Monday, February 17, 2014
PART 2 of 4 - DIVINE MERCY IN MY SOUL --- DIARY OF SAINT MARIA FAUSTINA KOWALSKA
631 O my Jesus, Your goodness surpasses all understanding, and no one will exhaust Your mercy. Damnation is for the (88) soul who wants to be damned; but for the one who desires salvation, there is the inexhaustible ocean of the Lord‟s mercy to draw from. How can a small vessel contain the unfathomable ocean?
632 As I was taking leave of the sisters and was about to depart, one of them132 apologized much to me for having helped me so little in my duties, and not only for having neglected to help me, but also for having tried to make things more difficult for me. However, in my own heart, I regarded her as a great benefactress, because she had exercised me in patience to such an extent that one of the elder sisters had once said, “Sister Faustina must be either a fool or a saint, for truly, an ordinary person would not tolerate having someone constantly do such things out of spite.” However, I had (89) always approached her with good will. That particular sister had tried to make my work more difficult to the point that, despite my efforts, she had sometimes succeeded in spoiling what had been well done, as she herself admitted to me at our parting, and for which she begged my pardon. I had not wanted to probe her intentions, but took it as a trial from God……
633 I am greatly surprised at how one can be so jealous. When I see someone else‟s good, I rejoice at it as if it were mine. The joy of others is my joy, and the suffering of others is my suffering, for otherwise I would not dare to commune with the Lord Jesus. The spirit of Jesus is always simple, meek, sincere; all malice, envy, and unkindness disguised under a smile of good will are clever little devils. A severe word flowing from sincere love does not wound the heart.
634 (90) March 22, . When I arrived at Warsaw, I went into the small chapel for a moment to thank the Lord for a safe journey, and I asked the Lord to give me the assistance and the grace necessary for everything that was in store for me here. I submitted myself in all things to His holy will. I heard these words: Fear nothing; all difficulties will serve for the fulfillment of My will.
635 March 25. In the morning, during meditation, God‟s presence enveloped me in a special way, as I saw the immeasurable greatness of God and, at the same time, His condescension to His creatures. Then I saw the Mother of God, who said to me, Oh, how pleasing to God is the soul that follows faithfully the inspirations of His grace! I gave the Savior to the world; as for you, you have to speak to the world about His great mercy and prepare the world for the Second (91) Coming of Him who will come, not as a merciful Savior, but as a just Judge. Oh, how terrible is that day! Determined is the day of justice, the day of divine wrath. The angels tremble before it. Speak to souls about this great mercy while it is still the time for [granting] mercy. If you keep silent now, you will be answering for a great number
of souls on that terrible day. Fear nothing. Be faithful to the end. I sympathize with you.
636 When I arrived at Walendow, one of the sisters133 gave me this welcome: “Sister, now that you have come to us here, everything is going to be all right.” I said to her, “Why do you say that, Sister?” She answered that she felt this in her soul. This particular person is full of simplicity and very pleasing to the Heart of Jesus. The house really was in dire straits [financially]. ………I shall not mention all of that here.
637 (92) Confession. As I was preparing for confession, I said to Jesus, hidden in the Blessed Sacrament, “Jesus, I beg You to speak to me through the mouth of this priest. And this will be a sign to me, because he does not know at all that You want me to establish that Congregation of mercy. Let him say something to me about this mercy.”
When I approached the confessional and started my confession, the priest interrupted me and started telling me about the great mercy of God, and he spoke more forcefully about it than I had ever heard anyone speak before. And he asked me, “Do you know that the mercy of the Lord is greater than all His works, that it is the crown of His works?” And I listened attentively to these words which the Lord was speaking through the mouth of the priest. Although I believe that it is always God who speaks through the lips of the priest in the confessional, I experienced it in a special way on that occasion. (93)
Although I did not reveal anything of the divine life which is in my soul and only accused myself of my offenses, the priest himself told me very much of what was in my soul and put me under obligation to be faithful to the inspirations of God. He said to me, “You are going through life with the Mother of God, who faithfully responded to every divine inspiration.” O my Jesus, who can ever comprehend Your goodness?
638 Jesus, drive away from me the thoughts that are not in accord with Your will. I know that nothing now binds me to this earth but this work of mercy.
639 Thursday. During the evening adoration, I saw Jesus scourged and tortured. He said to me, My daughter, I desire that even in the smallest things, you rely on your confessor. Your greatest sacrifices do not please Me if you practice them without the confessor‟s (94) permission; on the other hand, the smallest sacrifice finds great value in My eyes, if it is done with his permission. The greatest works are worthless in My eyes if they are done out of self-will, and often they are not in accord with My will and merit punishment rather than reward. And on the other hand, even the smallest of yours acts, done with the confessor‟s permission is pleasing in My eyes and very dear to Me. Hold firmly to this always. Be constantly on the watch, for many souls will turn back from the gates of hell and worship My mercy. But fear nothing, as I am with you. Know that of yourself you can do nothing.
640 On the First Friday of the month, before Communion, I saw a large ciborium (95) filled with sacred hosts. A hand placed the ciborium in front of me, and I took it in
my hands. There were a thousand living hosts inside. Then I heard a voice, These are hosts which have been received by the souls for whom you have obtained the grace of true conversion during this Lent. That was a week before Good Friday. I spent the day in great interior recollection, emptying myself for the sake of souls.
641 Oh, what joy it is to empty myself for the sake of immortal souls! I know that the grain of wheat must be destroyed and ground between millstones in order to become food. In the same way, I must become destroyed in order to be useful to the Church and souls, even though exteriorly no one will notice my sacrifice. O Jesus, outwardly I want to be hidden, just like this little wafer wherein the eye perceives nothing, and yet I am a host consecrated to You.
642 (96) Palm Sunday. This Sunday, I experienced in a special way the sentiments of the most sweet Heart of Jesus. My spirit was there where Jesus was. I saw Jesus riding on a donkey‟s foal, and the disciples and a great multitude with branches in their hands joyfully accompanying the Lord Jesus. Some strewed them before His feet where He was riding, while others raised their branches in the air, leaping and jumping before the Lord and not knowing what to do for joy. And I saw another crowd which came out to meet Jesus, likewise with joyful faces and with branches in their hands, and they were crying out unceasingly with joy. There were little children there also. But Jesus was very grave, and the Lord gave me to know how much He was suffering at the time. And at that moment, I saw nothing but only Jesus, whose Heart was saturated with ingratitude.
643 (97) Quarterly confession. Father Bukowski. When some inner force urged me again not to put off this matter, I was unable to find peace. I told the confessor, Father Bukowski, that I could not wait any longer. Father answered me, “Sister, this is an illusion. The Lord Jesus cannot be demanding this. You have made your perpetual vows. All this is an illusion. You are inventing some sort of heresy!” And he was shouting at me, almost at the top of his voice. I asked him whether all of this was an illusion, and He said, “Everything.” “Then please tell me what course I must take.” “Well, Sister, you must not follow any inspiration. You should get your mind off all this. You should pay no attention to what you hear in your soul and try to carry out your exterior duties well. Give no thought to these things and put them completely out of your mind.” In answered, “Good, (98) up to now, I have been following my conscience, but now that you direct me, Father, to pay no heed to my interior, I will cease to do so.” Then he said, “If the Lord Jesus tells you something again, please let me know, but you must take no action.” I answered, “Very well; I will try to be obedient.” I do not know why Father was being so severe.
644 When I left the confessional, a multitude of thoughts oppressed my soul. Why be sincere? What I have told is no sin, so I have no duty to tell it to the confessor. And again, what a relief that I do not have to heed my interior any more as long as things are all right on the outside. I do not have to pay attention to anything or to follow the inner voices that have often cost me so much humiliation. From now on, I will be free. And again, (99) a strange pain seized my soul: can I not, then, commune with the One whom I desire so greatly? The One who is the whole strength of my soul? I began to cry out, “To whom shall I go, O Jesus?” But from
the moment of the confessor‟s prohibition, great darkness fell upon my soul. I feared lest I hear some inner voice, which would occasion the breaking of my confessor‟s prohibition. And then again, I die of longing for God. My interior is torn asunder, not having any will of its own, since it has been turned over completely to God.
That was on Wednesday of Holy Week. The suffering intensified on Holy Thursday. When I came to make my meditation, I entered into a kind of agony. I did not feel the presence of God, but all the justice of God weighed heavily upon me. I saw myself as if knocked down for the sins of the world. Satan began to mock me, “See, now you will no longer strive to win souls; look how you‟ve been paid! Nobody will (100) believe you that Jesus demands this. See how much you are suffering now, and how much more you are going to suffer! After all, the confessor has now released you from all these things.” Now I can live as I like, as long as things are all right outwardly. These dreadful thoughts tormented me throughout the whole hour.
When it was almost time for Holy Mass, my heart was seized with pain; am I, then, to leave the Congregation? And since Father has told me that this is a kind of heresy, am I to fall away from the Church? I cried out to the Lord with a sorrowful interior cry, “Jesus, save me!”
Still, not a single ray of light entered my soul, and I felt my strength failing, as if the body were separating itself from the soul. I submitted to the will of god and repeated, “O God, let whatever You have decided upon happen to me. Nothing in me is any longer my own.” Then, suddenly, God‟s presence enveloped me and penetrated me through and through. (101) This was just as I was receiving Holy Communion. A moment after Holy Communion, I lost all awareness of everything around me and of my whereabouts.
645 Then I saw the Lord Jesus, as He is represented in the image, and He said to me, Tell the confessor that this work is Mine and that I am using you as a lowly instrument. And I said, “Jesus, I can no longer do anything You command me to do, because my confessor has told me that all this is an illusion, and that I am not allowed to obey any of Your commands. I will do nothing that You will tell me to do now. I am sorry, my Lord, but I am not allowed to do anything, and I must obey my confessor. Jesus, I most earnestly ask Your pardon. You know how much I suffer because of this, but it can‟t be helped, Jesus. The confessor has forbidden me to follow Your orders.” Jesus listened to my arguments and complaints with kindness and satisfaction. I thought (102) the Lord Jesus would be grievously offended but, on the contrary, He was pleased and said to me kindly, Always tell your confessor about everything I say to you and command you to do, and do only that for which you obtain permission. Do not be upset, and fear nothing; I am with you. My soul was filled with joy, and all those oppressive thoughts vanished. Certitude and courage entered my soul.
646 But after a short while, I entered into the sufferings which Jesus underwent in the Garden of Olives. This lasted until Friday morning. On Friday, I experienced the Passion of Jesus but, this time, in a different way. On that day, Father Bukowski came from Derdy. Some strange power pushed me to go to confession and tell
him about everything that had happened to me and about what Jesus had said to me. When I told Father, he was quite different and he said (103) to me, “Sister, don‟t be afraid of anything; you will come to no harm, for the Lord Jesus will not allow it. If you are obedient and persevere in this disposition, you need not worry about anything. God will find a way to bring about His work. You should always have this simplicity and sincerity and tell everything to Mother General. What I said to you was said as a warning, because illusions may afflict even holy persons, and Satan‟s insinuations may play a part in this, and sometimes this comes from our own selves, so one has to be careful. And so continue as you have thus far. You can see, Sister, that the Lord is not angered by this. And Sister, you can repeat these things that have happened to you are present to your regular confessor [Father Sopocko].”
647 From this, I came to understand one thing: that I must pray much for each of my confessors, that he might obtain the light of the Holy (104) Spirit, for when I approach the confessional without first praying fervently, the confessor does not understand me very well. Father encouraged me to pray fervently for these intentions, that God would give better knowledge and understanding of the things He is asking of me. “Make novena after novena, Sister, and God will not refuse the graces.”
648 Good Friday. At three o‟clock, I saw the Lord Jesus, crucified, who looked at me and said, I thirst. Then I saw two rays issue from His side, just as they appear in the image. I then felt in my soul the desire to save souls and to empty myself for the sake of poor sinners. I offered myself, together with the dying Jesus, to the Eternal Father, for the salvation of the whole world. With Jesus, through Jesus (105) and in Jesus is my communion with You, Eternal Father. On Good Friday, Jesus suffered in His soul in a way which was different from [His suffering on] Holy Thursday.
649 Mass of the Resurrection. [April 12, 1936]. When I entered the chapel, my spirit was immersed in God, its only treasure. His presence flooded me.
650 O my Jesus, my Master and Director, strengthen and enlighten me in these difficult moments of my life. I expect no help from people; all my hope is in You. I feel alone in the face of Your demands, O Lord. Despite the fears and qualms of my nature, I am fulfilling Your holy will and desire to fulfill it as faithfully as possible throughout my life and in my death. Jesus, with You I can do all things. Do with me as You please; only give me Your merciful Heart and that is enough for me.
(106) O Jesus my Lord, help me. Let what You have planned before all ages happen to me. I am ready at each beckoning of Your holy will. Enlighten my mind that I may know Your will. O God, You who pervade my soul, You know that I desire nothing but Your glory.
O Divine Will, You are the delight of my heart, the food of my soul, the light of my intellect, the omnipotent strength of my will; for when I united myself with Your will, O Lord, Your power works through me and takes the place of my feeble will. Each day, I seek to carry out God‟s wishes. 179
651 O Incomprehensible God, how great is Your mercy! It surpasses the combined understanding of all men and angels. All the angels (107) and all humans have emerged from the very depths of Your tender mercy. Mercy is the flower of love. God is love, and mercy is His deed. In love it is conceived; in mercy it is revealed. Everything I look at speaks to me of God‟s mercy. Even God‟s very justice speaks to me about His fathomless mercy, because justice flows from love.
652 There is one word I heed and continually ponder; it alone is everything to me; I live by it and die by it, and it is the holy will of God. It is my daily food. My whole soul listens intently to God‟s wishes. I do always what God asks of me, although my nature often quakes and I feel that the magnitude of these things is beyond my strength. I know well what I am of myself, but I also know what the grace of God is, which supports me.
653 (108) April 25, 1936. Walendow. On that day, the suffering in my soul was more severe than ever before. From early morning, I felt as if my body and soul had separated. I felt that God‟s presence had penetrated my whole being; I felt all the justice of God within me; I felt I stood alone before God. I thought: one word from my spiritual director would set me entirely at peace; but what can I do? – he is not here. However, I decided to seek light in holy confession. When I uncovered my soul to the priest,134 he was afraid to continue hearing my confession, and that caused me even greater suffering. When I see that a priest is fearful, I do not obtain any inner peace. So I have decided that only to my spiritual director will I open my soul in all matters, from the greatest to the least, and that I will follow his directions strictly.
654 Now I understand that confession is only the confessing (109) of one‟s sins, and spiritual guidance is a different thing altogether. But this is not what I want to speak about. I want to tell about a strange thing that happened to me for the first time. When the confessor started talking to me, I did not understand a single word. Then I saw Jesus Crucified and He said to me, It is in My Passion that you must seek light and strength. After the confession, I meditated on Jesus‟ terrible Passion, and I understood that what I was suffering was nothing compared to the Savior‟s Passion, and that even the smallest imperfection was the cause of this terrible suffering. Then my soul was filled with very great contrition, and only then I sensed that I was in the sea of the unfathomable mercy of God. Oh, how few words I have to express what I am experiencing! I feel I am like a drop of dew engulfed in the depths of the bottomless ocean of divine mercy.
