stanley accompanied me to church every day. I felt that he was very pleasing to God.


400 On the last day, when everyone had left the church, I went before the Blessed Sacrament with him, and together we recited the Te Deum. After a moment of silence, I offered his soul to the Sweetest Heart of Jesus. How easy it was to pray in that little church! I remembered all the graces that I had received there, and which I had not understood at the time and had so often abused. I wondered how I could have been so blind. And as I was thus regretting my blindness, I suddenly saw the Lord Jesus, radiant wish unspeakable beauty, and He said to me with kindness, My chosen one, I will give you even greater graces that you may be the witness of My infinite mercy throughout all eternity.


401 The days at home passed in much company, as everybody wanted to se me and talk with me. Often I could count as many as twenty-five people there. They listened with great interest to my accounts of the lives of the saints. It seemed to me that our house was truly the house of God, as each evening we talked about nothing but God. When, tired from these talks and yearning for solitude and silence, I quietly slipped out into the garden in the evening so I could converse with God alone, even in this I was unsuccessful; immediately my brothers and sisters came and took me into the house and, once again, I had to talk, with all those eyes fixed on me. (168) But I struck on one way of getting some respite; I asked my brothers to sing for me, inasmuch as they had lovely voices; and besides, one played the violin and another, the mandolin. And during this time I was able to devote myself to interior prayer without shunning their company.


What also cost me a lot was that I had to kiss the children. The women I knew came with their children and asked me to take them in my arms, at least for a moment, and kiss them. They regarded this as a great favor, and for me it was a chance to practice virtue, since many of the children were quite dirty. But in order 124


to overcome my feelings and show no repugnance, I would kiss such a dirty child twice. Once of these friends came with a child whose eyes were diseased and filled with pus, and she said to me, “Sister, take it in your arms for a moment, please.” My nature recoiled, but not paying attention to anything, I took the child and kissed it twice, right on the infection, asking God to heal it.

I had many opportunities to practice virtue. I listened to people pour out their grievances, and I saw that no heart was joyful, because no heart truly loved God; and this did not surprise me at all. I was very sorry not to have seen two of my sisters. I felt interiorly that their souls were in great danger. Pain gripped my heart at the thought of them. Once, when I felt very close to God, I fervently asked the Lord to grant them grace, and the Lord answered me, I am granting them not only necessary graces, but special graces as well. I understood that the Lord would call them to a greater union with Him. I rejoice immensely that such great love reigns in our family.

402 As I was taking leave of my parents and asking for their blessing, I felt the power of the grace of God being poured out upon my soul. My father, my mother and my godmother blessed me with tears in their eyes, wishes me the greatest faithfulness to God‟s graces, and begged me never to forget how many graces God had granted me in calling me to the religious life. They asked me to pray for them. (169) Although everyone was crying, I did not shed a single tear; I tried to be brave and comforted them as best I could, reminding them of heaven where there would be no more parting. Stanley walked me to the car. I told him how much God loves pure souls and assured him God was satisfied with him. When I was telling him about the goodness of god and of how He thinks of us, he burst out crying like a little child, and I was not surprised, for this was a pure soul and, as such, more capable of recognizing God.


403 Once I was in the car, I let my heart have its way, and I, too, cried like a baby, for joy that God was granting our family so many graces, and I became steeped in a prayer of thanksgiving.


By evening I was already in Warsaw. Firstly, I greeted the Lord of the house [Jesus in the Eucharist], and then I went to greet the whole community.

404 When I entered the chapel to say goodnight to the Lord before retiring, and apologized for having talked so little to Him when I was at home, I heard a voice within my soul, I am very pleased that you had not been talking with Me, but were making My goodness known to souls and rousing them to love Me.


405 Mother Superior [Mary Joseph] said to me, “We are both going to Jozefinek tomorrow, Sister, and you will have chance to talk with Mother General [Michael].” I was delighted. Mother General was ever the same, full of goodness, peace and the Spirit of God. I had a long talk with her. We attended the afternoon service. The Litany of the Sacred Heart of Jesus was sung. The Lord Jesus was exposed in the monstrance.


406 After a short while, I saw the little Jesus, who came out from the Host and rested in my hands. This lasted for a moment; immense joy flooded my soul. The Child




Jesus had the same appearance as He had the time we entered the Chapel with Mother Superior – my former Directress, Mary Joseph. The next day I was already back in my beloved Vilnius.


407 Oh, how happy I felt to be back in our convent! I felt as though I was entering the convent for the second time. I took unending delight in the silence and peace in which the soul can so easily immerse itself in God, helped by everyone and disturbed by no one.


(170) The Great Lent

408 When I become immersed in the Lord‟s Passion, I often see the Lord Jesus, during adoration, in this manner: after the scourging, the torturers took the Lord and stripped Him of His own garment, which had already adhered to the wounds; as they took it off, His wounds reopened; then they threw a dirty and tattered scarlet cloak over the fresh wounds of the Lord. The cloak, in some places, barely reached His knees. They made Him sit on a piece of beam. And then they wove a crown of thorns, which they put on His sacred head. They put a reed in His hand and made fun of Him, bowing to Him as to a king. Some spat in His face, while others took the reed and struck Him on the head with it. Others caused him pain by slapping Him; still others covered His face and struck Him with their fists. Jesus bore all this with meekness. Who can comprehend Him – comprehend His suffering? Jesus‟ eyes were downcast. I sensed what was happening in the most sweet Heart of Jesus at that time. Let every soul reflect on what Jesus was suffering at that moment. They tried to outdo each other in insulting the Lord. I reflected: Where does such malice in man come from? It is caused by sin. Love and sin have met.


409 When I was attending Mass in a certain church with another sister, I felt the greatness and majesty of God; I felt the church was permeated by God. His majesty enveloped me and, though it terrified me, it filled me with peace and joy. I knew that nothing could oppose His will. Oh, if only all souls knew who is living in our churches, there would not be so many outrages and so much disrespect in these holy places!


410 O eternal and incomprehensible Love, I beg You for one grace: enlighten my mind with light from on high; help me to know and appreciate all things according to their value. I feel the greatest joy in my soul when I come to know the truth.


411 (171) March 21, 1935. Often during Mass, I see the Lord in my soul; I feel His presence which pervades my being. I sense His divine gaze; I have long talks with Him without saying a word; I know what His divine Heart desires, and I always do what will please Him the most. I love Him to distraction, and I feel that I am being loved by God. At those times, when I meet with God deep within myself, I feel so happy that I do not know how to express it. Such moments are short, for the soul could not bear it for long, as separation from the body would be inevitable. Though these moments are very short, their power, however, which is transmitted to the soul, remains with it for a very long time. Without the least effort, I experience the profound recollection which then envelops me – and it does not diminish even if I talk with people, nor does it interfere with the performance of my duties. I feel the




constant presence of God without any effort of my soul. I know that I am united with Him as closely as a drop of water is united with the bottomless ocean.


Last Thursday, toward the end of my prayers, I felt this grace, and it lasted for an unusually long time, for it was throughout Mass, so that I thought I would die of joy. At such times, my knowledge of God and his attributes becomes more acute, and also I know my own self and my misery much better. I am amazed at the Lord‟s great condescension to such a miserable soul as mine. After Holy Mass, I felt completely immersed in God and am still conscious of His every glance into the depth of my heart. About midday, I entered the chapel for a moment, and again the power of grace struck my heart. As I continued in a state of recollection, Satan took a flowerpot and angrily hurled it to the ground with all his might. I saw all his rage and his jealousy.

412 There was no one in the chapel, so I got up, picked up the pieces of the flowerpot, repotted the flower and tried to do all this before anyone came in. But I did not manage to do so, as Mother Superior [Borgia] came in at that moment together with the sister sacristan93 and several other sisters. Mother Superior was surprised that I had been touching something on the altar and (172) thus caused the flowerpot to fall. Sister sacristan showed her displeasure, and I did my best not to explain or excuse myself. But towards evening I felt very exhausted and could not make my Holy Hour, so I asked Mother Superior to allow me to go to bed early. I feel asleep as soon as I lay down, but at about eleven o‟clock Satan shook my bed. I awoke instantly, and I started to pray peacefully to my Guardian Angel. Then I saw the souls who were doing penance in purgatory. They appeared like shadows, and among them I saw many demons. One of these tried to vex me; taking the form of a cat, he kept throwing himself onto my bed and on my feet, and he was quite heavy, as if [weighing] a ton.


I kept praying the rosary all the while, and toward dawn these beings vanished, and I was able to get some sleep. When I entered the chapel in the morning I heard a voice in my soul, You are united to Me; fear nothing. But know, my child, that Satan hates you; he hates every soul, but he burns with a particular hatred for you, because you have snatched so many souls from his dominion.

Holy Thursday, April 18

413 This morning I heard these words: From today until the [celebration of the] Resurrection, you will not feel My presence, but your soul will be filled with great longing. And immediately a great longing filled my soul; I felt a separation from my beloved Jesus, and when the moment for Holy Communion came, I saw the suffering Face of Jesus in every Host [contained] in the chalice. From that moment, I felt a more intense yearning in my heart.


414 On Good Friday, at three o‟clock in the afternoon, when I entered the chapel, I heard these words: I desire that the image be publicly (173) honored. Then I saw the Lord Jesus dying on the Cross amidst great suffering, and out of the Heart of Jesus came the same two rays as are in the image.




415 Saturday. During Vespers, I saw the Lord Jesus radiant as the sun, in a bright garment, and He said to me, May your heart be joyful. And great joy flooded me, and I was penetrated with God‟s presence, which for the soul, is a treasure beyond words.


416 When the image was displayed,94 I saw a sudden movement of the hand of Jesus, as He made a large sign of the cross. In the evening of the same day, when I had gone to bed, I saw the image going over the town, and the town was covered with what appeared to be a mesh and nets. As Jesus passed, He cut through all the nets and finally made a large sign of the cross and disappeared. I saw myself surrounded by a multitude of malicious figures burning with hatred for me. Various threats came from their lips, but none of them touched me. After a moment, this apparition vanished, but for a long time I could not get to sleep.


417 [April] 26. On Friday, when I was at Ostra Brama to attend the ceremony during which the image was displayed, I heard a sermon given by my confessor [Father Sopocko]. This sermon about divine Mercy was the first of the things that Jesus had asked for so very long ago. When he began to speak about the great mercy of the Lord, the image came alive and the rays pieced the hearts of the people gathered there, but not all to the same degree. Some received more, some less. Great joy filled my soul to see the grace of God.


(174) Then I heard the words, You are a witness of My mercy. You shall stand before My throne forever as a living witness to My mercy.


418 When the sermon was over, I did not wait for the end of the service, as I was in a hurry to get back home. When I had taken a few steps, a great multitude of demons blocked my way. They threatened me with terrible tortures, and voices could be heard: “She has snatched away everything we have worked for over so many years!” When I asked them, “Where have you come from in such great numbers?” the wicked forms answered, “Out of human hearts; stop tormenting us!”


419 Seeing their great hatred for me, I immediately asked my Guardian Angel for help, and at once the bright and radiant figure of my Guardian Angel appeared and said to me, “Do not fear, spouse of my Lord; without His permission these spirits will do you no harm.” Immediately the evil spirits vanished, and the faithful Guardian Angel accompanied me, in a visible manner, right to the very house. His look was modest and peaceful, and a flame of fire sparkled from his forehead.


O Jesus, I would like to toil and wear myself out and suffer all my life for that one moment in which I saw Your glory, O lord, and profit for souls.

Sunday, [April] 28, 1935.

420 Low Sunday; that is, the Feast of The Divine Mercy, the conclusion of the Jubilee of Redemption. When we went to take part in the celebrations, my heart leapt with joy that the two solemnities were so closely united. I asked God for mercy on the souls of sinners. Toward the end of the service, when the priest took the Blessed Sacrament to bless the people, I saw the Lord Jesus as He is represented in the image. The Lord gave His blessing, and the rays extended over the whole world. 128


Suddenly, I saw an impenetrable brightness in the form of a crystal dwelling place, woven together from waves of brilliance unapproachable (175) to both creatures and spirits. Three doors led to this resplendence. At that moment, Jesus, as He is represented in the image, entered this resplendence through the second door to the Unity within. It is a triple United, which is incomprehensible – which is infinity. I head a voice, This Feast emerged from the very depths of My mercy, and it is confirmed in the vast depths of My tender mercies. Every soul believing and trusting in My mercy will obtain it. I was overjoyed at the immense goodness and greatness of my God.

April 29, 1935

421 On the eve of the exposition of the image, I went with our Mother Superior to visit our confessor [Father Sopocko]. When the conversation touched upon the image, the confessor asked for one of the sisters to help make some wreaths. Mother Superior replied, “Sister Faustina will help.” I was delighted at this, and when we returned home, I immediately set about preparing some greens, and with the help of one of our wards brought them over. Another person, who works at the church, also helped. Everything was ready by seven o‟clock that evening, and the image was already hanging in its place. However, some ladies saw me standing around there, for I was more a bother than a help, and on the next day they asked the sisters what this beautiful image was and what was its significance. Surely these sisters would know, [they thought] as one of them had helped adorn it the day before. The sisters were very surprised as they knew nothing about it; they all wanted to see it and immediately they began to suspect me. They said, “Sister Faustina must certainly know all about it.”

When they began asking me, I was silent, since I could not tell the truth. My silence increased their curiosity, and I was even more on my guard not to tell a lie and not to tell the truth, since I had no permission [to do so]. Then they started to show their displeasure and reproached me openly saying, “How is it that (176) outsiders know about this and we, nothing?” Various judgments were being made about me. I suffered much for three days, but a special power took over in my soul. I was happy to suffer for God and for the souls that have been granted His mercy during these days. Seeing that so many souls have been granted divine mercy these days, I regard as nothing even the greatest suffering and toil, even if they were to continue till the end of the world; for they will come to an end, while these souls have been saved from torments that are without end. It was a great joy for me to see others returning to the source of happiness, the bosom of The Divine Mercy.

422 Seeing Father Sopocko‟s sacrifice and efforts for this work, I admired his patience and humility. This all cost a great deal, not only in terms of toil and various troubles, but also of money; and Father Sopocko was taking care of all the expenses. I can see that Divine Providence had prepared him to carry out this work of mercy before I had asked God for this. Oh, how strange are your ways, O God! And how happy are the souls that follow the call of divine grace!




423 Praise the Lord, my soul, for everything, and glorify His mercy, for His goodness is without end. Everything will pass, but His mercy is without limit or end. And although evil will attain its measure, in mercy there is no measure.


O my God, even in the punishments You send down upon the earth I see the abyss of Your mercy, for by punishing us here on earth You free us from eternal punishment. Rejoice, all you creatures, for you are closer to God in His infinite mercy than a baby to its mother‟s heart. O God, You are compassion itself for the greatest sinners who sincerely repent. The greater the sinner, the greater his right to God‟s (177) mercy.

A Certain Moment, May 12, 1935

424 In the evening, I just about got into bed, and I fell asleep immediately. Though I fell asleep quickly, I was awakened even more quickly. A little child came and woke me up. The child seemed about a year old, and I was surprised it could speak so well, as children of that age either do not speak or speak very indistinctly. The child was beautiful beyond words and resembled the Child Jesus, and he said to me, Look at the sky. And when I looked at the sky I saw the stars and the moon shining. Then the child asked me, Do you see this moon and these stars? When I said yes, he spoke these words to me, These stars are the souls of faithful Christians, and the moon is the souls of religious. Do you see how great the difference is between the light of the moon and the light of the stars? Such is the difference in heaven between the soul of a religious and the soul of a faithful Christian. And he went on to say that, True greatness is in loving God and in humility.