655 (110) + May 11, 1936. I came to Cracow. I was happy that at last I shall be able to carry out all that the Lord Jesus was demanding.
Once, when I was speaking with Father A…. [Andrasz] and had told him everything, I received this answer: “Sister, pray till the day of the Feast of the Most Sacred Heart and add some mortification to the prayer, and on the Feast of the Sacred Heart I will give you an answer.” But one day, I heard this voice in my soul: Fear nothing; I am with you. After these words, I felt such an urgency within me that, without waiting for the Feast of the Sacred Heart, I said during confession that I was going to leave the Congregation immediately. Father answered, “Sister, 180
since you have made the decision by yourself, then take the responsibility for yourself. Go.” I was happy to be leaving.
The following morning, God‟s presence suddenly left me. (111) A great darkness came over my soul. I could not pray. Because of this sudden loss of the presence of God, I decided to postpone the matter for a while, until I had talked with Father.
Father A. [Andrasz] answered that such changes in souls were frequent, and that this was not an obstacle to action.
656 When I talked to Mother General [Michael] about everything that had happened to me, she said, “Sister, I am locking you in the tabernacle with the Lord Jesus; wherever you go from there, that will be the will of God.”
657 June 19. When we went to the Jesuits‟ place for the procession of the Sacred Heart, during Vespers I saw the same rays coming forth from the Sacred Host, just as they are painted in the image. My soul was filled with great longing for God.
(112) June, 1936. Conversation with Father A. [Andrasz]
658 “Know that these are hard and difficult things. Your principal spiritual director is the Holy Spirit. We can only give direction to these inspirations, but your real director is the Holy Spirit. If you yourself have decided to leave, Sister, I neither prohibit nor order you to do so. You take the responsibility for yourself. I say this to you, Sister: you can begin to take action. You are capable of doing so, and therefore you can do so. These things are indeed probable; all you have told me up to now [before perpetual vows in Cracow in 1933] speaks in favor of taking action. Still, you have to be very careful in all this. Pray much and ask that I be given light.”
659 During Holy Mass, offered by Father Andrasz, I saw the little Infant Jesus, who told me that I was to depend on him for everything: No action undertaken on your own, even though you (113) put much effort into it, pleases Me. I understood this [need of] dependence.
660 O my Jesus, on the day of the last judgment, You will demand from me an account of this work of mercy. O Just Judge, but my Spouse as well, help me to do Your holy will. O mercy, O divine virtue!
661 July 16. I spent this whole night in prayer. I meditated upon the Lord‟s Passion, and my soul was crushed by the burden of God‟s justice. The Hand of the Lord touched me.
662 July 17. O my Jesus, You know how much adversity I encounter in this matter, how much reproach I must put up with, how many ironic smiles I must take with equanimity. Oh, alone I would not (114) be able to survive this, but with You, my Master, I can do all things. Oh, how painfully an ironic smile wounds, especially when one [appears to] speak with great sincerity.
663 July 22. O my Jesus, I know that a person‟s greatness is evidenced by his deeds and not by his words or feelings. It is the works that have come from us that will
speak about us. My Jesus, do not allow me to daydream, but give me the courage and strength to fulfill Your holy will.
Jesus, if You wish to leave me in uncertainty, even to the end of my life, may Your Holy Name be blessed.
664 + O my Jesus, how immensely I rejoice at the assurance You have given me that the Congregation will come into being. I no longer have the least shadow of a doubt about this, and I see how great is the glory which it will give to God. It will be the reflection of God‟s greatest attribute; that is, His divine mercy. Unceasingly, (115) they will intercede for divine mercy for themselves and for the whole world. And every act of mercy will flow from God‟s love, that love with which they will be filled to overflowing. They will strive to make their own this great attribute of God, and to live by it and to bring others to know it and to trust in the goodness of the Lord. This Congregation of Divine Mercy will be in god‟s Church like a beehive in a magnificent garden, hidden and meek. The sisters will work like bees to feed their neighbors‟ souls with honey, while the wax will flame for the glory of God.
+ June 29, 1936
665 Father Andrasz told me to make a novena for the intention of knowing better the will of God. I prayed ardently, adding a certain bodily mortification. Towards the end of the novena, I received an inner light and the assurance that the Congregation will come into being and that it is pleasing to God. Despite the difficulties (116) and adversities, complete peace and strength entered my soul from on high. I understood that nothing could resist or nullify the will of God despite obstacles, persecution and sufferings of all kinds, and despite natural repugnance and fear.
666 I understood that all striving for perfection and all sanctity consist in doing God‟s will. Perfect fulfillment of God‟s will is maturity in sanctity; there is no room for doubt here. To receive God‟s light and recognize what God wants of us and yet not do it is a great offense against the majesty of God. Such a soul deserves to be completely forsaken by God. It resembles Lucifer, who had great light, but did not do God‟s will. An extraordinary peace entered my soul when I reflected on the fact that, despite great difficulties, I had always faithfully followed God‟s will (117) as I knew it. O Jesus, grant me the grace to put Your will into practice as I have come to know it, O God.
667 July 14. I received a letter at three o‟clock [from Father Sopocko135]. O Jesus, You alone know what I suffer, but I will keep silent and will not say anything about it to any creature, because I know that no one will comfort me. You are everything to me, O God, and Your holy will is my nourishment. I am living now on what I will live on in eternity.
I have great reverence for Saint Michael the Archangel; he had no example to follow in doing the will of God, and yet he fulfilled God‟s will faithfully.
668 + July 15. During Holy Mass, I offered myself completely to the heavenly Father through the sweetest Heart of Jesus; let Him do as He pleases with me. Of myself
I am nothing, and in my misery I have nothing of worth; so I abandon myself into the ocean of Your mercy, O Lord.
669 (118) July 16. I am learning how to be good from Jesus, from Him who is goodness itself, so that I may be called a daughter of the heavenly Father. This morning, when someone hurt my feelings, I tried, in that suffering, to unite my will to the will of God, and praised God by my silence. In the afternoon, I went for five-minute adoration, when suddenly I saw the crucifix I have on my breast come alive. Jesus said to me, My daughter, suffering will be a sign to you that I am with you. My soul was greatly moved by these words.
670 O Jesus, my Master and my Director, it is only with You that I can converse. With no one else is it so easy to talk as with You, O God.
671 In my spiritual life, I will always hold on to the priest‟s hand. About my soul‟s life and its needs, I will speak only with my confessor.
672 (119) + August 4, 1936. Inner torment for more than two hours. Agony….. Suddenly, God‟s presence pervades me and I feel as though I am coming under the power of the just God. His justice pervades me to the marrow; outwardly I lose strength and consciousness. With this, I come to know the great holiness of God and my own great misery. A great torment affects my soul; the soul perceives its deeds to be not without blemish. Then the strength of trust is awakened in the soul, which longs for God with all its might. Yet is sees how miserable it is and what utter vanity everything that surrounds it. And face to face with such holiness, Oh, poor soul……..
673 I was tormented by terrible temptations all day; blasphemies thrust themselves upon my lips, and I felt an aversion for everything that is holy and godlike. Yet I struggled throughout the day. In the evening, my mind became oppressed: what‟s the use of telling this to the confessor? (120) He will ridicule it. A feeling of aversion and discouragement filled my soul, and it seemed to me that I could by no means receive Holy Communion in that condition. At the thought of not receiving Communion, such a terrible pain seized my soul that I almost cried aloud in the chapel. But I suddenly realized that the sisters were there and decided to go to the garden and hide myself there so as to be able to at least cry out loud. Then suddenly, Jesus stood by me and said, Where are you intending to go?
674 I gave no answer to Jesus, but poured out all my sorrow before Him, and Satan‟s attempts ceased. Jesus then said to me, The inner peace that you have is a grace, and suddenly He was gone. I felt happy and unaccountably peaceful. Really, for so much peace to return within a moment – that is a thing only Jesus can do, He, the most high Lord.
675 (121) + August 7, 1936.
When I received the article136 about Divine Mercy with the image [on the cover], God‟s presence filled me in an extraordinary way. When I steeped myself in a 183
prayer of thanksgiving, I suddenly saw the Lord Jesus in a great brightness, just as He is painted, and at His feet I saw Father Andrasz and Father Sopocko. Both were holding pens in their hands, and flashes of light and fire, like lightning, were coming from the tips of their pens and striking a great crowd of people who were hurrying I know not where. Whoever was touched by the ray of light immediately turned his back on the crowd and held out his hands to Jesus. Some returned with great joy, others with great pain and compunction. Jesus was looking at both priests with great kindness. After a while, I was left alone with Jesus, and I said, “Jesus, take me now, for Yours will has already been accomplished.” And Jesus answered, (122) My will has not yet been completely accomplished in you; you will still suffer much, but I am with you; do not fear.
676 I have been talking much with the Lord about Father Andrasz and also about Father Sopocko. I know that whatever I ask of the Lord he will not refuse me, and He will give them that for which I ask. I sensed and I know how greatly Jesus loves them. I am not writing about this in detail, but I know this, and it makes me very happy.
August 15, 1936
677 During a Mass celebrated by Father Andrasz, a moment before the Elevation, God‟s presence pervaded my soul, which was drawn to the altar. Then I saw the Mother of God with the Infant Jesus. The Infant Jesus was holding onto the hands of Our Lady. A moment later, the Infant Jesus ran with joy to the center of the altar, and the Mother of God said to me, See with what assurance I entrust Jesus into his hands. In the same way, you are to (123) entrust your soul and be like a child to him.
- After these words, my soul was filled with unusual trust. The Mother of God was clothed in a white dress, strangely white, transparent; on Her shoulders She had a transparent blue; that is, a blue-like mantle; with uncovered head [and] flowing hair, She was exquisite, and inconceivably beautiful. She was looking at Father with great tenderness, but after a moment, He broke up this beautiful Child, and living blood flowed forth. Father bent forward and received the true and living Jesus into himself. Had he eaten Him? I do not know how this took place. Jesus, Jesus, I cannot keep up with You, for in an instant, You become incomprehensible to me.
678 The essence of the virtues is the will of God. He who does the will of God faithfully, practices all the virtues. In all the events and circumstances of my life, I adore and bless the holy will of God. The holy will of God is the object of my love. (124) In the most secret depths of my soul, I live according to His will. I act exteriorly according to what I recognize inwardly as the will of God. Sweeter to me are the torments, sufferings, persecutions, and all manner of adversities by divine will than popularity, praise, and esteem by my own will.
679 Good night, my Jesus; the bell is calling me to sleep. My Jesus, You see that I am dying from the desire to save souls. Good night, my Beloved; I rejoice at being one day closer to eternity. And if You let me wake up tomorrow, Jesus, I shall begin a new hymn to Your praise. 184
680 July 13. During meditation today, I came to understand that I should never speak about my own interior experiences, [but] that I should conceal nothing from my spiritual director; and I will especially ask God to enlighten my spiritual (125) director. I attach greater importance to the words of my confessor than to all the lights taken together that I receive interiorly.
681 + Amid the greatest torments, I fix the gaze of my soul upon Jesus Crucified; I do not expect help from people, but place my trust in God. In His unfathomable mercy lies all my hope.
682 + The more I feel that God is transforming me, the more I desire to immerse myself in silence. The love of God is doing its work in the depths of my soul. I see that the mission which the Lord has entrusted to me is beginning.
683 + Once, when I was praying fervently to the Jesuit Saints, I suddenly saw my Guardian Angel, who led me before the throne of God. I passed (126) through great hosts of saints, and I recognized many of them, whom I knew from their pictures. I saw many Jesuits, who asked me from what congregation I was. When I answered they asked, “Who is your spiritual director?” I answered that it was Father A….. When they wanted to say more, my Guardian Angel beckoned me to be silent, and I came before the throne of God. I saw a great and inaccessible light, and I saw a place destined for me, close to God. But what it was like I do not know, because a cloud covered it. However, my Guardian Angel said to me, “Here is your throne, for your faithfulness in fulfilling the will of God.”
684 Holy Hour. – Thursday. During this hour of prayer, Jesus allowed me to enter the Cenacle, and I was a witness to what happened there. However, I was most deeply moved when, before the Consecration, Jesus raised (127) His eyes to heaven and entered into a mysterious conversation with His Father. It is only in eternity that we shall really understand that moment. His eyes were like two flames; His face was radiant, white as snow; His whole personage full of majesty, His soul full of longing. At the moment of Consecration, love rested satiated – the sacrifice fully consummated. Now only the external ceremony of death will be carried out – external destruction; the essence [of it] is in the Cenacle. Never in my whole life had I understood this mystery so profoundly as during that hour of adoration. Oh, how ardently I desire that the whole world would come to know this unfathomable mystery!
685 After the Holy Hour, when I went to my cell, I suddenly learned how greatly God was offended by a certain person, who was close to my heart. At the sight of this, my soul was pierced with pain, and I cast myself in the dust before the Lord, begging His mercy. For two hours, in tears, prayer and flagellation I prevented (128) the sin, and I learned that God‟s mercy had embraced that poor soul. Oh, the price of one single sin!
686 + September. First Friday. In the evening, I saw the Mother of God, with Her breast bared and pierced with a sword. She was shedding bitter tears and shielding us against God‟s terrible punishment. God wants to inflict terrible punishment on us, but He cannot because the Mother of God is shielding us. Horrible fear seized my soul. I kept praying incessantly for Poland, for my dear
Poland, which is so lacking in gratitude for the Mother of God. If it were not for the Mother of God, all our efforts would be of little use. I intensified my prayers and sacrifices for our dear native land, but I see that I am a drop before the wave of evil. How can a drop stop a wave: O yes! A drop is nothing of itself, but with You, Jesus, I shall stand up bravely to the whole wave of evil and even (129) to the whole of hell. Your omnipotence can do all things.
687 Once, as I was going down the hall to the kitchen, I heard these words in my soul: Say unceasingly the chaplet that I have taught you. Whoever will recite it will receive great mercy at the hour of death. Priests will recommend it to sinners as their last hope of salvation. Even if there were a sinner most hardened, if he were to recite this chaplet only once, he would receive grace from My infinite mercy. I desire that the whole world know My infinite mercy. I desire to grant unimaginable graces to those souls who trust in My mercy.
688 Jesus, Life and Truth, my Master, guide every step of my life, that I may act according to Your holy will.
689 (130) + On one occasion, I saw the throne of the Lamb of God and before the throne three Saints: Stanislaus Kostka, Andrew Bobola and Prince Casimir, who were interceding for Poland. All at once I saw a large book which stands before the throne, and it was given to me to read. The book was written in blood. Still, I could not read anything but the name, Jesus. Then I heard a voice which said to me, Your hour has not yet come. Then the book was taken away from me, and I heard these words: You will bear witness to My infinite mercy. In this book are written the names of the souls that have glorified My mercy. I was overwhelmed with joy at the sight of such great goodness of God.
690 + On one occasion, I came to know of the condition of two religious sisters who were grumbling interiorly about an order the Superior had given them, and for this reason God had withheld many special graces from them. (131) My heart ached at this sight. How sad it is, O Jesus, when we ourselves are the cause of the loss of graces. Whoever understands this is always faithful.