425 Then I saw a soul which was being separated from its body amid great torment. O Jesus, as I am about to write this, I tremble at the sight of the horrible things that bear witness against him….. I saw the souls of little children and those of older ones, about nine years of age, emerging from some kind of a muddy abyss. The souls were foul and disgusting, resembling the most terrible monsters and decaying corpses. But the corpses were living and gave loud testimony against the dying soul. And the soul I saw dying was a soul full of the world‟s applause and honors, the end of which are emptiness and sin. Finally a woman came out who was holding something like tears in her apron, and she witnessed very strongly against him.


426 O terrible hour, (178) at which one is obliged to see all one‟s deeds in their nakedness and misery; not one of them is lost, they will all accompany us to God‟s judgment. I can find no words or comparisons to express such terrible things. And although it seems to me that this soul is not damned, nevertheless its torments are in no way different from the torments of hell; there is only this difference: that they will someday come to an end.


427 A moment later, I again saw the child who had awakened me. It was of wondrous beauty and repeated these words to me, True greatness of the soul is in loving God and in humility. I asked the child, “How do you know that true greatness of the soul is in loving God and in humility? Only theologians know about such things




and you haven‟t even learned the catechism. So how do you know?” To this He answered, I know; I know all things. And with that, He disappeared.


428 But I could no longer get to sleep; my mind became exhausted by thinking about the things I had seen. O human souls, how late you learn the truth! O abyss of God‟s mercy, pour yourself out as quickly as possible over the whole world, according to what You Yourself have said.


May, 1935. A Certain Moment.

429 When I became aware of God‟s great plans for me, I was frightened at their greatness and felt myself quite incapable of fulfilling them, and I began to avoid interior conversations with Him, filling up the time with vocal prayer. I did this out of humility, but I soon recognized it was not true humility, but rather a great temptation from the devil. When, on one occasion, instead of interior prayer, I took up a book of spiritual reading, I heard these words spoken distinctly and forcefully within my soul, You will prepare the world for My final coming. These words moved me deeply, and although I pretended (179) not to hear them, I understood them very well and had no doubt about them. Once, being tired out from this battle of love with God, and making constant excuses on the grounds that I was unable to carry out this task, I wanted to leave the chapel, but some force held me back and I found myself powerless. Then I heard these words, You intend to leave the chapel, but you shall not get away from Me, for I am everywhere. You cannot do anything of yourself, but with Me you can do all things.


430 When, in the course of the week, I went to see my confessor [Father Sopocko], and revealed the condition of my soul to him, especially the fact that I was avoiding interior conversation with God, I was told that I must not shrink from interior conversation with God, but should listen intently to the words He speaks to me.


431 I followed my confessor‟s advice, and at the first meeting with the Lord, I fell at Jesus‟ feet and, with a grief-stricken heart, apologized for everything. Then Jesus lifted me up from the ground and sat me beside Him and let me put my head on His breast, so that I could better understand and feel the desires of His most sweet Heart. Then he spoke these words to me, My daughter, have fear of nothing; I am always with you. All your adversaries will harm you only to the degree that I permit them to do so. You are my dwelling place and my constant repose. For your sake I will withhold the hand which punishes; for your sake I bless the earth.


432 At that very moment, I felt some kind of fire in my heart. I feel my senses deadening and have no idea of what is going on around me. I feel the Lord‟s gaze piercing me through and through. I am very much aware of His greatness and my misery. An extraordinary suffering pervades my soul, together with a joy I cannot compare to anything. If eel powerless in the embrace of God. I feel that I am in Him and that I am dissolved in Him like a drop of water in the ocean. I cannot express what takes place within me; after such interior prayer, I feel strength and power to practice the most difficult virtues. I feel dislike for all things that the world holds in esteem. With all my soul I desire silence and solitude.




433 (180) May, 1935. During a Forty Hours Devotion I saw the face of the Lord Jesus in the Sacred Host which was exposed in the monstrance. Jesus was looking with kindness at everyone.


434 I often see the Child Jesus during Holy Mass. He is extremely beautiful. He appears to be about one year old. Once, when I saw the same Child during Mass in our chapel, I was seized with a violent desire and an irresistible longing to approach the altar and take the Child Jesus. At that moment, the Child Jesus was standing by me on the side of my kneeler, and He leaned with His two little hands against my shoulder, gracious and joyful, His look deep and penetrating. But when the priest broke the Host, Jesus was once again on the altar, and was broken and consumed by the priest.


After Holy Communion, I saw Jesus in the same way in my heart and felt Him physically in my heart throughout the day. Unconsciously, a most profound recollection took possession of me, and I did not exchange a word with anyone. I avoided people as much as I could, always answering questions regarding my duties, but beyond that, not a word.

June 9, 1935. Pentecost.

435 As I was walking in the garden in the evening, I heard these words: By your entreaties, you and your companions shall obtain mercy for yourselves and for the world. I understood that I would not remain in the Congregation in which I am at the present time.95 I saw clearly that God‟s will regarding me was otherwise. But I kept making excuses before God, telling Him that I was unable to carry out this task. “Jesus, You know very well what I am” [I said], and I started enumerating my weaknesses to the Lord, hiding behind them so that He would agree that I was unable to carry out (181) His plans. Then I heard these words: Do not fear; I Myself will make up for everything that is lacking in you. But these words penetrated me to my depths and made me even more aware of my misery, and I understood that the word of the Lord is living and that it penetrates to the very depths. I understood that God demands a more perfect way of life of me. However, I kept using my incompetence as an excuse.


436 June 29, 1935. When I talked to my spiritual director [Father Sopocko] about various things that the Lord was asking of me, I thought he would tell me that I was incapable of accomplishing all those things, and that the Lord Jesus did not use miserable souls like me for the works He wanted done. But I heard words [to the effect] that it was just such souls that God chooses most frequently to carry out His plans. This priest is surely guided by the Spirit of God; he has penetrated the secrets of my soul, the deepest secrets which were between me and God, about which I had not yet spoken to him, because I had not understood them myself, and the Lord had not clearly ordered me to tell him. The secret is this: God demands that there be a congregation which will proclaim the mercy of God to the world and, by its prayers, obtain it for the world. When the priest asked me if I had not had any such inspirations, I replied that I had not had any clear orders; but at that instant a light penetrated my soul, and I understood that the Lord was speaking through him.




437 In vain had I defended myself by saying I had not received any clear orders, for at the end of our conversation I saw the Lord Jesus on the threshold, as He is represented in the image, and He said to me, I desire that there be such a Congregation.96 This lasted only a moment. (182) Yet I did not tell him about it right away, as I was in a hurry to get back home, and I kept repeating to the Lord, “I am unable to carry out Your plans, O Lord!” But, strangely enough, Jesus paid no attention to my appeals, but gave me to see and understand how pleasing this work was to Him. He took no account of my weakness, but gave me to know how many difficulties I must overcome. And I, His poor creature, could say nothing but “I am incapable of it, O my God!”


438 June 30, 1935. At the very beginning of Holy Mass on the following day, I saw Jesus in all His unspeakable beauty. He said to me that he desired that such a Congregation be founded as soon as possible, and you shall live in it together with your companions. My Spirit shall be the rule of your life. Your life is to be modeled on Mine, from the crib to My death on the Cross. Penetrate My mysteries, and you will know the abyss of My mercy towards creatures and My unfathomable goodness – and this you shall make known to the world. Through your prayers, you shall mediate between heaven and earth.


439 Then came the moment to receive Holy Communion, and Jesus disappeared, and I saw a great brightness. Then I heard these words: We give Our blessing, and at that moment a bright ray issued from that light and pierced my heart; an extraordinary fire was enkindled in my soul – I thought I would die of joy and happiness. I felt the separation of my spirit from my body. I felt totally immersed in God. I felt I was snatched up by the Almighty, like a particle of dust, into unknown expanses.


Trembling with joy in the embrace of the Creator, I felt He Himself was supporting me so that I could bear this great happiness and gaze at His Majesty. Know now that, if He Himself had not (183) first strengthened me by His grace, my soul would not have been able to hear the happiness, and I would have died in an instant. Holy Mass came to an end I know not when, for it was beyond my power to pay attention to what was going on in the chapel. But when I recovered my senses, I felt the strength and courage to do God‟s will; nothing seemed difficult to me; and whereas I had previously been making excuses to the Lord, I now felt the Lord‟s courage and strength within me, and I said to the Lord, “I am ready for every beck and call of Your will!” Interiorly, I had gone through everything that I was going to experience in the future.

440 O my Creator and Lord, my entire being is Yours! Dispose of me according to Your divine pleasure and according to Your eternal plans and Your unfathomable mercy. May every soul know how good the Lord is; may no soul fear to commune intimately with the Lord; may no soul use unworthiness as an excuse, and may it never postpone [accepting] God‟s invitations, for that is not pleasing to the Lord. There is no soul more wretched than I am, as I truly know myself, and I am astounded that divine Majesty stoops so low. O eternity, it seems to me that you are too short to extol [adequately] the infinite mercy of the Lord!




441 Once, the image was being exhibited over the altar during the Corpus Christi procession [June 20, 1935]. When the priest exposed the Blessed Sacrament, and the choir began to sing, the rays from image pierced the Sacred Host and spread out all over the world. Then I heard these words: These rays of mercy will pass through you, just as they have passed through this Host, and they will go out (184) through all the world. At these words, profound joy invaded my soul.


442 Once when my confessor [Father Sopocko] was saying Mass, I saw, as usual, the Child Jesus on the altar, from the time of the Offertory. However, a moment before the Elevation, the priest vanished from my sight, and Jesus alone remained. When the moment of the Elevation approached, Jesus took the Host and the chalice in His little hands and raised them together, looking up to heaven, and a moment later I again saw my confessor. I asked the Child Jesus where the priest had been during the time I had not seen him. Jesus answered, In My Heart. But I could not understand anything more of these words of Jesus.


443 On one occasion I heard these words, I desire that you live according to My will, in the most secret depths of your soul. I reflected on these words, which spoke very much to my heart. This was on the day of confessions for the community. When I went to confession and had accused myself of my sins, the priest [Father Sopocko] repeated to me the same words that the Lord had previously spoken.


444 The priest spoke these profound words to me, “There are three degrees in the accomplishment of God‟s will: in the first, the soul carries out all rules and statutes pertaining to external observance; in the second degree, the soul accepts interior inspiration and carries them out faithfully; in the third degree, the soul, abandoned to the will of God, allows Him to dispose of it freely, and God does with it as, He pleases, and it is a docile tool in His hands.” And the priest said that I was at the second degree in the accomplishment of God‟s will and that I had not yet reached the (185) third degree, but that I should strive to attain it. These words pierced my soul. I see clearly that God often gives the priest knowledge of what is going on in the depths of my soul. This does not surprise me at all; indeed, I thank God that He has such chosen persons.


Thursday, Nocturnal Adoration.

445 When I came for adoration, an inner recollection took hold of me immediately, and I saw the Lord Jesus tied to a pillar, stripped of His clothes, and the scourging began immediately. I saw four men who took turns at striking the Lord with scourges. My heart almost stopped at the sight of these tortures. The Lord said to me, I suffer even greater pain than that which you see. And Jesus gave me to know for what sins He subjected Himself to the scourging: these are sins of impurity. Oh, how dreadful was Jesus‟ moral suffering during the scourging! Then Jesus said to me, Look and see the human race in its present condition. In an instant, I saw horrible things: the executioners left Jesus, and other people started scourging Him; they seized the scourges and struck the Lord Mercilessly. These were priests, religious men and women, and high dignitaries of the Church, which surprised me greatly. There were lay people of all ages and walks of life. All vented their malice on the innocent Jesus. Seeing this, my heart fell as if into a




mortal agony. And while the executioners had been scourging Him, Jesus had been silent and looking into the distance; but when those other souls I mentioned scourged Him, Jesus closed His eyes, and a soft but most painful moan escaped from His Heart. And Jesus gave me to know in detail the gravity of the malice of the ungrateful souls: You see, this is a torture greater than My death. Then my lips too fell silent, and I began to experience (186) the agony of death, and I felt that no one would comfort me or snatch me from that state but the One who had put me into it. Then the Lord said to me, I see the sincere pain of your heart which brought great solace to My Heart. See and take comfort.


446 Then I saw the Lord Jesus nailed to the cross. When He had hung on it for a while, I saw a multitude of souls crucified like Him. Then I saw a second multitude of souls, and a third. The second multitude was not nailed to [their] crosses, but were holding them firmly in their hands. The third were neither nailed to [their] crosses nor holding them firmly in their hands, but were dragging [their]crosses behind them and were discontent. Jesus then said to me. Do you see these souls? Those who are like Me in the pain and contempt they suffer will be like Me also in glory. And those who resemble Me less in paid and contempt will also bear less resemblance to Me in glory.


Among the crucified souls, the most numerous were those of the clergy. I also saw some crucified souls whom I knew, and this gave me great joy. Then Jesus said to me, In your meditation tomorrow, you shall think about what you have seen today. And immediately Jesus disappeared on me.

447 Friday. I was ill and could not attend Holy Mass. At seven o‟clock in the morning I saw my confessor celebrating Holy Mass, during which I saw the Child Jesus. Toward the end of Mass, the vision disappeared, and I found myself back in my cell as before. Indescribable joy took hold of me because, although I could not go to Mass in our chapel, I had assisted at it in a church which was far distant. Jesus has a remedy for everything.


(187) July 30, 1935.

448 Feast of St. Ignatius. I prayed fervently to this Saint, reproaching him for looking on and not coming to my aid in such important matters as doing the will of God. I said to him, “You, our Patron, who were inflamed with the fire of love and zeal for the greater glory of God, I humbly beg you to help me to carry out God‟s designs.”97 This was during Holy Mass. Then I saw Saint Ignatius at the left side of the altar, with a large book in his hand. And he spoke these words to me, “My daughter, I am not indifferent to your cause. This rule can be adapted, and it can be adapted to this Congregation.” And gesturing with his hand toward the big book, he disappeared. I rejoiced greatly at the fact of how much the saints think of us and of how closely we are united with them. Oh, the goodness of God! How beautiful is the spiritual world, that already here on earth we commune with the saints! All day long, I could feel the presence of this dear Patron Saint.


August 5, 1935. The Feast of Our Lady of Mercy. 135



449 I prepared for this feast with greater zeal than in previous years. On the morning of the feast itself, I experienced an inner struggle at the thought that I must leave this Congregation which enjoys such special protection from Mary. This struggle lasted through the meditation and through the first Mass as well. During the second Mass, I turned to our Holy Mother, telling Her that it was difficult for me to separate myself from this Congregation…. “which is under Your special protection, O Mary.” Then I saw the Blessed Virgin, unspeakably beautiful. She came down from the altar to my kneeler, held me close to herself and said to me, I am Mother to you all, thanks to the unfathomable mercy of God. Most pleasing to Me is that soul which faithfully carries out the will of God. She gave me to understand that I had faithfully fulfilled the will (188) of god and had thus found favor in His eyes. Be courageous. Do not fear apparent obstacles, but fix your gaze upon the Passion of My Son, and in this way you will be victorious.


Nocturnal Adoration.

450 I was suffering very much, and it seemed to me I would not be able to make my adoration, but I gathered up all my will power and, although I collapsed in my cell, I paid no attention to what ailed me, for I had the Passion of Jesus before my eyes. When I entered the chapel, I received an inner understanding of the great reward that God is preparing for us, not only for our good deeds, but also for our sincere desire to perform them. What a great grace of God this is!


Oh, how sweet it is to toil for God and souls! I want no respite in this battle, but I shall fight to the last breath for the glory of my King and Lord. I shall not lay the sword aside until He calls me before His throne; I fear no blows, because God is my shield. It is the enemy who should fear us, and not we him. Satan defeats only the proud and the cowardly, because the humble are strong. Nothing will confuse or frighten a humble soul. I have directed my flight at the very center of the sun‟s heat, and nothing can lower its course. Love will not allow itself to be taken prisoner; it is free like a queen. Love attains God.

451 Once after Holy Communion, I heard these words: You are Our dwelling place. At that moment, I felt in my soul the presence of the Holy Trinity, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I felt that I was the temple of God. I felt I was a child of the Father. I cannot explain all this, but the spirit understands it well. O Infinite Goodness, how low You stoop to Your miserable creature!


452 If only souls would become recollected, God would speak to them at once, for dissipation drowns out the world of the Lord.


453 (189) On one occasion, the Lord said to me, Why are you fearful and why do you tremble when you are united to Me? I am displeased when a soul yields to vain terrors. Who will dare to touch you when you are with Me? Most dear to Me is the soul that strongly believes in My goodness and has complete trust in Me. I heap My confidence upon it and give it all it asks.


454 Once, the Lord said to me, My daughter, take the graces that others spurn; take as many as you can carry. At that moment, my soul was inundated with the




love of God. I feel that I am united with the Lord so closely that I cannot find words to express that union; in this state I suddenly feel that all the things God has, all the goods and treasures, are mine, although I set little store by them, for He alone is enough for me. In Him I see my everything: without Him – nothing.


I look for no happiness beyond my own interior where God dwells. I rejoice that God dwells within me; here I abide with Him unendingly; it is here that my greatest intimacy with Him exists; here I dwell with Him in safety; here is a place not probed by the human eye. The Blessed Virgin encourages me to commune with God in this way.

455 When some suffering afflicts me, it no longer causes me any bitterness, nor do great consolations carry me away. I am filled with the peace and equanimity that flow from the knowledge of the truth. How can living surrounded by unfriendly hearts do me any harm when I enjoy full happiness within my soul? Or, how can having kind hearts around me help me when I do not have God within me? When God dwells within me, who can harm me?



(190) J.M.J. Vilnius, August 12, 1935

Three-day Retreat.

456 On the evening of the introductory day of the retreat, as I listened to the points for the meditation, I heard these words: During this retreat I will speak to you through the mouth of this priest to strengthen you and assure you of the truth of the words which I address to you in the depths of your soul. Although this is a retreat for all the sisters, I have you especially in mind, as I want to strengthen you and make you fearless in the midst of all the adversities which lie ahead. Therefore, listen intently to his words and meditate upon them in the depths of your soul.


457 Oh, how astonished I was, for everything the father said about union with God and the obstacles to this union I had experienced literally in my soul and heard from Jesus, who speaks to me in the depths of my soul. Perfection consists in this close union with God.


458 During the ten-o‟clock meditation, Father [Rzyczkowski98] spoke about divine mercy and about God‟s goodness to us. He said that as we review the history of mankind, we can see this great goodness of God at every step. All the attributes of God, such as omnipotence and wisdom, serve to reveal to us the greatest of His attributes; namely, His goodness. God‟s goodness is the greatest of God‟s attributes. Many souls striving for perfection, however, are not aware of this great goodness of God. Everything that Father said in the course of the meditation about the goodness of God, was exactly what Jesus had said to me concerning (191) the Feast of Mercy. I have now come to understand clearly what the Lord has promised me, and I have no doubt about anything; God‟s language is clear and distinct.




459 Throughout that entire meditation I saw the Lord Jesus on the altar, in a white garment, His hand holding the notebook in which I write these things. Throughout the entire meditation Jesus kept turning the pages of the notebook and remained silent; however, my heart could not bear the fire that was enkindled in my soul. Despite the great effort of my will to take control of myself and not let others see what was going on in my soul, toward the end of the meditation I felt that I was completely beyond my own control. Then Jesus said to me, You have not written everything in the notebook about My goodness towards humankind; I desire that you omit nothing; I desire that your heart be firmly grounded in total peace.


460 O Jesus, my heart stops beating when I think of all You are doing for me! I am amazed at You, Lord, that You would stoop so low to my wretched soul! What inconceivable means You take to convince me!


461 This is the first time in my life that I have made such a retreat. I understand in a special and clear way every single word that Father speaks, for I have first experienced it all in my soul. I now see that Jesus will not leave in doubt any soul that loves Him sincerely. Jesus wants the soul that is in close communion with Him to be filled with peace, despite sufferings and adversities.


462 Now I understand well that what unites our soul most closely to God is self-denial; that is, joining our will to the will of God. This is what makes the soul truly free, contributes to profound recollection of the spirit, and makes all life‟s burdens light, and death sweet.


463 (192) Jesus told me that if I should have any doubts regarding the feast or the founding of the Congregation, - or regarding anything else about which I have spoken in the depths of your soul, I will reply immediately through the mouth of this priest.


464 During a meditation on humility, an old doubt returned: that a soul as miserable as mine could not carry out the task which the Lord was demanding [of me]. Just as I was analyzing this doubt, the priest who was conducting the retreat interrupted his train of thought and spoke about the very thing I was having doubts about; namely, that God usually chooses the weakest and simplest souls as tools for His greatest works; that we can see that this is an undeniable truth when we look at the men He chose to be His apostles; or again, when we look at the history of the Church and see what great works were done by souls that were the least capable of accomplishing them; for it is just in this way that God‟s works are revealed for what they are, the works of God. When my doubt had completely disappeared, the priest resumed his conference on humility.


465 Jesus, my Life, how well I feel that You are transforming me into Yourself, in the secrecy of my soul where the senses can no longer perceive much. O my Savior, conceal me completely in the depths of Your Heart and shield me with Your rays against everything that is not You. I beg You, Jesus, let the two rays that have issued from Your most merciful Heart continuously nourish my soul.


466 (193) Time of Confession



My confessor [Father Sopocko] asked me if at that moment Jesus was there and if I could see Him. “Yes, He is here, and I can see Him.” He then told me to ask Jesus about certain persons. Jesus did not answer me, but looked at him. However, after the confession, when I was reciting my penance, Jesus spoke these words to me: Go and console him on my behalf. Not understanding the meaning of these words, I immediately repeated to him what Jesus had told me to do.

467 Throughout the whole retreat, I was in uninterrupted communion with Jesus and entered into an intimate relationship with Him with all the might of my heart.


468 The day of the renewal of vows. At the beginning of Holy Mass, I saw Jesus in the usual way. He blessed us and then entered the tabernacle. Then I saw the Mother of God in a white garment and blue mantle, with Her head uncovered. She approached me from the altar, touched me with Her hands and covered me with Her mantle, saying, Offer these vows for Poland. Pray for her. This was on August fifteen.


469 On the evening of that same day, I felt in my soul a great yearning for God. I do not see Him at this moment with my bodily eyes as I have on other occasions, but I sense His presence and yet do not grasp Him [with my mind]. This causes me great yearning and torment beyond words. I am dying from the desire to possess Him, to be drowned in Him forever. My spirit pursues Him with all its might; there is nothing in the world that could comfort me. O Love Eternal, now I understand in what close intimacy my heart was with You! For what else can satisfy me in heaven or on earth except You, O my God, in Whom my soul is drowned.


470 (194) One evening, as I looked up from my cell to the sky and saw the beautiful star-strewn firmament and the moon, an inconceivable fire of love for my Creator welled up within my soul and, unable to bear the yearning for Him that arose within my soul, I fell on my face, humbling myself in the dust. I glorified Him for all His works and, when my heart could no longer bear what was going on within it, I wept aloud. Then my Guardian Angel touched me and spoke to me these words: “The Lord orders me to tell you to rise from the ground.” I did so immediately, but felt no consolation in my soul. The yearning for God grew even stronger in me.


471 One day, when I was at adoration, and my spirit seemed to be dying for Him, and I could no longer hold back my tears, I saw a spirit of great beauty who spoke these words to me: “Don‟t cry – says the Lord.” After a moment I asked, “Who are you?” He answered me, “I am one of the seven spirits who stand before the throne of God day and night and give Him ceaseless praise.” Yet this spirit did not soothe my yearning, but roused me to even greater longing for God. This spirit is very beautiful, and his beauty comes from close union with God. This spirit does not leave me for a single moment, but accompanies me everywhere.


On the following day during Holy Mass, before the Elevation, this spirit began to sing these words: Holy, Holy, Holy.” His voice was like that of a thousand voices; it is impossible to put it into words. Suddenly, my spirit was united with God, and in 139


that instant I saw the grandeur and the inconceivable holiness of God and, at the same time, I realized (195) the nothingness I am of myself.

472 I knew, more distinctly, than ever before, the Three divine Persons, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. But their being, their equality, and their majesty are one. My soul is in communion with these Three; but I do not know how to express this in words; yet, my soul understands it well. Whoever is united to One of the Three Persons is thereby united to the whole Blessed Trinity, for this Oneness is indivisible. This vision, or rather, this knowledge filled my soul with unimaginable happiness, because God is so great. What I am describing I did not see with me eyes, as on previous occasions, but in a purely interior manner, in a purely spiritual way, independent of the senses. This continued until the end of Holy Mass.


This now happens often to me, and not only in the chapel, but also at work and at times when I least expect it.

473 When our confessor [Father Sopocko] was away, I confessed to the Archbishop [Romuald Jalbrzykowski99]. When I revealed my soul to him, I received this reply: “My daughter, arm yourself with great patience; if these things come from God, they will be realized sooner or later. So be completely at peace. I understand you very well in this matter, my daughter. And now, as regards your leaving the Congregation and thinking of another one, do not entertain such thoughts, for this would be a serious interior temptation.” After this confession, I said to the Lord Jesus, “Why do You command me to do such things and yet do not make it possible to accomplish them?” Then I saw the Lord Jesus after Holy Communion in the same little chapel where I had gone to confession, in the same way in which He is represented in the image. The Lord said to me, Do not be sad. I will give him to understand the things I am asking of you. When we were leaving, (196) the Archbishop was very busy, but he told us to return and wait a bit. When we entered the chapel again, I heard these words in my soul: Tell him what you have seen in this chapel. At that very moment the Archbishop came in and asked if we did not have something to tell him. But although I had been commanded to tell him, I could not do so because I was in the company of one of the sisters.


One more word from the Holy Confession: “To entreat mercy for the world is a great and beautiful idea. Pray much, Sister, pray for mercy upon sinners, but do it in your own convent.”

The following day, Friday, September 13, 1935.

474 In the evening, when I was in my cell, I saw an Angel, the executor of divine wrath. He was clothed in a dazzling robe, his face gloriously bright, a cloud beneath his feet. From the cloud, bolts of thunder and flashes of lightning were springing into his hands; and from his hand they were going forth, and only then were they striking the earth. When I saw this sign of divine wrath which was about to strike the earth, and in particular a certain place, which for good reasons I cannot name, I began to implore the Angel to hold off for a few moments, and the world would do penance. But my plea was a mere nothing in the face of the divine anger. Just then I saw the Most Holy Trinity. The greatness of Its majesty pierced me deeply,




and I did not dare to repeat my entreaties. At that very moment I felt in my soul the power of Jesus‟ grace, which dwells in my soul. When I became conscious of this grace, I was instantly snatched up before the Throne of God. Oh, how great is our Lord and God and how incomprehensible His holiness! I will make no attempt to describe this greatness, because before long we shall all see Him as He is. I found myself pleading with (197) God for the world with words heard interiorly.


As I was praying in this manner, I saw the Angel‟s helplessness: he could not carry out the just punishment which was rightly due for sins. Never before had I prayed with such inner power as I did then.

475 The words with which I entreated God are these: Eternal Father, I offer You the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Your dearly beloved son, Our Lord Jesus Christ for our sins and those of the whole world; for the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us.


476 The next morning, when I entered chapel, I heard these words interiorly: Every time you enter the chapel, immediately recite the prayer which I taught you yesterday. When I had said the prayer, in my soul I heard these words: This prayer will serve to appease My wrath. You will recite it for nine days, on the beads of the rosary, in the following manner: First of all, you will say one OUR FATHER and HAIL MARY and the I BELIEVE IN GOD. Then on the OUR FATHER beads you will say the following words: “Eternal Father, I offer You the Body and Blood, Soul and divinity of Your dearly beloved Son, Our Lord Jesus Christ, in atonement for our sins and those of the whole world.” On the HAIL MARY beads you will say the following words: “For the sake of His sorrowful Passion have mercy on us and on the whole world.” In conclusion, three times you will recite these words: “Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world.”100

477 Silence is a sword in the spiritual struggle. A talkative soul will never attain sanctity. The sword of silence will cut off everything that would like to cling to the soul. We are sensitive to words and quickly want to answer back, without taking any regard as to whether it is God‟s will that we should speak. A silent soul is strong; no adversities will harm it if it perseveres in silence. The silent (198) soul is capable of attaining the closest union with God. It lives almost always under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. God works in a silent soul without hindrance.

478 O my Jesus, You know, You alone know well that my heart knows no other love but You! All my virginal love is drowned eternally in You, O Jesus! I sense keenly how Your divine Blood is circulating in my heart; I have not the least doubt that Your most pure love has entered my heart with Your most sacred Blood. I am aware that You are dwelling in me, together with the Father and the Holy Spirit, or rather I am aware that it is I who am living in You, O incomprehensible God! I am aware that I am dissolving in You like a drop in an ocean. I am aware that You are within me and all about me, that You are in all things that surround me, in all that happens to me. O my God, I have come to know You within my heart, and I have loved You above all things that exist on earth or in heaven. Our hearts have a mutual understanding, and no one of humankind will comprehend this.




479 My second confession to the Archbishop [Jalbrzykowski]. “Know, my daughter, that if this is the will of God, it will take place sooner or later, for God‟s will must be done. Love God in your heart, have…..” [unfinished thought].


480 September 29. The Feast of Saint Michael the Archangel. I have become interiorly united with God. His presence penetrates me to my very depths and fills me with peace, joy and amazement. After such moments of prayer, I am filled with strength and an extraordinary courage to suffer and struggle. Nothing terrifies me, even if the whole world should turn against me. All adversities touch only the surface, but they have no entry (199) to the depths, because God, who strengthens me, who fills me, dwells there. All the snares of the enemy are crushed at His footstool. During these moments of union, God sustains me with His might. His might passes on to me and makes me capable of loving Him. A soul never reaches this state by its own efforts. At the beginning of this interior grace, I was filled with fright, and I started to give in to it; but very quickly, the Lord let me know how much this displeases Him. But it is also He, Himself, who set my fears at rest.