691 + Thursday. Although I was very tired today, I nevertheless resolved to make a Holy Hour. I could not pray, nor could I remain kneeling, but I remained in prayer for a whole hour and united myself in spirit with those souls who are already worshipping God in the perfect way. But toward the end of the hour, I suddenly saw Jesus, who looked at me penetratingly and said with ineffable sweetness, Your prayer is extremely pleasing to Me. After these words, an unusual power and spiritual joy entered my soul. God‟s presence continued to pervade my soul. Oh, what happens to a soul that meets the Lord face to face, no pen has ever expressed or ever will express!
692 (132) + O Jesus, I understand that Your mercy is beyond all imagining, and therefore I ask You to make my heart so big that there will be room in it for the needs of all the souls living on the face of the earth. O Jesus, my love extends beyond the world, to the souls suffering in purgatory, and I want to exercise mercy toward them by means of indulgenced prayers. God‟s mercy is unfathomable and inexhaustible, just as God Himself is unfathomable. Even if I were to use the strongest words there are to
express this mercy of God, all this would be nothing in comparison with what it is in reality. O Jesus, make my heart sensitive to all the sufferings of my neighbor, whether of body or of soul. O my Jesus, I know that You act toward us as we act toward our neighbor.
My Jesus, make my heart like unto Your merciful Heart. Jesus, help me to go through life doing good to everyone.
693 (133) September 14, . The Archbishop [Jalbrzykowski] of Vilnius visited us. Although he stayed with us for a very short time, I still had a chance to talk with this worthy priest about the work of mercy. He showed himself very favorably disposed to this cause of mercy: “Sister, be completely at peace; if this is within the plans of divine providence, it will come about. In the meantime, Sister, pray for a clearer outward sign. Let the Lord Jesus give you a clearer knowledge of this. I beg you to wait a little while longer. The Lord Jesus will arrange the circumstances in such a way that everything will turn out all right.”
694 September 19, 1936. When we left the doctor‟s137 [office] and stepped into the sanatorium chapel for a moment, I heard these words in my soul: My child, just a few more drops in your chalice; it won‟t be long now. Joy (134) filled my soul; this was the first call from my beloved Spouse and Master. My heart melted, and there was a moment when my soul was immersed in the whole sea of God‟s mercy. I felt that my mission was beginning in all its fullness. Death destroys nothing that is good. I pray most of all for souls that are experiencing inner sufferings.
695 Once, I received light concerning two sisters. I understood that it is not possible for a person to act in the same manner towards everyone. There are some people who have a strange way of making friends with others. And then, as friends and under the pretext of that friendship, they manage to draw the person out, word by word. Then, when the right moment comes, they use those very same words to hurt that person. My Jesus, how strange is human frailty! Your love, Jesus, gives the soul this great prudence in its dealings with others.
696 (135) + September 24, 1936.
Mother Superior [Irene] ordered me to say one decade of the rosary in place of all the other exercises, and to go to bed at once. As soon as I lay down I fell asleep, for I was very tired. But a while later, I was awakened by suffering. It was such a great suffering that it prevented me from making even the slightest movement; I could not even swallow my saliva. This lasted for about three hours. I thought of waking up the novice sister 138 who shared my room, but then I thought, “She cannot give me any help, so let her sleep. It would be a pity to wake her.” I resigned myself completely to the will of God and thought that the day of my death, so much desired, had come. It was an occasion for me to unite myself with Jesus, suffering on the Cross. Beyond that, I was unable to pray. When the suffering ceased, I began (136) to perspire. But I still could not move, as the pain would return at each attempt. In the morning, I felt very tired, though I felt no further physical pain. Still, I could not get up to attend Mass. I thought to myself, if after such suffering death does not come, then how great the sufferings of death must be! 187
697 Jesus, You know that I love suffering and want to drain the cup of suffering to the last drop; and yet, my nature experienced a slight shudder and fear. Quickly, however, my trust in the infinite mercy of God was awakened in all its force, and everything else had to give way before it, like a shadow retreating before the sun‟s rays. O Jesus, how great is Your goodness! Your infinite goodness, so well known to me, enables me to bravely look death itself in the eye. I know that nothing will happen to me without God‟s permission. I desire to glorify Your infinite mercy during my life, at the hour of death, in the resurrection and throughout eternity.
(137) + My Jesus, my strength, my peace, my repose; my soul bathes daily in the rays of Your mercy. There is not a moment in my life when I do not experience Your mercy, O God. I count on nothing in my whole life, but only on Your infinite mercy. It is the guiding thread of my life, O Lord. My soul is filled with God‟s mercy.
698 + Oh, how sorely Jesus is hurt by the ingratitude of a chosen soul! What a martyrdom it is for His unspeakable love! God loves us with the entire infinite Being that he is; and imagine, a miserable particle of dust scorns that love! My heart bursts with pain when I see this ingratitude.
699 On one occasion, I heard these words: My daughter, tell the whole world about My inconceivable (138) mercy. I desire that the Feast of Mercy139 be a refuge and shelter for all souls, and especially for poor sinners. On that day the very depths of My tender mercy are open. I pour out a whole ocean of graces upon those souls who approach the Fount of My Mercy. The soul that will go to Confession and receive Holy Communion shall obtain complete forgiveness of sins and punishment. On that day all the divine floodgates through which graces flow are opened. Let no soul fear to draw near to Me, even though its sins be as scarlet. My mercy is so great that no mind, be it of man or of angel, will be able to fathom it throughout all eternity. Everything that exists has come forth from the very depths of My most tender mercy. Every soul in its relation to Me will contemplate My love and mercy throughout eternity. The Feast of Mercy emerged from My very depths of tenderness. (139) It is My desire that it be solemnly celebrated on the first Sunday after Easter. Mankind will not have peace until it turns to the Fount of My Mercy.
700 + Once, when I was very tired and in much pain, I told Mother Superior [Irene] about it and received the answer that I should get used to suffering. I listened to everything that Mother told me, and then I went out. Our Mother Superior has great love of neighbor and especially great love for the sick sisters, as everyone knows. And yet, as regards me, it is extraordinary that the Lord Jesus has permitted that she not understand me and that she test me much in this respect.
701 On this particular day, when I was feeling so bad and still went to work, every now and then I would feel sick. It was so very hot that, even without working, a person felt terrible, (140) not to mention what it was like when one had to work while suffering. So, before noon, I straightened up from my work, looked up to the sky with great trust and said to the Lord, “Jesus, cover the sun, for I cannot stand this heat any longer.” And, O wonder, at that very moment a white cloud covered the sun and, from then on, the heat became less intense. When a little while later I began to reproach myself that I did not bear the heat, but begged for relief, Jesus Himself put me at ease.
702 August 13, 1936. Tonight God‟s presence is pervading me, and in an instant I come to know the great holiness of God. Oh, how the greatness of God overwhelms me! I then come to know the whole depth of my nothingness. This is a great torment, for this knowledge is followed by love. The soul bounds forward vehemently toward God, and the two loves come face to face: the Creator and the creature; (141) one little drop seeks to measure itself with the ocean. At first, the little drop wants to enclose the infinite ocean within itself; but at the same moment, it knows itself to be just one small drop, and thus it is vanquished, and it passes completely into God like a drop into the ocean. At first, this moment is a torment, but so sweet that, on experiencing it, the soul is happy.
703 At present, the topic of my particular examen is my union with the Merciful Christ! This practice gives me unusual strength; my heart is always united with the One it desires, and its actions are regulated by mercy, which flows from love.
704 I spend every free moment at the feet of the hidden God. He is my Master; I ask Him about everything; I speak to Him about everything. Here I obtain strength and light; here I learn everything; here I am given light on how to act toward my neighbor. From the time (142) I left the novitiate, I have enclosed myself in the tabernacle together with Jesus, my Master. He Himself drew me into the fire of living love on which everything converges.
705 September 25. I suffer great pain in my hands, feet and side, the places where Jesus‟ body was pierced. I experience these pains particularly when I meet with a soul who is not in the state of grace. Then I pray fervently that the mercy of God will embrace that soul.
706 [September] 29. On the Feast of Saint Michael the Archangel, I saw by my side that great Leader, who spoke these words to me: “The Lord has ordered me to take special care of you. Know that you are hated by evil; but do not fear – “”Who is like God!‟ “ And he disappeared. But I feel his presence and assistance.
707 (143) October 2, 1936. The First Friday of the month. After Holy Communion, I suddenly saw the Lord Jesus, who spoke these words to me: Now I know that it is not for the graces or gifts that you love me, but because My will is dearer to you than life. That is why I am uniting Myself with you so intimately as with no other creature.
708 At that moment, Jesus disappeared. My soul was filled with the presence of God. I know that the gaze of the Mighty One rests upon me. I plunged myself completely in the joy that flows from God. I continued throughout the whole day without interruption, thus immersed in God. In the evening, I fell as if into a faint and a strange sort of agony. My love wants to equal the love of the Mighty One. It is drawn to Him so vehemently that it is impossible, without some special grace from God, to bear the vastness of such a grace in this life. But I see clearly that Jesus Himself is sustaining me and strengthening me and making me capable of communing with Him. In all this, the soul is particularly active.
709 (144) October 3, 1936. During the rosary today, I suddenly saw a ciborium with the Blessed Sacrament. The ciborium was uncovered and quite filled with hosts. From the ciborium came a voice: These hosts have been received by souls converted through your prayer and suffering. At this point, I felt God‟s presence as a child would; I felt strangely like a child.
710 When one day I felt I would be unable to carry on till nine and asked S.N.140 for something to eat, because I was going to bed earlier as I was not feeling well, S.N. answered, “But you are not ill, Sister; they only wanted you to have some rest, so they made up the illness.” O my Jesus, my illness is so far advanced141 that the doctor has separated me from the sisters to prevent them from becoming infected, and yet one is judged in this way. But that‟s good; all this is for You, my Jesus. I do not want to write much about external matters, for they are not the reason for my writing; (145) I want in particular to note the graces granted me by the Lord, because these are not only for me, but for many other souls as well.
711 October 5, . Today I received a letter from Father Sopocko. I learned that he intends to publish a holy card of the Merciful Christ. He asked me to send him a certain prayer142 which he wants to put on the back, if he receives the Archbishop‟s approbation. Oh, what great joy fills my heart that God has let me see this work of His mercy! How great is this work of the Most High God! I am but His instrument. Oh, how ardently I desire to see this Feast of the Divine Mercy which God is demanding through me. But if it is the will of God that it be celebrated solemnly only after my death, even so I rejoice in it already, and I celebrate it interiorly with my confessor‟s permission.
712 (146) + I saw Father Andrasz today, kneeling and engulfed in prayer, and suddenly Jesus stood by him and, holding out both hands over his head, He said to me: - He will lead you through; do not fear.
713 October 11. This evening, as I was writing about this great mercy of God and its great advantage to souls, Satan rushed into my room with great anger and fury. He seized the screen and began to break and crush it. I was a little frightened at first, but immediately made the sign of the cross with my little crucifix, and the beast fell quiet and disappeared at once. Today, I did not see this hideous figure but only his anger. Satan‟s anger is terrible, and yet the screen was not shattered or broken, and I went on writing quietly. I know well that the wretch will not touch me without God‟s willing it, but what is he up to? He is beginning to attack me openly (147) and with such great fury and hate, but he does not disturb my peace for a moment, and this composure of mine makes him furious.
714 + The Lord said to me today: Go to the Superior and tell her that I want all the sisters and wards to say the chaplet which I have taught you. They are to say it for nine days in the chapel in order to appease My Father and to entreat God‟s mercy for Poland. I answered the Lord that I would tell her, but that I must first speak about this with Father Andrasz, and I resolved that as soon as Father comes I will speak to him at once about this matter. When Father arrived, the circumstances were such that they prevented me from seeing him, but I should not have paid any attention to the circumstances and should have gone and settled the matter. I thought to myself, “Well, I‟ll do it when he comes again.”
715 Oh, how much (148) that displeased God! In one moment, the presence of God left me, that great presence of God which is continuously within me in a distinctly felt way. At that moment, however, it completely left me. Darkness dominated my soul to such an extent that I did not know whether I was in the state of grace or not. Therefore, I did not receive Holy Communion for four days, after which I saw Father Andrasz and told him everything. He comforted me, saying, “You have not lost the grace of God, but all the same, be true to Him.‟” The moment I left the confessional, God‟s presence enveloped me as before. I understood that God‟s grace must be received just as God sends it, in the way He wants, and one must receive it in that form under which God sends it to us.
716 O my Jesus, I am making at this very moment a firm and eternal resolution by virtue of Your grace and mercy, fidelity to the tiniest grace of Yours.
717 (149) All night long, I was preparing to receive Holy Communion, since I could not sleep because of physical suffering. My soul was flooded with love and repentance.
718 After Holy Communion, I heard these words:- You see what you are of yourself, but do not be frightened at this. If I were to reveal to you the whole misery that you are, you would die of terror. However, be aware of what you are. Because you are such great misery, I have revealed to you the whole ocean of My mercy. I seek and desire souls like yours, but they are few. Your great trust in Me forces Me to continuously grant you graces. You have great and incomprehensible rights over My Heart, for you are a daughter of complete trust. You would not have been able to bear the magnitude of the love which I have for you if I had revealed it to you fully here on earth. I often give you a glimpse of it, but know that this is only an exceptional grace from Me. My love and mercy knows no bounds.
719 (150) Today, I heard these words: Know, my child, that for your sake I grant blessings to this whole vicinity. But you ought to thank Me on their behalf, as they do not thank Me for the kindnesses I extend to them. For the sake of your gratitude, I will continue to bless them.
720 O my Jesus, You know how difficult community life is, how many misunderstandings and misconceptions, despite at times the most sincere good will on both sides. But that is Your mystery, O Lord. We shall know it in eternity; however, our judgments should always be mild.
721 It is a great, an immeasurably great grace of God to have a spiritual director. I feel now that, without him, I would not be able to journey alone in my spiritual life. Great is the power of a priest. I thank God unceasingly for giving me a spiritual director.
722 (151) + Today, I head these words: You see how weak you are, so when shall I be able to count on you? I answered, “Jesus, be always with me, for I am Your little child. Jesus, You know what little children do.”
723 + Today, I heard these words: The graces I grant you are not for you alone, but for a great number of other souls as well…. And your heart is My constant
dwelling place, despite the misery that you are. I united Myself with you, take away your misery and give you My mercy. I perform works of mercy in every soul. The greater the sinner, the greater the right he has to My mercy. My mercy is confirmed in every work of My hands. He who trusts in My mercy will not perish, for all his affairs are mine, and his enemies will be shattered at the base of My footstool.
724 (152) On the eve of the retreat, I started to pray that the Lord Jesus might give me just a little health so that I could take part in the retreat, because I was feeling so ill that I thought perhaps it might be my last. However, as soon as I had started praying I felt a strange dissatisfaction. I interrupted the prayer of supplication and began to thank the Lord for everything He sends me, submitting myself completely to His holy will. Then I felt profound peace of soul.
+ Faithful submission to the will of God, always and everywhere, in all events and circumstances of life, gives great glory to God. Such submission to the will of God carries more weight with Him than long fasts, mortifications and the most severe penances. Oh, how great is the reward for one act of loving submission to the will of God! As I write, my soul is enraptured at the thought of how much God loves it and of the peace that my soul already enjoys, here on earth.
(153) J.M.J. Cracow, 1936
O Divine Will, be my love!
725 + Eight-day Retreat, October 20, 1936.