481 Almost every feast of the Church gives me a deeper knowledge of God and a special grace. That is why I prepare myself for each feast and unite myself closely with the spirit of the Church. What a joy it is to be a faithful child of the Church! Oh, how much I love Holy Church and all those who live in it! I look upon them as living members of Christ, who is their Head. I burn with love with those who love; I suffer with those who suffer. I am consumed with sorrow at the sight of those who are cold and ungrateful; and I then try to have such a love for God that it will make amends for those who do not love Him, those who feed their Savior with ingratitude at its worst.


482 O my God, I am conscious of my mission in the Holy Church. It is my constant endeavor to plead for mercy for the world. I unite myself closely with Jesus and stand before Him as an atoning sacrifice on behalf of the world. God will refuse me nothing when I entreat Him with the voice of his son. My sacrifice is nothing in itself, but when I join it to the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, it becomes all-powerful and has the power to appease divine wrath. God loves us in His Son; the painful Passion of the Son of God constantly turns aside the wrath of God.


483 (200) O God, how I desire that souls come to know You and to see that You have created them because of Your unfathomable love. O my Creator and Lord, I feel that I am going to remove the veil of heaven so that earth will not doubt Your goodness.


Make of me, Jesus, a pure and agreeable offering before the Face of Your Father. Jesus, transform me, miserable and sinful as I am, into Your own self (for You can do all things), and give me to Your Eternal Father. I want to become a sacrificial host before You, but an ordinary wafer to people. I want the fragrance of my sacrifice to be known to You alone. O Eternal God, an unquenchable fire of supplication for Your mercy burns within me. I know and understand that this is my task, here and in eternity. You Yourself have told me to speak about this great mercy and about Your goodness. 142



484 On a certain occasion, I understood how very displeased God is with an act, however commendable, that does not bear the stamp of a pure intention. Such deeds incite God to punishment rather than to reward. May such deeds be as few as possible in our lives; indeed, in religious life, there should be none at all.


485 I accept joy or suffering, praise or humiliation with the same disposition. I remember that one and the other are passing. What does it matter to me what people say about me? I have long ago given up everything that concerns my person. My name is host – or sacrifice, not in words but in deeds, in the emptying of myself and in becoming like You on the Cross, O Good Jesus, my Master!


486 (201) Jesus, when You come to me in Holy Communion, You who, together with the Father and the Holy Spirit, have deigned to dwell in the little heaven of my heart, I try to keep You company throughout the day, I do not leave You alone for even a moment. Although I am in the company of other people or with our wards, my heart is always united to Him. When I am asleep I offer Him every beat of my heart; when I awaken I immerse myself in Him without saying a word. When I awaken I adore the Holy Trinity for a short while and thank God for having deigned to give me yet another day, that the mystery of the incarnation of His Son may once more be repeated in me, and that once again His sorrowful Passion may unfold before my eyes. I then try to make it easier for Jesus to pass through me to other souls. I go everywhere with Jesus; His presence accompanies me everywhere.


487 In the sufferings of soul or body, I try to keep silence, for then my spirit gains the strength that flows from the Passion of Jesus. I have ever before my eyes His sorrowful Face, abused and disfigured, His divine Heart pierced by our sins and especially by the ingratitude of chose souls.


488 Twice I was exhorted to make myself ready for sufferings awaiting me in Warsaw. The first warning was given interiorly by a voice I heard, and the second took place during Holy Mass. Before the elevation, I saw the Lord Jesus on the Cross and He said to me, Prepare yourself for sufferings. I thanked the Lord for the grace of this warning and said to Him, “I am certainly not going to suffer more than You, my Savior.” However, I took this to heart and kept strengthening myself through prayer and little sufferings so that I would be able to endure it when the greater ones come.


(202) October 19, 1935.

Trip from Vilnius to Cracow for an Eight-day Retreat.

489 On Friday evening during the rosary, when I was thinking about tomorrow‟s journey and about the importance of the matter which I was to present to Father Andrasz,101 fear seized me at the sight of my misery and incapability, and of the greatness of God‟s work. Crushed by this suffering, I submitted myself to the will of God. At that moment, I saw Jesus, in a bright garment, near my kneeler. He said, Why are you afraid to do My will? Will I not help you as I have done thus far? Repeat every one of My demands to those who represent Me on earth, but do only what they tell you to do. At that, a certain strength entered my soul.




490 The next morning, I saw my Guardian Angel, who accompanied me throughout the journey as far as Warsaw. He disappeared when we entered the convent gate. Just as we were passing the little chapel on the way to greet the superiors, God‟s presence took hold of me, and the Lord filled me with the fire of His love. At such moments, I always have a better understanding of the greatness of His majesty.


When we took our seats on the train from Warsaw to Cracow, I once again saw my Guardian Angel at my side. He was absorbed in prayer and in contemplating God, and I followed him with my thoughts. When we arrived at the convent entrance, he disappeared.

491 When I entered the chapel, once again the majesty of God overwhelmed me. I felt that I was immersed in God, totally immersed in Him and penetrated by Him, being aware of how much the heavenly Father loves us. Oh, what great happiness fills my heart from knowing God and the divine life! It is my desire to share this happiness with all people. I cannot keep this happiness locked in my own heart alone, for His flames burn Me and cause my bosom and my entrails to burst asunder. I desire to go throughout the whole world and speak to souls about the great mercy of God. Priests, help me in this; use the strongest words [at your disposal] to proclaim His mercy, for every word falls short of how merciful He really is.



(203) J.M.J. Cracow, October 20, 1935

Eight-day Retreat.

492 Eternal God, Goodness itself, whose mercy is incomprehensible to every intellect, whether human or angelic, help me, your feeble child, to do Your holy will as You make it known to me. I desire nothing but to fulfill God‟s desires. Lord, here are my soul and my body, my mind and my will, my heart and all my love. Rule me according to Your eternal plans.


493 After Holy Communion, my soul was again flooded with God‟s love. I rejoiced in His greatness. Here I see distinctly His will, which I am to carry out, and at the same time my own weakness and misery; I see how I can do nothing without His help.


Second Day of Retreat

494 When I was about to go to the parlor to see Father Andrasz, I felt frightened because the secret is binding only in the confessional. This was a groundless fear. One word from Mother Superior set me at ease about it. Meanwhile, when I entered the chapel, I heard these words in my soul: I want you to be open and simple as a child with My representative just as you are with Me; otherwise I will leave you and will not commune with you.



Truly, God gave me the great grace of complete confidence, and after the conversation, God granted me the grace of deep peace and light concerning these matters.

495 Jesus, Eternal Light, enlighten my mind, strengthen my will, inflame my heart and be with me as You have promised, for without You I am nothing. You know, Jesus, how weak I am. I do not need to tell You this, for You Yourself know perfectly well how wretched I am. It is in You that all my strength lies.


496 (204) Confession Day.


From early morning, the turmoil in my soul was more violent than anything I had ever experienced before. Complete abandonment by God; I felt the utter weakness that I was. Thoughts bore in upon me: why should I leave this convent where I am loved by the sisters and superiors, where life is so tranquil; [where I am] bound by perpetual vows and carry out my duties without difficulty; why should I listen to the voice of my conscience; why follow an inspiration coming from who knows where; wouldn‟t it be better to carry on like all the other sisters? Perhaps the Lord‟s words could be stifled, not taken heed of; maybe God will not demand an account of them on the Day of Judgment. Where will this inner voice lead me? If I follow it, what tremendous difficulties, tribulations, and adversities are in store for me. I fear the future, and I am agonizing in the present.

This suffering continued with the same intensity throughout the whole day. When, in the evening, my turn came for confession, I could not make a full confession, even though I had been preparing for a long time. I received absolution and left, not knowing what was going on within me. When I went to bed, the suffering grew even worse; or rather, it changed into a fire which penetrated all the faculties of my soul like lightning, piercing me to the marrow, and to the most secret recesses of my heart. In the midst of this suffering, I was unable to bring myself to do anything. “Your will be done, Lord.” At times I could not even think these words. Truly, a deadly fear had taken hold of me, and the flames of hell were touching me. Toward morning, silence set in, and my tribulations disappeared in the twinkling of an eye, but I felt so frightfully exhausted that I could not even move. During my conversation with Mother Superior, my strength returned bit by bit, but God alone knows how I felt throughout that whole day.

497 O Eternal Truth, Word Incarnate, who most faithfully fulfilled Your Father‟s will, today I am becoming a martyr of Your inspirations, since I cannot carry them out because I have no will of my own, though interiorly I see Your will clearly. (205) I submit in everything to the will of my superiors and my confessor. I will follow Your will insofar as You will permit me to do so through Your representative. O my Jesus, it cannot be helped, but I give priority to the voice of the Church over the voice with which You speak to me.


After Holy Communion

498 I saw Jesus in the usual way, and He spoke these words to me: Lay your head on My shoulder, rest and regain your strength. I am always with you. Tell the friend of My Heart that I sue such feeble creatures to carry out My work.




After a while my spirit was strengthened with great power. Tell him that I had let him see your weakness during your confession to show him what you are of yourself.


499 Each battle valiantly fought brings me joy, peace, light, experience and courage for the future; honor and glory to god; and in the end, for me, a reward.


Today is the Feast of Christ the King.

[October 27, 1935]

500 During Holy Mass I prayed fervently that Jesus might become King of all hearts and that divine grace might shine in every soul. Then I saw Jesus as He is depicted in the image, and He said to me, My daughter, you give Me the greatest glory by faithfully fulfilling My desires.


501 Oh, how great is Your beauty, Jesus my Spouse! Living Flower enclosing life-giving dew for a thirsting soul! My soul is drowned in You. You alone are the object of my desires and strivings. United me as closely as possible to Yourself, to the Father, and to the Holy Spirit. Let me live and die in You.


502 Only love has meaning; it raises up our smallest actions into infinity.


503 My Jesus, truly I would not know how to live without You – my spirit is welded to Yours. No one can really understand this; one must first live in You in order to recognize You in others.


(206) Cracow, October 25, 1935


Retreat Resolutions.

504 Not to do anything without the permission of my confessor and the consent of my superiors in all things, but especially regarding these inspirations and demands of the Lord.


All my free time I will spend with the Divine Guest within my soul; I will safeguard my interior and exterior silence so that Jesus can rest in my heart.

My sweetest repose will be in serving and obliging the sisters, in forgetting about myself and thinking of how to please the sisters.

I will not offer explanations on my own behalf or seek to vindicate myself when criticized; I will let others judge me as they will.

I have only one trusted Friend in whom I confide everything, and that is Jesus – the Eucharist, and His representative – my confessor.

In the midst of all sufferings, both physical and spiritual, as well as in darkness and desolation, I will remain silent, like a dove, and not complain. 146


I will empty myself continually at His feet in order to obtain mercy for poor souls.

505 All my nothingness is drowned in the sea of Your mercy. With the confidence of a child, I throw myself into Your arms, O Father of Mercy, to make up for the unbelief of so many souls who are afraid to trust in You. Oh, how very few souls really know You! How ardently I desire that the Feast of Mercy be known by souls! Mercy is the crown of Your works; You provide for all with the love of a most tender mother.



(207) J.M.J. Cracow, October 27, 1935

Father Andrasz – Spiritual Counsel.

506 “Do nothing without the consent of the superiors. One must think this matter over thoroughly and pray much. One must be very careful about these things because, in your present situation, Sister, the will of God is certain and clear, for you are in fact bound to this Congregation by vows, and perpetual vows at that; so there should be no doubt. What you are experiencing interiorly, Sister, are only the glimmerings of a project. God can make some alterations, but such things are very rare. Don‟t be in a hurry, Sister, until you have received more precise knowledge. The works of God proceed slowly, but if they are of Him, you will surely recognize them clearly. If they are not, they will disappear; and you, by being obedient, will not go astray. Speak frankly about everything to your confessor and obey him blindly.


“For the present, Sister, there is nothing more for you to do than accept the suffering until the time when everything will become clear; that is, all things will be resolved. You are well disposed as regards these matters, and so continue in this simplicity and spirit of obedience; this is a good sign. If you continue in this attitude, God will not allow you to fall into error. Still, as much as is possible, keep far away from these things, but if despite that they still come your way, receive them calmly and do not fear anything. You are in the good hands of a very good God. In all that you have told me, I do not see any illusion or anything contrary to faith. These are things which are good in themselves, and it would indeed be good if there were a group of souls pleading with God for the world, as well all are in need of prayer. You have a good director; stay with him and be at peace. Be faithful to God‟s will and carry it out. As to your duties, always do what you are told to do and as you are told to do it, no matter how humiliating or toilsome it might be. Always choose the last place, and then they themselves will say to you, „Go up higher‟ In spirit and in your demeanor, consider yourself the least in the whole house and in the entire Congregation. In everything and at all times, be most faithful to God.”

507 (208) I desire, O my Jesus, to suffer and burn with the flame of Your love in all the circumstances of my life. I am Yours, completely Yours, and I wish to disappear in You, O Jesus, I wish to be lost in Your divine beauty. You pursue me with Your love, O Lord; You penetrate my soul like a ray of the sun and change its darkness into Your light. I feel very vividly that I am living in You as one small spark 147


swallowed up by the incomprehensible fire with which You burn, O inconceivable Trinity! No greater joy is to be found than that of loving God. Already here on earth we can taste the happiness of those in heaven by an intimate union with God, a union that is extraordinary and often quite incomprehensible to us. One can attain this very grace through simple faithfulness of soul.

508 When a reluctance and a monotony as regards my duties begins to take possession of me, I remind myself that I am in the house of the Lord, where nothing is small and where the glory of the Church and the progress of many a soul depend on this small deed of mine, accomplished in a divinized way. Therefore there is nothing small in a religious congregation.

509 In the adversities that I experience, I remind myself that the time for doing battle has not yet come to an end. I arm myself with patience, and in this way I defeat my assailant.


510 In no way do I seek perfection inquisitively, but I probe into the spirit of Jesus and fix my eyes on His deeds as summarized in the Gospel. Even if I live a thousand years, I would not exhaust what is contained there.


511 When my intentions are not recognized, but rather condemned, I am not too much surprised, for I know that it is only God who scrutinizes my heart. Truth will not die; the wounded heart will regain peace in due time, and my spirit is strengthened through adversities. I do not always listen to what my heart tells me, but I keep asking God for light; and when I feel I have regained my equilibrium, then I say more.


512 (209) The day of the renewal of vows. The presence of God flooded my soul. During Holy Mass I saw Jesus, and He said to me, You are My great joy; your love and your humility make Me leave the heavenly throne and unite Myself with you. Love fills up the abyss that exists between My greatness and your nothingness.

513 Love is flooding my soul; I am plunged into an ocean of love. I feel that I am swooning and becoming completely lost in Him.

514 Jesus, make my heart like unto Yours, or rather transform it into Your own Heart that I may sense the needs of other hearts, especially those who are sad and suffering. May the rays of mercy rest in my heart.

515 In the evening, when I was walking in the garden saying my rosary and came to the cemetery,102 I opened the gate a little and began to pray for a while, and I asked them interiorly, “You are very happy and you not? Then I heard the words, “We are happy in the measure that we have fulfilled God‟s will” – and then silence as before. I became introspective and reflected for a long time on how I am fulfilling God‟s will and how I am profiting from the time that God has given me.

516 On the evening of that same day, when I had already gone to bed, a certain soul came to me, woke me up by tapping on the night table and asked me to pray for her. I wanted to ask who she was, but I mortified my curiosity and joined this little mortification to my prayer and offered them for her. 148


517 Once, when visiting a sick sister103 who was eighty-four and known for many virtues, I asked her, “Sister, you are surely ready to stand before the Lord, are you not?” She answered, “I have been preparing myself all my life long for this last hour.” And then she added, “Old age does not dispense one from the combat.”

518 (210) + Before all Souls‟ Day, I went to the cemetery at dusk. Although it was locked, I managed to open the gate a bit and said, “If you need something, my dear little souls, I will be glad to help you to the extent that the rule permits me.” I then heard these words, “Do the will of God; we are happy in the measure that we have fulfilled God‟s will.”

519 In the evening, these souls came and asked me to pray for them, and I did pray very much for them. In the evening, when the procession was returning from the cemetery, I saw a great multitude of souls walking with us into the chapel and praying with us. I prayed a good deal, for I had my superiors, permission104 to do so.


520 During the night, a soul I had already seen before visited me. However, it did not ask for prayer, but reproached me, saying that I used to be very haughty and vain…. “and now you are interceding for others while you yourself still have certain vices.” I answered that I indeed had been vain and haughty, but that I had confessed this and had done penance for my stupidity, and that I trusted in the goodness of my God, and that if I still fell occasionally, this was indeliberate and never premeditated, even in the smallest things. Still, the soul continued to reproach me, saying, “Why are you unwilling to recognize my greatness? Why do you alone not glorify me for my great deeds as all others do?” Then I saw that this was Satan under the assumed appearance of this soul and I said, “Glory is due to God alone; begone Satan!” And in an instant this soul fell into an abyss, horrible beyond all description. And I said to the wretched soul that I would tell the whole Church about this.


521 On Saturday we left Cracow and returned to Vilnius. On the way we visit Czestochowa. When I was praying before the miraculous picture, I felt that…. Are pleasing…. [unfinished thought].


[End of Notebook 1] 149


The Mercy of the Lord I Will Sing Forever

Divine Mercy in my soul

Sr. M. Faustina

Diary 150


Notebook II




522 + The mercy of the Lord I will sing forever,


Before all the people will I sing it,

For it is God‟s greatest attribute

And for us an unending miracle.

You gush forth from the Divine Trinity,

But from one single womb filled with love.

The mercy of the Lord will be revealed in the soul

In all its fullness, when the veil falls.

From the fountain of Your mercy, O Lord,

Flows all happiness and life,

And thus, all creatures and the whole of creation

Sing out in ecstasy a song of mercy.

The bowels of God‟s mercy are opened for us

Through the life of Jesus, stretched on the cross.

O sinner, you must not doubt or despair,

But trust in mercy, for you also can become holy.

Two streams in the form of rays

Have gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus

Not for Angels, nor Cherubim, nor Seraphim,

But for the salvation of sinful man. 151


(2) +


523 O will of God,

be my love.

My Jesus, You know that of myself I would not have written a single letter, and if I do write, it is only because of a clear command of holy obedience.

God and Souls

S. M. Faustina

Of the Blessed Sacrament105

524 + O Jesus, hidden God,

My heart perceives You

Though veils hide You;

You know that I love You.

(3) +


Vilnius, November 24, 1935

+ Notebook Two

Blessed Be God!

525 O Holy Trinity, in whom is contained the inner life of God, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, eternal joy, inconceivable depth of love, poured out upon all creatures and constituting their happiness, honor and glory be to Your holy name forever and ever. Amen.


When I consider Your greatness and beauty. O my God, I rejoice exceedingly that the Lord I serve is so great. With love and joy I carry out His will, and the more I come to know Him, the more I desire to love Him. I burn with the desire to love Him ever more and more. 152



526 (4) + The 14th. This Thursday, when we were having nocturnal adoration, at first I could not pray; a sort of dryness engulfed me. I could not meditate on Jesus‟ sorrowful Passion. So I lay prostrate and offered the most sorrowful Passion of the Lord Jesus to the heavenly Father in reparation for the sins of all the world. When I got to my feet after this prayer and walked to my kneeler, I suddenly saw Jesus next to it. The Lord Jesus appeared as He was during the scourging. In His hands He was holding a white garment with which He clothed me and a cord with which He girded me, and He covered me with a red cloak like the one He was clothed with during His Passion and a veil of the same color, and He said to me, This is how you and your companions are going to be clothed. My life from birth to death on the Cross will be the rule for you. Fix your eyes upon Me and live according to what you see. I desire that you penetrate into My spirit more deeply and understand (5) that I am meek and humble of heart.

527 On one occasion, I felt an urge to set to work and fulfill whatever God is demanding of me. I entered the chapel for a moment and heard a voice in my soul saying, Why are you afraid? Do you think that I will not have enough omnipotence to support you? At that moment, my soul felt extraordinary strength, and all the adversities that could befall me in carrying out God‟s will seemed as nothing to me.


528 On Friday, during Mass, when my soul was flooded with God‟s happiness, I heard these words in my soul: My mercy has passed into souls through the divine-human Heart of Jesus as a ray from the sun passes through crystal. I felt in my heart and understood that every approach to God is brought about by Jesus, in Him and through Him.


529 (6) On the evening of the last day [November 15] of the novena at Ostra Brama, after the singing of the litany, one of the priests exposed the Blessed Sacrament in the monstrance. When he placed it on the altar, I immediately saw the Infant Jesus, stretching out His little arms, first of all toward His Mother, who at that time had taken on a living appearance. When the Mother of God was speaking to me, Jesus stretched out His tiny hands toward the congregation. The Blessed Mother was telling me to accept all that God asked of me like a little child, without questioning; otherwise it would not be pleasing to God. At that moment, the Infant Jesus vanished, and the Mother of God was again lifeless, and Her picture was the same as it had been before. But my soul was filled with great joy and gladness, and I said to the Lord, “Do with me as You please; I am ready for everything, but You, O Lord, must not abandon me even for a moment.”


(7) +


530 To the Glory of the Holy Trinity.


I asked Mother Superior [Borgia] to permit me to make a forty-day fast, taking once a day a piece of bread and a glass of water. However, following the advice of my confessor [Father Sopocko], Mother Superior did not agree to forty days, but to seven. “I cannot take you away from your duties completely, Sister, because of the other sisters who might notice something. I give you my permission to devote 153


yourself to prayer and to note down some of these things, but it will be very difficult for me to protect you are regards the fasting. Really, I can think of no solution to this,” and she said, “Go now, Sister, and perhaps some light will come to me.” On Sunday morning, I understood that when Mother Superior assigned me as portress during mealtime, she was doing so with the thought of giving me the opportunity to fast. In the morning, I did not go to breakfast, but, a little while later, I went (8) to Mother Superior and asked her whether I had been assigned as portress in view of making it possible for me to fast unnoticed. Mother replied, “When I assigned you,106 Sister, it was with this in mind.” I then saw that this was the same thought that I had had interiorly.

531 November 24, 1935. Sunday, first day. I went at once before the Blessed Sacrament and offered myself with Jesus, present in the Most Holy Sacrament, to the Everlasting Father. Then I heard these words in my soul: Your purpose and that of your companions is to unite yourselves with Me as closely as possible; through love You will reconcile earth with heaven, you will soften the just anger of God, and you will plead for mercy for the world. I place in your care two pearls very precious to My Heart: these are the souls of priests and religious. You will pray particularly for them; their power will come from your diminishment. You will join prayers, fasts, mortifications, labors (9) and all sufferings to My prayer, fasting, mortifications, labors and sufferings and then they will have power before My Father.

532 After Holy Communion, I saw the Lord Jesus, who said these words to me: Today, penetrate into the spirit of My poverty and arrange everything in such a way that the most destitute will have no reason to envoy you. I find pleasure, not in large buildings and magnificent structures, but in a pure and humble heart.

533 When I was by myself, I began to reflect on the spirit of poverty. I clearly saw that Jesus, although He is Lord of all things, possessed nothing. From a borrowed manger He went through life doing good to all, but Himself having no place to lay His head. And on the Cross, I see the summit of his poverty, for He does not even have a garment on Himself. O Jesus, through a solemn vow poverty I desire to become like You; poverty will be my mother. (10) As exteriorly we should possess nothing and have nothing to dispose of as our own; so interiorly we should desire nothing. And in the Most Blessed Sacrament, how great is Your poverty! Has there ever been a soul as abandoned as You were on the Cross, Jesus?


534 Chastity. There is no need to explain that this vow forbids all those things prohibited by the sixth and ninth commandments: deeds, thoughts, words, feelings….. I understand that a solemn vow differs from a simple vow; I understand this in all its implications. While reflecting upon this, I heard these words in my soul: You are My spouse forever; your chastity should be greater than that of the angels, for I call no angel to such intimacy as I do you. The smallest act of My spouse is of infinite value. A pure soul has inconceivable power before God.


535 (11) Obedience. I have come to do My Father‟s will. I obeyed My parents, I obeyed My tormentors and now I obey the priests. I understand, O Jesus, the




spirit of obedience and in what it consists. It includes not only external performance, but also the reason, the will and judgment. Obeying our superiors, we obey God. It makes no difference whether it is an angel or a man who, acting in God‟s stead, gives me orders; I must always obey. I am not going to write much about the vows; they are clear and specific. I will rather put down a few general thoughts about this congregation.


+ General Summary.

536 There will never be any splendid houses, but only a small church with a small community consisting of a few souls, not more than ten, plus two externs to look after the external affairs (12) of the community and the church. These two sisters will not wear the habit, but secular dress; they will take simple vows, and they will depend strictly on the superior who will be cloistered. They will share in all the spiritual benefits of the congregation. There must never be more than two and, preferably, only one. Each house will be independent of the others, although they will be closely united by the rule, the vows and the spirit. In exceptional cases, however, a sister from one community may be transferred to another and also, if there is question of founding a new house, some sisters may be transferred, if need be, from another house. Each house will depend on the local ordinary.


537 Each sister will have a separate cell, but life will be communal as regards prayer, meals and recreation. Each nun, after her profession, (13) will no longer see the world, even through a grill, as this will be covered with a dark cloth, and even the conversations will be strictly limited. She will be as if dead, not understood by the world and not understanding the world. She is to stand between heaven and earth, begging God constantly for mercy on the world and that priests be empowered so that their words be not empty and that they, in their extraordinary dignity and so exposed to risks, might keep themselves completely stainless. Though these souls will not be numerous, they will be heroic souls. There will be no room for cowardly or effeminate souls.


538 There will be no distinction between the sisters, no mothers,107 no reverends, no venerables, but all will be equal, even though there might be great differences in their parentage. We know who Jesus was, and yet how He humbled Himself and wish whom He associated Their habit will be like that worn by Jesus during His Passion, and they will not simply wear the robe [He wore]; (14) they must also seal themselves with the marks He bore: suffering and scorn. Each one will strive for the greatest self-denial and have a love of humility, and she who will distinguish herself most in this latter virtue will be the one who is capable of leading the others.


539 As God has made us sharers in His mercy and even more than that, dispensers of that mercy, we should therefore have great love for each soul, beginning with the elect and ending with the soul that does not yet know God. By prayer and mortification, we will make our way to the most uncivilized countries, paving the way for the missionaries. We will bear in mind that a soldier on the front line cannot hold out long without support from the rear forces that do not actually take part in the fighting but provide for all his needs; and that such is the role of prayer, and that therefore each one of us is to be distinguished by an apostolic spirit.




540 (15) In the evening when I was writing, I heard a voice in my cell which said, “Do not leave this Congregation; have mercy upon yourself, such great sufferings are in store for you.” When I looked in the direction of the voice, I saw nothing, and I continued to write. Suddenly, I heard a noise and the words: “When you leave, we will destroy you. Do not torture us.” I glanced around and saw many ugly monsters. So I mentally made the Sign of the Cross and they disappeared immediately. How terribly ugly Satan is! The poor damned souls that have to keep him company! Just the sight of him is more disgusting than all the torments of hell.


541 A short time later, I heard this voice in my soul: Do not fear anything; nothing will happen to you against My will. After these words of the Lord, a strange power entered my soul. I rejoiced greatly that God is so good.

542 (16) Postulancy.108 Age of admission: any person between the ages of fifteen and thirty. Firstly, the spirit with which the candidate is imbued and her character are to be taken into consideration, whether she has a strong will and the courage to follow in Jesus‟ footsteps with joy and gladness, as God loves a cheerful giver. She must despise the world and herself. The lack of a dowry will never be an obstacle to admission. All formalities concerning the candidate must be clear; no complicated cases should be admitted.


Melancholy persons, those disposed to sadness, those suffering from contagious diseases, those of an unstable character and those who are inclined to be suspicious of others are not adaptable to the religious life and must not be admitted. Members should be selected with greatest care, as one ill-fitting member is enough to throw the whole convent into confusion.

543 The duration of the postulancy. The postulancy will last one year. (17) During this time, the candidate should examine whether she is attracted to this type of life and whether it is suitable to her. The directress should also diligently consider whether or not the person in question is suitable for this type of life. After a year, if the postulant shows evidence of a stable will and an earnest desire to serve God, she should be admitted to the novitiate.


544 The novitiate109 is to last one year, without any interruption. At this time the novice should be taught about the virtues relating to the vows and about the importance of the vows. The directress should do her utmost to provide a solid formation. Let her train the novices in the practice of humility, because only a humble heart keeps the vows easily and experiences the great joys that God pours out upon the faithful soul.


The novices should not be burdened with duties that entail responsibilities, so that they may be free to devote themselves to their own perfection. They are obliged to observe the rules and statutes strictly, as are the postulants.

545 (18) After a year of novitiate, if the novice proves faithful, she may be admitted to make her profession for one year. This is to be repeated for three years. She may then be given duties of responsibility. However, she will still belong to the novitiate, and once a week she must attend conferences together with the novices,




and she will spend the last six months entirely in the novitiate in order to prepare well for her solemn profession.110


546 Meals. We will have no meat. Our meals shall be such that not even the poor will have any reason to envy us. Still, feast days may differ slightly from regular days. The sisters will eat three times a day. Fasts, especially the two great ones, will be observed strictly, according to the original spirit. The food should be the same for all the nuns without (19) exception so that communal life may be kept pure. This refers not only to food but to clothing and the furnishing of cells as well. However, if a sister should fall ill, she should receive every consideration.


547 Prayers. One hour of meditation, Holy Mass and Holy Communion, prayers, two examinations of conscience, office,111 rosary, spiritual reading, one hour of prayer during the night. As to the horarium, it is better to draw it up after we have begun to live this type of life.


548 Suddenly I head these words in my soul: My daughter, I assure you of a permanent income on which you will live. Your duty will be to trust completely in My goodness, and My duty will be to give you all you need. I am making Myself dependent upon your trust: if your trust is great, then My generosity will be without limit.


549 (20) Work. As poor persons, the nuns themselves will do all the work in the convent. Each one should be glad when she is given some work which is humbling or which goes against her nature, as that will greatly help her interior formation. The superior will often change the sisters‟ duties, and in this way help them to detach themselves completely from the little details to which women have a great attachment. Truly, I often find it amusing to see with my own eyes souls who have forsaken really great things only to attach themselves to fiddle faddle; that is, trifles. Each sister, including even the superior, shall work in the kitchen for a month. Every one should take a turn at every chore which is to be done in the convent.