My Jesus, I am going into the wilderness today to speak only with You, my Master and my Lord. Let the earth be silent, and You alone speak to me, Jesus. You know that I understand no other voice but Yours, O Good Shepherd. In the dwelling of my heart is that wilderness to which no creature has access. There, You alone are King.
726 + When I entered the chapel for a five-minute adoration, I asked the Lord Jesus how I should conduct myself during this retreat. Then I heard this voice in my soul: I desire that you be entirely transformed into love and that you burn ardently as a pure victim of love….
727 (154) Eternal Truth, give me a ray of Your light that I may come to know You, O Lord, and worthily glorify Your infinite mercy. And at the same time, grant me to know myself, the whole abyss of misery that I am.
728 + I have chosen Saint Claude de la Colombiere and Saint Gertrude as my patron saints for this retreat, that they may intercede for me before the Mother of God and the merciful Savior.
729 During the meditation on creation… at a certain point, my soul became closely united to its Lord and Creator. In this union, I recognized the purpose and destiny of my life. My purpose is to become closely united to God through love, and my destiny is to praise and glorify God‟s mercy.
The Lord has allowed me to know and experience this in a distinct and even physical way. I become lost in admiration when I recognize and experience this incomprehensible love of God with which God loves me. Who is God – and what am I (155) I cannot meditate on this any further. Only love can understand this meeting of two spirits, namely, God-who-is-Spirit and the soul-who-is-creature. The more I know Him, the more completely, with all the strength of my being, I drown in Him.
730 + In this retreat, I shall keep you continually close to My Heart, that you may better know My mercy, that mercy which I have for people and especially for poor sinners.
731 On the initial day of the retreat, I was visited by one of the sisters143 who had come to make her perpetual vows. She confided to me that she had no trust in God and became discouraged at every little thing. I answered her, “It is well that you have told me this, Sister; I will pray for you.” And I spoke a few words to her about how much distrust hurts the Lord Jesus, especially distrust on the part of a chosen soul. She told me that, beginning with her perpetual vows, she would practice trust. Now I know that even [some] souls that are chosen and well-advanced (156) in the religious life or the spiritual life do not have the courage to entrust themselves completely to God. And this is so because few souls know the unfathomable mercy of God and His great goodness.
732 + The great majesty of God which pervaded me today and still pervades me awoke in me a great fear, but a fear filled with respect, and not the fear of a slave, which is quite different from the fear of respect. This fear animated by respect arose in my heart today because of love and the knowledge of the greatness of God, and that is a great joy to the soul. The soul trembles before the smallest offense against God; but that does not trouble or darken its happiness. There, where love is in charge, all is well.
733 It sometimes happens, while I am listening to the meditation, that one word puts me in very close union with the Lord, and I no longer know what Father144 is saying. I know that I am close to the most merciful Heart of Jesus; my whole spirit is entirely plunged in Him, and in one moment (157) I learn more than during long hours of intellectual inquiry and meditation. These are sudden lights which permit me to know things as God sees them, regarding matters of both the interior and the exterior world.
734 I see that Jesus Himself is acting in my soul during this retreat. And as for me, I try only to be faithful to His grace. I have submitted my soul completely to the influence of God. This Mighty Ruler of heaven has taken entire possession of my soul. I feel that I am being lifted up above earth and heaven into the inner life of God, where I come to know the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, but always in the unity of majesty.
735 + I will enclose myself in the chalice of Jesus so that I may comfort Him continually. I will do everything within my power to save souls, and I will do it through prayer and suffering.
(158) + I try always to be a Bethany for Jesus, so that He may rest here after all His labor. In Holy Communion, my union with Jesus is so intimate and incomprehensible 193
that even if I wanted to describe it in writing I could not do so, because I lack the words.
736 This evening, I saw the Lord Jesus just as He was during His Passion. His eyes were raised up to His Father, and He was praying for us.
737 + Although I was ill, I made up my mind to make a Holy Hour today as usual. During that hour, I saw the Lord Jesus being scourged at the pillar. In the midst of this frightful torture, Jesus was praying. After a while, He said to me, There are few souls who contemplate My Passion with true feeling; I give great graces to souls who meditate devoutly on My Passion.
738 + Without special help from Me, you are not even capable of accepting My graces. You know who you are.
739 (159) After Holy Communion today, I spoke at length to the Lord Jesus about people who are special to me. Then I heard these words: My daughter, don‟t be exerting yourself so much with words. Those whom you love in a special way, I too love in a special way, and for your sake, I shower My graces upon them. I am pleased when you tell Me about them, but don‟t be doing so with such excessive effort.
740 + O Savior of the world. I unite myself with Your mercy. My Jesus, I join all my sufferings to Yours and deposit them in the treasury of the Church for the benefit of souls.
741 Today, I was led by an Angel to the chasms of hell. It is a place of great torture; how awesomely large and extensive it is! The kinds of tortures I saw: the first torture that constitutes hell is the loss of God; the second is perpetual remorse of conscience; the third is that one‟s condition will never change; (160) the fourth is the fire that will penetrate the soul without destroying it – a terrible suffering, since it is purely spiritual fire, lit by God‟s anger; the fifth torture is continual darkness and a terrible suffocating smell, and despite the darkness, the devils and the souls of the damned see each other and all the evil, both of others and their own; the sixth torture is the constant company of Satan; the seventh torture is horrible despair, hatred of God, vile words, curses and blasphemies. These are the tortures suffered by all the damned together, but that is not the end of the sufferings. There are special tortures destined for particular souls. These are the torments of the senses. Each soul undergoes terrible and indescribable sufferings, related to the manner in which it has sinned. There are caverns and pits of torture where one form of agony differs from another. I would have died at the very sight of these tortures if the omnipotence of God had not supported me. Let the sinner know that he will be tortured throughout all eternity, in those senses which he made use of to sin. (161) I am writing this at the command of God, so that no soul may find an excuse by saying there is no hell, or that nobody has ever been there, and so no one can say what it is like.
I, Sister Faustina, by the order of God, have visited the abysses of hell so that I might tell souls about it and testify to its existence. I cannot speak about it now; but I have received a command from God to leave it in writing. The devils were full of hatred for me, but they had to obey me at the command of God. What I have written is but a 194
pale shadow of the things I saw. But I noticed one thing: that most of the souls there are those who disbelieved that there is a hell. When I came to, I could hardly recover from the fright. How terribly souls suffer there! Consequently, I pray even more fervently for the conversion of sinners. I incessantly plead God‟s mercy upon them. O my Jesus, I would rather be in agony until the end of the world, amidst the greatest sufferings, than offend You by the least sin.
742 My daughter, if I demand through you that people revere My mercy, you should be the first to distinguish yourself by this confidence in My mercy. I demand from you deeds of mercy, which are to arise out of love for Me. You are to show mercy to your neighbors always and everywhere. You must not shrink from this or try to excuse or absolve yourself from it.
I am giving you three ways of exercising mercy toward your neighbor: the first- by deed, the second – by word, the third – by prayer. In these three degrees is contained the fullness of mercy, and it is an unquestionable proof of love for Me. By this means a soul glorifies and pays reverence to My mercy. Yes, the first Sunday after Easter is the Feast of Mercy, but there must also be acts of mercy, and I demand the worship of My mercy through the solemn celebration of the Feast and through the veneration of the image which is painted. By means of this image I shall grant many graces to souls. It is to be a reminded of the demands of My mercy, because even the strongest (163) faith is of no avail without works. O my Jesus, You Yourself must help me in everything, because You see how very little I am, and so I depend solely on Your goodness, O God.
+ Particular Examen
743 Two general resolutions:
First: To strive after inner silence and to observe the rule of silence strictly.
Second: Faithfulness to interior inspirations; to bring them into my life and actions according to the advice of my spiritual director.
In this present illness, I desire to glorify the will of God. I will try, as far as I am able, to take part (164) in all the community exercises. I will give the Lord God fervent thanks for every sorrow and suffering.
744 + I often feel that, apart from Jesus, I get no help from anyone, although sometimes I am very much in need of clarifications concerning the demands of the Lord.
This evening, I suddenly received light from God regarding a certain matter. For twelve years, I have been reflecting on a certain matter and could not understand it. Today, Jesus gave me to know how much that had pleased Him.
The Feast of Christ the King. [October 25, 1936] 195
745 During Holy Mass, I was so enveloped in the great interior fire of God‟s love and the desire to save souls that I do not know how to express it. I feel I am all aflame. I shall fight all evil with the weapon of mercy. I am being burned up by the desire to save souls. I traverse the world‟s length and breadth (165) and venture as far as its ultimate limits and its wildest lands to save souls. I do this through prayer and sacrifice. I want every soul to glorify the mercy of God, for each one experiences the effects of that mercy on himself. The Saints in heaven worship the mercy of the Lord. I want to worship it even now, here on earth, and to spread devotion to it in the way that God demands of me.
746 I have understood that at certain and most difficult moments I shall be alone, deserted by everyone, and that I must face all the storms and fight with all the strength of my soul, even with those from whom I expected to get help.
But I am not alone, because Jesus is with me, and with Him I fear nothing. I am well aware of everything, and I know what God is demanding of me. Suffering, contempt, ridicule, persecution, and humiliation will be my constant lot. I know no other way. For sincere love – ingratitude; this is my path, marked out by the footprints of Jesus.
(166) My Jesus, my strength and my only hope, in You alone is all my hope. My trust will not be frustrated.
747 The day of renewal of vows [Friday, October 30, 1936]. God‟s presence pervades my soul, not only in a spiritual way, but I feel it in a physical way also.
748 November 2, . In the evening after Vespers, I went to the cemetery [in the sisters‟ park]. I had been praying for a while when I saw one of our sisters, who said to me, :We are in the chapel.” I understood that I was to go to the chapel and there pray and gain the indulgences. The next day, during Holy Mass, I saw three white doves soaring from the altar toward heaven. I understood that not only the three souls that I saw had gone to heaven, but also many others who had died beyond the confines of our institute. Oh, how good and merciful is the Lord!
749 (167) Conversation with Father Andrasz, at the end of the retreat. I was greatly surprised by one thing that I noticed during each conversation in the course of which I had asked advice and direction of Father Andrasz, and it is this: I noticed that Father Andrasz answered all my questions about things which the Lord had asked of me so clearly and with such assurance that it was a though he were experiencing it all himself. O my Jesus, if only there were more spiritual directors of this kind, souls under such guidance would very quickly reach the summits of sanctity and would not waste such great graces! I give unceasing thanks to God for so great a grace; namely, that in His great goodness He has deigned to place these pillars of light along the path of my spiritual life. They light my way so that I do not go astray or become delayed in my journey toward close union with the Lord. I have a great love for the Church, which educates souls and leads them to God.
750 (168) October 31, 1936. Conversation with Mother General [Michael].
When I was talking to Mother General about the question of my leaving the Order, I received this answer: “If Jesus demands of you that you leave this Congregation, let Him give me some sign that this is His will. Sister, pray for such a sign, because I am worried 196
lest you should fall prey to some illusion. On the other hand, I would not want to hinder or oppose the will of God, for I too want to do the will of God.” And so, we agreed that I will still remain just as I am, until such time as the Lord will let Mother General know that He demands that I leave this Congregation. And so the matter was put off for a while.
751 And so You see, Jesus, that everything is now up to You. I am perfectly at peace, despite these great urgings. For my part, I have done everything, and it is now Your turn, my Jesus, and in this way (169) Your cause will be made apparent. I am totally in accord with Your will; do with me as You please, O Lord, but only grant me the grace of loving You more and more ardently. This is what is most precious to me. I desire nothing but You, O Love Eternal! It matters not along what paths You will lead me, paths of pain or paths of joy. I want to love You at every moment of my life. If You tell me to leave, O Jesus, in order to carry out Your will, I will leave. If you tell me to stay, I will stay. It matters not what I will suffer, in the one instance or the other. O my Jesus, if I leave, I know what I shall have to suffer and endure. I agreed to this with full awareness, and I have already accepted it by an act of the will. It does not matter what the chalice holds for me. It is enough for me to know that it has been given to me by the loving hand of God. If you tell me to turn back and stay, I will stay in spite of all the interior urgings. If You still keep them (170) in my soul and leave me in this inner agony even to the end of my life, I accept this in the full consciousness of my will and in loving submission to You, O my God. If I stay, I shall hide myself in Your mercy, my God, so deeply that no human eye will see me. Throughout my life, I want to be a thurible filled with hidden fire, and may the smoke rising up to You, O Living Host, be pleasing to You. I feel in my own heart that every little sacrifice arouses the fire of my love for You, but in such a silent and secret way that no one will detect it.
752 When I told Mother General that the Lord wanted the Congregation to say the chaplet in order to propitiate God‟s anger, Mother told me that at present she could not introduce new prayers that had not yet been approved….. “But give me the chaplet, Sister, [she said;] perhaps it can be said during an adoration. We (171) shall see. It would be good if Father Sopocko could publish a pamphlet with the chaplet; then it would be better and easier to recite it in the Congregation, for it is a bit difficult to do so now.”
753 The mercy of the Lord is praised by the holy souls in heaven who have themselves experienced that infinite mercy. What these souls do in heaven, I already will begin to do here on earth. I will praise God for His infinite goodness, and I will strive to bring other souls to know and glorify the inexpressible and incomprehensible mercy of God.
754 + The Lord‟s Promise: The souls that say this chaplet will be embraced by My mercy during their lifetime and especially at the hour of their death.
755 O my Jesus, teach me to open the bosom of mercy and love to everyone who asks for it. Jesus, my Commander, teach me so that all my prayers and deeds may bear the seal of Your mercy.
756 (172) November 18, 1936. Today I tried to make all my exercises before Benediction, because I was feeling more ill than usual. So I went to bed directly after Benediction. But when I entered the bedroom, I suddenly knew interiorly that I should go to the cell of S.N.145 because she was in need of help. I entered her cell at once, and S.N. said to me, “Oh, how good it is that God has brought you here, Sister!” And her voice was so faint
that I could hardly hear her. She said to me, “Sister, please bring me some tea with lemon, because I am terribly thirsty, and I cannot move because I am in such pain.” And truly, she was suffering very much and had a high fever. I made her more comfortable, and she was able to quench her thirst with the little bit of tea that I brought her. When I entered my own cell, my soul was engulfed by the great love of God, and I understood that we should take great heed of our interior inspirations and follow them faithfully, and that faithfulness to one grace draws down others.
757 (173) November 19, . During Mass today, I saw the Lord Jesus, who said to me, Be at peace, My daughter; I see your efforts, which are very pleasing to Me. And the Lord disappeared, and it was time for Holy Communion. After I received Holy Communion, I suddenly saw the Cenacle and in it Jesus and the Apostles. I saw the institution of the Most Blessed Sacrament. Jesus allowed me to penetrate His interior, and I came to know the greatness of His majesty and, at the same time, His great humbling of Himself. The extraordinary light that allowed me to see His majesty revealed to me, at the same time, what was in my own soul.
758 Jesus gave me to know the depth of His meekness and humility and to understand that He clearly demanded the same of me. I felt the gaze of God in my soul. This filled me with unspeakable love, but I understood that the Lord was looking with love on my virtues and my heroic efforts, and I knew that this was what was drawing God into my heart. It is from this that I have come to understand that it is not enough for me to strive only for the ordinary virtues, but that I must try to exercise (174) the heroic virtues. Although exteriorly a thing may be quite ordinary, it is the different manner [in which it is carried out] that only the eye of God catches. O my Jesus, what I have written is just a pale shadow of what I understand in my soul; these are purely spiritual things, but in order to write something of what the Lord gives me to know, I must use words with which I am totally dissatisfied, because they do not express the reality.
759 When I experienced these sufferings for the first time, it was like this: after the annual vows,146 on a certain day, during prayer, I saw a great brilliance and, issuing from the brilliance, rays which completely enveloped me. Then suddenly, I felt a terrible pain in my hands, my feet and my side and the thorns of the crown of thorns. I experienced these sufferings during Holy Mass on Friday, but this was only for a brief moment. This was repeated for several Fridays, and later on I did not experience any sufferings up to the present time; that is, up to the end of September (175) of this year. In the course of the present illness, during Holy Mass one Friday, I felt myself pierced by the same sufferings, and this has been repeated on every Friday and sometimes when I meet a soul that is not in the state of grace. Although this is infrequent, and the suffering lasts a very short time, still it is terrible, and I would not be able to bear it without a special grace from God. There is no outward indication of these sufferings. What will come later, I do not know. All this, for the sake of souls…….
760 November 21, . Jesus, You see that I am neither gravely ill nor in good health. You fill my soul with enthusiasm for action, and I have no strength. The fire of Your love burns in me, and for what I cannot accomplish by physical strength, love will compensate.
761 Jesus, my spirit yearns for You, and I desire very much to be united with You, but Your works hold me back. The number of souls that I am to bring to You is not yet complete. I
desire toil and suffering; let everything You have planned (176) before the ages be fulfilled in me, O my Creator and Lord! It is only Your word that I understand; it alone gives me strength. Your Spirit, O Lord, is the Spirit of Peace; and nothing troubles my depths because You dwell there, O Lord.
I know that I am under Your special gaze, O Lord. I do not examine with fear Your plans regarding me; my task is to accept everything from Your hand. I do not fear anything, although the storm is raging, and frightful bolts strike all around me, and I then feel quite alone. Yet, my heart senses You, and my trust grows, and I see all Your omnipotence which upholds me. With You, Jesus, I go through life, amid storms and rainbows, with a cry of joy, singing the song of Your mercy. I will not stop singing my song of love until the choir of Angels picks it up. There is no power than can stop me in my flight toward god. I see that even the superiors do not always understand the road along which God is leading me, and I am not surprised at this.
762 (177) Once, I saw Father Sopocko praying as he was reflecting on these matters. Then I saw how a ring of light appeared suddenly above his head. Although distance separates us, I often see him, especially as he works at his desk, despite his fatigue.
763 November 22, . Today during confession, the Lord Jesus spoke to me through the lips of a certain priest. This priest did not know my soul, and I only accused myself of my sins; yet he spoke these words to me: “Accomplish faithfully everything that Jesus asks of you, despite the difficulties. Know that, although people may be angry with you, Jesus is not angry and never will be angry with you. Pay no attention to human opinion.” This instruction surprised me at first; but I understood that the Lord was speaking through him without his realizing it. O holy mystery, what great treasures are contained in you! O holy faith, you are my guidepost!
764 (178) November 24. Today I received a letter from Father Sopocko.147 I learned from it that God Himself is conducting this whole affair. And as the Lord has begun it, so will He continue to carry it along. And the greater the difficulties which I see, the more am I at peace. Oh, if in this whole matter the glory of God and the profit to souls were not greatly served, Satan would not be opposing it so much. But he senses what he is going to lose because of it. I have now learned that Satan hates mercy more than anything else. It is his greatest torment. Still, the word of God will not pass away; God‟s utterance is living; difficulties will not suppress the works of God, but show that they are God‟s….
765 On one occasion, I saw the convent of the new congregation.148 As I walked about, inspecting everything, I suddenly saw a crowd of children who seemed to be no older than five to eleven years of age. When they saw me they surrounded me and began to cry out, “Defend us from evil,” (179) and they led me into the chapel which was in this convent. When I entered the chapel, I saw the distressful Lord Jesus. Jesus looked at me graciously and said that He was gravely offended by children: You are to defend them from evil. From that moment, I have been praying for children, but I feel that prayer alone is not enough.
766 O my Jesus, you know what efforts are needed to live sincerely and unaffectedly with those from whom our nature flees, or with those who, deliberately or not, have made us suffer. Humanly speaking, this is impossible. At such times more than at others, I try to discover the Lord Jesus in such a person and for this same Jesus, I do everything for
such people. In such acts, love is pure, and such practice of love gives the soul endurance and strength. I do not expect anything from creatures, and therefore I am not disappointed. I know that a creature is poor of itself, (180) so what can one expect from it? God is everything to me; I want to evaluate everything according to God‟s ways.
767 + My communion with the Lord is now purely spiritual. My soul is touched by god and wholly absorbs itself in Him, even to the complete forgetfulness of self. Permeated by God to its very depths, it drowns in His beauty; it completely dissolves in Him – I am at a loss to describe this, because in writing I am making use of the senses; but there, in that union, the senses are not active; there is a merging of God and the soul; and the life of God to which the soul is admitted is so great that the human tongue cannot express it.
When the soul returns to its habitual form of life, it then sees that this life is all darkness and mist and dreamlike confusion, an infant‟s swaddling clothes. In such moments the soul only receives from God, for of itself it does nothing; it does not make even the slightest effort; all in her is wrought by God. But when the soul returns to its ordinary state, it sees that it is not (181) within its power to continue in this union.
These moments are short, but their effects are lasting. The soul cannot remain long in this sate; or else it would be forcibly freed of the bonds of the body forever. Even as it is, it is sustained by a miracle of God. God allows the soul to know in a clear way how much He loves it, as though it were the only object of His delight. The soul recognizes this clearly and without a veil, so to speak. It reaches out for God with all its might, but it feels like a baby; it knows that this is not within its power. Therefore, God descends to the soul and unites it to Himself in a way that…. Here, I must be silent, for I cannot describe what the soul experiences.
768 It is a strange thing that although the soul which experiences this union with God cannot find words and expressions to describe it, nevertheless, when it meets a similar soul, the two understand each other extraordinarily well in regard to these matters, even though they speak but little with each other. A soul united with God in this way easily recognizes a similar soul, even if (182) the latter has not revealed its interior [life] to it, but merely speaks in an ordinary way. It is a kind of spiritual kinship. Souls united with God in this way are few, fewer than we think.
769 I have noticed that the Lord grants this grace to souls for two purposes. The first is when the soul is to do some great work which is, humanly speaking, absolutely beyond its power. In the second case, I have noticed that the Lord grants it in order that kindred souls might be guided and set at peace, although the Lord can grant this grace as He pleases and to whomever He pleases. However, I have noticed this grace in three priests, one of whom is a secular priest [probably Father Sopocko] and the other two, religious priests [probably Father Elter and Father Andrasz], and also in two religious sisters [probably Mother Michael and Sister Mary Joseph], but not in the same degree.
770 As for myself, I received this grace for the first time, and that for only a brief moment, in the eighteenth149 year of my life, within the octave of Corpus Christi [June 18-25, 1925], during Vespers, when I made to the Lord Jesus the vow of perpetual chastity. (183) I was still living in the world, but I entered the convent soon afterwards. The grace lasted for a very brief moment, but its power was great. After this grace, there was a long interval. It is true that I received many graces from the Lord during this interval, but they
were of a different order. It was a time of trials and purification. The trials were so painful that my soul felt as though it was being totally abandoned by God and it was steeped in profound darkness. I became aware and understood that no one would be able to bring me out of those torments or even understand me.
There were two occasions when my soul was plunged into despair, once for half an hour, and the second time for three quarters of an hour. Just as I cannot describe the greatness of the graces, so too with these ordeals sent by the Lord; whatever words I might use, they are only a pale shadow [of the reality]. However, just as the Lord plunged me into these torments, so too He brought me out of them. Only this lasted for a few years, after which I again received this extraordinary grace of union (184) which has continued to this day. Still, during this second period of union, there also have been short interruptions. But for some time now, I have not experienced any interruption at all; on the contrary, I am more and more deeply steeped in God. The great light which illumines the mind gives me a knowledge of the greatness of God; but it is not as if I were getting to know the individual attributes, as before – no, it is different now: in one moment, I come to know the entire essence of God.
771 In that same moment, the soul drowns entirely in Him and experiences a happiness as great as that of the chosen ones in heaven. Although the chosen ones in heaven see God face to face and are completely and absolutely happy, still their knowledge of God is not the same. God has given me to understand this. This deeper knowledge begins here on earth, depending on the grace [given], but to a great extent it also depends on our faithfulness to that grace.
However, the soul receiving this unprecedented grace of union with God cannot say that it sees God face to face, because even here there is a very thin veil of faith, but so very (185) thin that the soul can say that it sees God and talks with Him. It is “divinized.” God allows the soul to know how much He loves it, and the soul sees that better and holier souls than itself have not received this grace. Therefore, it is filled with holy amazement, which maintains it in deep humility, and it steeps itself in its own nothingness and holy astonishment; and the more it humbles itself, the more closely God united Himself with it and descends to it.
The soul, at this moment is, as it were, hidden; its senses are inactive; in one moment, it knows God and drowns in Him. It knows the whole depth of the Unfathomable One, and the deeper this knowledge, the more ardently the soul desires Him.
772 Great is the mutual exchange between the soul and god. When the soul leaves its concealment, the senses get a taste of what the soul has delighted in. Although this also is a great grace from God, it is not a purely spiritual one, for in the first moments the senses do not take part. Every grace gives the soul power and strength to act, and courage to suffer. The soul knows very well that God is asking of it, and it carries out (186) His holy will despite adversities.
773 Yet, the soul cannot proceed on its own in these matters. It must follow the advice of an enlightened confessor, for otherwise it could go astray or gain no profit.
774 + O my Jesus, I understand well that, just as illness is measured with a thermometer, and a high fever tells us of the seriousness of the illness, so also, in the spiritual life, suffering is the thermometer which measures the love of God in a soul.
775 + My goal is God…. and my happiness is in accomplishing His will, and nothing in the world can disturb this happiness for me: no power, no force of any kind.
776 The Lord visited my cell today and said to me, My daughter, I will not leave you in this community for much longer. I am telling you this so that you will be more diligent in taking advantage of the graces which I grant you.
777 (187) November 27, . Today I was in heaven, in spirit, and I saw its inconceivable beauties and the happiness that awaits us after death. I saw how all creatures give ceaseless praise and glory to God. I saw how great is happiness in god, which spreads to all creatures, making them happy; and then all the glory and praise which springs from this happiness returns to its source; and they enter into the depths of God, contemplating the inner life of God, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, whom they will never comprehend or fathom.
This source of happiness is unchanging in its essence, but it is always new, gushing forth happiness for all creatures. Now I understand Saint Paul, who said, “Eye has not seen, nor has ear heard, nor has it entered into the heart of man what God has prepared for those who love Him.”
778 And God has given me to understand that there is but one thing that is of infinite value in His eyes, and that is love of God; love, love and once again, love; and nothing can compare with a single act of pure (188) love of God. Oh, with what inconceivable favors God gifts a soul that loves Him sincerely! Oh, how happy is the soul who already here on earth enjoys His special favors! And of such are the little and humble souls.
779 The sight of this great majesty of God, which I came to understand more profoundly and which is worshiped by the heavenly spirits according to their degree of grace and the hierarchies into which they are divided, did not cause my soul to be stricken with terror or fear; no, no, not at all! My soul was filled with peace and love, and the more I come to know the greatness of God, the more joyful I become that He is as He is. And I rejoice immensely in His greatness and am delighted that I am so little because, since I am little He carries me in His arms and holds me close to His Heart.
780 O my God, how I pity those people who do not believe in eternal life; how I pray for them that a ray of mercy would envelop them too, and that God would clasp them to His fatherly bosom.
781 O Love, O queen! Love knows no (189) fear, It passes through all the choirs of angels that stand on guard before his throne. It will fear no one. It reaches God and is immersed in Him as in its sole treasure. The Cherubim who guards paradise with flaming sword, has no power over it. O pure love of God, how great and unequaled you are! Oh, if souls only knew your power!
782 + I am very weak today. I cannot even make my meditation in the chapel, but must lie down. O my Jesus, I love You, and I want to worship You with my very weakness, submitting myself entirely to Your holy will.
783 + I must be on my guard, especially today, because I am becoming over-sensitive to everything. Things I would not pay any attention to when I am healthy bother me today. O my Jesus, my shield and my strength, grant me Your grace that I may emerge victorious from these combats. O my Jesus, transform me into Yourself by the power of Your love, that I may be a worthy tool in proclaiming Your mercy.
784 (190) + I thank God for this illness and these physical discomforts, because I have time to converse with the Lord Jesus. It is my delight to spend long hours at the feet of the hidden God, and the hours pass like minutes as I lose track of time. I feel that a fire is burning within me, and I understand no other life but that of sacrifice, which flows from pure love.
785 November 29, . The Mother of God has taught me how to prepare for the Feast of Christmas. I saw Her today, without the Infant Jesus. She said to me: My daughter, strive after silence and humility, so that Jesus, who dwells in your heart continuously, may be able to rest. Adore Him in your heart; do not go out from your inmost being. My daughter, I shall obtain for you the grace of an interior life which will be such that, without ever leaving that interior life, you will be able to carry out all your external duties with even greater care. Dwell with Him continuously in your heart. He will be your strength. Communicate with creatures only in so far as is necessary (191) and is required by your duties. You are a dwelling place pleasing to the living God; in you He dwells continuously with love and delight. And the living presence of God, which you experience in a more vivid and distinct way, will confirm you, my daughter, in the things I have told you. Try to act in this way until Christmas Day, and then He Himself will make known to you in what way you will be communing and uniting yourself with Him.
786 November 30, . During Vespers today, an unusual pain pierced my soul. I see that, in every respect, this work is beyond my strength. I am a little child before the immensity of the task, and it is only at the Lord‟s clear command that I am setting about to carry it out. On the other hand, even these great graces are a burden for me, and I am barely able to carry them. I see my superiors‟ disbelief and doubts of all kinds and, for this reason, their apprehensive behavior toward me. My Jesus, I see that even such great graces can be [a source of] suffering. And yet, it is so; (192) not only may they be a cause of suffering, but they must be such, as a sign of God‟s action. I understand well that if God Himself did not strengthen the soul in these various ordeals, the soul would not be able to master the situation. Thus God Himself is its shield.
As I continued Vespers, meditating on this mixture of suffering and grace, I heard the voice of Our Lady: Know, My daughter, that although I was raised to the dignity of Mother of God, seven swords of pain pierced My heart. Don’t do anything to defend yourself; bear everything with humility; God Himself will defend you.
December 1, . One-day retreat.
787 Today, during the morning meditation, the Lord gave me to see and understand clearly that His demands are unchangeable. I see clearly that no one can release me from the
duty of doing the known will of God. A great lack of health and physical strength is not a sufficient reason and does not release me (193) from this work that the Lord Himself is carrying out through me. I am to be just a tool in His hands. And so, O Lord, here I am to carry out Your will. Command me according to Your eternal plans and desires. Only give me the grace that I may always be faithful to You.