550 And always and in everything, their intention should be pure, for every sort of mixed motive is displeasing to God. They should accuse themselves of all external transgressions, (21) and ask the Superior for a penance. They should do this in a spirit of humility.


They should love one another with a sublime love, with a pure love, seeing God‟s likeness in every sister. Love should be the special characteristic of this little community, so they must not close up their hearts, but embrace the whole world, rendering mercy to every soul through prayer, according to their calling. If we live in this spirit of mercy, we ourselves will obtain mercy.

551 How great should each one‟s love for the Church be! As a good child prays for the mother it loves, so also should every Christian soul pray for the Church, its Mother. What then should be said of us religious who have especially committed ourselves to praying for the Church? How great, then, is our apostolate, hidden though it be. All our little daily nothings will be placed at the feet of the Lord Jesus as a propitiatory offering for the world; but in order that (22) our offering may be




pleasing to God, it must be pure. And for it to be pure, the heart must be freed of all natural attachments, and all its affections must be directed towards the Creator, loving all creatures in Him and according to His will; and, acting thus, each with a zealous spirit will bring joy to the Church.


552 In addition to the vows, I see one rule as most important. Although all the rules are important, I put this one in first place, and it is silence. Truly, if this rule were to be observed strictly, I would not worry about the others. Women are very fond of talking, but the Holy Spirit does not speak to a soul that is distracted and garrulous. He speaks by His quiet inspirations to a soul that is recollected, to a soul that knows how to keep silence. If silence were strictly observed, there would not be any grumbling, bitterness, slandering, or gossip, and charity would not be tarnished. (23) In a word, many wrongs would not be done. Silent lips are pure gold and bear witness to holiness within.


553 But I want to speak immediately of a second rule; that is, speech. Keeping silent when one ought to speak is an imperfection and sometimes even a sin. And so, let all the sisters take part in recreation, and the superior should not dispense them from this except for a matter of great importance. Recreation is an opportunity for getting to know one another. Let each sister speak her mind in all simplicity for the edification of the others and not in a spirit of superiority nor, God forbid, in a quarrelsome manner, for that would not be in keeping with perfection and the spirit of our vocation, which should be especially characterized by love. Twice a day, there will be a recreation of one half hour. But if a sister breaks silence outside that time, (24) she must accuse herself before the Superior at once and ask for a penance, and the Superior should punish these offenses with public penances, or else she will answer for this before the Lord.


554 Enclosure.112 No one may enter the enclosure without the special permission of the Ordinary and under very special circumstances, such as the administration of the Sacraments to the ill in order to prepare them for death, and for the burial rites. There also may be need of letting in a workman to do some repairs, but for this a specific permission will be required. The door to the enclosure will always be locked and only the Superior will have the key.


555 The use of the parlor. None of the sisters will make use of the parlor without special permission of the Superior, and the Superior should not permit frequent visits. (25) Those who have died to the world should not be going back to it, not even through conversations. But if the Superior thinks it right to permit some sister to go to the parlor, let her observe the following directions. She herself should accompany the sister, and if she cannot do so, she should arrange to be replaced by a sister who will be bound to confidence and must not repeat what she has heard, but who is to inform the Superior of everything. Conversations ought to be short, unless there is permission for extra time for the sake of the person who has come for the visit. However, the curtain is not to be drawn aside, except for very special cases, as for example when a mother or father urgently asks that this be done.


556 Letters. Every sister may write sealed letters to the Ordinary to whom the house is subject. For any other letter, permission is required, and the sister shall hand the




letter unsealed to the Superior. The Superior is to be guided by the spirit of love (26) and prudence, and has the right to send or withhold the letter, in the light of whatever is for the greater glory of God. However, I would like very much that such communications be as rare as possible. Let us help people by prayer and mortification, and not by correspondence.


557 Confession. Both the regular and the extraordinary confessors for the community will be appointed by the Ordinary [Bishop].113 There will be one regular confessor, and he will hear the sisters‟ confessions once a week. The extraordinary confessor will come once every three months, and each sister is obliged to see him, even if she makes no confession. The two confessors will hold their posts in the convent for three years. Then there will be a secret vote, and the Superior will submit the results to the Ordinary. The confessor can be re-appointed for an additional three years and even a third three-year term. (27) The sisters will make their confession through a locked grille. The conferences to the community will also be given through a grille, covered with a dark curtain. The sisters will never talk among themselves about confession or the confessors; rather, let them pray for them that God may give them the light to direct their souls.


558 Holy Communion. The sisters should never talk about who goes more and who goes less frequently to Holy Communion. They should refrain from passing judgment on this subject which does not concern them. All judgments in this matter belong exclusively to the confessor. The Superior may speak to a sister, not to inquire why she is not going to Communion, but simply to make confession available to her. The superiors should never dare to enter into the domain of the sisters‟ consciences. The Superior may sometimes arrange that the community offer (28) Communion for a certain intention. Each sister should strive for the greatest purity of soul, so that she might receive the Divine Visitor every day.


559 On one occasion, when I entered the chapel, I saw the walls of a building in a state of disrepair [a torn down building].114 The windows were without panes, and the doors had only frames with no paneling. Then I heard these words in my soul: This is where the convent will be, I was a little disappointed that these ruins were to be the convent.


560 Thursday. I felt urged to undertake as soon as possible the task which the Lord was asking of me. While making my confession, I was holding to my own opinion over that of the confessor. At first, I did not realize this, but when I was making my Holy Hour I saw the Lord Jesus (29) as He appears in the Image, and He told me that I must repeat to my confessor and my superiors everything He says to me or asks of me…. and do only what you receive permission to do. And He gave me to know how displeased He was with persons who are self-willed, and I recognized that I was one of these. I saw this shadow of self-will in myself, and I threw myself in the dust115 before His Majesty and, with a broken heart, begged His pardon. But Jesus did not let me remain in this state for long. His divine gaze filled my heart with such joy that I have no words to express it. And Jesus gave me to know that I should ask Him more questions and seek His advice. Truly, how sweet is the look of my Lord; His eyes penetrate my soul to its most secret depths. My spirit communicates with God without any word being spoken. I am aware that He is living in me and I in Him.




561 (30) All at once, I saw the image in some small chapel and at that moment I saw that chapel became an enormous and beautiful temple. And in this temple I saw the Mother of God with the Infant in Her arms. And a moment later, the infant Jesus disappeared from the arms of His Mother, and I saw the living image of Jesus Crucified. The Mother of God told me to do what She had done, that, even when joyful, I should always keep my eyes fixed on the cross, and She told me that the graces God was granting me were not for me alone, but for other souls as well.


562 When I see the Infant Jesus during Holy Mass, it is not always the same: sometimes He is very joyous, and sometimes He is not even looking at the chapel. At present, He is often very joyful when our confessor [Father Sopocko] offers Holy Mass. I was greatly surprised that the Infant Jesus loves him so much. Sometimes I see Him dressed in a colorful pinafore.110


563 (31) Before I came to Vilnius and met this confessor, I once saw a rather small church and near it, this congregation.117 The convent had twelve cells: each nun was to live separately. I saw the priest [Father Sopocko] who was helping me to prepare the convent and whom I was to meet some years later, but whom I already knew from the vision. I saw how he was arranging everything in the convent with great care, assisted by another priest [probably Father Wantuchowski118] whom I have not yet met. I saw the iron grating, covered with a dark curtain, and the sisters did not go out to the church.


564 On the feast day of the Immaculate Conception of the Mother of God, during Holy Mass, I heard the rustling of garments and saw the most holy Mother of God in a most beautiful radiance. Her white garment was girdled with a blue (32) sash. She said to me, You give Me great joy when you adore The Holy Trinity for the graces and privileges which were accorded Me. And She immediately disappeared.


Penances and Mortification.

565 Interior mortifications take the first place, but besides this, we must practice exterior mortifications, strictly determined, so that all can practice them. These are: on three days a week, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday, there will be a strict fast; each Friday, all the sisters – each one in her own cell – will take the discipline119 for the length of the recitation of Psalm 50, and all will do this at the same time; namely, three o‟clock; and this will be offered for dying sinners. During the two great fasts,120 ember days121 and vigils,122 the food will consist of a piece of bread and some water, once a day.


Let each sister try to observe these mortifications which are prescribed (33) for all. But if anyone desires to do something more, she should ask the superior for permission. One more general mortification: no sister is allowed to enter the cell of another without special permission from the Superior, but the Superior should sometimes unexpectedly enter the cells of the sisters, not in order to spy, but in the spirit of love and the responsibility which she has before God. None of the sisters will lock anything; the rule will be the general key for all. 160


566 One day, after Holy Communion, I suddenly saw the Infant Jesus standing by my kneeler and holding on to it with His two little hands. Although He was but a little Child, my soul was filled with awe and fear, for I see in Him my Judge, my Lord, and my Creator, before whose holiness the Angeles tremble. At the same time, my soul was flooded with such unspeakable (34) love that I thought I would die under its influence. I now see that Jesus first strengthens my soul and makes it capable of abiding with Him, for otherwise I would not be able to bear what I experience at such a moment.

Relationship of Sisters with the Superior

567 All the sisters should respect the Superior as the Lord Jesus himself, as I mentioned when speaking about the vow of obedience. They should behave toward her with childlike trust, and should never murmur or find fault with her commands, as this is very displeasing to God. Let each be guided by a spirit of faith in her relationship to superiors; let her ask with simplicity for all that she needs. God forbid that it ever happen or be repeated that any of the sisters would be a cause of sorrow or tears to the Superior. Let each one know that as the fourth commandment obliges a child to honor its parents, in like manner is the religious bound to respect her Superior. Only a bad (35) religious would take the liberty of judging her Superior. Let the sisters be sincere with the Superior, telling her about everything and about their needs with childlike simplicity.

The sisters will address the Superior thus: “With your leave, Sister Superior.” They shall never kiss her hand, but whenever they meet her in the corridor or enter her cell, they should say, “Praised be Jesus Christ,” bowing their heads slightly.

They shall address each other as “Sister,” adding the proper name. Their relationship toward the Superior should be marked by a spirit of faith and not by sentimentality or flattery, as these are unworthy of a religious and would degrade her very much. A religious should be as free as a queen, and will be such only when she lives in the spirit of faith. We should obey and respect the Superior, not because she is good, holy or prudent, but solely because she represents God, and by obeying her we are obeying God Himself.

(36) Relationship of the Superior to the Sisters.


568 The Superior should be distinguished by humility and love toward each sister without exception. She must not let herself be led by likes and dislikes, but by the spirit of Christ alone. Let her be aware that God will demand of her an account for each sister. She should not moralize to the sisters, but rather set them an example of profound humility and self-denial; this will be the most efficacious lesson she can give her subjects. She should be firm, but never harsh. She should be patient when bothered with the same questions. Even if she has to give the same answer a hundred times over, she should do so with equanimity. Let her strive to anticipate the sisters‟ needs rather than wait till they ask for this or that, for people vary in disposition.


If the Superior notices that a sister is sad or is suffering, she should try her very best to help and comfort her. She should pray much and ask for light (37) in order 161


to know how to deal with each sister, for each soul is a world of its own. God has various ways of communicating with souls, ways that are often beyond our comprehension and notice. Therefore, the Superior should be careful not to hinder God‟s action in a soul. She should never reprimand a sister when irritated; rather, reprimands should always be seasoned with encouragement. The person is to be helped to recognize and acknowledge her error, but she should not be crushed.

The Superior should be outstanding for a love for her sisters which shows itself in actions. She should take upon herself all burdens so as to ease the burdens of the sisters. She should not demand any services from them, but should respect them as brides of Jesus and be always ready to serve them, day and night. Let her ask rather than order. Her heart should be open to the sufferings of the sisters, and she herself should look closely at, and learn from, the open book; namely, Jesus Crucified. Let her pray fervently for light, especially when she has some important dealing with a (38) sister. She should be on her guard lest she interfere with the sisters‟ consciences, for only a priest has this grace. But it may happen that a sister may feel the necessity to pour out her soul to the Superior, in which case the Superior may listen to this outpouring, but she is bound to secrecy, as nothing hurts a person so much as to have something she has said in confidence or in secret talked about with others. Women usually have weak heads in this respect; it is rarely that one finds a woman with a man‟s mind. The Superior should strive for deep union with God, and God will govern through her. The most holy Mother will be the Superior123 of the convent, and we shall be Her faithful daughters.

569 December 15, 1935. From early morning, today, a strange power has been pushing me to action, not giving me a moment‟s peace. A strange ardor has been lit in my heart, urging me to action, and I cannot stop it. This is a secret martyrdom known only to God, but let Him do (39) with me as He pleases; my heart is ready for anything. O Jesus, my dearest Master, do not abandon me, not even for a moment. Jesus, You know well how weak I am of myself; that is why I know that it is my weakness that forces You to be with me constantly.


570 On one occasion, I saw Jesus in a bright garment; this was in the greenhouse. [He said to me,] Write what I say to you. My delight is to be united with you. With great desire, I wait and long for the time when I shall take up My residence sacramentally in your convent. My spirit will rest in that convent and I will bless its neighborhood in a special way. Out of love for you all, I will avert any punishments which are rightly meted out by My Father‟s justice. My daughter, I have inclined My heart to your requests. Your assignment and duty here on earth is to beg for mercy for (40) the whole world. No soul will be justified until it turns with confidence to My mercy, and this is why the first Sunday after Easter is to be the Feast of Mercy. On that day, priests are to tell everyone about My great and unfathomable mercy. I am making you the administrator of My mercy. Tell the confessor that the Image is to be on view in the church and not within the enclosure in that convent. By means of this Image I shall be granting many graces to souls; so, let every soul have access to it.

571 O my Jesus, Eternal Truth, I fear nothing, neither hardships nor sufferings; I fear only one thing, and that is to offend You. My Jesus, I would rather not exist than




make You sad. Jesus, You know that my love knows no one but You. My soul is absorbed in You.


572 (41) Oh, how great should be the ardor of every soul who will live in that convent, since God desires to come and live with us! Let everyone remember that if we religious do not intercede before God, who will? Each of us should burn like a pure sacrifice before the majesty of God, but to be pleasing to God, each one should unite herself closely to Jesus. It is only with Him, in Him, and through Him that we can be pleasing to God.


573 December 21, 1935. One day, my confessor [Father Sopocko] told me to go and look at a certain house to see whether it was the same house I had seen in my vision. When I went with my confessor to see that house, or rather those ruins, at a glance I recognized that they were the same as I had seen in my vision. The moment I touched the boards which had been nailed together in place of the doors, a strength pervaded my soul like a flash, giving me (42) unshakable certitude. I went away quickly from that place, my heart full of joy, for it seemed to me that there was a certain force chaining me to that place.


I am very happy to see that everything agrees perfectly with what I saw in the vision. When the confessor spoke to me about the arrangement of the cells and other things, I recognized everything to be the same as had been told to me by Jesus. I am delighted that God is acting in this way through my confessor, but I am not surprised that God is giving him so much light; since God, who is Light itself, lives in a pure and humble heart, and all sufferings and adversities serve but to reveal the soul‟s holiness. When I returned home, I went immediately to our chapel to rest a while. Then, suddenly, I heard these words in my soul: Do not fear anything. I am with you. These matters are in My hands and I will bring them to fruition according to My mercy, for nothing can oppose My will.