788 As I was conversing with the hidden God, He gave me to see and understand that I should not be reflecting so much and building up fear of the difficulties which I might encounter. Know that I am with you; I bring about the difficulties, and I overcome them; in one instant, I can change a hostile disposition to one which is favorable to this cause. The Lord explained many things to me in today‟s dialogue, although I am not putting everything in writing.
789 Always and in all circumstances, yield the first place to others; especially during recreation listen quietly, without interrupting, even if someone tells me the same thing ten times. I will never ask questions about something that interests me very much.
790 (194) Resolution: still the same; namely, to unite myself with the Merciful Christ.
General resolution: interior calm, silence.
791 Hide me, Jesus, in the depths of Your mercy, and then let my neighbor judge me as he pleases.
792 I must never speak of my own experiences. In suffering, I must seek relief in prayer. In doubts, even the smallest, I must seek only the advice of my confessor. I must always have a heart which is open to receive the sufferings of others, and drown my own sufferings in the Divine Heart so that they would not be noticed on the outside, in so far as possible.
I must always strive for equanimity, no matter how stormy the circumstances might be. I must not allow anything to disturb my interior calm and silence. Nothing can compare with peace of soul. When I am wrongfully accused of something, I will not explain myself; if the superior wants to know (195) the truth, whether I was in the right or not, let her find out from others rather than from me. My concern is to accept everything with a humble inner disposition.
I will spend this Advent in accordance with the directions of the Mother of God: in meekness and humility.
793 I am reliving these moments with Our Lady. With great longing, I am waiting for the Lord‟s coming. Great are my desires. I desire that all humankind come to know the Lord. I would like to prepare all nations for the coming of the Word Incarnate. O Jesus, make the fount of Your mercy gush forth more abundantly, for humankind is seriously ill and thus has more need than ever of Your compassion. You are a bottomless sea of mercy for us sinners; and the greater the misery, the more right we have to Your mercy. You are a fount which makes all creatures happy by Your infinite mercy.
794 (196) Today [December 9, 1936], I am leaving for Pradnik, just outside Cracow, to undergo treatment. I am to stay there for three months. I am being sent there through
the great solicitude of my superiors, especially that of our dear Mother General [Michael], who is so solicitous for the sisters who are ill.
795 I have accepted the favor of this treatment, but I am fully resigned to the will of god. Let God do with me as He pleases. I desire nothing but the fulfillment of his holy will. I am uniting myself with the Mother of God, and I am leaving Nazareth and going to Bethlehem. I will spend Christmas there among strangers, yet with Jesus, Mary and Joseph, because such is the will of God. I am striving to do the will of God in all things. I do not desire a return to health more than death. I entrust myself completely to His infinite mercy and, as a little child, I am living in the greatest peace. I am trying only to make my love for Him deeper and purer, to be a delight to His divine glance……
796 (197) The Lord told me to say this chaplet for nine days before the Feast of Mercy. It is to begin on Good Friday. By this novena, I will grant every possible grace to souls.
797 When I was somewhat overcome by the fear that I was to be outside the community for so long a time alone, Jesus said to me, You will not be alone, because I am with you always and everywhere. Near to My Heart, fear nothing. I Myself am the cause of your departure. Know that My eyes follow every move of your heart with great attention. I am bringing you into seclusion so that I Myself may form your heart according to My future plans. What are you afraid of? If you are with Me, who will dare touch you? Nevertheless, I am very pleased that you confide your fears to Me, My daughter. Speak to Me about everything in a completely simple and human way; by this you will give Me great joy. I understand you because I am God-Man. (198) This simple language of your heart is more pleasing to Me than the hymns composed in My honor. Know, My daughter, that the simpler your speech is, the more you attract Me to yourself. And now, be at peace close to My Heart. Lay your pen aside and get ready to leave.
798 December 9, 1936. This morning, I left for Pradnik. Sister Chrysostom drove me here. I have a private room to myself; I am very much like a Carmelite. When Sister Chrysostom had left and I was alone, I steeped myself in prayer, entrusting myself to the special protection of the Mother of God. She alone is always with me. She, like a good Mother, watches over all my trials and efforts.
799 Suddenly, I saw the Lord Jesus, who said to me, Be at peace, My child. See, you are not alone. My Heart watches over you. Jesus filled me with strength concerning a certain person. I feel strength within my soul.
(199) A moral principle.
800 If one does not know what is better, one must reflect, consider and seek advice, because one must not act with an uncertain conscience. When uncertain, say to yourself: “Whatever I do will be good. I have the intention of doing good.” The Lord God accepts what we consider good, and the Lord God also accepts and considers it as good. One should not worry if, after some time, one sees that these things are not good. God looks at the intention with which we begin, and will reward us accordingly. This is a principle which we ought to follow.
801 Today, I still managed to pay a short visit to the Lord [in the Eucharist] before going to bed. My spirit was immersed in Him as in its only treasure. My heart rested a while near the Heart of my Spouse. I received light as to how I should behave toward those around me, and then I returned to my solitude. The doctor is taking good care of me; all those around me are very kind to me.
802 (200) December 10, . I got up earlier today and made my meditation before Holy Mass. Holy Mass is at six o‟clock here. After Holy Communion my spirit was drowned in the Lord as in the sole object of its love. I felt absorbed by His omnipotence. When I came back to my private room, I felt sick and had to lie down at once. The sister150 brought me some medication, but I felt bad all day. In the evening, I tried to make a Holy Hour, but I could not do so; all I could do was united myself with the suffering Jesus.
803 My room is next to the men‟s ward. I didn‟t know that men were such chatterboxes. From morning till late at night, there is talk about various subjects. The women‟s ward is much quieter. It is women who are always blamed for this; but I have had occasion to be convinced that the opposite is true. It is very difficult for me to concentrate on my prayer in the midst of these jokes and this laughter. They do not disturb me when the grace of God takes complete possession of me. (201) because then I do not know what is going on around me.
804 My Jesus, how little these people talk about You. They talk about everything but You, Jesus. And if they talk so little [about You], it is quite probable that they do not think about You at all. The whole world interests them; but about You, their Creator, there is silence. Jesus, I am sad to see this great indifference and ingratitude of creatures. O my Jesus, I want to love You for them and to make atonement to You, by my love.
Immaculate Conception of the Mother of God.
805 From early morning, I felt the nearness of the Blessed Mother. During Holy Mass, I saw Her, so lovely and so beautiful that I have no words to express even a small part of this beauty. She was all [in] white, with a blue sash around Her waist. Her cloak was also blue, and there was a crown on Her head. Marvelous light streamed forth from Her whole figure. I am the Queen of heaven and earth, but especially the Mother of your [Congregation]. She pressed me to Her heart and said, I feel constant compassion for you. I felt (202) the force of Her Immaculate Heart which was communicated to my soul. Now I understand why I have been preparing for this feast for two months and have been looking forward to it with such yearning. From today onwards, I am going to strive for the greatest purity of soul, that the rays of God‟s grace may be reflected in all their brilliance. I long to be a crystal in order to find favor in His eyes.
806 + That same day, I saw a certain priest [probably Father Sopocko or Father Andrasz] who was surrounded by the splendor which flowed from her; evidently, this soul loves the Immaculate One.
807 An extraordinary yearning fills my soul. I am surprised that it does not separate the soul from the body. I desire God; I want to become immersed in Him. I understand that I am in a terrible exile; my soul aspires for God with all its might. O you inhabitants of my fatherland, be mindful of this exile! When will the veils be lifted for me as well? Although
I see (203) and feel to a certain extent how very thin is the veil separating me from the Lord, I long to see Him face to face; but let everything be done according to Your will.
808 December 11. I could not assist at the whole Mass today; I assisted at only the most important parts, and after receiving Holy Communion I immediately returned to my solitude. The presence of God suddenly enveloped me, and at the same moment I felt the Passion of the Lord, for a very short while. During that moment, I attained a more profound knowledge of the work of mercy.
809 During the night, I was suddenly awakened and knew that some soul was asking me for prayer, and that it was in much need of prayer. Briefly, but with all my soul, I asked the Lord for grace for her.
810 The following afternoon, when I entered the ward, I saw someone dying, and learned that the agony had started during the night. When I verified it – it had been at the time when (204) I had been asked for prayer. And just then, I heard a voice in my soul: Say the chaplet which I taught you. I ran to fetch my rosary and knelt down by the dying person and, with all the ardor of my soul, I began to say the chaplet. Suddenly the dying person opened her eyes and looked at me; I had not managed to finish the entire chaplet when she died, with extraordinary peace. I fervently asked the Lord to fulfill the promise He had given me for the recitation of the chaplet. The Lord gave me to know that the soul had been granted the grace. He had promised me. That was the first soul to receive the benefit of the Lord‟s promise. I could feel the power of mercy envelop that soul.
811 When I entered my solitude, I heard these words: At the hour of their death, I defend as My own glory every soul that will say this chaplet; or when others say it for a dying person, the indulgence is the same. When (205) this chaplet is said by the bedside of a dying person, God‟s anger is placated, unfathomable mercy envelops the soul, and the very depths of My tender mercy are moved for the sake of the sorrowful Passion of My Son.
Oh, if only everyone realized how great the Lord‟s mercy is and how much we all need that mercy, especially at that crucial hour!
812 + Today I have fought a battle with the spirits of darkness over one soul. How terribly Satan hates God‟s mercy! I see how he opposes this whole work.
813 + O merciful Jesus, stretched on the cross, be mindful of the hour of our death. O most merciful Heart of Jesus, opened with a lance, shelter me at the last moment of my life. O Blood and Water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fount of unfathomable mercy for me at the hour of my death, O dying Jesus, Hostage of mercy, avert the Divine wrath at the hour of my death.
814 (206) + December 12, . Today, I only received Holy Communion and stayed for a few moments of the Mass. All my strength is in You, O Living Bread. It would be difficult for me to live through the day if I did not receive Holy Communion. It is my shield; without You, Jesus, I know not how to live.
815 Jesus, my Love, today gave me to understand how much He loves me, although there is such an enormous gap between us, the Creator and the creature; and yet, in a way, there is something like equality: loves fills up the gap. He Himself descends to me and makes me capable of communing with Him. I immerse myself in Him, losing myself as it were; and yet, under His loving gaze, my soul gains strength and power and an awareness that it loves and is especially loved. It knows that the Mighty One protects it. Such prayer, though short, benefits the soul greatly, and whole hours of ordinary prayer do not give the soul that light which is given by a brief moment of this higher form of prayer.
816 (207) + This afternoon, I had my first open-air rest [on the sunny veranda at the sanatorium]. Sister Felicia151 visited me today and brought a few necessary things and some lovely apples and words of greeting from our beloved Mother Superior and dear sisters.
December 13, . Confession before Jesus.
817 When I reflected that I had not been to confession for more than three weeks, I wept seeing the sinfulness of my soul and certain difficulties. I had not gone to confession because the circumstances made it impossible. On the day of confessions, I had been confined to bed. The following week, confessions were in the afternoon, and I had left for the hospital that morning. This afternoon, Father Andrasz came into my room and sat down to hear my confession. Beforehand, we did not exchange a single word. I was delighted because I was extremely anxious to go to confession. As usual, I unveiled my whole soul. Father gave a reply to each little detail. I felt unusually happy to be able (208) to say everything as I did. For penance, he gave me the Litany of the Holy Name of Jesus. When I wanted to tell him of the difficulty I have in saying this litany, he rose and began to give me absolution. Suddenly his figure became diffused with a great light, and I saw that it was not Father A., but Jesus. His garments were bright as snow, and He disappeared immediately. At first, I was a little uneasy, but after a while a kind of peace entered my soul; and I took note of the fact that Jesus heard the confession in the same way that confessors do; and yet something was wondrously transpiring in my heart during this confession; I couldn‟t at first understand what it signified.
818 December 16, . I have offered this day for Russia. I have offered all my sufferings and prayers for that poor country. After Holy Communion, Jesus said to me, I cannot suffer that country any longer. Do not tie my hands, My daughter. (209) I understood that if it had not been for the prayers of souls that are pleasing to God, that whole nation would have already been reduced to nothingness. Oh, how I suffer for that nation which has banished God from its borders!
819 + O inexhaustible spring of Divine Mercy, pour yourself out upon us! Your goodness knows no limits. Confirm, O Lord, the power of Your mercy over the abyss of my misery, for You have no limit to Your mercies. Wonderful and matchless is Your mercy, astonishing the human and angelic mind.
820 My Guardian Angel told me to pray for a certain soul, and in the morning I learned that it was a man whose agony had begun that very moment. The Lord Jesus makes it known to me in a special way when someone is in need of my prayer. I especially
know when my prayer is needed by a dying soul. This happens more often now than it did in the past.
821 (210) The Lord Jesus gave me to know how very pleasing to Him is a soul who lives in accordance with the will of God. It thereby gives very great glory to God….
822 I have come to understand today that even if I did not accomplish any of the things the Lord is demanding of me, I know that I shall be rewarded as if I had fulfilled everything, because He sees the intention with which I begin, and even if He called me to Himself today, the work would not suffer at all by that, because He himself is the Lord of both the work and the worker. My part is to love Him to folly; all works are nothing more than a tiny drop before Him. It is love that has meaning and power and merit. He has opened up great horizons in my soul – love compensates for the chasms.
823 December 17, . I have offered this day for priests. I have suffered more today than ever before, both interiorly and exteriorly. I did not know it was possible to suffer (211) so much in one day. I tried to make a Holy Hour, in the course of which my spirit had a taste of the bitterness of the Garden of Gethsemane. I am fighting alone, supported by His arm, against all the difficulties that face me like unassailable walls. But I trust in the power of his name and I fear nothing.
824 In this seclusion, Jesus Himself is my Master. He Himself educates and instructs me. I feel that I am the object of His special action. For His inscrutable purposes and unfathomable decrees, He united me to Himself in a special way and allows me to penetrate His incomprehensible mysteries. There is one mystery which unites me with the Lord, of which no one – not even angels – may know. And even if I wanted to tell of it, I would not know how to express it. And yet, I live by it and will live by it for ever. This mystery distinguishes me from every other soul here on earth or in eternity.
825 (212) + O bright and clear day on which all my dreams will be fulfilled; O day so eagerly desired, the last day of my life! I look forward with joy to the last stroke the Divine Artist will trace on my soul, which will give my soul a unique beauty that will distinguish me from the beauty of other souls. O great day, on which divine love will be confirmed in me. On that day, for the first time, I shall sing before heaven and earth the song of the Lord‟s fathomless mercy. This is my work and the mission which the Lord has destined for me from the beginning of the world. That the song of my soul may be pleasing to the Holy Trinity, do You, O Spirit of God, direct and form my soul Yourself. I arm myself with patience and await Your coming, O merciful God, and as to the terrible pains and fear of death, at this moment more than at any other time, I trust in the abyss of Your (213) mercy and am reminding You, O merciful Jesus, sweet Savior, of all the promises You have made to me.
826 This morning I had an adventure. My watch had stopped, and I did not know when to get up, and I thought of what a misfortune it would be to miss Holy Communion. It was still dark, so I had no way of knowing whether it was time to get up. I dressed, made my meditation and went to the chapel, but everything was still locked, and silence reigned everywhere. I steeped myself in prayer, especially for the sick. I now see how much the sick have need of prayer. Finally, the chapel was opened. I found it difficult to pray because I was already feeling very exhausted, and immediately after
Holy Communion I returned to my room. Then I saw the Lord, who said to me, Know, My daughter, that the ardor of your heart is pleasing to Me. And just as you desire ardently to become united with Me in Holy Communion, so too do I desire to give Myself wholly to you; and as a (214) reward for your zeal, rest on My Heart. At that moment, my spirit was immersed in His Being, like a drop in a bottomless ocean. I drowned myself in Him as in my sole treasure. Thus I came to recognize that the Lord allows certain difficulties for His greater glory.
827 December 18, . Today I felt bad that a week had gone by and no one had come to visit me.152 When I complained to the Lord, He answered, Isn‟t it enough for you that I visit you every day? I apologized to the Lord and the hurt vanished. O God, my strength, You are sufficient for me.
828 This evening, I learned that a certain soul was in need of my prayer. I prayed fervently, but felt that this was still not enough, so I continued to pray for a longer time. On the following day, I learned that the agony of a certain soul had started at just that time and had continued until morning. I recognized what struggles it had gone through. (215) In a strange way, the Lord Jesus makes known to me that a dying soul has need of my prayer. I feel vividly and clearly that spirit who is asking me for prayer. I was not aware that souls are so closely united, and often it is my Guardian Angel who tells. me.
829 During Holy Mass, the little Infant Jesus brings joy to my soul. Often, distance does not exist – I see a certain priest who brings Him down. I am awaiting Christmas with great yearning; I am living in expectation together with the Most Holy Mother.
830 O Light Eternal who come to this earth, enlighten my mind and strengthen my will that I may not give up in times of great affliction. May Your light dissipate all the shadows of doubts. May Your omnipotence act through me. I trust in You, O uncreated Light! You, O Infant Jesus, are a model for me in accomplishing Your Father‟s will, You, who said, “Behold, I come to do Your will.” Grant that I also (216) may do God‟s will faithfully in all things. O Divine Infant, grant me this grace!
831 O my Jesus, my soul was yearning for the days of trial, but do not leave me alone in the darkness of my soul. Rather, do You hold me firmly, close to Yourself. Set a guard over my lips, so that the fragrance of my sufferings may be known and pleasing to You alone.
832 O merciful Jesus, how longingly You hurried to the Upper Room to consecrate the Host that I am to receive in my life. Jesus, You desired to dwell in my heart. Your living Blood unites with mine. Who can understand this close union? My heart encloses within itself the Almighty, the Infinite One. O Jesus, continue to grant me Your divine life. Let Your pure and noble Blood throb with all its might in my hart. I give You my whole (217) being. Transform me into Yourself and make me capable of doing Your holy will in all things and of returning Your love. O my sweet Spouse, You know that my heart knows no one but You. You have opened up in my heart an insatiable depth of love for You. From the very first moment it knew You, my heart has loved You and has lost itself in You as its one and only object. May Your pure
and omnipotent love be the driving force of all my actions,. Who will ever conceive and understand the depth of mercy that has gushed forth from Your Heart?
833 I have experienced how much envy there is, even in religious life. I see that there are few truly great souls, ready to trample on everything that is not God. O soul, you will find no beauty outside of God. Oh, how fragile is the foundation of those who elevate themselves at the expenses of others! What a loss!
834 (218) December 19, . This evening, I felt in my soul that a certain person had need of my prayer. Immediately, I began to pray. Suddenly, I realize interiorly and am aware of who the spirit is who is asking this of me; I pray until I feel at peace. There is great help for the dying in this chaplet. I often pray for an intention that I have learned of interiorly. I always pray until I experience in my soul that the prayer has had its effect.
835 Especially now, while I am in this hospital, I experience an inner communion with the dying who ask me for prayer when their agony begins. God has given me a wondrous contact with the dying! Since this has been happening more frequently, I have been able to verify it, even to the exact hour.
Today I was awakened suddenly at eleven o‟clock at night and clearly felt the presence near me of some spirit who was asking me for prayer. Some force simply compelled me to pray. My vision is purely spiritual, by means of a sudden light (219) that God grants me at that moment. I keep on praying until I feel peace in my soul, and not always for an equally long time; because sometimes it happens that with one “Hail Mary” I am already at peace, and then I say the De Profundis and pray no longer. And sometimes it happens that I pray the entire chaplet and only then feel at peace. I have also discovered that if I feel constrained to pray for a longer time; that is to say, I experience interior unrest, the soul is undergoing a greater struggle and is going through a longer final agony.
This is how I have verified the exact time: I have a watch, and I look to see what time it is. On the following day, when they tell me about that person‟s death, I ask them about the time, and it exactly corresponds, as does the length of the person‟s last agony. They say to me, “Such and such a person died today, but she passed away quickly and peacefully.” It sometimes happens that the dying person is in the second or third building away, yet for the spirit, space does not (220) exist. It sometimes happens that I know about a death occurring several hundred kilometers away. This has happened several times with regard to my family and relatives and also sisters in religion, and even souls whom I have not known during their lifetime.
O God of fathomless mercy, who allow me to give relief and help to the dying by my unworthy prayer, be blessed as many thousand times as there are stars in the sky and drops of water in all the oceans! Let Your mercy resound throughout the orb of the earth, and let is rise to the foot of Your throne, giving praise to the greatest of Your attributes; that is, Your incomprehensible mercy. O God, this unfathomable mercy enthralls anew all the holy souls and all the spirits of heaven. These pure spirits are immersed in holy amazement as they glorify this inconceivable mercy of God, which in turn arouses even greater admiration in them, and their praise is carried out in a perfect manner. O eternal God, how ardently I desire to glorify this greatest of Your 211
(221) attributes; namely, Your unfathomable mercy. I see all my littleness, and cannot compare myself to the heavenly beings who praise the Lord‟s mercy with holy admiration. But I, too, have found a way to give perfect glory to the incomprehensible mercy of God.
836 O most sweet Jesus, who have deigned to allow miserable me to gain a knowledge of Your unfathomable mercy; O most sweet Jesus, who have graciously demanded that I tell the whole world of Your incomprehensible mercy, this day I take into my hands the two rays that spring from Your merciful Heart; that is, the Blood and the Water; and I scatter them all over the globe so that each soul may receive Your mercy and, having received it, may glorify it for endless ages. O most sweet Jesus who, in Your incomprehensible kindness, have deigned to unite my wretched heart to Your most merciful Heart, it is with Your own Heart that I glorify God, our Father, as no soul has ever glorified Him before.
837 (222) December 21, . The radio is always playing in the afternoon, so I feel the loss of silence. All morning long, there is ceaseless talk and noise. My God, I was looking forward to being in silence, happy that I should be talking only with the Lord, and here it is just the opposite. Yet, nothing disturbs me now, neither the talking nor the radio. In a word – nothing. By the grace of God, when I am praying I do not even know where I am; I know only that my soul is united with the Lord. And thus I pass my days in this hospital.
838 + I marvel at how many humiliations and sufferings that priest accepts in this whole matter.153 I see this at particular times, and I support him with my unworthy prayers. Only God can give one such courage; otherwise one would give up. But I see with joy that all these adversities contribute to God‟s greater glory. The Lord has few such souls. O infinite eternity, you will make manifest the efforts of heroic souls, because the earth rewards their efforts with hatred and ingratitude. Such souls do not have friends; they are solitary. (223) And in this solitude, they gain strength; they draw their strength from God alone. With humility, but also with courage, they stand firmly in the face of all the storms that beat upon them. Like high-towering oaks, they are unmoved. And in this there is just this one secret: that it‟s from God that they draw this strength, and everything whatsoever they have need of, they have for themselves and for others. They not only carry their own burden, but also know how to take on, and are capable of taking on, the burdens of others. They are pillars of light along God‟s ways; they live in light themselves and shed light upon others. They themselves live on the heights, and know how to show the way to lesser ones and help them attain those heights.
839 + My Jesus, You see that I do not know how to write well and, on top of that, I don‟t even have a good pen. And often it scratches so badly that I must put sentences together, letter by letter. And that is not all. I also have the difficulty of keeping secret from the sisters the things I write down, and so I often have to shut my notebook every few minutes, and listen patiently to someone‟s story, (224) and then the time set aside for writing is gone. And when I shut the notebook suddenly, the ink smears. I write with the permission of my superiors and at the command of my confessor. It is a strange thing: sometimes the writing goes quite well, but at other times, I can hardly read it myself.
840 December 23, . I am spending this time with the Mother of God and preparing myself for the solemn moment of the coming of the Lord Jesus. The Mother of God is instructing me in the interior life of the soul with Jesus, especially in Holy Communion. It is only in eternity that we shall know the great mystery effected in us by Holy Communion. O most precious moments of my life!
841 O my Creator, I long for You! You understand me, O Lord of mine! All that is on earth seems to me like a pale shadow. It is You I long for and desire. Although You do so inconceivably much for me, for You yourself visit me in a special way, yet those visits do not soothe the wound of the heart, but make me long all the more (225) for You, O Lord. Oh, take me to Yourself, Lord, if such is Your will! You know that I am dying, and I am dying of longing for You; and yet, I cannot die. Death, where are you? You draw me into the abyss of Your divinity, and You veil yourself with darkness. My whole being is immersed in You, yet I desire to see You face to face. When will this come about for me?
842 Sister Chrysostom154 came to visit me today. She brought some lemons and apples and a tiny Christmas tree. I was delighted with them. Through Sister Chrysostom, Mother Superior asked the doctor [Adam Silberg] to let me come home for Christmas, and he readily agreed. I was very happy and burst into tears like a little child. Sister Chrysostom was surprised that I looked so had and had changed so much, and she told me, “You know, Little Faustina, probably you will die. You must be suffering a great deal, Sister.” I answered that I was suffering more that day than on other days, but that it was nothing and that, for the salvation of souls, it was not too much. O merciful Jesus, give me the souls of sinners!
843 (226) December 24, . During Holy Mass today, I was united in a particular way with God and His Immaculate Mother. The humility and love of the Immaculate Virgin penetrated my soul. The more I imitate the Mother of God, the more deeply I get to know God. Oh, what infinite longing envelops my soul! Jesus, how can You still leave me in this exile? I am dying of longing for You. Every touch of my soul by You wounds me immensely. Love and suffering go together; yet I would not exchange this pain caused by You for any treasure, because it is the pain of incomprehensible delights, and these wounds of the soul are inflected by a loving hand.
844 Sister C.155 came in the afternoon and took me home for the holydays. I was happy to be reunited with the community. As we were riding through the city [Cracow], I imagined it was the town of Bethlehem. As I watched all those people hurrying about, I thought: who is meditating today, in recollection and silence, on this inconceivable mystery? O pure Virgin, You are traveling today, and so am I. I feel that (227) today‟s journey has its symbolism. O radiant Virgin, pure as crystal, all immersed in God, I offer You my spiritual life; arrange everything that it may be pleasing to Your Son. O my Mother, how ardently I desire that You give me the Infant Jesus during the Midnight Mass. And I felt such a living presence of God in the depths of my soul, that it was only be sheer will-power that I restrained my joy in order not to show outwardly what was going on in my soul.
845 Before the vigil supper, I entered the chapel for a moment to break the wafer spiritually with those dear to my heart. I presented them all, by name, to Jesus and begged for graces on their behalf. But that wasn‟t all. I commended to the Lord all those who are
being persecuted, those who are suffering, those who do not know His Name, and especially poor sinners. O little Jesus, I fervently ask You, enclose them all in the ocean of Your incomprehensible mercy. O sweet little Jesus, here is my heart; let it be a little cozy dwelling place for Yourself. O Infinite Majesty, with what sweetness You drew close to us. (228) Here, there is no dread of the thunderbolts of the great Jehovah; here, there is the sweet little Jesus. Here, no soul is afraid, although Your majesty has not lessened, but only concealed itself. After supper, I felt very tired and was in pain. I had to lie down. But I kept vigil with the Most Holy Mother, awaiting the arrival of the little Child.
846 December 25, . Midnight Mass. During Mass, God‟s presence pierced me through and through. A moment before the Elevation I saw the Mother of God and the Infant Jesus and the good Old Man [St. Joseph]. The Most Holy Mother spoke these words to me: My daughter, Faustina, take this most precious Treasure, and she gave me the Infant Jesus. When I took Jesus in my arms, my soul felt such unspeakable joy that I am unable to describe it. But, strange thing, after a short while Jesus became awful, horrible-looking, grown up and suffering; and then the vision vanished, and soon it was time to go to Holy Communion. When I received the Lord Jesus in Holy Communion, my soul trembled under the influence of God‟s presence. The next day, (229) I saw the Divine Infant for a brief moment during the Elevation.
847 On the second day of the Feast, Father Andrasz came to celebrate Mass for us, and during Mass I again saw the little Jesus. In the afternoon, I went to confession. Father did not give an answer to some of my questions that concerned this work. He said, “When you recover, we shall talk about it in concrete terms; and now, try to recover completely. As for the rest, you know what guidance to follow and what direction to take in these matters.” As penance, Father told me to say the chaplet that Jesus had taught me.
848 While I was saying the chaplet, I heard a voice which said, Oh, what great graces I will grant to souls who say this chaplet; the very depths of My tender mercy are stirred for the sake of those who say the chaplet. Write down these words, My daughter. Speak to the world about My mercy; let all mankind recognize My unfathomable mercy. It is a sign for the end times; after it will come (230) the day of justice. While there is still time, let them have recourse to the fount of My mercy; let them profit from the Blood and Water which gushed forth for them.
O human souls, where are you going to hide on the day of God‟s anger: Take refuge now in the fount of God‟s mercy. O what a great multitude of souls I see! They worshiped the Divine Mercy and will be singing the hymn of praise for all eternity.
849 December 27. Today, I returned to my place of solitude [her private room at the sanatorium]. I had a pleasant trip as I traveled with a certain person156 who was taking her baby to be baptized. We gave her a lift as far as the Church in Podgorze.157 In order to get out, she put the baby in my arms. When I took it, I offered it, with an ardent prayer, to God so that some day it might give Him special glory. I felt in my soul that the Lord was looking in a special way on that little soul. When we arrived at Pradnik, Sister N.158 helped me to carry my bundle. When we entered my room, we saw a beautiful paper angel with the inscription, “Gloria in……” I think it is from (231) the sick sister to whom I sent the Christmas tree.159
850 And so, the holydays are over. Nothing can still the yearning of my soul. I long for You, O my Creator and Eternal God! Neither celebrations nor beautiful hymns soothe my soul; rather, they make me yearn all the more. At the very mention of Your Name, my spirit springs towards You, O Lord.
851 December 28, . Today I have started a novena to The Divine Mercy. That is, I place myself in spirit before the image and recite the chaplet which the Lord has taught me. On the second day of the novena, I saw the image, as it were, come alive, adorned with numberless votive lamps, and I saw great crowds of people coming there, and many of them were filled with happiness. O Jesus, with what great joy did my heart beat! I am making the novena for the intention of two people; namely, the Archbishop [Jalbrzykowski] and Father Sopocko. I am earnestly asking the Lord to inspire the Archbishop to approve the chaplet, which is so pleasing to God, and also the image, and that he may not put off or delay this work……..