(43) Christmas Eve, 1935.

574 From early morning, my spirit was immersed in God. His presence pervaded my whole being. In the evening, before supper, I went to the chapel for a minute to share the wafer, at the feet of Jesus, with those who are far away and whom Jesus loves greatly and to whom I owe so much. Just as I was spiritually sharing the wafer with a certain person [probably Father Sopocko], I heard these words within me: His heart is, for Me, a heaven on earth. When I was leaving the chapel, in an instant, God‟s omnipotence enveloped me. I understood how greatly God loves us. Oh, if people could at least partly comprehend and understand this!

Christmas Day.

575 Midnight Mass. During Holy Mass, I again saw the little Infant Jesus, extremely beautiful, joyfully stretching out His little arms to me. (44) After Holy Communion, I heard the words: I am always in your heart; not only when you receive Me in Holy Communion, but always. I spent these holydays in great joy.

576 O Holy Trinity, Eternal God, my spirit is drowned in Your beauty. The ages are as nothing in Your sight. You are always the same. Oh, how great is Your majesty.




Jesus, why do You conceal Your majesty, why have You left Your heavenly throne and dwelt among us? The Lord answered me, My daughter, love has brought Me here, and love keeps Me here. My daughter, if you knew what great merit and reward is earned by one act of pure love for Me, you would die of joy. I am saying this that you may constantly unite yourself with Me through love, for this is the goal of the life of your soul. This act is an act of the will. Know that a pure soul is humble. (45) When you lower and empty yourself before My majesty, I then pursue you with My graces and make use of My omnipotence to exalt you.


577 Once, when my confessor told me to say “Glory be to the Father” as my penance, it took me a very long time; and I began many times, but did not finish, because my spirit became united with God, and I could not stick to the prayer. Quite frequently, I am unwittingly enveloped by God‟s omnipotence and become entirely plunged in Him through love, and then I do not know what is going on around me. When I told my confessor that this short prayer often takes very much of my time and that sometimes I cannot even finish it, he told me to say it right away, there, at the confessional. However, my spirit became immersed in God and, in spite of my efforts, I could not think as I wished. And so the confessor said, “Please repeat after me.” (46) I repeated every word, but while I was pronouncing each word, my spirit would be steeped in the person I was naming.

578 On one occasion, Jesus told me, concerning a certain priest [probably Father Sopocko], that these present years would be the adornment of his priestly life. The days of suffering always seem longer, but they too will pass, though they pass so slowly that it seems they are moving backwards. However, their end is near, and then will come endless and inconceivable joy. Eternity! Who can understand this one word which comes from You, O incomprehensible God, this one word: eternity!

579 I know that the graces given me by God are often meant exclusively for certain souls. Awareness of this fills me with great joy; I always rejoice at the good of other souls as if it were my own.

580 (47) On a certain occasion, the Lord said to me, I am more deeply wounded by the small imperfections of chosen souls than by the sins of those living in the world. It made me very sad that chosen souls make Jesus suffer, and Jesus told me, These little imperfections are not all. I will reveal to you a secret of My Heart: what I suffer from chosen souls. Ingratitude in return for so many graces is My Heart‟s constant food, on the part of [such] a chosen soul. Their love is lukewarm, and My Heart cannot bear it; these souls force Me to reject them. Others distrust My goodness and have no desire to experience that sweet intimacy in their own hearts, but go in search of Me, off in the distance, and do not find Me. This distrust of My goodness hurts Me very much. If My death has not convinced you of My love, what will? Often a soul wounds Me mortally, and then no one can comfort Me. (48) They use My graces to offend Me. There are souls who despise My graces as well as all the proofs of My love. They do not wish to hear My call, but proceed into the abyss of hell. The loss of these souls plunges Me into deadly sorrow. God though I am, I cannot help such a soul because it scorns Me; having a free 164


will, it can spurn Me or love Me. You, who are the dispenser of My mercy, tell all the world about My goodness, and thus you will comfort My Heart.

581 I will tell you most when you converse with Me in the depths of your heart. Here, no one can disturb My actions. Here, I rest as in a garden enclosed.


582 The interior of my soul is like a large and magnificent world in which God and I live. Except for God, no one is allowed there. At the beginning of this life with God, (49) I was dazzled and overcome with awe. His radiance blinded me, and I thought He was not in my heart; and yet those were the moments when God was working in my soul. Love was becoming purer and stronger, and the Lord brought my will into the closest union with His own holy will. No one will understand what I experience in that splendid palace of my soul where I abide constantly with my Beloved. No exterior thing hinders my union with God. Even if I used the most forceful words, they would not express even a shadow of how my soul revels in happiness and inexplicable love, as great and pure as the spring from which it flows; that is, God Himself. My spirit is so pervaded with God that I feel it physically, and the body partakes of these joys. Although it happens that God‟s touch varies in the same soul, it comes, however, from the same source.


583 (50) On one occasion, I saw Jesus thirsting and fainting, and He said to me, I thirst. When I gave Him water, He took it, but did not drink and immediately disappeared. He was clothed as He was during His Passion.


584 When you reflect upon what I tell you in the depths of your heart, you profit more than if you had read many books. Oh, if souls would only want to listen to My voice when I am speaking in the depths of their hearts, they would reach the peak of holiness in a short time.


585 January 8, 1936. When I went to see the Archbishop [Jalbrzykowski], I told him that Jesus was asking that I pray for God‟s mercy upon the world and that there be a religious congregation which would entreat the mercy of God for the world. I asked his permission for all the Lord Jesus was demanding of me. The Arch (51) bishop answered me in these words: “As for prayer, I give my permission and even encourage you, Sister, to pray as much as possible for the world and to beg God‟s mercy, as mercy is what we all need; and I presume that your confessor certainly does not forbid you to pray for this intention. But as regards this congregation, wait a while, Sister, so that all things may arrange themselves more favorably. This thing is good in itself, but there is no need to hurry. If it is God‟s will, it will be done, whether it be a little sooner or a little later. Why shouldn‟t it be? There are so many different kinds of congregations; this one too will come to be if God so wills. Be completely at peace. The Lord Jesus can do all things. Strive for a close union with God and do not lose heart.” These words filled me with great joy.


586 When I left the Archbishop‟s house, I heard the following words in my soul: To confirm your spirit, (52) I speak through My representatives in accordance with what I demand of you, but know that this will not always be so. They will oppose you in many things, and through this My grace will be manifest in you, and it will be evident that this matter is My doing. But as for you, fear




nothing; I am always with you. And know this, too, My daughter: all creatures, whether they know it or not, and whether they want to or not, always fulfill My will.


587 Once, I suddenly saw Jesus in great majesty, and He spoke these words to me: My daughter, if you wish, I will this instant create a new world, more beautiful than this one, and you will live there for the rest of your life. I answered, “I don‟t want any worlds. I want You, Jesus. I want to love You, with the same love that You have for me. I beg You for only one thing: to make my heart capable of loving You. (53) I am very much surprised at Your offer, my Jesus; what are those worlds to me? Even if You gave me a thousand of them, what are they to me? You know very well, Jesus, that my heart is dying of longing for You. Everything that is not You is nothing to me.” – At that moment, I could no longer see anything, but a strange force took over my soul, a strange fire sprang up in my heart, and I entered into a kind of agony for Him. Then I heard these words: With no other soul do I unite Myself as closely and in such a way as I do with you, and this because of the deep humility and ardent love which you have for Me.


588 On one occasion, I heard these words within me: Every movement of your heart is known to Me. Know, My daughter, that once glance of yours directed at someone else would wound Me (54) more than many sins committed by another person.


589 Love casts our fear. Since I came to love God with my whole being and with all the strength of my heart, fear has left me. Even if I were to hear the most terrifying things about God‟s justice, I would not fear Him at all, because I have come to know Him well. God is love, and His Spirit is peace. I see now that my deeds which have flowed from love are more perfect than those which I have done out of fear. I have placed my trust in God and fear nothing. I have given myself over to His holy will; let Him do with me as He wishes, and I will still love Him.


590 When I receive Holy Communion, I entreat and beg the Savior to heal my tongue, that I may never fail in love of neighbor.


591 (55) Jesus. You know how ardently I desire to hide so that no one may know me but Your sweetest Heart. I want to be a tiny violet, hidden in the grass, unknown in a magnificent enclosed garden in which beautiful lilies and roses grow. The beautiful rose and the lovely lily can be seen from afar, but in order to see a little violet, one has to bend low; only its scent gives it away. Oh, how happy I am to be able to hide myself in this way! O my divine Bridegroom, the flower of my heart and the scent of my pure love are for You. My soul has drowned itself in You, Eternal God. From the moment when You yourself drew me to Yourself, O my Jesus, the more I have known You, the more ardently I have desired You.


592 I learned in the Heart of Jesus that in heaven itself there is a heaven to which not all, but only chosen souls, have access. Incomprehensible is the happiness in which the soul will be immersed. O my God, oh, that I could describe this, even in some little degree. (56) Souls are penetrated by His divinity and pass from




brightness to brightness, an unchanging light, but never monotonous, always new though never changing. O Holy Trinity, make yourself known to souls!


593 O my Jesus, nothing is better for the soul than humiliations. In contempt is the secret of happiness, when the soul recognizes that, of itself, it is only wretchedness and nothingness, and that whatever it possesses of good is a gift of God. When the soul sees that everything is given it freely and that the only thing it has of itself is its own misery, this is what sustains it in a continual act of humble prostration before the majesty of God. And God, seeing the soul in such a disposition, pursues it with His graces. As the soul continues to immerse itself more deeply into the abyss of its nothingness and need, God uses His omnipotence to exalt it. If there is a truly happy soul upon earth, it can only be (57) a truly humble soul. At first, one‟s self-love suffers greatly on this account, but after a soul has struggled courageously. God grants it much light by which it sees how wretched and full of deception everything is. God alone is in its heart. A humble soul does not trust itself, but places all its confidence in God. God defends the humble soul and lets Himself into its secrets, and the soul abides in unsurpassable happiness which no one can comprehend.


594 One evening, one of the deceased sisters, who had already visited me a few times, appeared to me. The first time I had seen her, she had been in great suffering, and then gradually these sufferings had diminished; this time she was radiant with happiness, and she told me she was already in heaven. She told me that God had tried (58) our house with tribulation because Mother General [Michael] had given in to doubts, not believing what I had said about this soul. And further, as a sign that she only now was in heaven, God would bless our house. Then she came closer to me, embraced me sincerely and said, “I must go now.” I understood how closely the three stages of a soul‟s life are bound together; that is to say, life on earth, in purgatory and in heaven [the Communion of Saints].


595 I have noticed many times that God tries certain people on account of those things about which He spoke to me, for mistrust displeases Jesus. Once, when I saw that God had tried a certain Archbishop [Jalbrzykowski] because he was opposed to the cause and distrustful of it, I felt sorry for him and pleaded with God for him, and God relieved his suffering. God is very displeased with lack of trust in Him, and this is why some souls lose many graces. Distrust (59) hurts His most sweet Heart, which is full of goodness and incomprehensible love for us. A priest should sometimes be distrustful in order to better ascertain the genuineness of gifts bestowed on a given soul; and when he does so in order to direct the soul to deeper union with God, his will be a great and incomprehensible reward indeed. But there is a great difference between this and disrespect and distrust of divine graces in a soul simply because one cannot comprehend and penetrate these things with one‟s mind, and this latter is displeasing to the Lord. I greatly pity souls who encounter inexperienced priests.


596 Once, a certain priest [Father Sopocko124] asked me to pray for him. I promised to pray, and asked for mortification. When I received permission for (60) a certain mortification, I felt a great desire to give up all the graces that God‟s goodness would intend for me that day in favor of that priest, and I asked the Lord Jesus to deign to bestow on me all the sufferings and afflictions, both exterior and spiritual,




that the priest would have had to suffer during that day. God partially answered my request and, at once, all sorts of difficulties and adversities sprang up out of nowhere, so much so that one of the sisters remarked out loud that the Lord Jesus must have a hand in this because everyone was trying Sister Faustina. The charges made were so groundless that what some sisters put forward, others denied, while I offered all this in silence on behalf of the priest.


But that was not all; I began to experience interior sufferings. First, I was seized by depression and aversion towards the sisters, then a kind of uncertainty began (61) to trouble me. I could not recollect myself during prayer, and various things would take hold of my mind. When, tired out, I entered the chapel, a strange pain seized my soul, and I began to weep softly. Then I heard in my soul a voice, saying, My daughter, why are you weeping? After all, you yourself offered to undertake these sufferings. Know that what you have taken upon yourself for that soul is only a small portion. He is suffering much more. And I asked the Lord, “Why are You treating him like that?” The Lord answered me that it was for the triple crown meant for him: that of virginity, the priesthood and martyrdom. At that moment, a great joy flooded my soul at the sight of the great glory that is going to be his in heaven. Right away I said the Te Deum125 for this special grace of God; namely, of learning how God treats those He intends to have close to himself. Thus, all sufferings are nothing in comparison with what awaits us in heaven.

597 (62) One day, after our Mass, I suddenly saw my confessor [Father Sopocko] saying Mass in Saint Michael‟s Church, in front of the picture of the Mother of God. It was at the time of the Offertory, and I saw the Infant Jesus clinging to him as if fleeing from something and seeking refuge in him. But when the time came for Holy Communion, He disappeared as usual. Suddenly, I saw the Blessed Mother, who shielded him with her cloak and said, Courage, My son, courage. She said something else which I could not hear.


598 Oh, how ardently I desire that every soul would praise Your mercy. Happy is the soul that calls upon the mercy of the Lord. It will see that the Lord will defend it as His glory, as He said. And who would dare fight against God? All you souls, praise the Lord‟s mercy (63) by trusting in His mercy all your life and especially at the hour of your death. And fear nothing, dear soul, whoever you are; the greater the sinner, the greater his right to Your mercy, O Lord. O Incomprehensible Goodness! God is the first to stoop to the sinner. O Jesus, I wish to glorify Your mercy on behalf of thousand of souls. I know very well, O my Jesus, that I am to keep telling souls about Your goodness, about Your incomprehensible mercy.


599 On one occasion, after a person had asked me for prayer, when I met the Lord I said to Him, “Jesus, I especially love those souls whom You love.” And Jesus answered, And as for Me, I bestow special graces on those souls for whom you intercede.

600 How wondrously Jesus defends me; truly this is a great grace of God which I have experienced for a long time now.


601 (64) Once, when one of our sisters126 became fatally ill and all the community127 was gathered together, there was also a priest128 there who gave the sister




absolution. Suddenly, I saw many spirits of darkness. Then, forgetting that I was with the sisters, I seized the holy-water sprinkler and sprinkled the spirits, and they disappeared at once. However, when the sisters came to the refectory, Mother Superior [Borgia] remarked that I should not have sprinkled the sick sister in the presence of the priest, as this was his duty. I accepted the admonition in the spirit of penance, but holy water is indeed of great help to the dying.


602 My Jesus, You see how weak I am of myself. Therefore, You Yourself direct my affairs. And know, Jesus, that without you I will not budge for any cause, but with You I will take on the most difficult things.


603 (65) January 29, 1936. In the evening, when I was in my cell, I suddenly saw a great light and a dark gray cross high up within the light. Suddenly, I found myself caught up close to the cross. I gazed at it intently, but could not understand anything, and so I prayed, asking what it could mean. At that moment I saw the Lord Jesus, and the cross disappeared. The Lord Jesus was sitting in a great light, and His legs, up to the knees, were drowned in the light so that I could not see them. Jesus bent toward me, looked at me kindly and spoke to me about the will of the Heavenly Father. He told me that the most perfect and holy soul is the one that does the will of My Father, but there are not many such, and that He looks with special love upon the soul who lives His will. And Jesus told me that I was doing the will of God perfectly …… and for this reason I am uniting Myself with you and communing with you in a special and intimate way.


God embraces with His incomprehensible love the soul who (66) lives by His will. I understood how much god loves us, how simple He is, though incomprehensible, and how easy it is to commune with Him, despite His great majesty. With no one do I feel as free and as much at ease as with Him. Even a mother and her truly loving child do not understand each other so well as God and I do. When I was in that state of communion with God, I saw two particular persons, and their sad interior condition was revealed to me. They were in a sorrowful state, but I trust that they, too, will glorify the mercy of God.

604 At the same time, I saw a certain person [Father Sopocko] and, in part, the condition of his soul and the ordeals God was sending him. His sufferings were of the mind and in a form so acute that I pitied him and said to the Lord, “Why do you treat him like that?” And the Lord answered, For the sake of his triple crown. And the Lord also gave me to understand what unimaginable glory awaits the person who resembles the (67) suffering Jesus here on earth. That person will resemble Jesus in His glory. The Heavenly Father will recognize and glorify our soul to the extent that He sees in us a resemblance to His Son. I understood that this assimilation into Jesus is granted to us while we are here on earth. I see pure and innocent souls upon whom God has exercised His justice; the souls are the victims who sustain the world and who fill up what is lacking in the Passion of Jesus. They are not many in number. I rejoice greatly that God has allowed me to know such souls.


605 O Holy Trinity, Eternal God, I thank You for allowing me to know the greatness and the various degrees of glory to which souls attain. Oh, what a great difference of depth in the knowledge of God there is between one degree and another! Oh, if




people could only know this! O my God, if I were thereby able to attain one more degree, I would gladly suffer all the torments of the martyrs put together. (68) Truly, all those torments seem as nothing to me compared with the glory that is awaiting us for all eternity. O Lord, immerse my soul in the ocean of Your divinity and grant me the grace of knowing You; for the better I know You, the more I desire You, and the more my love for You grows. I feel in my soul an unfathomable abyss which only god can fill. I lose myself in Him as a drop does in the ocean. The Lord has inclined himself to my misery like a ray of the sun upon a barren and rocky desert. And yet, under the influence of His rays, my soul has become covered with verdure, flowers, and fruit, and has become a beautiful garden for His repose.


606 My Jesus, despite Your graces, I see and feel all my misery. I begin my day with battle and end it with battle. As soon as I conquer one obstacle, ten more appear (69) to take its place. But I am not worried, because I know that this is the time of struggle, not peace. When the burden of the battle becomes too much for me, I throw myself like a child into the arms of the heavenly Father and trust I will not perish. O my Jesus, how prone I am to evil, and this forces me to be constantly vigilant. But I do not lose heart. I trust God‟s grace, which abounds in the worst misery.


607 In the midst of the worst difficulties and adversities, I do not lose inner peace or exterior balance, and this discourages my adversaries. Patience in adversity gives power to the soul.


608 February 2, [1936]. In the morning, when the bell awoke me, I was so overcome by drowsiness which I could not shake off that I jumped into cold water, and after two minutes the sleepiness left me. When I came to meditation (70) a host of absurd thoughts swarmed into my head, so much so that I had to struggle throughout the whole meditation. It was the same during prayer time, but when Mass began, a strange silence and joy filled my heart. Just then, I saw Our Lady with the Infant Jesus, and the Holy Old Man [St. Joseph] standing behind them. The most holy Mother said to me, Take My Dearest Treasure, and She handed me the Infant Jesus. When I took the Infant Jesus in my arms, the Mother of God and Saint Joseph disappeared. I was left alone with the Infant Jesus.


609 I said to Him, “I know that You are my Lord and Creator even though You are so tiny.” Jesus stretched His little arms out to me and looked at me with a smile. My spirit was filled with incomparable joy. Then, suddenly, Jesus disappeared, and it was time for Holy Communion. I went with the other sisters to the Holy Table, my soul deeply moved. After Holy Communion, (71) I heard these words in my soul: I am in your heart, I whom you had in your arms. I then pleaded with Jesus for a certain soul [Father Sopocko], asking the Lord to grant him the grace to fight, and to take this trial from him. As you ask, so shall it be, but his merit will not be lessened. Joy reigned in my soul that God is so good and merciful; God grants everything that we ask of Him with trust.


610 After each conversation with the Lord, my soul is extraordinarily strengthened, and a profound tranquility prevails therein and gives me such courage that I do not fear anything in the world, but fear only lest I make Jesus sad.



611 O my Jesus, I implore You by the goodness of Your most sweet Heart, let Your anger diminish and show us Your mercy. May Your wounds be our shield against Your Father‟s (72) justice. I have come to know You, O god, as the source of mercy that vivifies and nourishes every soul. Oh, how great is the mercy of the Lord; it surpasses all His other qualities! Mercy is the greatest attribute of God; everything that surrounds me speaks to me of this. Mercy is the life of souls; His compassion is inexhaustible. O Lord, look on us and deal with us according to Your countless mercies, according to Your great mercy.


612 One time, I was in doubt as to whether what had happened to me had seriously offended the Lord Jesus or not. As I could not solve this doubt, I made up my mind not to go to Communion before first going to confession, although I immediately made an act of contrition, as it is my habit to ask for forgiveness after the slightest transgression. During those days when I did not receive Holy Communion, (73) I did not feel the presence of God. This caused me unspeakable pain, but I took it as a punishment for sin. However, at the time of Holy Confession I was reproached for not going to Holy Communion, because what had happened to me was not an obstacle to receiving Holy Communion. After confession, I received Holy Communion, and I saw the Lord Jesus who said to me, Know, My daughter, that you caused Me more sorrow by not uniting yourself with Me in Holy Communion than you did by that small transgression.


613 One day, I saw a small chapel in which six sisters were receiving Holy Communion from our confessor [Father Sopocko], who was wearing a surplice and stole.129 There were no decorations and no kneelers in the chapel. After Holy Communion, I saw the Lord Jesus as He is represented in the image. Jesus was walking away, and I called to Him, “How can You pass me by and not say anything to me, Lord? Without You, (74) I shall do nothing; You must stay with me and bless me, and this community and my country as well.” Jesus made the sign of the cross and said, Do not fear anything; I am always with you.


614 On the last two days before Lent we had an hour of propitiatory adoration with the girls.130 During both hours I saw the Lord Jesus as he was after the scourging. My soul felt such great pain that it seemed to me that I was experiencing all those torments in my own body and in my own soul.


615 March 1, 1936. Today during Holy Mass I experienced a strange force and urge to start realizing God‟s wishes. I had such a clear understanding of the things the Lord was asking of me that truly if I were to say (75) that I do not understand what God is demanding from me, I would be lying, because the Lord is making His will known to me so clearly and distinctly that I do not have the least shadow of a doubt about them. I realized that it would be the greatest ingratitude to delay any longer this undertaking which the Lord wishes to bring to fulfillment for His glory and the benefit of a great number of souls. And he is using me as a miserable tool through which to realize His eternal plans of mercy. Truly, how ungrateful my soul would be to resist God‟s will any longer. Nothing will stop me any longer, be it persecution, sufferings, sneers, threats, entreaties, hunger, cold, flattery, friendships, adversities, friends or enemies; be it things I am experiencing now or


things that will come in the future or even the hatred of hell – nothing will deter me from doing the will of God.


(76) I am not counting on my own strength, but on His omnipotence for, as he gave me the grace of knowing His holy will, He will also grant me the grace of fulfilling it. I cannot fail to mention how much my own lower nature resists this thing, manifesting its own desires, and there results within my soul a great struggle, like that of Jesus in the Garden of Olives. And so I too cry out to God, the Eternal Father, “If it is possible, take this cup from me, but, nevertheless, not my will, but Yours be done, O Lord; may Your will be done.” What I am about to go through is no secret to me, but with full knowledge I accept whatever You send me, O Lord. I trust in You, O merciful God, and I wish to be the first to manifest to You that confidence which You demand of souls. O Eternal Truth, help me and enlighten me along the roadways of life, and grant that Your will be accomplished in me.


(77) My God, I desire nothing but the fulfillment of Your will. It does not matter whether it will be easy or difficult. I feel an extraordinary force driving me to action. One thing alone holds me back, and that is holy obedience. O my Jesus, You urge me on the one hand and hold me back and restrain me on the other. In this, too, O my Jesus, may Your holy will be done.

I continued in this state, without a break, for many days. My physical strength declined, and though I did not speak to anyone about it, nevertheless Mother Superior [Borgia] noticed my pain and remarked that I had changed in appearance and was very pale. She told me to go to bed earlier and to sleep longer, and she had a cup of hot milk brought to me in the evening. She had a motherly heart, full of care, and tried to help me. But in the case of spiritual sufferings, (78) external things have no influence, and they do not bring much relief. It was from the confessional that I drew my strength and the consolation of knowing that it would not be long before I could begin to act.

616 On Thursday, when I went to my cell, I saw over me the Sacred Host in great brightness. Then I heard a voice that seemed to be coming from above the Host: In the Host is your power; It will defend you. After these words, the vision disappeared, but a strange power entered my soul, and a strange light as to what our love for God consists in; namely, in doing His will.


617 O Holy Trinity, Eternal God, I want to shine in the crown of Your mercy as a tiny gem whose beauty depends on the ray of Your (79) light and of Your inscrutable mercy. All that is beautiful in my soul is Yours, O God; of myself, I am ever nothing.


618 At the beginning of lent, I asked my confessor for some mortification for this time of fast. I was told not to cut down on my food but, while eating, to meditate on how the Lord Jesus, on the Cross, accepted vinegar and gall. This would be my mortification. I did not know that this would be so beneficial to my soul. The benefit is that I am meditating constantly on His sorrowful Passion and so, while I am eating, I am not preoccupied with what I am eating, but am reflecting on my Lord‟s death.



619 At the beginning of Lent, I also asked to have the subject of my particular examen changed, and I was told to do everything with the pure intention of reparation for poor sinners. (80) This keeps me in continual union with God, and this intention perfects my actions, because everything I do is done for immortal souls. All hardships and fatigue are as nothing when I think that they reconcile sinful souls with God.


620 Mary is my Instructress, who is ever teaching me how to live for God. My spirit brightens up in Your gentleness and Your humility, O Mary.


621 On one occasion, when I dropped by the chapel for a five-minute adoration and was praying for a certain soul, I came to understand that God does not always accept our petitions for the souls we have in mind, but directs these to other souls. Hence, although we do not relieve the souls we intended to relieve in their purgatorial suffering, still our prayer is not lost.


622 (81) Intimate communion of a soul with God. God approaches a soul in a special way known only to Himself and to the soul. No one perceives this mysterious union. Love presides in this union, and everything is achieved by love alone. Jesus gives Himself to the soul in a gentle and sweet manner, and in His depths there is peace. He grants the soul many graces and makes it capable of sharing His eternal thoughts. And frequently, He reveals to it His divine plans.


623 Father Andrasz told me that it would be a good thing to have in God‟s Church a group of souls who would beg for His mercy, because in fact we are all in need of that mercy. After these words, an extraordinary light filled my soul. Oh, how good is the Lord!


624 (82) March 18, 1936. Once, I asked the Lord Jesus to take the first stop by bringing about some change or some external event, or by letting them expel me, as I found it impossible to leave the Congregation on my own initiative. And I was in an agony over this for more than three hours. I could not pray, but kept submitting my will to the will of God.


The next morning, Mother Superior [Borgia] told me that Mother General [Michael] was transferring me to Warsaw. I answered Mother that perhaps I should not go but leave [the Congregation] directly from here. I regarded this to be the external sign for which I had been asking God. Mother Superior made no reply, but after some time she called me again and said, “You know what, Sister: go anyway and don‟t worry about wasting a trip, even if you should return immediately.” I answered, “All right, I will go,” although my heart was seized with pain because I knew (83) that by this trip this matter would be delayed. However, I try always to be obedient, despite everything.

625 In the evening, when I was praying, the Mother of God told me, Your lives must be like Mine: quiet and hidden, in unceasing union with God, pleading for humanity and preparing the world for the second coming of God.



626 In the evening, during Benediction, my soul was for some time in communion with God the father. I felt I was in His hand like a little child, and I heard these words in my soul: Do not fear anything, My daughter; all the adversaries will be shattered at My feet. At these words, a deep peace and a great interior calm entered my soul.
627 (84) When I complained to the Lord that He was taking my help away and that I would be alone again and would not know what to do, I heard these words: Do not be afraid; I am always with you. After these words, a deep peace once again entered my soul. His presence penetrated me completely in a way that could be sensed. My spirit was flooded with light, and my body participated in this as well.
628 On the evening of the last day before my departure from Vilnius, an elderly sister131 revealed the condition of her soul to me. She said that she had already been suffering interiorly for several years, that it seemed to her that all her confessions had been bad, and that she had doubts as to whether the Lord Jesus had forgiven her. I asked her if she had ever told her confessor about this. She answered that she had spoken many (85) times about this to her confessors and….”the confessors are always telling me to be at peace, but still I suffer very much, and nothing brings me relief, and it constantly seems to me that God has not forgiven me.” In answered, “You should obey your confessor, Sister, and be fully at peace, because this is certainly a temptation.”
But she entreated me with tears in her eyes to ask Jesus if He had forgiven her and whether her confessions had been good or not. I answered forcefully, “Ask Him yourself, Sister, if you don‟t believe your confessors!” But she clutched my hand and did not want to let me go until I gave her an answer, and she kept asking me to pray for her and to let her know what Jesus would tell me about her. Crying bitterly, she would not let me go and said to me, “I know that the Lord Jesus speaks to you, Sister.” Since she was clutching my hand and I could not wrench myself away, I promised her (86) I would pray for her. In the evening, during Benediction, I heard these words in my soul: Tell her that her disbelief wounds My heart more than the sins she committed. When I told her this, she began to cry like a child, and great joy entered her soul. I understood that God wanted to console this soul through me. Even though it cost me a good deal, I fulfilled God‟s wish.
629 When I entered the chapel for a moment that same evening, to thank God for all the graces He had bestowed on me in this house, suddenly God‟s presence enveloped me. I felt like a child in the hands of the best of fathers, and I heard these words: Do not fear anything. I am always with you. His love penetrated my whole being. I felt I was entering into such close intimacy with Him that (87) I cannot find words to express it.
630 Then I saw one of the seven spirits near me, radiant as at other times, under a form of light. I constantly saw him beside me when I was riding on the train. I saw an angel standing on every church we passed, but surrounded by a light which was paler than that of the spirit who was accompanying me on the journey, and

each of these spirits who were guarding the churches bowed his head to the spirit who was near me.

When I entered the convent gate at Warsaw, the spirit disappeared. I thanked God for His goodness, that He gives us angels for companions. Oh, how little people reflect on the fact that they always have beside them such a guest, and at the same time a witness to everything! Remember, sinners, that you likewise have a witness to all your deeds.