852 (232) Today the Lord‟s gaze shot through me suddenly, like lightning. At once, I came to know the tiniest specks in my soul, and knowing the depths of my misery, I fell to my knees and begged the Lord‟s pardon, and with great trust I immersed myself in His infinite mercy. Such knowledge does not depress me nor keep me away from the Lord, but rather it arouses in my soul greater love and boundless trust. The repentance of my heart is linked to love. These extraordinary flashes from the Lord educate my soul. O sweet rays of God, enlighten me to the most secret depth, for I want to arrive at the greatest possible purity of heart and soul.
853 In the evening, a great longing took possession of my soul. I took the pamphlet with the Image of the Merciful Jesus on it and pressed it to my heart, and the following words burst forth from my soul: “Jesus, Eternal Love, I live for You, I die for You, and I want to become united with You.” Suddenly, I saw the Lord in His inexpressible beauty. He looked at me graciously and said, (233) My daughter, I too came down from heaven out of love for you; I lived for you, I died for you, and I created the heavens for you. And Jesus pressed me to His Heart and said to me, Very soon now; be at peace, My daughter. When I was alone, my soul was set afire with the desire to suffer until the moment when the Lord would say, “Enough.” And even if I were to live for thousands of years, I see in the light of God that that is but one moment. Souls….[unfinished thought].
854 December 29, . Today after Holy Communion, I heard a voice in my soul: My daughter, stand ready, for I will come unexpectedly. Jesus, You do not want to tell me the hour I am looking forward to with such longing? My daughter, it is for your own good. You will learn it, but not now; keep watch. O Jesus, do with me as You please. I know You are the merciful Savior and You will not change towards me at the hour of my death. If at this time, you are showing me so much special love, and are condescending to unite Yourself with me in such an intimate way and with such great kindness, I expect even (234) more at the hour of my death. You, my Lord-God, cannot change. You are always the same. Heaven can change, as well as everything that is created; but You, Lord, are ever the same and will endure forever. So come as You like and when You like. Father of infinite mercy, I, Your child, wait longingly for Your coming. O Jesus, You said in the Holy Gospel, “Out of your mouth do I judge
you.” Well, Jesus, I am always speaking of Your inconceivable mercy, so I trust that You will judge me according to Your unfathomable mercy.
855 December 30, 1936. The year is coming to an end. I took today as the day of the monthly retreat. My spirit engrossed itself in the benefits that God has lavished on me throughout this whole year. My soul trembled at the sight of this immensity of God‟s graces. From my soul there burst forth a hymn of thanksgiving to the Lord. For a whole hour, I remained steeped in adoration and thanksgiving, contemplating, one by one, the benefits I had received from God and also my own minor shortcomings. (235) All that this year contained has gone into the abyss of eternity. Nothing is lost. I am glad that nothing gets lost.
December 39, . One-day retreat
856 During the morning meditation, I felt an aversion and a repugnance for all created things. Everything pales before my eyes; my spirit is detached from all things. I desire only God Himself, and yet I must live. This is a martyrdom beyond description. God imparts Himself to the soul in a loving way and draws it into the infinite depths of his divinity, but at the same time He leaves it here on earth for the sole purpose that it might suffer and die of longing for Him. And this strong love is so pure that god Himself finds pleasure in it; and self-love has no access to its deeds, for here everything is totally saturated with bitterness, and thus is totally pure. Life is a continuous dying, painful and terrible, and at the same time it is the depth of true life and of inconceivable happiness and the strength of the soul; and because of this, [the soul] is capable of great deeds for the sake of God.
857 (236) + In the evening, I prayed for a few hours, first for my parents and relatives, for Mother General and for the whole Congregation, for our students, and for three priests [probably Archbishop Jalbrzykowski, Father Sopocko, and Father Andrasz] to whom I owe very much. I ran the length and breadth of the whole world and thanked the unfathomable mercy of God for all the graces granted to people, and I begged pardon for everything by which they have offended Him.
858 During Vespers, I saw the Lord Jesus, who looked sweetly and profoundly into my soul. My daughter, have patience; it won‟t be long now. That profound look and those words filled my soul with strength and power, courage and extraordinary trust that I would carry out everything He was demanding of me, despite such tremendous difficulties, and [filled me with] a special conviction that the Lord is with me and that with Him I can do all things. All the powers on earth and in hell are as nothing to me. Everything must fall before the power of His Name. I entrust everything into Your hands, O my Lord and God. Sole Commander of my soul, direct me according to Your eternal desires.
859 (237) J.M.J. Cracow, Pradnik, January 1, 1937.
Jesus, I trust in You.
+ Today, at midnight, I big good-bye to the old year 1936, and welcomed the year 1937. It was with fear and trembling that, in this first hour of the year, I faced this new period of time. Merciful Jesus, with You I go boldly and courageously into conflicts and battles. In 216
your Name, I will accomplish everything and overcome everything. My God, Infinite Goodness, I beg of You, let Your infinite mercy accompany me always and in all things.
As I enter this year, fear of life overwhelms me, but Jesus brings me out of this fear and lets me know what great glory this work of mercy will bring Him.
860 There are times in life when the soul finds comfort only in profound prayer. Would that souls knew how to persevere in prayer at such times. This is very important.
(238) J.M.J. Jesus, I trust in You.
+ Resolutions for the year 1937, day 1, month 1.
861 Particular examen: remains the same; namely, to unite myself with the Merciful Christ (that is; what would Christ do in such and such a case?) and, in spirit, to embrace the whole world, especially Russia and Spain.
I. Strict observance of silence – interior silence.
II. To see the image of God in every sister; all love of neighbor must flow from this motive.
III. To do the will of God faithfully at every moment of my life and to live this.
IV. To give a faithful account of everything to the spiritual director and not to undertake anything of importance without a clear understanding with him. I shall try to clearly lay bare to him the most secret depths of my soul, bearing in mind (239) that I am dealing with God Himself, and that His representative is just a human being, and so I must pray daily that he be given light.
V. During the evening examination of conscience, I am to ask myself the question: What if He were to call me today?
VI. Not to look for God for away, but within my own being to abide with Him alone.
VII. In sufferings and torments, to take refuge in the tabernacle and to be silent.
VIII. To join all sufferings, prayers, works and mortifications to the merits of Jesus in order to obtain mercy for the world.
IX. To use free moments, however short, for prayers for the dying.
X. There must not be a day in my life when I do not recommend to the Lord the works of our Congregation. Never have regard for what others think of you [for human respect].
XI. Have no familiar relationships with anyone. Gentle firmness toward the girls, boundless patience; punish them severely but with such punishments as these: prayer and self-sacrifice. The strength that is in the emptying of myself for their sake is for (240) them a [source of] constant remorse and the softening of their obdurate hearts.
XII. The presence of God is the basis of all my thoughts, words and deeds.
XIII. To take advantage of all spiritual help. To always put self-love in its proper place; namely, the last. To perform my spiritual exercises as though I were doing them for the last time in my life, and in like manner to carry out all my duties.
862 January 2, . The Name of Jesus. Oh, how great is Your Name, O Lord! It is the strength of my soul. When my strength fails, and darkness invades my soul, Your Name is the sun whose rays give light and also warmth, and under their influence the soul becomes more beautiful and radiant, taking its splendor from Your Name. When I hear the sweetest name of Jesus, my heartbeat grows stronger, and there are times when, hearing the Name of Jesus, I fall into a swoon. My spirit eagerly strains toward Him. (241).
863 This is a particularly important day for me. On this day I made my first visit connected with the painting of the Image.160 On this day, the Divine Mercy received special external honor for the first time, although it has been known for a long time, but here it was in the form that the Lord had requested. This day of the sweet Name of Jesus reminds me of many special graces.
864 January 3. The Mother Superior of the Congregation that serves this hospital visited me today, together with one of her sisters.161 For a long while, we talked about spiritual matters. I recognized in her great ascetic, and so our conversation was pleasing to God.
Today a girl came to see me. I saw that she was suffering, but not so much in body as in soul. I comforted her as much as I could, but my words of consolation were not enough. She was a poor orphan with a soul plunged in bitterness and pain. She opened her soul to me and told me everything. I understood (242) that, in this case, simple words of consolation would not be enough. I fervently interceded with the Lord for that soul and offered Him my joy so that He would give it to her and take all feeling of joy away from me. And the Lord heard my prayer: I was left only with the consolation that she had been consoled.
865 Adoration. First Sunday of the month. During adoration, I felt so strongly urged to act that I burst into tears and said to the Lord, “Jesus, do not urge me, but give this inspiration to those who You know are delaying the work.” And I heard these words: My daughter, be at peace; it will not be long now.
866 During Vespers, I heard these words: My daughter, I want to repose in your heart, because many souls have thrown Me out of their hearts today. I have experienced sorrow unto death. I tried to comfort the Lord, by offering Him my love a thousand times over. I felt, within my soul, a great disgust for sin.
867 (243) + My heart is steeped in continual bitterness, because I want to go to You, Lord, into the fullness of life. O Jesus, what a dreadful wilderness this life seems to me! There is on this earth no nourishment for either my heart or my soul. I suffer because of my longing for You, O Lord. You have left me the Sacred Host, O Lord, but it enkindles in my soul an even greater longing for You, O my Creator and Eternal God! Jesus, I yearn to become united with You. Deign to hear the sighs of Your dearly beloved. Oh, how I suffer because I am still unable to be united with You. But let it be done according to Yours wishes.
868 January 5, 1937. This evening, I saw a certain priest [probably Father Sopocko] who was in need of prayer for a certain matter. I prayed fervently because the matter is very close to my heart as well. Thank You, Jesus, for this kindness.
869 O Jesus, have mercy! Embrace the whole world and press me to Your Heart…. O Lord, let my soul repose in the sea of Your unfathomable mercy.
870 (244) January 6, 1937. Today during Holy Mass, I was unwittingly absorbed in the infinite majesty of God. The whole immensity of God‟s love flooded my soul. At that particular moment, I became aware of how much God abases Himself for my sake. He, the Lord of lords – and what am I, miserable being that I am, that You would commune thus with me? The wonder that took hold of me after this special grace continued very vividly throughout the entire day. Taking advantage of the intimacy to which the Lord was admitting me, I interceded before Him for the whole world. At such moments I have the feeling that the whole world is depending on me.
871 + My Master, cause my heart never to expect help from anyone, but I will always strive to bring assistance, consolation and all manner of relief to others. My heart is always open to the sufferings of others; and I will not close my heart to the sufferings of others, even though because of this I have been scornfully nicknamed “dump”; that is, [because] everyone dumps (245) his pain into my heart. [To this] I answered that everyone has a place in my heart and I, in return, have a place in the Heart of Jesus. Taunts regarding the law of love will not narrow my heart. My soul is always sensitive on this point, and Jesus alone is the motive for my love of neighbor.
872 January 7. During the Holy Hour, the Lord allowed me to taste His Passion. I shared in the bitterness of the suffering that filled His soul to overflowing. Jesus gave me to understand how a soul should be faithful to prayer despite torments, dryness, and temptations; because oftentimes the realization of God‟s great plans depends mainly on such prayer. If we do not persevere in such prayer, we frustrate what the Lord wanted to do through us or within us. Let every soul remember these words: “And being in anguish, He prayed longer.” I always prolong such prayer as much as is in my power and in conformity with my duty.
873 (246) January 8. On Friday morning, as I was going to the chapel to attend Holy Mass, I suddenly saw a huge juniper tree on the pavement and in it a horrible cat who, looking angrily at me, blocked my way to the chapel. One whisper of the name of Jesus dissipated all that. I offered the whole day for dying sinners. During Holy Mass, I felt the closeness of the Lord in a special way. After Holy Communion, I turned my gaze with trust toward the Lord and told him, “Jesus, I so much desire to tell You something.” And the Lord looked at me with love and said, And what is it that you desire to tell Me?
“Jesus, I beg You, by the inconceivable power of Your mercy, that all the souls who will die today escape the fire of hell, even if they have been the greatest sinners. Today is Friday, the memorial of Your bitter agony on the Cross; because Your mercy is inconceivable, the Angels will not be surprised at this.” Jesus pressed me to His Heart and said, My beloved (247) daughter, you have come to know well the depths of My Mercy. I will do what you ask, but unite yourself continually with My agonizing Heart and make reparation to My justice. Know that you have asked Me for a great thing, but I see that this was dictated by your pure love for Me; that is why I am complying with your requests.
874 Mary, Immaculate Virgin, take me under Your special protection and guard the purity of my soul, heart and body. You are the model and star of my life.
875 Today, I experienced a great suffering during the visit of our sisters. I learned of something that hurt me terribly, but I controlled myself so that the sisters didn‟t notice anything. For some time, the pain was tearing my heart apart, but all that is for the sake of poor sinners…… O Jesus, for poor sinners…… Jesus, my strength, stay close to me, help me……..
876 (248) January 10, 1937. I asked the Lord today to give me strength in the morning so that I could go to receive Holy Communion. My Master, I ask You with all my thirsting heart to give me, if this is according to Your holy will, any suffering and weakness that You like – I want to suffer all day and all night – but please, I fervently beg You, strengthen me for the one moment when I am to receive Holy Communion. You see very well, Jesus, that here they do not bring Holy Communion to the sick; so, if You do not strengthen me for that moment so that I can go down to the chapel, how can I receive You in the Mystery of Love? And You know how much my heart longs for You. O my sweet Spouse, what‟s the good of all these reasonings? You know how ardently I desire You, and if you so choose You can do this for me.
On the following morning, I felt as if I were perfectly well; the faintings and the weaknesses ceased. But as soon as I returned from the chapel, all the sufferings and weaknesses immediately returned, as if they had been waiting for me. But I had no fear of them (249) at all, because I had been nourished by the Bread of the Strong. I boldly look at everything; even death itself I look straight in the eye.
877 + O Jesus concealed in the Host, my sweet Master and faithful Friend, how happy my soul is to have such a Friend who always keeps me company. I do not feel lonely even though I am in isolation. Jesus-Host, we know each other – that is enough for me.
878 January 12, 1937. Today, when the doctor [Adam Silberg] making his rounds came to see me, he somehow didn‟t like the way I looked. Naturally, I was suffering more, and so my temperature had gone up considerably. Consequently, he decided I must not go down for Holy Communion until my temperature dropped to normal. I said, “All right,” although pain seized my heart; but I said I would go only if I had no fever. So he agreed to that. When the doctor left, I said to the Lord, “Jesus, now it is up to You whether I shall go or not,” and I didn‟t think about it anymore, although the thought kept coming to my mind: I am not (250) to have Jesus – no, that‟s impossible – and not just once but for several days, until my temperature drops. But in the evening, I said to the Lord, “Jesus, if my Communions are pleasing to You, I beg You humbly, grant that I have not one degree of fever tomorrow morning.”
In the morning, as I was taking my temperature, I thought to myself, “If there is even one degree, I will not get up because that would be contrary to obedience.” But when I looked at the thermometer, there wasn‟t even one degree of fever. I jumped to my feet at once and went to Holy Communion. When the doctor came and I told him that I had had not even one degree of fever, and so had gone to Holy Communion, he was surprised. I begged him not to make it difficult for me to go to Holy Communion, for it would have an adverse effect on the treatment. The doctor answered, “For peace of conscience, and at the same time to avoid difficulties for yourself, Sister, let us make the following agreement: when the weather is fine, and it isn‟t raining, and you feel all right, then, Sister, please go; but you must weigh these matters in your conscience.” It made me 220